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I typed tech news into the AI TechLink script generator,

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but I got all this TikTok news instead. I mean, I guess it sounds kind of,

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I don't know, I think it misheard me. After the US Supreme Court upheld

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the TikTok ban law last week, TikTok took its own apps and services offline

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in the US on Saturday night, serving users a pop-up explaining

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that a law banning TikTok means that you can't use it.

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It's very helpful. I'm sure some people needed that clearly laid out. But by the following morning,

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TikTok said they were restoring service thanks to the now inaugurated US president

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and freshly minted meme coin peddler, Donald Trump.

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It's not concerning. It's actually hilarious and so based.

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The president assured TikTok that their service providers won't be punished,

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but someone should probably tell that to Republican Speaker of the House Mike Johnson

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and to Republican senators who promised to uphold the law

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and sue those same service providers. The legal murkiness here is probably why TikTok

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is still not re-listed on Google or Apple's app stores,

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with Apple publishing a specific support document about the situation saying it is obligated

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to follow the laws in the jurisdictions where it operates.

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But I'm assuming Tim Cook forgot to add. And to add a few extra fees on top because fuck you.

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Even if TikTok isn't back on the app stores yet,

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it is online. But the same can't be said for other apps

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owned by the same parent company Bite Dance, including mobile editing app CapCut,

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which is just fine with Instagram who published a CapCut competitor on the weekend

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called Edits. Worst of all, Gacha game Marvel Snap,

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which is published by Bite Dance, is still offline.

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And before you finish writing that comment telling me that it's not a Gacha game,

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I haven't played it, so I wouldn't know, but it is.

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So what the heck just happened? Why can't we ban TikTok?

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Well, one analyst told the Associated Press that by abruptly shutting off service,

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TikTok proved how unpopular the ban was among its users.

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Which was a big surprise. We thought they'd be completely on board.

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But it doesn't seem like TikTok is getting off Scott free.

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Trump says he wants an American entity to own 50% of TikTok.

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And after all this kerfuffle, representatives of Bite Dance and the Chinese government have indicated

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they are open to discuss this idea. So now we still have TikTok and Red Note,

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the other Chinese app paying US influencers to promote it as a TikTok replacement.

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And as a bonus, we also have new TikTok style

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doomscrolly video feeds on Blue Sky and Twitter.

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But we don't need the TikTok replacements now. Can we roll those back?

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Now, at the risk of sounding political,

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I just think it's worth pointing out how many big tech CEOs were at Trump's inauguration.

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Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos, Tim Cook, Sundar Pichai,

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and of course, Elon Musk, and even TikTok CEO, Shu Ziu.

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This doesn't usually happen. And following Trump into a church service afterwards

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is also a bit unusual and uncomfortable. I mean, the sensation of your skin burning

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underneath your suit cannot be pleasant. Oh, okay, I think the AI thought about it some more.

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And now it wants to give me some non-TikTok tech news.

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Well, if the AI says so, okay. If you're in the market for a Ryzen X3D CPU, beware.

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Fake versions of the Ryzen 7 9800 X3D

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are reportedly on the rise. And while that's nothing new,

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there's nothing worse than installing a new chip only to find out its secret sauce is cheese whiz.

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But when it comes to robots, China's tech is a lot more impressive,

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especially when it comes to running fast. So this spring, the country is set to hold

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the world's first human slash robot marathon in Beijing,

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which the South China Morning Post describes as part of efforts to combat the challenges

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of an aging society and a falling birth rate.

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I don't know how a robot marathon will help with that,

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but I mean, distract the sad people with fast robots.

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Hey, I hope it works. 3D printer manufacturer Bamboo Lab

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was criticized this week for locking down its 3D printers,

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blocking or making it very difficult to control them through third-party software.

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Some frustrated users soon managed to extract the authentication certificate

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for the Bamboo Connect app. And whether that had anything to do with it

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or not, Bamboo Lab actually backtracked, or maybe they'd say they clarified

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that their recent update will not block third-party software, but rather ensure it continues to work

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while enhancing security. So you won't be hacked

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while making all those 3D printed guns. The chief of Europol, the EU's primary law enforcement

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agency, told the Financial Times today that big tech has a responsibility

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to give the police access to criminals' encrypted messages,

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which the criminals use to remain anonymous. But if they're anonymous, how do you know they're criminals?

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Just kidding, this is a complicated issue, but given that government backdoors

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led to Chinese hackers basically having unfettered access

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to America's communications networks, and they're still in there,

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I'm just wondering what the real responsible thing to do is.

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And last week, somebody slapped Doom into a PDF.

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This week, it's Microsoft Word. Yep, software engineer Vojcik Gry

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was apparently inspired by Doom PDF

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to set up a VBA macro to display the game's frames

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as .bmp files in the document.

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It appears to run smoother than the PDF version, so give it a shot if you're looking to confuse

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your company's activity tracking software. This guy must be so productive.

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And if you wanna be extra productive, come back here on Wednesday.

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We'll get you back up to speed on all the tech news so you can go back to working and won't be distracted

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because, I mean, why would you check Reddit? You already know everything.