Apple has just spectacularly had its ass
handed to it in a way I didn't think I would see in Tim Sweeny's lifetime. On
Wednesday, the judge in Epic Games' lawsuit against Apple ordered Apple to
immediately allow iOS app developers to
include buttons and external links to alternative payment options in a fiery
ruling, excoriating the tech giant for repeatedly defying court orders, lying
under oath, and consistently making bad choices. A copy of the ruling was also
sent to every Apple executive's mother. I'm just kidding. But that would be
great because Judge Ivonne Gonzalez Rogers did not hold back. She accuses
Apple VP of finance, Alex Roman, of
lying under oath and referred the incident to federal prosecutors for
possible criminal contempt of court. She says CEO Tim Cook chose to listen to his
CFO's advice to ignore the court's injunction, and in doing so, Cook chose
poorly. She sounds like a Viking shaman
telling a cautionary tale. And now his eyes shall be eaten by Draer in
Mushheim. Is that offensive, Bjorn? Uh,
other highlights include the judge calling out Apple for internally calling
it a good thing if external link pop-ups are scary and then defending that by
arguing that scary is a a term of art,
an industry specific term that means raising awareness and caution, which a
is BS and b that still means scary. Now,
because Apple has been acting a fool, Gonzalez Rogers ended with some bangers,
writing that she will not be entertaining a request for a stay
because this is an injunction, not a negotiation for this court. There is no
second bite at the Apple. Ooh, you know,
when she finished writing this at 3:00 a.m., she's hitting those keys hard.
Now, Apple is actually complying with the order. They updated their app store
guidelines to remove restrictions on buttons, external links, and calls to
action in the US. And some companies have already started to carpay this DM,
including Spotify, Stripe, and Patreon,
as announced by CEO Jack Ki in another
of his signature video updates filled with what I like to call parasocial
manic boyfriend energy. Okay, I know you're worried and I promise I'll sleep
soon, but this is important. Been doing a lot of research. Meanwhile, Epic Games
is taking a victory lap, announcing web shops, a feature that will make it
easier for app developers to avoid Apple's in-app purchasing by linking to
payment options elsewhere. And Epic is so happy they also announced the Epic
Game Store will take zero revenue from the first $1 million a game makes every
year, which is like their previous policy announced in 2020, but with a
yearly reset. Now, CEO Tim Sweeney
apparently thinks this ruling will make it so that Fortnite can return to iOS
next week, but Apple kicked them out for
breach of contract. Uh, so Sparky might be getting a little excited. Also,
though they're complying with the ruling for now, Apple said they're still
planning to appeal. And Mr. Apple, I wouldn't have it any other way.
That's a joke. Please stop. Believe it or not, other stuff happened this week.
Like for example, the Trump administration officially ended the
dimminimous rule that exempted inexpensive goods from import tariffs.
Now, this rule was basically the only reason that Teeu and Shien got so
popular in the US as the go-to destination for finding cheap things to
ship directly from China so you can fill up your house and hopefully the hole in
your heart. I think you can still see some of the floor over there. Better
fire up the app. Well, not anymore. Teimu says they've stopped shipping
goods from China directly to US customers and will now focus on shipping
items from US-based warehouses. Meanwhile, tariffs have driven Xbox to
raise the prices of its consoles, accessories, and games worldwide. The
base model Series X will now cost $600 USD, up from 500. While the two TBTE
version is now $730, making it more expensive than a
PS5 Pro, which Xbox is probably fine
with because they are making it very clear they do not care if you buy an
Xbox. Because at this rate, the PS5 Pro and your grandma will be an Xbox.
Everybody's an Xbox. Also, wait, why are game prices going up? Those don't have
to be imported. Um, just because. Ah,
yeah. Sounds right. It almost makes you want to check out our sponsor. Oh, Snap.
Oh, Snap is is their name. It's appropriate because they make phone
accessories that are actually really good. I know it's shocking, but their
Snap Grip, Snap Charge wireless charger, and Snap Car mount also magnetically
snap together. So, that also works. And it would work great for your mom. This
is not a mom joke. Mother's Day is right around the corner on May 11th and moms
are always juggling a million things. So get this for her and her losing her
phone in her car is one less thing. Now if you buy one of these, you're probably
going to want all of them cuz they're good. So why not save some money and get
them all with the car power kit. Tell your mom you got a deal. She'll love
that. Now be a good progyny and check out Oh snap at our link in the
description. Huh. And now it sounds like it's time for the quick
bits. What do you mean you can't hear that? References to a higher tier Intel
Battlemage GPU codenamed BGM31 have been
spotted in manifests for shipments traveling between Intel Vietnam and its
other Labs. According to Twitter posts from the leaker known as Hayes. Other
Twitter leaker One Raichu also suggested Intel hasn't given up on a more powerful
sibling to the Ark B570 and B580 despite
rumors to the contrary. But there are also rumors of Intel CEO Pat Gellzinger
being fired. But he's still there. He's
still he's still in in in here. Pat. A
company called Aurora has become the first to commercially deploy
self-driving Class 8 trucks, which will be driving themselves all over the great
highways and byways of Texas completely without a driver inside, which is
unbeknownst to many Tesla owners. what self-driving is actually supposed to
mean. Although, it definitely helps that Aurora trucks use LiDAR. I hear it's
better than regular cameras. I know. Two storied gaming outlets were hit by
sudden layoffs this week. Giant Bombs owner FandM laid off a number of
prominent staff, including Jeff Grub, who we have cited on this show many
times. Many staff at Polygon were also let go as the site was sold by Vox Media
to Valnet, the company that owns a ton of brands, including Game Rant, Dual
Shockers, XDA Developers, Android Police, and How to Geek. I would say,
well, at least some staff survived the purge, but they're now working for a
holding company that sued the RAP over that outlet's report on sweat shoplike
conditions at Velnet's companies. So,
uh, guess you'll be wearing shorts to work now. Ah, and Japanese researchers
have proven you can get cicatas to play the Baroque classic Packle Bell's Cannon
by jabbing electrodes into their specialized sound producing organs
called timbles.
Okay. Why? The researchers say, "Hey, it
doesn't harm them." And one day they could be used in emergency situations
such as earthquakes. To do what? Give grandma's
a heart attack. Earthquake.
Earthquake. I mean, she's already been turned into an Xbox. Give her a break.
And it's time for us all to take a break from tech news. But only until Monday
when we'll all come back here and check on our Xbox mutation progress. I'm
already starting to see my buttons come in.