WEBVTT

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Do you suffer from intense cravings for knowledge of tech-related events?

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Do you frequently wake up screaming, the latest driver borks the BIOS?

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Ask your doctor if tech news is right for you, or just keep watching and ask him later.

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Reviews for Intel's AeroLake refresh CPUs are out,

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and they make me want to yell Intel's so back,

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even if ex-CEO Pat Gelsinger's not.

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Because the Core Ultra 7 270K Plus and Ultra 5 250K

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could politely be called flagship killers, beating their own predecessors and performing nearly as well as AMD's top chips in gaming.

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But at a much lower price, 300 and 200 US dollars,

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respectfully and respectively. And they do even better in multi-core productivity-focused stuff.

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This is like Intel's MacBook Neo moment. Almost.

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What would get them over the line is allowing desktop sockets to support multiple CPU generations,

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something Vice President Robert Halleck said he could see Intel doing in the future.

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But that's not now. So you're telling me there's a chance.

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Intel got another small win today. Brand new, jack-of-all-trades master of none video game Crimson Desert

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will support ArcGPUs after blocking ArcGPU owners from even getting past the title screen of the game.

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Today's update lets users finally run the game, but poorly, since the devs ignored Intel's many offers to help with optimization.

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But they say they're working on it now, which is a big improvement over telling Arc owners to just get a refund.

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You bitch. Scrub, who buys Arc?

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Microsoft has released an emergency patch to fix issues stemming from their March,

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patch Tuesday update. Have we been living in the same week for the last few months?

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The original update broke Microsoft account sign-ins in a bunch of Microsoft apps.

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When trying to log in, users were met with a, you'll need the internet for this chief notification,

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even when their devices were clearly online. Or were they?

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They're so online, it's like unhealthy. Microsoft's initial suggestion is to try restarting your PC,

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as dictated by the tech scriptures. Just make sure you stay connected while you do it,

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because restarting without the internet could make things worse.

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Best go download the KB5085516 patch officially,

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if you have been affected, and hope that Microsoft is getting as annoyed by all this instability as you are.

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VP Scott Hanselman publicly said he hates mandatory Microsoft account requirements

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during Windows 11 setup, and might do something about it. Key word, might.

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So you're telling me there's a chance. Windows chief Pavan Davaluri announced in a blog post that they're rolling back

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co-pilot integrations from snipping tool photos, widgets, and notepad,

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promising to only put AI where it's genuinely useful.

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Hope you're fun. Davaluri shared the sentiment of not wanting to be slop.

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And that's great, because we are in a time that requires awarding points for doing the bare minimum.

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Between fixing what they broke, enforcing accounts nobody wanted, and removing AI absolutely no one not a soul asked for,

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is Microsoft listening? Someone checking on them, and sure they haven't been hacked.

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The White House just released a national AI legislative framework covering

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everything from child protections to intellectual property, not property of intellectual children, their mind.

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Central to the plan is preempting state AI laws, arguing that a patchwork of conflicting state laws could undermine American innovation.

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That should be fine. Pretty sure the U.S. has historically been totally chill about states' rights.

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Not really an issue. The framework also codifies Trump's rate payer protection pledge,

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requiring tech firms to pay for the electricity their data centers consume,

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so regular people aren't stuck with the bill. Which sounds good.

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But ProPublica released an investigation Friday that found Doge officials have been installed inside America's nuclear regulator,

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the NRC, to fast track reactor approvals for AI companies,

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with one telling staff to assume the NRC is going to do whatever we tell the NRC to do.

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Also totally fine, it's not like hastily constructed cooling and containment facilities

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for nuclear plants have caused that many issues before. A couple times, Mac.

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They're not irrevocable. Critics have called out the framework for being too industry friendly,

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with Bloomberg calling it a blueprint for AI companies to carry on with business as usual,

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and they're owned by a billionaire. Meanwhile, Stralia just took the opposite approach,

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telling data center operators to generate their own energy, pay for infrastructure, and invest in local jobs,

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or their proposals won't even be considered. Which is, of course, translated from the original Australian,

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Oi, that will be stole my vegetable! A beautiful language.

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Beautiful people. One proposal the regulators haven't considered is that,

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I'm a sponsor! Whether your doctor says they're right for you or not,

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you should definitely watch the quick bits.

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Doctors. They're just googling everything anyway. I can do that.

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Samsung's Galaxy S26 is getting Apple AirDrop support this week

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via a Quick Share update. It takes advantage of the same workaround that Google developed back in November,

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which allowed iPhones and Pixel 10 series phones to send files to each other

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via AirDrop and Quick Share, respectively. While Tim Cook slammed his hands on the other side of the glass and screamed,

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You will burn! Android users will be expected to enable it manually in settings,

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and have a device with Play Services 26.11 or higher.

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So, you still get a whiff of that Apple elitist experience.

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Graphino S, the privacy-focused Android fork, announced on Friday that they will never require the collection of personal information,

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age verification laws, or no. In the tweet equivalent of that,

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do you hear the people sing song from Les Mis? This comes not long after Graphino S announced a long-term partnership with Motorola,

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who I'm guessing will want to comply with laws?

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Big Daddy Motorola has yet to comment. But I expect they might go all Jean Valjean on Graphine.

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Justals! They're French, right?

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Hacking Group's shiny hunters have claimed responsibility for a data breach

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at Crunchyroll, Sony's anime streaming platform. The hackers reportedly made off with 100 gigabytes of user data,

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including credit card details and email addresses. Wait, they had all that anime sitting there,

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and all they took was boring credit card numbers? What a bunch of rubes!

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The hackers reportedly got in through Tellus Digital, Crunchyroll's outsourcing partner,

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which shiny hunters breached earlier this month, stealing 700 terabytes of internal data.

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Come on, shiny hunters! First, Panera Bread, then Tellus?

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Now, anime is nothing sacred to you.

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At Northwestern University, researchers have developed AI-evolved,

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legged metamachine straight out of Metal Gear Solid Revengeance.

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Rather than creating a specialized machine, or manually configuring the best all-terrain design,

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the researchers decided to let the machine configure itself. These modular robots snap together in various legged configurations

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and adapt their movements to different terrain in real time.

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You can even chop one in half, and it'll continue to drag itself by its remaining limbs

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in a charming display of resilience that a few years from now probably won't seem

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like an ill-thought-out ability to give a robot. Researchers say these bots can hit the ground running

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in unstructured outdoor environments, which is great because soon that's where we'll all be living!

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Hey, they can't find us among the trees! And stopping prescriptions suddenly can be dangerous,

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so make sure you come back here on Wednesday for your next scheduled dose of tech news.

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Side effects may include irrational fear of Microsoft Update spontaneous, ranting about Apple, and recurring dreams

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in which Peter Thiel breastfeeds you. Wait, what? I thought that was normal.
