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Okay, I'm gonna try to keep it together for today's tech news, because I...

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Got nightmares about Ludwig all night. Riley sucks, ass.

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You suck, ass. Why? Intel has announced their latest ultra flagship gaming processor, the $689 Core i9-14900KS.

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And if you thought it was kind of a pointless product, well...

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Listen to this. Not only can it boost up to 6.2 gigahertz, 200 megahertz more than the now pathetic

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regular 1400K, get it out of my sight, it may be Intel's last flagship desktop processor

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based on a monolithic die. Since Team Blue's next-gen Aero Lake chip lineup will use Foveros modular tiles,

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and it's also Intel's last CPU designed for the LGA 1700 socket, the last of its kind.

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That is pretty based. But being the last is probably just fine with the many enthusiasts who seem to view the 1400KS

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as the third re-release of the 1300K, featuring 3% higher clock speeds and a 20% higher TDP.

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And sure, that sounds like a bad trade-off until you hear that ASUS ROG's overclocking team

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used the 1400KS to hit 9.1 gigahertz, breaking the previous CPU frequency world record

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set by Swedish overclocker and Australian Sesame Street character Elmore.

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As Ars Technica points out, this chip seems like a strange relic of the millennial years,

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when higher frequency was the only thing that mattered.

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And chips wouldn't get goddamn jobs!

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Intel just can't let go of the fact that AMD beat them to 1000 megahertz.

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I can't wait to see the look on their faces when Intel is first to 10,000 megahertz

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and also the first to burn down their office. The now infamous banned TikTok bill shot through the U.S. House of Representatives

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in a landslide vote this week, but it should slow down a bit when it gets to the Senate,

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where many of the seats are held by the ants of Middle Earth. Don't be hasty.

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But if the bill does eventually become law, TikTok will be banned in the U.S. of A,

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unless its Chinese parent company ByteDance sells the app.

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But to whom? Well, some have answered the call, expressing interest in buying TikTok.

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There's former CEO of Activision Blizzard and secret Lord of the Goblin realm, Bobby Kotick,

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Canadian business mogul, and the Simon Cowell of Shark Tank, Kevin O'Leary.

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Donald Trump's former Treasury Secretary, and that's all I'll say about him, Steven Mnuchin,

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and the CEO of video platform Rumble, Chris Pavlovsky,

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who apparently would want to buy TikTok even if all of its users fled in terror.

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But these anti-Avengers may never actually need to assemble,

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because according to TikTok CEO and favorite gum of sneakerheads, Xu Zichu, ByteDance ain't selling,

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for obvious reasons, but also because China might block the sale,

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rather than grant a tech export license for TikTok's secret sauce, its algorithms.

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So it looks like TikTok may very well be banned in the U.S.

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But I mean, China did it first, so. Cerebrous Systems has unveiled what they call the world's fastest AI chip, the WSE3,

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featuring a whopping 4 trillion transistors. They put the whopping in there themselves,

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so that may be part of its specs, I don't know. Burger King's involved. What I do know is that it's slightly easier to fit 4 trillion transistors on a chip the size of a

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chunky iPad. The WSE3 is like 50 times bigger than NVIDIA's H100 GPU, because WSE stands for

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wafer scale engine. The whole chip is a full wafer, the largest 5nm one that TSMC can make.

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It's got 900,000 cores, 44GB of on-die memory, and its CS3 system configuration can do 125

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petaflops, compared to the 16 petaflops offered by NVIDIA's DGX H100 system,

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and that's all before it rolls for intimidation. This thing is so juicy that YouTuber TechTechPotato, aka Ian Cuttrust,

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tried to eat it, which I wouldn't recommend if you ever encounter this thing in real life.

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You should just run. Quick bits are not for eating. I know they sound delicious,

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but I snacked on one, and now they won't shut up about it, so let's just don't.

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NVIDIA's CPU Technology Conference starts in a couple days, and we reportedly may get a glimpse

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of the company's next-gen flagship B100 AI chip based on the Blackwell architecture,

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which might seem a little strange given that they won't even start shipping the H200 until Q2 of

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this year. But I'm not sure that matters, since NVIDIA's last-gen A100s are still in very high

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demand. I have to assume because no one knows about the iPad-sized chip yet. It's right there.

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What does matter, though, is the possibility that we may also get a look at Team Green's Blackwell

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gaming GPUs, although we only have one source for that. And when the RTX 50 series gets announced,

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we're just gonna make fun of how overpriced they are anyway, so it's like whatever.

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SpaceX launched the third test flight for their Starship rocket yesterday, and this time it didn't

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explode. Within the first 10 minutes of flight, the Starship reached orbital velocity, and the

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first-stage Super Heavy Booster successfully separated from the ship, which then entered space

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and even began re-entry into the Earth's atmosphere. And then at some point, it either

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burned up or broke apart. I mean, at least it happened. What are you supposed to do?

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Perhaps in some sort of unalive packed, the Super Heavy Booster, which was supposed to make

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an autonomous controlled landing in the ocean, instead just hit the water at full speed.

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It's a daredevil.

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Still, this flight lasted significantly longer than the previous test, so progress is being made.

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Elon has promised six more test flights this year. The next one will probably last at least a day

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before it falls apart. I mean, you go to space and try to stay together.

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Microsoft is expected to announce its new ARM-based surface devices next week, and rumor

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has it they'll be rocking Qualcomm's Snapdragon X Elite. According to Windows Central's sources,

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Microsoft is very excited about the performance and efficiency gains of the ship, and it might

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be worth getting excited about, since the Snapdragon X Elite beat the Intel Core 7 Ultra 155H

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in previously unseen benchmarks. Although the benchmarks were run by Qualcomm,

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and both the Snapdragon and Intel reference laptops were built by Qualcomm, so maybe don't

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just take that with a grain of salt, take a full daily recommended dose.

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America's Federal Communications Commission, or FCC, has quadrupled the minimum internet

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speed allowed to be marketed as broadband. The new standard is 100 megabits per second down,

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and 20 megabits per second up. This is the first time they've upped the requirements since 2015.

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The agency seems to want to force ISPs to deploy more telecommunications infrastructure, citing

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the fact that millions of Americans living in rural areas or on tribal lands don't have access to

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fixed terrestrial broadband service, and setting a long-term goal of 1 gigabit per second down and

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500 megabits per second up as something for stakeholders to strive for. I should be able

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to drop from the battle bus with my squad from the Fond du Lac reservations with no ping.

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And no, you haven't traveled back in time to 2021, but crypto miners are causing hardware

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shortages thanks to the rising value of Bitcoin and Ethereum. It's the cryptocurrency's fault,

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these people can't help themselves. But it's not GPUs this time. Ryzen CPUs are apparently

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more viable for certain mining algorithms, so prepare to have a hard time finding those,

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and an even harder time once AMD launches their Zen 5-based Ryzen 9000 series later this year.

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Hey, you know what, never has a shortage? Books. Dune is a popular root as based on, you can read

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that. But after you crack open a novel, come back on Monday for more novel technology information.

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You know we had to dune to ya. There it is, there it, okay.