Light speed is too slow. We're gonna have to go to ludicrous speed.
Actually, Elon Musk kind of ruined that joke for me. Japanese researchers have announced a new record download speed of 402 terabits a second,
using standard commercially available fiber optic cables. That's 25% faster than the former record,
which is also crazy fast. That's fast enough to download the entire 400 Gigabyte file for
ARK Survival Evolved in under seven thousandths of a second. These engineers used as many
transmission bands as possible in combination with bleeding edge amplifiers and gain equalizers
liven to achieve a total signal bandwidth of 37.6 terahertz. Sadly, even the highest end gaming rig
would be unable to take advantage of that kind of speed due to multiple hardware bottlenecks.
Not to mention the total population collapse that will follow once gamers no longer have to leave
their homes for the bare few hours it takes to install Cod. Regardless, there are more modest
innovations that users can access in the here and now, such as the newly launched Thunderbolt 5,
which offers an amazing but comparatively piddling 120 gigabit per second of bandwidth and 240 watts
of power. The new cords are available for about the cost of a relatively decadent burrito bowl,
which would be great if only there were more than a single model of laptop available with
Thunderbolt 5 ports right now. And also, these burrito bowls just keep, they're decadent.
According to Android authorities, sources within Google tell them that the upcoming Pixel 9 will
have new AI features. These include Admi, Studio, and Pixel screenshots. The first is apparently
a camera feature that helps capture a group of people in a single shot, while the second is
rumored to be some kind of AI image generator. As for pixel screenshots, sources say it's an
opt-in feature that will collect user screenshots alongside metadata and an AI-generated summary
of the image. I'll figure out a way to use it. Other leaks from the sources have claimed that
all three Pixel 9 models, normal one pro and big one, will have M14 OLED screens from Samsung
Display. There's also at least one guy waving around what appears to be a pink Pixel 9 on
Twitter claiming that the phone is already out in Algeria. They always get things first.
However, if it's a genuine Pixel 9, it's very likely he got it from a local reseller,
not Google. However, if you don't want to give out any more of your life to a single company
or the AI menace, there's always Proton's new end-to-end encrypted version of Google Docs
with no AI training. Either that or you might consider simply walking into the sea, viewer of
salt. The European Commission has charged Meta's social media platforms with violating the EU's
Digital Markets Act. According to the Commission, Meta's binary choice of paid subscription with
no ads or unpaid subscription with targeted ads is not offering users who don't want Mark Zuckerberg
sniffing their dirty laundry an equivalent but less personalized product. He is an underwear
sniffer, that guy. It's offering them an option they might choose and an option they definitely
won't, which is paying 120 euros a year to watch your friends from high school get gradually more
racist. The Commission laid similar charges against Apple and Microsoft last week,
possibly indicating that they're just working their way down a list of the largest tech companies
by market share. Speaking of which, France is reportedly preparing antitrust charges against
NVIDIA after citing concerns about the closed nature and limited compatibility of NVIDIA's CUDA
in a report on competition in generative AI. If any Americans feel like they're missing out,
the FTC send warning letters to ASRock, Gigabyte, and Zotac for placing warranty void if removed
stickers on their products and for implying that continued warranty coverage requires the use of
specific parts and services when in fact you are free to repair your laptop with bacon if you see
fit. This is America, dammit! Design company with a weird name, Figma, has disabled its recently
launched AI-powered app design tool after accusations it was ripping off Apple's weather app.
Developer Andy Allen found the two tools output remarkably similar. I mean, the AI-designed
app even featured a matter baby. Whatever that is. Nothing, go back to sleep. Figma executives
have since revealed they didn't train the model. It uses off-the-shelf LLMs as a bespoke design
system that they commissioned but didn't make. Either they're lying or once again a tech company
is shocked that haphazardly slapping a plagiarism machine and something has consequences. Figma
balls. In the lead up to the American presidential catastrophe, I mean election, a network of websites
apparently based out of Russia are pumping in large amounts of fake AI-generated news stories
while pretending to be local American news outlets. They're using names like The Houston Post,
The Boston Times, DC Weekly, and even the titles of real but defunct newspapers. The highest profile
of these fake stories was a lurid claim that the first lady of Ukraine had bought a brand new
Bugatti in Paris using money from American military aid. She then presumably burnt the Star Spangled
Banner in front of a starving veteran and dropped a kick to puppy with terminal cancer.
I heard she doesn't even like apple pie. She likes borsh pie. They're sick over there.
Researchers at two Chinese universities have developed a brain-computer interface chip designed
to allow small lab-grown brain organoids to control electronics and eventually robots.
And my brain is definitely an organoid. This is not sci-fi, this is actually real, although that
picture of the little brain ball in the robot is just a mock-up. Processing chips powered by hundreds
of thousands of human brain cells are currently being developed by cortical Labs in Australia,
University of Indiana researchers, and Swiss startup Final Spark, who are researching using
dopamine as a reward mechanism. What we really need is other scientists to create adolescent
anthropomorphic fighting reptiles to take these things down if they get out of hand and also
prop up the pizza economy. A new San Francisco app called Two Night wants to help people determine
what nightclub they want to hit by installing cameras in partner venues and live streaming
club interiors. And you're not gonna believe this, but some clubgoers are upset. Sure,
the average American is captured on multiple security cameras every day, but those camera
feuds aren't turning random people trying to have fun into involuntary reality TV stars.
If you want to observe people getting wilder and more embarrassing over time, that's what Twitter's
for. And Drone Maker DJI has announced an electric mountain bike called the Amphlo Pluh,
making what the company calls a natural move into an adjacent product category,
perhaps because they're staring down the barrel of a US ban on their own drones,
and the CCP has never spied on anyone through a bike yet. In other news,
Sky Elements just got FAA approval to attach fireworks to its drones,
because Americans might be scared of Chinese drones, but they're apparently fine with attaching
glittery explosives to a swarm of flying American drones. And you should swarm on back
to another episode of TechLink this Friday. Nobody's gonna lose a finger, I promise. It's
almost never happened here. You could get de-gloved on this set though.