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Oh, thank God you're here. I have all of this tech news.

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I can't get rid of it. There's boxes filling up my living room. My wife wants to divorce me.

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Please take it. Microsoft is reportedly planning to release

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a game-changing Windows update next year, but they're scared to actually call it Windows 12.

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They lack the strength. They lack ambition. The update, codenamed Hudson Valley,

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will feature groundbreaking AI features like a new AI-powered GUI

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and even built-in super-resolution tech for videos and games

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because the convergence will not be stopped. Altman be praised.

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I haven't played Dead Space, I'm sorry.

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In addition, Hudson Valley's efficiency will allegedly increase the battery life

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of some devices by 50%. You could use your ROG Ally for 12 more minutes.

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Hudson Valley's release will also feature the return of annual release cycles for Windows.

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Two years after Microsoft announced they were shifting to a three-year cycle,

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which came a year after they returned to a one-year cycle already.

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They just don't know how many Windows people want. It's hard. Now, Hudson Valley won't be released

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to manufacturers until August, but the platform it's built on, Germanium,

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will go out in April as Qualcomm's upcoming Snapdragon X Elite laptop chips

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depend on new advancements in that platform. With all these new features,

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Microsoft deciding to call Hudson Valley Windows 12

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would be understandable. On the other hand, less than a third

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of the world's 1.4 billion Windows users are on Windows 11, and releasing Windows 12

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will fragment the user base even further. On the other hand, number go up,

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which is an argument I don't see given enough respect these days. 23andMe has changed its terms of service

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to try and prevent lawsuits by forcing customers into binding arbitration

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if they don't opt out within 30 days. I mean, if you can't trust the people

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that collect tubes full of your ants saliva, who can you trust?

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The site is breaking down. The company probably doesn't want to be sued

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for negligence over the data breach they suffered back in October.

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Last week, they said only 14,000 accounts were compromised,

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but this week, the spit tube enthusiasts confirmed those compromised accounts

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were used to access the personal data of 6.9 million people,

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including data like birth year, relationships to other users, and self-reported locations.

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Now, 23andMe has sent an email to users telling them to accept the new terms of service,

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and that any users who don't opt out of arbitration within 30 days will waive their right to sue the company.

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Even worse, the email the company sent told users to send their opt out requests

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to legal at 23andMe.com,

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which isn't the same email as the one mentioned in the new terms.

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They're really making it hard to not accuse them of negligence here.

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Users may have to be more wary about sneaky tactics like this as more data breaches occur.

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According to an independent study commissioned by Apple, the number of data breaches tripled between 2013 and 2022,

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and tricking people into arbitration is a lot cheaper for companies

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than actually protecting all the data they take from you. It's purely business, I'm sure you understand.

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Lord business, for no reason. Mr. Business, we meet again.

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In vain. The game awards happened yesterday, and we don't want to wait four days

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until the next GameLink episode to talk about how ridiculous they were. So, surprise, GameLink segment.

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But I don't like games, I like tech, tough. As noted by Paul Tassie at Forbes,

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the game awards has apparently responded to criticism that it's a glorified three hour commercial

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by becoming a glorified three hour commercial. The vast majority of the show's runtime

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was given to videos teasing new games, celebrities teasing new games,

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and straight up commercials for the Steam Deck and Legion Go handhelds.

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Sorry, they were also giveaways. I mean, imagine if the Oscars asked you to call in

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for a chance to win an iPad. Now it's time for Best Director,

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brought to you by Bud Light. The winners of more than a dozen awards

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that Jeff Kealy in his infinite wisdom deemed too small

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to properly include in the show, were listed off rapid fire in a sick mockery

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of our quick bits. Didn't even email us first.

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We're suing. While most of the developers and performers that did get to accept awards

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were played off after a minute or less, but that's a small price to pay

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to give Jordan Peele and Jeff's waifu Hideo Kojima

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six and a half minutes to hype up their upcoming game.

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What, do you want to anger Kojima-san? So then he doesn't let Jeff get early access

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to his next slow, melancholy game with a plot diagram shaped like a plate of spaghetti?

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That's what's at stake. And then let him lay in the trap with videos?

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The show also lacked any mention of the thousands of game industry workers

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who were laid off this year. But to be fair, it's hard to think of a way

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to scold the same game companies who are paying you to advertise their games.

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Even if some of them admittedly do look pretty cool.

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And I mean, technically, they're not in the industry anymore.

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Perhaps the best thing about the show though was this transcendent performance of the song,

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Herald of Darkness from Remedy's Alan Wake 2.

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Can we have more of that? Please, I mean, if fans want to see trailers,

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they can just do what we do and watch them all at work with one hand ready to alt-tap.

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Just, it's simple. I don't do that, I work.

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A warning, quick bits present a choking hazard for children under four.

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But all the cool toddlers are watching them. So what are you gonna do?

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Apple and Google have confirmed an allegation by US Senator Ron Wyden

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that governments both foreign and domestic are spying on smartphone users through push notifications.

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Furthermore, the US federal government reportedly restricted what companies

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could disclose about this practice to the public. According to Wyden,

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because these notifications are sent through Google and Apple servers as intermediaries,

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the government can secretly compel them to hand that data over.

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Quote, this could tell governments how users interact with certain apps,

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give them access to a notification's complete text and disclose some unencrypted content.

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That's right, Candy Crush is a narc. Hey kids, you want some candy?

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Google has said they fixed an issue that was wiping the data of drive users.

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The company has called it a sync issue with the drive desktop app.

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While many affected users have stated they never even used the app.

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Google has now locked community forum posts full of people saying the fix doesn't work,

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thereby solving the problem by ignoring it. Meanwhile, privacy-focused Proton Drive

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just launched a new photo backup feature as an alternative to Google Photos.

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Terrific news for fans of not having their data

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mysteriously deleted with an extra side of gaslighting.

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Google has also admitted they faked their best demo

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for their recently unveiled Gemini AI model. In the video, Gemini has shown responding to drawings

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and even a cup game in real time via spoken prompts.

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But a Google spokesperson revealed the video was made

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using still image frames from the footage

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and prompting via text. Turns out the demo wasn't done in real time,

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nor did it include spoken prompts, which means all Gemini did was lie to me.

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Oh, so it's basically Bing then. The EU has managed to scare the entertainment industry

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by considering a ban on geo-blocking streaming content.

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An entertainment group says banning geo-blocking would put jobs at risk,

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as well as cause price increases for streaming services.

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They also said geo-blocking is one of the foundations

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for Europe's creative and cultural sectors. I mean, the money that they charged users in some locations

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to access some content, it goes back into the filmmaker's pocket

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so they can make more stuff, is what they could say if that's what they did.

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And old Hewlett Packard has gone mask off

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with a blunt new ad campaign featuring users physically lashing out at their printers,

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followed by a slogan claiming that HP printers are made to be less hated.

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If true, that would be an improvement over the past few decades,

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where HP printers were primarily made to trick consumers with deceptively cheap models

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and then lock them into buying pricey first party ink

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that a recent class action lawsuit described as more expensive per ounce

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than silver, caviar, and champagne.

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But you can't print out an essay with fancy fish eggs. Now can you, so you don't think about that, do you?

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Luckily, you can come back on Monday for more tech news.

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We'll have it all, tech news.

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That's it.