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Aw, no way, you came back to watch again?

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Honestly, I'm feeling truly blessed right now. It's so good to see you.

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I think Jacob is trolling me with these intros. Beeper has announced that they are done

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trying to crack iMessage after weeks of playing cat and mouse with Apple.

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Frankly, we're tired of it too. You can only laugh at the thought of Tim Cook

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as a large cat for so long. Meow, I am large.

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In a statement on the company blog, Beeper said that each time that Beeper Mini goes down

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or Apple nukes it, the company's credibility is affected.

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They hope their newest and last solution is something Apple can tolerate existing.

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Specifically, you need an old jailbroken iPhone

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and a Mac or Linux computer to allow you to register your phone number

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for iMessage through Beeper Mini. Beeper Mini's iMessage connection software

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is now fully open source as well, so anyone that feels like facing off

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against a trillion dollar company is welcome to try.

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Bet, said the U.S. government as the... D.O.J. thinks Apple's behavior is cringe-a-f.

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As the D.O.J.'s antitrust lawyers reportedly met

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with Beeper representatives last week. On top of that, the FTC may also be investigating.

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While they didn't mention Apple by name in their blog post yesterday,

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they did say in big letters they will closely scrutinize tech giants' claims

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that competition threatens privacy or security, and that's exactly the reason Apple gave

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for shutting Beeper down. Just like that, Tim Cook has gone from cat to mouse.

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Squeak, squeak, I'm in danger. Microsoft's deprecation of Windows 10

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could cause 240 million PCs to wind up in the landfill,

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according to research by tech market analysis firm and medication you should ask your doctor about,

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One of the major reasons for this are the strict hardware requirements

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for upgrading to Windows 11. Many CPUs that are only a few years old

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render their PCs ineligible for the newer OS.

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Canalis, whose side effects may include painful gas, points out that while many of these PCs could be recycled,

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their ineligibility for upgrade would increase the cost for refurbishing and reselling them,

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making it far more likely that they'll just be thrown out.

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And yes, Microsoft is offering extended security support for Windows 10,

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but they haven't announced a price yet. Chances are it will be most cost effective for consumers

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to simply buy a new machine. By the way, if dozens of you are typing,

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just use GNU slash Linux into the comments,

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feel free to walk millions of tech-illiterate people through the installation in use of even such

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user-friendly distros as Ubuntu or Linux Mint. And when all that voluntary IT work

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starts to make you feel depressed, ask your doctor about Canalis.

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Apple scientists have developed new ways to make it more feasible to run large language models

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locally on iPhones and Macs. In a paper released this month,

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researchers detailed techniques for running AI models on hardware with limited DRAM.

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The researchers were able to store the model's parameters on flash memory,

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which is more abundant than DRAM on mobile devices, and then officially transfer that information to DRAM

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using two methods. The first, windowing allows for the AI model

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to reuse previously processed data, reducing overall data transfer.

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The second method, row column bundling, utilizes flash memory's high sequential data access speeds

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to create and transfer larger chunks of information that are quicker to process.

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These methods combined not only allow advice to run models twice the size of its available DRAM,

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but also gets live data to an AI model faster,

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specifically up to five times faster than using a CPU

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and 25 times faster than using a GPU, allowing the model to process tasks more quickly.

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This research could help pave the way for iPhones to get their own locally run AI.

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And when that happens, iPhone users will become 100 times faster

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at bragging about their iPhones. Hashtag humble lag.

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Warning, the five quick bits you're about to hear are very cuddly and will hug you if threatened.

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They're virtually incapable of surviving in the wild. We have to... Cable mod has issued a safety recall

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for all of its 1.0 and 1.1 version 16 pin,

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12 volt high power, 90 degree angle adapters,

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and 180 degree hard connectors.

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One go. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Jeez Louise.

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Users are cautioned to stop using them immediately,

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if not sooner, and to avoid handling them while the system is in operation.

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But the recall only affects adapters. Angled cables are unaffected.

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The exact reason for the recall is not clear at this time, but cable mod has noted that a design defect

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could cause the male connector in these devices to loosen,

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which can lead to excess heat and potentially melt your expensive electronics

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into hot slag. Typical male connectors.

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Am I right ladies? I'm assuming you wrote that.

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I wrote all of that quick bit, except that. Oh.

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Ha ha ha ha ha. Ariane Kurtage, the 18 year old cyber criminal,

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best known for hacking Rockstar while in police custody,

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has been sentenced to serve an indefinite hospital order,

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which is basically when you stay in the hospital instead of prison.

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After being found unsuitable to stand trial due to a diagnosis of severe autism.

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This isn't necessarily a life sentence. It's supposed to end once medical professionals

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and the Ministry of Justice decide Kurtage is no longer a threat.

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That decision may be difficult, since Kurtage was deemed extremely likely to re-offend

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based on how he kept saying to officials that he was definitely going to re-offend.

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So. Gonna do it. Hospital food for him for a while.

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Microsoft has announced they are deprecating Windows Mixed Reality, which came as a surprise

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to many who didn't realize it existed.

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The move makes sense for the company since most Windows Mixed Reality headsets

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are pretty much deprecated, other than Microsoft's own HoloLens 2,

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which costs as much as a Vision Pro, but with far worse specs and none of the sex appeal.

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It's basically the headset equivalent of a bowl cut. I don't know, I like when I puke at the end.

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ASUS announced a new monitor that can switch between 4K at 240 Hertz

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and full HD at 480 Hertz at the press of a button.

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The company is calling it the world's first dual mode monitor,

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which makes it awkward that LG announced an identical monitor just hours earlier.

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Funnily enough, LG refers to their product as the world's first 4K OLED gaming monitor

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with dual Hertz feature, a claim too specific to count as an accomplishment.

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One of us is gonna have to go home and change. Like, sure, I can truthfully say

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I'm the world's first tech news guy with a mustache named Riley Murdock,

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but that doesn't mean it's impressive. And it turns out that Sony won't be removing

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all the Discovery TV shows you bought or quotes

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on your PlayStation anymore, or at least they won't be taking them away

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for a bit longer. Sony has apparently reached a new licensing agreement

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with Warner Bros. to retain all 1,300 Discovery titles

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available through its service for at least the next 30 months.

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Yay! You own them for a little bit longer.

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It's an uncomfortable reminder of my own mortality, that one day I will die,

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and not even my complete digital collection of all nine seasons of Cake Boss will endure.

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I thought if anything would last, it's Cake Boss. But nope, what about Love Island?

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And we endured so much tech news this year, you may have forgotten all about it.

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Thankfully, our annual year-end roundup will come out this Monday,

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so you can remember the good times and the bad times alongside us,

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because that's the true meaning of Christmas. Year-end tech roundups.

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I'm assuming.