Oh hey, you want some tech news? Just gotta beam it in one sec. Ah!
Sorry. Usually do that off-screen. Microsoft has announced that the next major Windows 11 update,
26H1, is not for your PC.
Even if you did upgrade to Windows 11 when they told you you had to,
there was a little bit of attitude there. So no update for you.
Now, as explained in a Windows IT blog post, 26H1 is a special version of Windows,
only intended for devices with the upcoming ARM-based Qualcomm Snapdragon X2 series processors.
At least at this time. One could assume that 26H1 might also be intended
for NVIDIA's N1 series of ARM-based laptop chips.
But Microsoft maybe didn't mention that because those chips have reportedly been delayed yet again.
NVIDIA keeps forgetting to work on them while it's swimming in its giant pool of gold
like Scrooge McDuck. Fun fact, Windows doesn't usually do
H1 updates. The last one was in May, 2021,
before AI punched a hole in the ozone layer of society.
But why can't you get this update? Well, Microsoft says 26H1 is based on a different Windows Core.
So while existing PCs and Snapdragon X2-based PCs
will both get security, quality, and feature updates,
there'll be different updates and never the twain shall meet.
Honestly, with the way Windows updates have been going this year,
I'm not too sad about missing out on another one. Hi, I'd like only the updates that allow my computer
to continue working, thank you.
Oh, like this one rolling out this year to most PCs running Windows 11 and Windows 10
if they're enrolled in extended security updates, which will provide shiny new secure boot certificates
to replace the ones set to expire later this year,
which is good because Fortnite tournaments are going to require secure boot to work now.
You don't want your system booting insecurely and letting hackers steal all your vape juice
or something, Fortnite things, but potions.
The implication is that I don't know what Fortnite is, okay. Meta and YouTube were taken to court in California this week
to defend against accusations of pushing highly addictive apps on children.
CEO of Meta and human fish hybrid Mark Zuckerberg
is expected to take the stand next week as this landmark case could set legal precedent
for similar lawsuits. In his opening arguments, the plaintiff's attorney,
Mark Lanier, took out a set of children's toy blocks
and in a move he definitely workshopped with his level one improv class,
declared this case is as easy as ABC
with A for addicting, B for brains and C for children.
Don't think twice. We're addicting brains to children.
It's bad. He then hit the jury with some slam poetry
saying that these companies don't only build apps,
they build traps. Where's the, where's the, thank you.
And then he drove his point home with props, including a toy Ferrari and a mini slot machine.
In between testing out bits from his one man show on the jury, Lanier made the crucial point
that the plaintiffs are not alleging that the companies are liable for the content
on their platforms as section 230 of the communications decency act in the US
protects them from that. Instead, they're arguing that the structure
of the apps themselves, specifically the algorithm
and infinite scroll were intentionally designed
to be addictive. Meta's attorney, Paul Schmidt, opted for the Regina George
from Mean Girls approach, alleging that the 20 year old plaintiff
would have been totally messed up anyways because she had like a super sad home life
and that she'd been like seeing therapists since she was three years old.
Tragic. YouTube's lawyer, Louis Lee, tried to make the case
that YouTube wasn't a social media platform and more of an entertainment platform like Netflix.
He then showed the jury screenshots of an Ariana Grande music video
and highlights of an NFL game, arguing that YouTube was a source of creativity
and income for young entertainers, which can be true for the extremely lucky few
who make it big or get hired out of a dumpster by an existing YouTuber,
but like they showed the National Football League.
Where would they be without YouTube helping them foster their football based creativity?
Playing football. They paint the lines.
Lee then argued that features like infinite scroll and video recommendations are meant to help users
not harm them. Oh, I'm so sorry.
I didn't realize you were trying to help us slowly simmer our brains sous vide style
in a broth of dopamine. Thank you so much. That's actually great.
He also said, and I quote, infinite scroll is not infinite.
You know what? My bad again. I stupidly assumed that an infinite scroll would be infinite
because it's called infinite and also it never ends. See, I like things that make sense.
Hey, hey, sorry. I had to transfer the quick bits in too.
They still want to do that off screen though since they insist on transferring it physically.
Trust me, you don't want to see that. Discord has responded to the significant backlash
over its new teen by default age verification system
with users threatening to leave, canceling nitro subscriptions and US searches
for Discord alternatives, jumping roughly 10,000% in 48 hours.
The messaging platform would like everyone to please calm down because the vast majority of users
won't need to verify at all since most don't access age restricted servers.
And those who do will only be asked for a face scan or ID
if Discord's age prediction model can't already confirm they're an adult.
Confirm used very loosely there.
Nice try, Discord. I for one will never give Discord a picture of my face.
The only shady corporations who are getting a picture of this bestowed kisser is Facebook, Instagram,
TikTok, US, TikTok, Uber, YouTube, Google,
every airline ever, and X, the everything app, which is also now GROC and Starlink.
In fact, I'm gonna post about this on all those platforms right now.
Oh, just gotta accept cookies first.
Google launched new tools yesterday to help users remove non-consensual explicit images
from search. Users can now click the three dots on an image result
in Google search and flag it for removal. Easy, the company also expanded its results about you hub
to let users flag search results containing their social security number,
driver's license, or passport number for removal.
All you gotta do is give Google that sensitive info first.
Only Google gets it, but it's okay. They're using rigorous security protocols
and advanced encryption, so your data is absolutely safe with them.
And even if it's not, it doesn't matter because you won't remember them making this promise
after they turn your brain into soup with YouTube's non-infinite, infinite scroll, okay?
So it's fine. Meta has introduced an official Dear Algo feature
on threads that will let you customize your personal algorithmic feed inspired by the trend
of users posting Dear Algo requests last year.
Now you can officially request more or less of a certain topic and repost other users' public requests.
And I guess you can't make private requests,
which is a little weird. You can also delete requests that you've made,
or you can just wait three days because that's how long the Algo will respect your tastes
before it'll try to shuffle you back into the Slop Factory.
You're missing so much great content in there, come on!
It's really a win-win for Meta here. Android Central loves the feature
because with their new personalized feed, they can't stop scrolling.
Well, that's good. A hacktivist known as Wicked.
Scraped over 536,000 payment records
from a stalkerware operation run by Ukrainian company,
Struktura, exposing the email addresses and partial credit card info of customers
who paid to spy on others. Stalkerware is a type of software
that's installed on a phone, then works silently in the background,
uploading the victim's call records, text messages, photos, browsing history,
and precise location data. Struktura explicitly marketed these apps
for people to spy on their spouses and domestic partners,
which is illegal. So we don't feel too bad that the hacktivist
exploited what they called a trivial bug and then leaked the data to a hacking forum.
According to TechCrunch, that makes this the 27th stalkerware company
to be hacked or breached since 2017, which is only fair.
Let he who is without secrets install the first piece of malware,
an ancient piece of wisdom. From the before times.
And Beast Industries, the company who I'm going to imagine,
created YouTuber MrBeast, AKA Jimmy Donaldson
in some kind of sick lab, has acquired Step,
a financial services app for teens and young adults
with over seven million users. It's not for teens and young adults
with over seven million users. No, no, it's for teens and young adults,
and the app has seven million users. You gotta have seven million and then you can install that.
The app offers credit building, saving, and investing tools with no monthly fees.
Donaldson said that he wants to give millions of young people
the financial foundation he never had, even though logically Jimmy is evidence
of that foundation being entirely unnecessary. The move aligns with his upcoming
finance themed YouTube channel and gives him a direct pipeline
to monetize his massive Gen Z and Gen Alpha audience
beyond content and snacks. I guess it will be financial advice.
I personally cannot wait to see challenge videos about who can stay in a circle the longest
while also collecting 3% compound interest. Now that's content, but you'll collect even more than that
if you come back on Friday for more tech news. You'll gain something that you should like
a lot more than compound interest. Knowledge.
Maybe, and maybe even a Lamborghini.