Oh-ho-ho-ho, it's tech news, son.
Ha-ha-ha-ha, bam, bam, ha-ha-ha, you're not ready.
Apple's expected to unveil the iPhone 16 lineup
in early September, but I don't think anyone was expecting this leaked image of the iPhone 16 Pro
in a color that can be charitably described as russet,
ochre, I don't know why I'm pretending to do this. We already made the thumbnail.
The leaker, Sonny Dixon on Twitter, actually.
Ha-ha-ha-ha, that's just his name.
He actually posted the three other much more safe
for the dinner table colors in July, strangely omitting the fourth one,
presumably out of embarrassment. It took him two weeks to muster the courage
to finally be honest with the world. Fine, it's a poop iPhone, okay?
Previous iPhone leaks have pointed to Apple going with a new color that could be described as rose
or bronze, maybe indicating a color
that looks different in separate environments with unique lighting.
I mean, maybe this photo was taken in the same environment
as Microsoft's chocolate brown zoom from 2006.
We can't know. Yeah, if I'm being completely honest, I expect this phone to look a lot nicer in person,
but if I end up being disappointed, at least that'll be consistent with current rumors
about the iPhone 16 Pro's design, which is expected to feature a new button
for taking pictures and not much else.
One thing the new iPhones will definitely have though is Fortnite in the EU anyway.
That's right, Epic Games has finally managed to launch its Epic Game Store app on iOS
through sheer willpower and lots of loud complaining.
The process to install EGS on iOS can still be a bit confusing.
So Epic posted a tutorial video, which must have felt so good.
They're making the video just like flipping off a picture of Tim Cook on the wall.
Throwing darks at it. Oh, I feel nothing. Why you bought one of these?
Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, that was good.
That was good, Jacob. Epic is also relaunching their store app on Android globally
after handily winning their Play Store lawsuit against Google.
Both platforms' versions of EGS will host Epic's own games
like Fortnite, Rocket League, Side Swipe, and Fall Guys,
with plans to host other developers' apps in the future.
It's a triumphant moment, but Epic didn't want to celebrate alone,
so it awarded a mega grant to Alt Store Pal,
another iOS app marketplace. The amount of the monetary award was not disclosed,
but it's apparently enough to cover Apple's ridiculous core technology fee.
So Alt Store developer Riley Tested is dropping the subscription fee
and giving access to the store for free. And that's how Epic is gonna win.
Not by fighting what they hate, by paying people to be their friends.
Web publishers have told Bloomberg Google has put them in a sticky situation.
Either allow the Googlebot web crawler to slither all over their content
and use it as fodder for the AI overviews, most well-known for telling people to literally eat rocks,
or block the crawler and not show up in search results
since the same bot is responsible for both. It's a real catch-22, writes Engadget, wrongly,
because it's not. There's still the choice to block or not block,
so this is just a garden-variety dilemma. Now, if you had to be certifiably insane
to block the Googlebot, but blocking it proved that you were sane,
that would be a catch-22. What were we talking about?
A Google spokesperson. How much of a nerd you are?
Ha ha ha ha. A Google spokesperson responded to Engadget,
clarifying that if websites block the bot, they will still show up in standard search results,
but they won't be included in other search features like Snippets and Google Discover.
That's really nice of Google to only abuse their monopoly on search engines a little bit.
The Department of Justice is currently mulling whether to break up Google
or to force it to share data with competitors after the tech giant lost its big search antitrust case,
but I hope the DOJ considers how good Google behaves sometimes.
They just added better source citations to AI overviews
so you can find exactly where it got the idea that the force is real
and you're just not trying hard enough. Squeeze, try squeezing.
Cut your cheeks. That's where the force comes from.
Oh, the quick bits, oh yeah.
Come right up, Jacob. Are you ready for this?
Let's go. ARM is working on a GPU that will compete
with NVIDIA and Intel, according to sources who spoke to Israeli business outlet Globes.
Of course, ARM already makes GPUs that compete with those companies
in their Snapdragon X Windows laptops. They just compete badly.
Up to a hundred engineers are reportedly working on this new GPU,
which sounds like it'll either be a discrete gaming GPU
or an AI accelerator, which is just a graphics card used solely
to make the internet worse. About a week after confirming that they'll let you install SteamOS on Windows handhelds,
Valve has released official drivers for Steam Deck to allow owners to install and run Windows if they want to.
Maybe you wanna run unsupported games or emulators
or maybe you just like to suffer. Either way, Valve has you covered.
Now, having said that, the drivers aren't perfect. For example, the Windows audio drivers
don't support the Steam Deck's speakers yet, just headphones and Bluetooth audio.
So I can play Fortnite on my Steam Deck and I won't be able to hear any of the eight-year-olds
that don't know how to mute their mic. Sign me up. Did they say mean things to you, Jacob?
No, that's annoying. An ISP in the US is petitioning the Supreme Court
to overturn a ruling that would require them to disconnect customers accused of piracy.
It's a very serious issue being championed by a company with a very silly name, Cox Communications.
As the ruling currently stands, Americans could be cut off from the internet
just because they or someone whom they share a network with
received a couple of unproven accusations
of copyright infringement. I think it's unbelievable that a US court made a decision so bad
that an internet service provider is accidentally taking a pro-consumer stance.
What is this? What's happening? A team of researchers has published a paper
suggesting that bikes could be hacked.
Specifically, professional grade bikes that have wireless gear shifting systems,
such as those made by Shimano.
Is that okay? I think that was still racially intensive. Scientists found that the signals put out
by these bikes were interceptable from up to 10 yards away,
allowing hackers to shift a victim's gears or even jam gear shifting on a specific bike.
Fortunately, Shimano has already patched the vulnerabilities,
which is unfortunate for those of us who thought that Tour de France might finally become exciting.
And an international group of researchers have proposed improvements
to modern telecommunication systems. All we have to do is start using
electromagnetic vortex cannons, which I thought was kind of obvious, but thanks.
The cannons in question create toroidal vortexes,
like a smoke ring, but made out of rotating electromagnetic waves
instead of dank vape clouds. The vortexes can carry more information
than traditional electromagnetic wave structures are more resilient to environmental disturbances,
meaning they could be used to send data over long distances.
But the main thing, and I can't stress this enough, they're called electromagnetic vortex cannons.
Well, we're just not gonna use them. Hey, why don't you hop on a vortex cannon
and surf some electromagnetic waves back over here on Monday?
There's gonna be tech news, and I could show you this trick where I blow a smoke ring
and then blow a smoke pirate ship through it. I've never done it before.
But I've got a good feeling about Monday.