WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.240 Welcome, gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, 00:00:04.240 --> 00:00:07.560 and statistically, ladies, to the tech news. 00:00:07.560 --> 00:00:12.460 I think the ratio is even worse. Jessica wrote that, so it's okay. 00:00:14.460 --> 00:00:19.000 This morning's Made By Google event marked the official launch of the Pixel 8, 00:00:19.000 --> 00:00:23.000 Pixel 8 Pro, and Pixel Watch 2. The sequel to the Pixel Watch 00:00:23.000 --> 00:00:26.360 has a more efficient Qualcomm Snapdragon W5 processor 00:00:26.360 --> 00:00:30.720 and up to 24 hours of battery life, even with always on display active, 00:00:30.720 --> 00:00:34.000 almost matching the features of the $15 dumb watch 00:00:34.000 --> 00:00:39.180 you bought off a homeless person. Sure, that one doesn't have a new skin temperature 00:00:39.180 --> 00:00:43.680 and electro-dermal sensor, but Georgie assures me that's coming next year. 00:00:43.680 --> 00:00:47.760 He never lies. As for the phones, defying the long-term 00:00:47.760 --> 00:00:52.440 bigger is better trend, the Pixel 8 will be slightly smaller than its predecessor 00:00:52.440 --> 00:00:58.600 with a 6.2 inch 120 Hertz version of what Google is calling the Actua display, 00:00:58.600 --> 00:01:02.480 because it displays what the world actually looks like. 00:01:02.480 --> 00:01:06.760 It's actually pretty great. The 8 Pro, on the other hand, 00:01:06.760 --> 00:01:09.720 will have a super Actua display. 00:01:10.760 --> 00:01:14.680 Now, it's Italian, with a peak brightness of 2,400 nits 00:01:14.680 --> 00:01:17.700 to the eight non-pros 2,000 nits. 00:01:17.700 --> 00:01:21.960 Both phones come with a new Tensor G3 chip with extra AI horsepower, 00:01:21.960 --> 00:01:25.000 and both will see overall improvements to their cameras. 00:01:25.000 --> 00:01:29.960 Of course, another thing both phones have in common is a significant price bump of $100 00:01:29.960 --> 00:01:34.680 over the Pixel 7 and 7 Pro, shifting them to a starting price of $700 00:01:34.680 --> 00:01:37.960 and $1,000, respectively. But that's fine, 00:01:37.960 --> 00:01:43.040 because you'll now have seven years of software updates to stave off four stops of lessons. 00:01:43.040 --> 00:01:46.040 And there's the new temperature sensor on the 8 Pro, 00:01:46.040 --> 00:01:49.480 so you can save 30 bucks on a meter-mometer and shove your $1,000 phone 00:01:49.480 --> 00:01:52.840 two inches deep in a pot roast instead. Worth it! 00:01:52.840 --> 00:01:57.040 Take that, food poisoning. Honestly, changed my life. 00:01:57.040 --> 00:02:01.520 Of course, it's still the year of our soon-to-be AI Overlord 2023, 00:02:01.520 --> 00:02:05.120 so Google announced a slew of generative AI-powered features 00:02:05.120 --> 00:02:08.900 in Android 14, as well as boring non-AI features 00:02:08.900 --> 00:02:13.600 that won't hallucinate insane nonsense, like lock screen customization, 00:02:13.600 --> 00:02:16.880 expanded PASCY support, and the Health Connect app. 00:02:16.880 --> 00:02:21.320 Those are available right now for Pixel owners, starting from the 4A and onwards, 00:02:21.320 --> 00:02:24.720 but Pixel 8 owners will get some extra AI goodies. 00:02:24.720 --> 00:02:27.760 Best Take lets you pick the best faces in a photo 00:02:27.760 --> 00:02:31.260 for each person, immediately making this the phone you need 00:02:31.260 --> 00:02:36.480 to get for your mom, ASAP. And Audio Magic Eraser removes annoying background noise 00:02:36.480 --> 00:02:42.800 after it's already annoyed you while you were recording it. And Zoom Enhance is a Pixel 8 Pro exclusive feature 00:02:42.800 --> 00:02:46.600 that will sharpen photos as you pinch to Zoom using generative AI, 00:02:46.600 --> 00:02:50.840 thanks to Google's foundation models running locally on the phone. 00:02:50.840 --> 00:02:54.760 But the big news is Google's announcement of Google Assistant with Bard, 00:02:54.760 --> 00:02:57.800 a multimodal generative AI that Pixel users 00:02:57.800 --> 00:03:00.880 will be able to invoke over any app to do stuff, 00:03:00.880 --> 00:03:05.760 like say, come up with a better name than Google Assistant with Bard. 00:03:05.760 --> 00:03:09.800 Call it Stacey or something, like. Google's still got some time for that. 00:03:09.800 --> 00:03:15.200 It's rolling out to early testers soon to do battle with the Meta AI Assistant. 00:03:15.200 --> 00:03:18.960 Frankly, I'm putting my money on Meta's team of celebrity all-stars. 00:03:18.960 --> 00:03:23.640 It's just like Space Jam. That's why they call him Mr. Beast. He's the captain of the monstars. 00:03:23.640 --> 00:03:28.760 Speaking of Meta, according to the Wall Street Journal, Meta is considering charging European users 00:03:28.760 --> 00:03:32.040 for ad-free versions of Facebook and Instagram. 00:03:32.040 --> 00:03:35.360 $10.50 a month for Facebook or Instagram 00:03:35.360 --> 00:03:38.600 or around $17 for both, what a deal. 00:03:38.600 --> 00:03:43.240 So price-sensitive users might have to decide between all those cool Insta filters 00:03:43.240 --> 00:03:48.000 and responding to all those requests from high school classmates who are now deep into MLMs. 00:03:48.000 --> 00:03:52.920 I don't need any Tupperware. Now to be clear, a fully ad-riddled free version 00:03:52.920 --> 00:03:58.240 of each Meta brand hellhole would still be available to users who agree to targeted ads. 00:03:58.240 --> 00:04:02.040 But this is just Meta's proposed workaround to these strict privacy rules 00:04:02.040 --> 00:04:07.120 recently instituted by the EU. Meta has apparently approached regulators with the plan, 00:04:07.120 --> 00:04:11.640 which it calls Subscription No Ads or SNA. 00:04:11.640 --> 00:04:15.240 I'm first not. Sounds like a rap album. 00:04:15.240 --> 00:04:18.820 And Meta hopes to begin the rollout within the next few months. 00:04:18.820 --> 00:04:23.980 It's not clear yet whether the EU will accept a proposal, they may ask for a cheaper alternative. 00:04:23.980 --> 00:04:28.540 But regardless, it might be time for privacy-conscious European users to consider 00:04:28.540 --> 00:04:33.940 whether they're okay with paying $200 a year for the hyper-addictive misery generators 00:04:33.940 --> 00:04:39.620 they currently get for free. But I like the little animation when I heart something. 00:04:39.620 --> 00:04:45.020 Quick bits are like a high five, except that I give you five and you give us views 00:04:45.020 --> 00:04:49.580 so we don't have to put one of our writers to sleep. I'm sending Jacob to a far-off state. 00:04:49.580 --> 00:04:54.940 I love so much room to roam. According to an internal memo obtained by Mac rumors, 00:04:54.940 --> 00:04:58.180 all first-gen Apple Watch models released in 2015 00:04:58.180 --> 00:05:01.420 have been added to Apple's Obsolete products list, 00:05:01.420 --> 00:05:05.820 meaning they will no longer be eligible for service or repairs from Apple's stores 00:05:05.820 --> 00:05:10.980 or its authorized service providers. Those Obsolete Series Zero devices 00:05:10.980 --> 00:05:15.220 include solid gold Apple Watches with 18-carat cases 00:05:15.260 --> 00:05:19.300 that Apple sold for $10,000 to $17,000 00:05:19.300 --> 00:05:22.700 and discontinued in 2016. On the software side, 00:05:22.700 --> 00:05:26.040 WatchOS 5 already dropped these watches back in 2018. 00:05:26.040 --> 00:05:30.100 I guess early adopter of this watch, Beyonce, is gonna have to get her watch fixed 00:05:30.100 --> 00:05:33.700 at a tiny bodega behind a laundromat just like the rest of us. 00:05:33.700 --> 00:05:37.380 She probably does that already. She's very down to earth. It's her mood forever. 00:05:38.500 --> 00:05:43.740 That's a reference to one of her songs. Bing Chat has been reportedly serving users 00:05:43.780 --> 00:05:48.180 with malware-tizing, ads that redirect users to phishing sites 00:05:48.180 --> 00:05:54.260 that attempt to trick them into installing malware. Microsoft introduced ads into Bing Chat back in March 00:05:54.260 --> 00:05:58.940 and online criminals quickly followed. This particular malware-tizing campaign, 00:05:58.940 --> 00:06:02.300 uncovered by Malwarebytes, appears to have originated with the hacking 00:06:02.300 --> 00:06:07.500 of an ad account belonging to a legitimate business, which was then used to launch malicious ads 00:06:07.500 --> 00:06:12.980 targeting system admins and lawyers. Remember, no matter where digital technology goes, 00:06:13.020 --> 00:06:17.500 malware follows, just like caterpillars and parasitic wasps. 00:06:18.900 --> 00:06:22.340 I'm missing the metaphor. The wasps follow the caterpillars. 00:06:22.340 --> 00:06:27.740 Oh, okay. And then they kill them and later eggs in them. 00:06:27.740 --> 00:06:31.300 Well, they don't kill them. They paralyze them and later eggs in them. 00:06:31.300 --> 00:06:37.380 Future Motion has announced a recall of all original OneWheel and OneWheel Plus 00:06:37.380 --> 00:06:41.020 electric skateboards in response to serious injuries 00:06:41.020 --> 00:06:45.100 and four deaths that occurred between 2019 and 2021. 00:06:45.100 --> 00:06:50.780 And I think I speak for everyone when I say, wow, those things are way safer than I thought they'd be. 00:06:50.780 --> 00:06:54.380 Regulators first made calls for a recall nearly a year ago, 00:06:54.380 --> 00:06:58.700 which Future Motion described as unjustified and alarmist. 00:06:58.700 --> 00:07:04.340 The company didn't explain what changed their minds, but they will be pushing firmware to later OneWheel models 00:07:04.340 --> 00:07:07.620 that adds a haptic buzz that alerts the rider 00:07:07.620 --> 00:07:10.700 that the vehicle is in an error state on low battery 00:07:10.740 --> 00:07:15.660 or needs to slow down. So now users will be aware there is some kind of problem 00:07:15.660 --> 00:07:19.460 well before they are flung faced first into a public fountain. 00:07:19.460 --> 00:07:24.820 The FCC has fined Dish Network for violating its anti-space debris policy 00:07:24.820 --> 00:07:28.180 in the first enforcement of this particular space crime. 00:07:28.180 --> 00:07:31.500 I believe the Martians once cited Neil Armstrong for speeding. 00:07:31.500 --> 00:07:36.020 While Dish needs to pay $150,000 and implement preventative measures, 00:07:36.020 --> 00:07:39.060 the offending junk satellite is still at risk 00:07:39.100 --> 00:07:42.220 of colliding with other spacecraft. That's like scolding a parent 00:07:42.220 --> 00:07:45.860 for letting their child play on the highway, but not removing the child. 00:07:45.860 --> 00:07:48.980 I mean, you can ensure their siblings won't become intimately familiar 00:07:48.980 --> 00:07:53.500 with the underside of a Chevy Tahoe, but they're already out there. That's where he's happiest. 00:07:53.500 --> 00:07:59.020 And researchers at the University of Maryland claim that there is currently no reliable watermarking 00:07:59.020 --> 00:08:03.060 for AI images following a study where they broke through watermarking system 00:08:03.060 --> 00:08:07.860 after watermarking system, like the lockpicking lawyer going through a rough divorce. 00:08:09.660 --> 00:08:14.180 There's layers to that metaphor. In many cases, removing a watermark from an image 00:08:14.180 --> 00:08:19.020 was as easy as adjusting the brightness or adding a little Gaussian blur. 00:08:19.020 --> 00:08:24.340 That's how you say it, right? Gaussian, Gaussian. Adding AI watermarks to human-created images 00:08:24.340 --> 00:08:27.620 and creating false positives was equally trivial. 00:08:27.620 --> 00:08:31.980 So, really, it's only a matter of time before someone tries to use all this stuff 00:08:31.980 --> 00:08:36.100 to reinvent NFTs and I am begging you, do not give them your money. 00:08:36.100 --> 00:08:39.260 Go away, Jimmy Fallon. Jimmy Fallon. 00:08:39.260 --> 00:08:41.500 Can you believe a robot made this? 00:08:44.420 --> 00:08:48.620 And I'm begging you to come back on Friday for another episode of TechLink. 00:08:48.620 --> 00:08:53.340 You'll be able to make your own NFT by playing the video and hitting print screen.