Hello, welcome to Apple Park.
Yesterday, we announced the most exciting product we've ever made.
Big Pants. Big Pants.
Next, we introduced the iPhone Air, the most anxiety inducing iPhone we've ever made.
It's just 5.6 millimeters thin, except where we smooshed all the electronics into the camera plateau.
We thought about calling it the camera ledge, but didn't want to give the iPhone factory workers any ideas.
Yesterday, we mentioned that despite being as thin as my patience for insolence, the iPhone Air has all day battery life.
We then immediately announced a magnetic iPhone Air exclusive battery pack, for no reason.
At the heart of the iPhone Air is the brand new A19 Pro chip.
The same one powering our new Pro models. I love using the iPhone Air and using the word same to mean different because it has 5 GPU cores instead of 6.
Ah-ha! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! Speaking of pros, we also introduced the iPhone 17 Pro and Pro Max with a larger camera plateau
in a new stunning orange color that just screams R2-D2 with a spray tan.
Looking good, R2. The 17 Pros both have faster charging, better cameras, and support for ProRes RAW and Genlock.
So buy your filmmaker mom one. If you have a standard mom, we have the iPhone 17,
which gets to share its upgrades with the rest of the lineup, including 256GB of base storage,
120Hz displays, 3,000 nits of peak brightness, simultaneous front and rear camera video recording,
and the new center stage front camera that can automatically change the landscape mode.
So you can keep your other hand where it is. Clicking the buy button on more iPhones for every single one of your moms.
While you're at it, buy her the new cross body strap so she can wear her new iPhone like a purse.
Great work. Here's what everything costs.
Oh, and one more thing. The new AirPods Pro 3 have double the active noise cancellation,
new heart rate sensors, and support live translation.
But not if you're in the EU and your Apple account region is also in the EU.
For that place, shall remain a pit of anguish and despair for the regulatory sins of its corrupted and defiled elites.
Oh, and one more thing. Again, Apple Watch Series 11 with 5G, Apple Watch Ultra 3 with texting via satellite,
and Apple Watch SE 3.
It's cheap.
What? I blacked out. What was I talking about?
A new way for web publishers to easily license their content to AI companies has arrived,
and maybe it can do something about that rapid decline of the open web that Google obviously contributed to and is suddenly concerned about.
It's called really simple licensing, or RSL, and is an open decentralized protocol that,
like Cloudflare's pay-per-crawl feature, could ensure web crawlers only scrape a website if a publisher allows them to under a range of possible licensing options.
For example, crawlers could be blocked if they don't have a valid RSL license token.
An eliminated card that says McLovin' just it's not gonna work.
For the scheme to really take off, though, AI companies would have to be on board in some way.
But maybe they'll be swayed by the fact that the group behind RSL, the RSL collective, includes Eckert Walther,
one of the co-creators of the RSS standard, which stands for really simple syndication.
Simple. This is just a guess, but he's probably also a big fan of Avril Lavigne,
a famous not-liker of when you go and make things so complicated.
After you've bought an iPhone for each and every mom you have, you must buy one for me.
And you must do this out of love. Not obligation.
Anyway, here's the quick bits. Remember that Windows update that everyone thought broke a bunch of SSDs?
Well, turns out Microsoft may not have been the one to blame.
This time! Thanks to a lot of investigation done by Microsoft, Fison, the maker of microcontrollers used in many SSDs,
and a Chinese language group called PCDIY, it seems like most of the SSD issues were actually caused by manufacturers
shipping consumer SSDs with unstable pre-release firmware installed instead of the consumer-ready version.
So if you've been having issues, check if your model of SSD has updated firmware available,
and check your own biases while you're at it. I know we blamed Microsoft when this first went down too, but I think you might still be the problem.
Spotify is finally rolling out lossless streaming after teasing the feature for years,
and even better, they aren't locking it behind a new, more expensive subscription tier.
Conditions in the world are such that we cheer for this! Existing premium subscribers can stream music in a 24-bit 44.1 kHz FLAC format.
That's not as high as the 192 kHz options available from Apple Music and Tidal,
but even more good news, you won't be able to tell the difference.
But I know. NVIDIA has unveiled its first next-gen Ruben GPU, but not the way you think.
Ruben CPX is a specialized AI GPU with 128GB of GDDR7 memory,
as opposed to the HBM memory used in standard NVIDIA AI GPUs.
The CPX module will serve as a co-processor for those larger
next-gen Ruben accelerators, making it better in some way that I frankly didn't have time to verify.
Here's a diagram if you've ever wondered what it looks like inside your robot girlfriend or
boyfriend's brain. Maybe go outside and take the pocket scion with you.
It's a wacky new device that translates biological electrical activity into sound.
It's the result of a collab between content creator Modern Biology, who does this stuff
all the time, and a company called Instruo. The pocket scion can run these signals through
four included digital instruments with names like Fungal Waves, or you can record the activity,
plug it into a DAW, and make your own goopy and gloopy sounds.
If you end up buying this thing and it creeps you out, just calm down. Do not threaten it.
You cannot kill it in any way that matters. What you can do is come back on Friday for more tech news.
Hopefully nothing Apple related, because I think we've done enough to cook for the next year or so.
I can't hold it. Can't keep it going. He gets away.