Oh, thank God you're here. I have all of this tech news.
I can't get rid of it. There's boxes filling up my living room. My wife wants to divorce me.
Please take it. Microsoft is reportedly planning to release
a game-changing Windows update next year, but they're scared to actually call it Windows 12.
They lack the strength. They lack ambition. The update, codenamed Hudson Valley,
will feature groundbreaking AI features like a new AI-powered GUI
and even built-in super-resolution tech for videos and games
because the convergence will not be stopped. Altman be praised.
I haven't played Dead Space, I'm sorry.
In addition, Hudson Valley's efficiency will allegedly increase the battery life
of some devices by 50%. You could use your ROG Ally for 12 more minutes.
Hudson Valley's release will also feature the return of annual release cycles for Windows.
Two years after Microsoft announced they were shifting to a three-year cycle,
which came a year after they returned to a one-year cycle already.
They just don't know how many Windows people want. It's hard. Now, Hudson Valley won't be released
to manufacturers until August, but the platform it's built on, Germanium,
will go out in April as Qualcomm's upcoming Snapdragon X Elite laptop chips
depend on new advancements in that platform. With all these new features,
Microsoft deciding to call Hudson Valley Windows 12
would be understandable. On the other hand, less than a third
of the world's 1.4 billion Windows users are on Windows 11, and releasing Windows 12
will fragment the user base even further. On the other hand, number go up,
which is an argument I don't see given enough respect these days. 23andMe has changed its terms of service
to try and prevent lawsuits by forcing customers into binding arbitration
if they don't opt out within 30 days. I mean, if you can't trust the people
that collect tubes full of your ants saliva, who can you trust?
The site is breaking down. The company probably doesn't want to be sued
for negligence over the data breach they suffered back in October.
Last week, they said only 14,000 accounts were compromised,
but this week, the spit tube enthusiasts confirmed those compromised accounts
were used to access the personal data of 6.9 million people,
including data like birth year, relationships to other users, and self-reported locations.
Now, 23andMe has sent an email to users telling them to accept the new terms of service,
and that any users who don't opt out of arbitration within 30 days will waive their right to sue the company.
Even worse, the email the company sent told users to send their opt out requests
to legal at 23andMe.com,
which isn't the same email as the one mentioned in the new terms.
They're really making it hard to not accuse them of negligence here.
Users may have to be more wary about sneaky tactics like this as more data breaches occur.
According to an independent study commissioned by Apple, the number of data breaches tripled between 2013 and 2022,
and tricking people into arbitration is a lot cheaper for companies
than actually protecting all the data they take from you. It's purely business, I'm sure you understand.
Lord business, for no reason. Mr. Business, we meet again.
In vain. The game awards happened yesterday, and we don't want to wait four days
until the next GameLink episode to talk about how ridiculous they were. So, surprise, GameLink segment.
But I don't like games, I like tech, tough. As noted by Paul Tassie at Forbes,
the game awards has apparently responded to criticism that it's a glorified three hour commercial
by becoming a glorified three hour commercial. The vast majority of the show's runtime
was given to videos teasing new games, celebrities teasing new games,
and straight up commercials for the Steam Deck and Legion Go handhelds.
Sorry, they were also giveaways. I mean, imagine if the Oscars asked you to call in
for a chance to win an iPad. Now it's time for Best Director,
brought to you by Bud Light. The winners of more than a dozen awards
that Jeff Kealy in his infinite wisdom deemed too small
to properly include in the show, were listed off rapid fire in a sick mockery
of our quick bits. Didn't even email us first.
We're suing. While most of the developers and performers that did get to accept awards
were played off after a minute or less, but that's a small price to pay
to give Jordan Peele and Jeff's waifu Hideo Kojima
six and a half minutes to hype up their upcoming game.
What, do you want to anger Kojima-san? So then he doesn't let Jeff get early access
to his next slow, melancholy game with a plot diagram shaped like a plate of spaghetti?
That's what's at stake. And then let him lay in the trap with videos?
The show also lacked any mention of the thousands of game industry workers
who were laid off this year. But to be fair, it's hard to think of a way
to scold the same game companies who are paying you to advertise their games.
Even if some of them admittedly do look pretty cool.
And I mean, technically, they're not in the industry anymore.
Perhaps the best thing about the show though was this transcendent performance of the song,
Herald of Darkness from Remedy's Alan Wake 2.
Can we have more of that? Please, I mean, if fans want to see trailers,
they can just do what we do and watch them all at work with one hand ready to alt-tap.
Just, it's simple. I don't do that, I work.
A warning, quick bits present a choking hazard for children under four.
But all the cool toddlers are watching them. So what are you gonna do?
Apple and Google have confirmed an allegation by US Senator Ron Wyden
that governments both foreign and domestic are spying on smartphone users through push notifications.
Furthermore, the US federal government reportedly restricted what companies
could disclose about this practice to the public. According to Wyden,
because these notifications are sent through Google and Apple servers as intermediaries,
the government can secretly compel them to hand that data over.
Quote, this could tell governments how users interact with certain apps,
give them access to a notification's complete text and disclose some unencrypted content.
That's right, Candy Crush is a narc. Hey kids, you want some candy?
Google has said they fixed an issue that was wiping the data of drive users.
The company has called it a sync issue with the drive desktop app.
While many affected users have stated they never even used the app.
Google has now locked community forum posts full of people saying the fix doesn't work,
thereby solving the problem by ignoring it. Meanwhile, privacy-focused Proton Drive
just launched a new photo backup feature as an alternative to Google Photos.
Terrific news for fans of not having their data
mysteriously deleted with an extra side of gaslighting.
Google has also admitted they faked their best demo
for their recently unveiled Gemini AI model. In the video, Gemini has shown responding to drawings
and even a cup game in real time via spoken prompts.
But a Google spokesperson revealed the video was made
using still image frames from the footage
and prompting via text. Turns out the demo wasn't done in real time,
nor did it include spoken prompts, which means all Gemini did was lie to me.
Oh, so it's basically Bing then. The EU has managed to scare the entertainment industry
by considering a ban on geo-blocking streaming content.
An entertainment group says banning geo-blocking would put jobs at risk,
as well as cause price increases for streaming services.
They also said geo-blocking is one of the foundations
for Europe's creative and cultural sectors. I mean, the money that they charged users in some locations
to access some content, it goes back into the filmmaker's pocket
so they can make more stuff, is what they could say if that's what they did.
And old Hewlett Packard has gone mask off
with a blunt new ad campaign featuring users physically lashing out at their printers,
followed by a slogan claiming that HP printers are made to be less hated.
If true, that would be an improvement over the past few decades,
where HP printers were primarily made to trick consumers with deceptively cheap models
and then lock them into buying pricey first party ink
that a recent class action lawsuit described as more expensive per ounce
than silver, caviar, and champagne.
But you can't print out an essay with fancy fish eggs. Now can you, so you don't think about that, do you?
Luckily, you can come back on Monday for more tech news.
We'll have it all, tech news.
That's it.