Soon, neurological implants will make having a bad case of the Mondays a thing of the past.
But the future's not here yet, so this is the tech news again.
Twitter, aka Elon Musk's ex, is officially under investigation in the UK after its AI
grok went full goon mode, allowing users to generate thousands of non-consensual sexualized
images of women and children directly in the timeline. UK media regulator Offcom says Twitter
may have violated the Online Safety Act, which requires platforms to block illegal content.
UK technology secretary Liz Kendall announced the government is also bringing a new law
into force this week, making it illegal for companies to supply
tools designed to create non-consensual intimate images.
If found guilty, X-Faces finds up to 10% of global revenue. Finally, it's based on percentages!
Or Offcom could seek a court order to block the platform entirely in the UK. A net social good.
Malaysia and Indonesia have already blocked grok, and Democrats in the US are now asking
Apple and Google to boot Twitter from their app stores. Musk, much like that kid in elementary
school who flipped the monopoly board if he lost, responded by complaining that people are looking
for any excuse for censorship, and suppressing free speech. In a masterclass of public relations,
he reposted AI-generated images of UK Prime Minister Kier Starmer in a bikini.
You can't stop me from doing this, Kier.
Free speech! Epic Games CEO Tim Sweeney also decided to wait into the fray.
Why not? Calling the ban an attempt by gatekeepers trying to censor political opponents and arguing
that all AI models go off the rails sometimes. The difference is not all AI models are baked
directly into social platforms where they can generate CSAM right into the replies and wake
up believing they're Hitler every other week. Also, going off the rails is usually seen as a
bad thing, Tim, e.g. trains. Cloudflare just got slapped with a 14 million euro fine by the
Italian government for refusing to block pirate sites on its 1.1.1.1 DNS service.
Italy's Piracy Shield Law demands websites get nuked within 30 minutes of a copyright complaint
with little to no judicial oversight. Cloudflare CEO Matthew Prince called it a scheme run by a
shadowy cabal of European media elites. Oh, drama! Prince threatened to pull all Cloudflare servers
out of Italy. Discontinue free cybersecurity services for Italian users and cancel pro bono,
which I think is Italian, for protection for the Milano Cortina Olympics. His exact words,
play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Now that's a spicy CEO! In fairness to Prince,
Italy's track record with implementing this law isn't great. Last year, they accidentally
blocked Google Drive in the country for three hours. Mamma Mia. Researchers found hundreds of
legitimate websites caught in the crossfire while actual pirates just... moved to the new address.
Those have got to be some of the best pirates I've ever seen.
Over in the UK, again, some members of parliament want to follow Australia's lead
with a Conservative Party proposing to ban people under the age of 16, if you can call them people,
from social media entirely. The UK government also just ordered Offcom to explore client-side
scanning as a way to catch terrorism and CSAM-related messages hidden by end-to-end encryption
protocols, a.k.a. allowing the UK government to read every message on your phone before it's
encrypted. And speaking of digital crackdowns, Discord just got banned in Egypt, Jordan, Turkey,
and Russia. Users reported stuck-on loading screens, the telltale sign of government-led
rather than a service outage. In unrelated news, Proton VPN saw 103% spike in sign-ups on
Saturday alone, with usage still climbing. Apple is gearing up to finally, hopefully,
launch its big Siri refresh by partnering with Google's AI, spurning open AI in the process,
and making Siri a Gemini, which is too bad. My tarot card reading warns against befriending
I guess I've got no choice but to switch to GROC. Reuters calls it a multi-year deal,
and in a joint statement, Apple and Google stressed that Gemini will complement Apple's
own AI work rather than replace it, you know, with user choice, on-device processing,
and privacy protections highlighted. At the same time, Google is pushing AI-powered shopping,
adding buy buttons in Gemini and AI Search, and introducing a universal commerce protocol
designed to let AI agents interact with multiple retailers in a standardized way.
Not all of Google's AI experiments are moving forward. The company has pulled AI
overviews for some medical searches after concerns about accuracy and potential harm for
sensitive health queries dying in sh** in a scene, which reminds us that Google's
accumulate all data in the universe approach might not gel all that well with Apple's supposed
commitment to user privacy, but regarding their partnership to relaunch Siri, Apple emphasizes
that personal data won't be used for advertising or profiling, and I have learned that whenever a
big company tells me my data is safe, I should trust them. There's actually a team of Russians out
to get the quick bits in order to harvest valuable juices to convert them into new super steroids,
but we won't let them! Valve's upcoming Steam machine may have just leaked at some
check retailers with the listing showing a 512GB model, around $950, and a 2TB version
near $1,070. That's based on a rough conversion from Czech Corona. WCCF tech points out that
similar hidden listings popped up at multiple stores, though they likely include some retailer
markups. Compared with consoles like the PS5, that's definitely on the pricey side,
but Valve has not confirmed any official prices yet, and I always anxiously await the word of
Gabyn. Should I read the next bit, Gabyn? His silence speaks volumes.
Windows 11's latest insider build allows admins to finally uninstall Microsoft
Co-Pilot as long as the device is managed, and you're the administrator. This works on pro
enterprise and EDU versions, giving IT teams more control over the AI tools on work devices.
Co-Pilot has singlehandedly turned me into a gruff, individualistic veteran cop from an 80s
action movie. I work alone. I don't want a Co-Pilot. Not after what happened to Clippy.
As for other Microsoft news, in what I'll tend to call a developing story,
it appears that Twitter and YouTube users are finding that a Windows 7 activation key belonging
to infamous dead American financier, human trafficker, and child sex offender Jeffrey Epstein
can be used to successfully activate Windows 7 Home Premium. Good job. Free Windows. Now you're
on a watch list. Was it worth it? Micron is trying to smooth things over as it shuts down its
consumer brand, Crucial. Reassuring users, they're somehow still looking out for consumers. I don't
know how, but maybe they'll explain that to us later. At the same time, the company warns that the
DRAM shortage could stick around until 2028. We might not even be around back then, meaning higher
RAM and SSD prices are probably here to stay. By themselves. In fact, as PC Gamer points out,
a Tokyo computer shop is so desperate for inventory that it's put out a call for customers to sell
their used gaming PCs offering pretty high prices for desktops, laptops, and even non-gaming rigs
because new stock is critically low amid ongoing hardware shortages. At least Japan's got great
convenience stores and delicious Okonomiyaki. First time I've read that ever. All I've got is a
Windows 7 activation key and my faith in gay men. SpaceX just got FCC approval to launch another
7500 Starlink satellites, which will end up bringing their total to around 15,000. And they'd
better hurry. China just filed to put 200,000 satellites in orbit. These maneuvers are happening
amidst a Starlink blackout occurring in Iran, where authorities are using military jammers to
block satellite internet. Trump says he's talking to Elon Musk about restoring the internet in Iran,
which I'm sure he'll get to once he's done his flame war with the entirety of the UK government.
And Overview Energy just demonstrated sending beams of power from a moving airplane to devices
on the ground proving their airborne energy transfer concept can actually work. Announced
in December, the tech was a successful proof of concept and while it's still early days,
it's a promising step towards space-based solar power, where sunlight collected in orbit
could be sent down to Earth just like the regular sun does, or used in other high-tech
energy applications in the future. It feels good to end the show on an upbeat note like that.
Oh, no. No, they're going to use airplanes to block out the sun and steal
all the solar energy, aren't they? We're always getting Mr. Burns. It's like he never died.
But you are not going to get Burns did if you come back on Wednesday for more tech news. In fact,
you might even get to see a new beefcake James. I've convinced the quick bits to lend me some
valuable juices and I'm gonna experiment with super steroids. He's joking. Dos Fodanias.