Oh, so it's tech news you want.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Apple has been making some positively wacky moves lately, with notoriously accurate analyst
Ming-Chi Kuo claiming a more affordable MacBook is coming next year with an A18 Pro processor.
Yeah, as in the chip that powers the iPhone 16 Pro.
If any other company was putting a phone CPU in a laptop, we'd probably all immediately
burst out laughing. But this is an Apple Silicon chip.
Scientists don't even know how to measure its upper limits. I'm pretty sure it could power an Ironman suit.
Lending some credence to Kuo's claim, MacRumor said they spotted references to this iPhone
book in some back-end code last year.
So, uh, Kuo also made it clear Apple ain't given up on special computing just yet, predicting
a new Vision Pro with an M5 chip launching this year, a Vision Air and XR glasses in
2027 followed by a Vision Pro 2 in 2028.
Maybe by then, they'll have stopped trying to slither around EU regulations, like they
did last week when they announced a new tiered commission system that punishes iOS app developers
with less visibility on the app store and the removal of basic features unless they
pay Apple a 13% commission on external purchases.
Apple also said they have no choice but to withhold some iOS 26 features from EU users
due to bureaucratic complexities introduced by the so-called Digital Markets Act, and
they implore regulators to consider making it easier for small businesses such as themselves
to make a living and say hi to your mother for me. The U.S. Supreme Court on Friday upheld a Texas law requiring adult websites to verify
the age of their users, indicating that similar laws passed in nearly half of all U.S. states
are totally fine, despite Pornhub ceasing operations in many of them, and horn dogs
have nowhere else to go. Twitter's not a thing anymore.
The ruling is igniting Dick's source, I mean discourse, around how such laws interact
with the First Amendment, a.k.a. free speech, with some analysts saying age verification
could demolish the internet as a tool for speech and that the Supreme Court judges are scared
of nudity. And while there are legitimate concerns about how easy it is to legalize censorship as long
as you're doing it to protect the kids, more and more countries and U.S. states are passing
age verification laws for social media, too.
Now, if we could just find a way to do it without forcing people to upload their driver's
licenses or something, because we'd have to start giving kids driver's licenses, and
that's a whole other can of worms. Supposed human person Mark Zuckerberg has announced all of Meta's AI stuff is being
restructured under a new division called Meta Superintelligence Labs, led by scale
AI founder Alexander Wang, who was recruited earlier this month as part of a $14 billion
investment in scale AI. Zuck also treated himself to some billionaire fun, you know, he splurged a bit, offered
massive pay packages and successfully poached 11 top researchers from Google Anthropic and
especially OpenAI, where so many employees were getting Meta offers that the company
is now recalibrating compensation for staff and giving them the whole week off so the
execs can please have quiet in the office for five seconds.
Meta wants all those AI researchers because A, Meta's models need some serious work to
catch up and B, they really want AI in every corner of their products, including Facebook,
where users have reported being shown AI versions of private pictures from their camera roll.
This is a feature, not a bug. In the U.S. at least, some users were shown a pop-up with allow and disallow options
for letting Meta AI automatically AI-ify your private photos.
In the EU, some users say they got an email to opt out, which was likely missed by many.
Regardless, you can opt out yourself on the Facebook mobile app, can't do it on desktop,
by going to settings, then preferences, then camera roll sharing suggestions.
Meta AI, the personal AI that understands you because it already went through all of
your sh**. What? Now you want a quick bits?
Tell me you're joking.
Microsoft is making it easier for regular non-business users to stay on Windows 10 for an extra year
by making extended security updates free for users who sync their PC settings to Windows
backup with their Microsoft account. You can still pay 30 bucks if you prefer, or you can now redeem a thousand Microsoft
rewards points, if you know what those are, because I don't.
Microsoft's even just providing an option in Windows settings to enroll in the ESU program
because Windows 10's end of support in October is fast approaching, and I guess they'll do
anything to stop you from migrating to Linux. For they know the pain that awaits you there.
Anchor has announced another recall for five more of the company's power banks, the A-1257,
A-1647, I'm not going to read all of those, they don't exactly roll off the tongue.
Unlike the previous recall of the Powercore 10,000 power bank, there are reportedly no
reports of explosions, but Anchor figured, hey, why not try being proactive and do something
to stop their batteries from exploding before they explode?
It's weird and new, but they're open-minded. Canada has canceled plans to enact a digital services tax on American tech companies, the
first payments of which were supposed to start coming in today.
U.S. President Trump ended all trade talks with Canada on Friday in response to the tax,
which left Canada feeling pretty dumb. So, you know, sorry, but that, and after making their tiny humanoid robots fight each other
physically, China is making them play the world's most popular game, a football.
While humans may love it, the robots show no celebration whatsoever when they score
a goal, but they do capture the spirit of the game perfectly in one respect.
These bots take some of the most dramatic dives I've ever seen, for no discernible reason
at all. Oh, what? They're bringing out the stretcher?
Come on, he's fine. I won't be fine if you don't come back on Wednesday for more tech news, though.
It'll be as emotionally damaging to me as it is to soccer players, none of whom have
ever suffered a single real injury. I love sports.