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Tell me in a comment below why you clicked on this video and whether me baking fresh cookies a few minutes ago

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had anything to do with it. Everybody loves the smell of fresh cookies.

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I just thought. Anyway, tech news time. Google has admitted in a court filing posted on Friday

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that the open web is already in rapid decline.

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Finally, someone said it. As spot, Google of all people,

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as spotted by Jason Kint on Twitter.

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Google submitted the filing after crashing into a courthouse

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dressed in a hot dog costume and assuring everyone that, like them,

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Google is just trying to find the guy who caused this rapid decline, okay?

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Google's statement here reeks of just trying to get an even weaker punishment in its antitrust case

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because the statement conflicts with everything else they've publicly said recently

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about how AI search isn't destroying the web by leading to less click-throughs

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to publisher websites at all. And in fact, the web is thriving according to Nick Fox,

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Google's senior VP of knowledge and information. Pretty sure you have to be pretty smart to get that job.

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Probably won Jeopardy at least a couple of times.

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Move over, Ken Jennings.

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I forgot, I would not win Jeopardy. So it's trying to hear Google say something

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that seems to agree with recent research saying that AI tools are negatively affecting traffic

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to publisher sites, decreasing the ad revenue they can collect, and imperiling

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the already fragile economic model of the web.

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Now, obviously Google doesn't want people to get the wrong idea here, as explained on Twitter

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by Google VP of Global Ads, Dan Taylor.

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What Google meant to imply in the filing is that open web display advertising is in decline.

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Not the open web as a whole. The open web isn't going anywhere.

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It's just that the only people who will make any money on it is Google.

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Aren't they in charge of the display advertising too? I hope this helps.

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One and a half billion dollars. That's the amount that Anthropic just agreed to cough up

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in a first of its kind copyright settlement with authors Andrea Bartz, Charles Graber,

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and Kirk Wallace Johnson, because writing a book is so hard

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and they just deserve it. It was like a tip, but also because they initiated

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a class action against the company, claiming it used tons of pirated books

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to train its Claude chatbot. So many tokens.

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The settlement is particularly interesting because back in June, a US district judge ruled

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that using legally obtained books to train AI software

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is not actually a violation of US copyright law,

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which implied that you could just buy one copy of a book

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and train your AI on it and it's fine. But in the settlement filing, the plaintiff state

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that if approved, this landmark settlement will be the largest publicly reported copyright recovery

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in history, setting a precedent for the future of training large language models

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using just about anything they can find online,

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as long as they pay for it. Because the big takeaway here is that training AI

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on copyrighted stuff you actually bought might still be fair use, but pirated books,

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well that's gonna be a billion and a half dollar oopsie. Damage to subsea cables in the Red Sea

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is wreaking havoc on internet performance across Asia and the Middle East.

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On Saturday, multiple critical undersea fiber links decided to cosplay as spaghetti, just on their own,

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near Jeddah, Saudi Arabia, triggering widespread latency

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spikes in India, Pakistan, and the UAE.

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Microsoft confirmed that its Azure cloud services were also affected, though traffic wasn't halted,

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many users experienced noticeable delays as Microsoft rerouted network traffic

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via longer alternative paths. It's actually worse, I think.

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Going the long way around. Status updates later indicated that Azure services

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in the Middle East have been restored, though ongoing high latency lingers for some users.

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Cable operators and monitoring group Netblocks reported that telecom networks across the UAE

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also felt the pinch, with disruptions continuing

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as repair efforts ramp up. The worst part of all of this is that repair timelines

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are still up in the air, partly because the Red Sea

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isn't exactly the friendliest neighborhood for weekend cable fixing parties right now.

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That was dashedly hoot these. You know, at a certain point in life,

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everyone has that moment where they stop and think to themselves, hmm,

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I wonder where those quick bits went. Where are they? Well, guess what?

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I found them. I found them.

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Back in March, Neuralink tried trademarking telepathy

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and telekinesis, promising a future where you could move stuff with your mind

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or whisper secrets without opening your mouth. Elon should try thinking.

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But last week, the US Patent and Trademark Office denied those applications.

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Turns out they were snagged way back in May 2023 and August 2024 by Wesley Perry,

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founder of a lucid dreaming startup called Prophetic,

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which is building a matrix style headset you wear while sleeping to trigger lucid dreams.

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Sex dreams you can control. Or any other kind of dreams, Riley.

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Still, Neuralink's own filings make it clear they want telepathy on the market,

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a brain-computer interface for thought-based communication and device control.

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But if you ask me, maybe Elon should try trademarking empathy instead, you know, people have feelings.

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And that one's also taken. Amazon's Starlink competitor, Project Kuiper,

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is finally showing off what it can do, hitting speeds of up to 1.28 gigabits per second

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in tests last week. That's faster than a lot of ground-based ISPs.

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But, you know, they have to go through the ground. It's a little harder than- Space, Riley.

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It's space. And now it's not just a lab demo either.

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JetBlue has signed on as the first airline partner.

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Starting in 2027, about a quarter of their fleet will get Kuiper-powered Wi-Fi,

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which JetBlue says will be free for passengers,

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only two years. Yes, finally, streaming Netflix at 35,000 feet

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without watching the buffer wheel do laps, although that can be entertaining

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when there's nothing else going on. Just use it to focus when there's a baby crying.

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Microsoft has open-sourced Bill Gates and Rick Weilands,

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Whalen's 1976 version of 6502Basic,

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the code that once powered icons like the Commodore 64, Apple II, and Vic-20.

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With nearly 7,000 lines of hand-tuned assembly now free on GitHub,

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free lines of assembly, researchers can dig into the DNA

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of early personal computing, seeing how software was optimized

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when every byte mattered. They have souls. For historians, it's a rare glimpse

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into Microsoft's scrappy garage-era roots.

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For editors, it's a great way to see Bill Gates' sense of humor in the assembly comments.

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He's such a little, you know? He's a little sassy guy, very rich.

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And globally, Hollow Knight's silk song is basking in very positive Steam reviews,

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but in China, not so much. Over 14,000 negative reviews

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have dragged the simplified Chinese version of the game's rating down to mixed.

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Why? Players say the translation makes it read less like a game

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and more like your buddy's D&D campaign notes after three Red Bulls

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if they were tossed into an anime girl dating simulator. Sounds fun, but one localization expert

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even compared it to a high school drama club's

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Elizabethan improv. Imagine trying to fight bosses

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while everyone's talking like Shakespeare. Again, it's not, doesn't sound horrible.

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Team Cherry quickly apologized, promising to fix the translation in the coming weeks.

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But thanks to Valve's updated review policy, the fallout is mostly quarantined to China.

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Global players still see very positive. So the angry reviews are less world-ending bomb

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and more localized explosion. Speaking of free things,

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which is a segue left over from when there was a different story there,

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come back on Wednesday for more tech news. Completely free.

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Of bomb. As long as the economic model of the web

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is still intact by then. Hopefully there's, hopefully a bomb didn't.

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We were saying, we're gonna get demonetized. We're giving you a Houthi free guarantee.

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Jeez, Louise.