WEBVTT

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Apple has just spectacularly had its ass

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handed to it in a way I didn't think I would see in Tim Sweeny's lifetime. On

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Wednesday, the judge in Epic Games' lawsuit against Apple ordered Apple to

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immediately allow iOS app developers to

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include buttons and external links to alternative payment options in a fiery

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ruling, excoriating the tech giant for repeatedly defying court orders, lying

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under oath, and consistently making bad choices. A copy of the ruling was also

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sent to every Apple executive's mother. I'm just kidding. But that would be

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great because Judge Ivonne Gonzalez Rogers did not hold back. She accuses

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Apple VP of finance, Alex Roman, of

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lying under oath and referred the incident to federal prosecutors for

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possible criminal contempt of court. She says CEO Tim Cook chose to listen to his

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CFO's advice to ignore the court's injunction, and in doing so, Cook chose

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poorly. She sounds like a Viking shaman

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telling a cautionary tale. And now his eyes shall be eaten by Draer in

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Mushheim. Is that offensive, Bjorn? Uh,

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other highlights include the judge calling out Apple for internally calling

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it a good thing if external link pop-ups are scary and then defending that by

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arguing that scary is a a term of art,

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an industry specific term that means raising awareness and caution, which a

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is BS and b that still means scary. Now,

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because Apple has been acting a fool, Gonzalez Rogers ended with some bangers,

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writing that she will not be entertaining a request for a stay

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because this is an injunction, not a negotiation for this court. There is no

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second bite at the Apple. Ooh, you know,

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when she finished writing this at 3:00 a.m., she's hitting those keys hard.

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Now, Apple is actually complying with the order. They updated their app store

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guidelines to remove restrictions on buttons, external links, and calls to

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action in the US. And some companies have already started to carpay this DM,

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including Spotify, Stripe, and Patreon,

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as announced by CEO Jack Ki in another

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of his signature video updates filled with what I like to call parasocial

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manic boyfriend energy. Okay, I know you're worried and I promise I'll sleep

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soon, but this is important. Been doing a lot of research. Meanwhile, Epic Games

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is taking a victory lap, announcing web shops, a feature that will make it

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easier for app developers to avoid Apple's in-app purchasing by linking to

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payment options elsewhere. And Epic is so happy they also announced the Epic

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Game Store will take zero revenue from the first $1 million a game makes every

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year, which is like their previous policy announced in 2020, but with a

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yearly reset. Now, CEO Tim Sweeney

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apparently thinks this ruling will make it so that Fortnite can return to iOS

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next week, but Apple kicked them out for

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breach of contract. Uh, so Sparky might be getting a little excited. Also,

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though they're complying with the ruling for now, Apple said they're still

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planning to appeal. And Mr. Apple, I wouldn't have it any other way.

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That's a joke. Please stop. Believe it or not, other stuff happened this week.

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Like for example, the Trump administration officially ended the

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dimminimous rule that exempted inexpensive goods from import tariffs.

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Now, this rule was basically the only reason that Teeu and Shien got so

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popular in the US as the go-to destination for finding cheap things to

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ship directly from China so you can fill up your house and hopefully the hole in

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your heart. I think you can still see some of the floor over there. Better

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fire up the app. Well, not anymore. Teimu says they've stopped shipping

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goods from China directly to US customers and will now focus on shipping

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items from US-based warehouses. Meanwhile, tariffs have driven Xbox to

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raise the prices of its consoles, accessories, and games worldwide. The

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base model Series X will now cost $600 USD, up from 500. While the two TBTE

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version is now $730, making it more expensive than a

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PS5 Pro, which Xbox is probably fine

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with because they are making it very clear they do not care if you buy an

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Xbox. Because at this rate, the PS5 Pro and your grandma will be an Xbox.

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Everybody's an Xbox. Also, wait, why are game prices going up? Those don't have

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to be imported. Um, just because. Ah,

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yeah. Sounds right. It almost makes you want to check out our sponsor. Oh, Snap.

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Oh, Snap is is their name. It's appropriate because they make phone

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accessories that are actually really good. I know it's shocking, but their

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Snap Grip, Snap Charge wireless charger, and Snap Car mount also magnetically

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snap together. So, that also works. And it would work great for your mom. This

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is not a mom joke. Mother's Day is right around the corner on May 11th and moms

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are always juggling a million things. So get this for her and her losing her

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phone in her car is one less thing. Now if you buy one of these, you're probably

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going to want all of them cuz they're good. So why not save some money and get

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them all with the car power kit. Tell your mom you got a deal. She'll love

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that. Now be a good progyny and check out Oh snap at our link in the

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description. Huh. And now it sounds like it's time for the quick

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bits. What do you mean you can't hear that? References to a higher tier Intel

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Battlemage GPU codenamed BGM31 have been

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spotted in manifests for shipments traveling between Intel Vietnam and its

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other Labs. According to Twitter posts from the leaker known as Hayes. Other

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Twitter leaker One Raichu also suggested Intel hasn't given up on a more powerful

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sibling to the Ark B570 and B580 despite

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rumors to the contrary. But there are also rumors of Intel CEO Pat Gellzinger

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being fired. But he's still there. He's

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still he's still in in in here. Pat. A

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company called Aurora has become the first to commercially deploy

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self-driving Class 8 trucks, which will be driving themselves all over the great

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highways and byways of Texas completely without a driver inside, which is

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unbeknownst to many Tesla owners. what self-driving is actually supposed to

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mean. Although, it definitely helps that Aurora trucks use LiDAR. I hear it's

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better than regular cameras. I know. Two storied gaming outlets were hit by

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sudden layoffs this week. Giant Bombs owner FandM laid off a number of

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prominent staff, including Jeff Grub, who we have cited on this show many

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times. Many staff at Polygon were also let go as the site was sold by Vox Media

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to Valnet, the company that owns a ton of brands, including Game Rant, Dual

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Shockers, XDA Developers, Android Police, and How to Geek. I would say,

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well, at least some staff survived the purge, but they're now working for a

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holding company that sued the RAP over that outlet's report on sweat shoplike

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conditions at Velnet's companies. So,

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uh, guess you'll be wearing shorts to work now. Ah, and Japanese researchers

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have proven you can get cicatas to play the Baroque classic Packle Bell's Cannon

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by jabbing electrodes into their specialized sound producing organs

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called timbles.

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Okay. Why? The researchers say, "Hey, it

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doesn't harm them." And one day they could be used in emergency situations

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such as earthquakes. To do what? Give grandma's

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a heart attack. Earthquake.

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Earthquake. I mean, she's already been turned into an Xbox. Give her a break.

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And it's time for us all to take a break from tech news. But only until Monday

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when we'll all come back here and check on our Xbox mutation progress. I'm

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already starting to see my buttons come in.
