Look, I know you're expecting to see Riley, but his lips are tired.
Don't say that. Don't worry, Riley. You rest those smackers.
What? I got this. Apple is reportedly planning to launch some decidedly wacky new products in 2027, according
to Mark Gurman, known by the Greeks as the Oracle at Grummanopoulos.
Gurman hardly know him. In his latest newsletter, the ruler of Gurmilon 7 reiterated previous claims that Apple would
release the first foldable iPhone with a display crease that's barely there in 2027.
But apparently, later in the year, Apple is going to celebrate the 20th anniversary of
iPhone by launching a mostly glass curved iPhone without any cutouts in the display.
No one asked for this. Cut it out. I have a feeling the curve here refers more to the edge of the phone being curved like
Samsung's discontinued edge design from back when you were 6 years old, but at this
time, we also can't rule out an eye banana phone because I don't know if somebody's
tripping here, whether it's Apple or no Girm limits himself.
But 2027 is apparently also the year Apple will launch their smart glasses to compete
with Meta's products. And they're also developing some kind of cross between a foldable iPad and a touchscreen
Mac. But at least they have the common decency to hold off on that until 2028.
We're reasonable people. We'll all be dead by then.
We'll want to start saving up for these probably very expensive devices.
So make sure you don't accidentally delete an email titled Lopez voice assistant class
action settlement. If you've owned an Apple device in the last decade, it's telling you how to claim 20 bucks
or so per device from Apple's recent settlement over Siri spying on people by accident.
Now the new fancy AI powered Siri won't spy on you, it'll just lie to you if Apple ever
launches it. Show us your wrist, Apple, so we can slap them.
References to a version of the Intel Arc B580 with 24 gigabytes of VRAM were spotted
in a regulatory filing submitted by card manufacturer Max Sun, which is exciting because all PC
gamers want is more Intel Arc cards and for our other dad, Pat Gelsinger, to come back
to you. Pat! Pat, no!
He went out for smokes. But don't get too excited, it's likely that this is an Intel Arc Pro workstation card
given that Intel explicitly said that that's what they'll be showing off at Confutex 2025
in Taiwan. Well, I'll be there. Oh.
Eatin' noodles, goin' for a walk. Yeah. Ah, first time.
Do dumplings? First time dumplings. Stinky tofu?
People burn their mouths, I heard. I gotta be careful. You've never been there.
Another Max Sun filing also mentioned an NVIDIA RTX 5050, my favorite name so far, with
what else? 8 gigabytes of VRAM, but at least the memory will be the least of your worries with that
card. Okay, look, we'll take what we can get at a time when, according to Digitimes, NVIDIA
is reportedly implementing some pretty hefty price hikes across its lineup of GPUs.
And of course, they're gonna blame the tariffs, but...
What? Why are you pausing?
What? Say something. What?
Those tariffs are paused! Oh! Or some of them are anyway, as the US and China have agreed to mutually cut tariffs on each
other by 115% for a period of 90 days.
In an extremely rare joint statement that was also probably pretty awkward to write,
like, which language do you use? Both nations announced that the Trump administration's recently imposed tariffs on Chinese goods
will drop from 145% to 30%, while China's tariffs on American goods are going from
125% to 10%. The CCP's Ministry of Commerce also released their own statement, though, roughly translated
as, okay, can we quit the bulls*** now?
Not quite, because this tariff reduction does not apply to small packages under $800 coming
from China, which will still be subject to 120% tariff or a flat fee of $100, which goes
up to $200 on June 1st. De minimis to the max.
Trump also put a pause permanently on the director of the US corporate office, Shira
Pearlmutter. One day after her office published a preliminary report arguing that AI companies might not
have the legal right to train their commercial models on unlimited amounts of copyrighted
works. The House Administration Committee published a statement implying that the firing may
have been influenced by Trump's good old buddy and ex-AI founder Elon Musk, likely disliking
that report, along with the leaders of every other AI company, almost all of whom are embroiled
in AI copyright lawsuits up to their ketamine holes.
Ketamine holes. Ketamine holes. They all have fun.
I feel like they should take a break and check out our sponsor holes.
How does those gums feel, Riley?
Tell you what. Flap them around a bit while I do these quick bits. What does that mean?
Yow! Was that Samsung's new Odyssey OLED G6, the world's first 500Hz OLED gaming monitor?
Was it? I don't know. It's launching in Singapore, Thailand, Vietnam, and Malaysia for around $1440.
They always get the good stuff. Before launching worldwide later this year, it's a 27-inch, 1440p display just like LG's
OLED GX7, but the key difference here is that its refresh rate is 20Hz faster.
You'll notice your last few games of popular hero shooter Marvel Rivals, or equivalent
title, have probably sucked, and now you know the reason.
You gotta check this out.
Accident-prone fitness tracker company, Whoop, is once again offering its users free
hardware upgrades. Customers revolted last week when Whoop went back on their original promise of a free tracker
upgrade reportedly offered to any user who had been a member for six months or more.
But Whoop says that was a typo in an old support article, and once found the company amended
it to their actual policy, which is that you get a free upgrade if you had six or more
months remaining on your membership. And that seems to be true, according to both a company blog post and a Forbes interview
from 2021. Fast forward to today, and Whoop is now offering free upgrades for users with 12 months or
more remaining on their membership. So that's definitely worse, but not as worse.
Please stop yelling at us. And Whoop, there it is.
Google's VO2 video generator, capable of turning images into five-second clips, will
be included for free on Honor 400 and 400 Pro phones when they come out May 22nd.
This will put the incredible power of deepfakes in everyone's pocket, which is exactly the
type of danger that led fresh new Pope Leo XIV to choose his name.
The previous Pope Leo presided over the Industrial Revolution, and this Leo sees the AI revolution
posing similar risks to human dignity and privacy.
Heck. It came out that Google will pay Texas a groundbreaking $1.375 billion to settle a data privacy violations
case. Hey, can we get a settlement to compensate for all the extra thinking we have to do to
figure out whether any given image or video of the new Pope is AI?
There's no way he has that much drip. Is that his coat? Or is that a part of his body?
Over a week ago, gaming news site Giant Bomb was hit by a blast of layoffs by its owner,
Fandom. What should I say, former owner?
Because the site's staff just bought Giant Bomb from Fandom, with the Jeff Scrubb and
Bacalar taking ownership of the Giant Bomb website and podcast.
Here's hoping they don't cross any wires. And get hyped for a mind-blowing next-gen tech product, wood.
A company called Invent Wood is ramping up to begin mass production of what they call
Super Wood, a specialty-treated wood that is stronger and lighter than steel.
And prettier, the grain. Now I think there's something we said here about wood being better for the environment
than steel. But there's also the fact that Super Wood could be alluding to Superman, who's the
man of steel, which is now weaker than wood. I don't know, there's something there.
But University of Maryland researcher Lian Binghu published this method to strengthen
wood back in 2018, when you were 6 years old.
And is now one of the founders of Invent Wood, which is launching its huge manufacturing
facility this summer. So if anything happens to them, look to Big Steel.
The Invented Wood. The man of steel.
Oh, now we're on to something. Trying to keep your wood down.
Now look at your screen once again on Wednesday, when we'll be back with more tech news.
More tech wood. It'll be so good. You might, you wrote that, you might get wood.
Yeah, but we can't say that. Tech wood.