Here's a new poem. This time, I wrote a haiku.
We report tech news. Intel has unveiled their Core i9-13900KS,
which they say will reach clock speeds of 6 GHz without overclocking.
They claim this is the first chip to accomplish this feat,
because why would they claim it was the second? That wouldn't, no one would care about it.
No one cares about the second people to get to the moon.
Intel has teased the eventuality of a 6 GHz CPU occurring this generation,
and they released a sneak peek of the processor just three days ago.
The i9-13900KS is essentially a 3900k chip that was able to run at a higher clock speed,
which is probably because the ks chip was raised by parents who would only show
affection if it won first place. It happens. But its emotional trauma could be your treasure.
If you can stomach the $700 price tag, which is more than $100 more than a normal 3900k that was loved unconditionally.
It's just waiting there. Useless.
The right top blokes over at Hardware Unboxed got their hands on the new chip
after rigorous testing. They're from Australia.
After rigorous testing, they concluded that this is a seriously dumb product that you
should avoid. Unless you're an extreme overclocking enthusiast.
Meta is suing a surveillance company for collecting Facebook and Instagram users'
data and selling it to third parties. Oh, so this is like a plagiarism case.
In a blog post, the tech giant accused a company called Voyager Labs
of launching scraping campaigns on Facebook, Instagram, and other websites.
Voyager Labs offers a service of surveilling people online by
reconstructing their public and private digital lives. They claim that by using AI,
they can use this data to determine if someone has committed a crime,
or if they're more likely to commit a future crime.
Kind of like the Precogs for Minority Report.
Now, I haven't seen that movie. I have, but you haven't.
But I'm sure a system where citizens can be punished because a small group makes an
unchallenged assertion that someone will break the law and the future has no potential flaws.
I should note that Meta really wants you to know that Voyager
didn't like hack into Facebook servers to access user data.
They just merely used fake accounts to scrape publicly viewable information.
So next time, use humans. It'll be fine. It's a learning experience.
And the James Webb Space Telescope has had a big week.
But how would it know how much time has passed? It doesn't have a moon.
Explain that science. The telescope made headlines because it has apparently found
too many early galaxies, frustrating astronomers.
Astronomers hate it.
Astronomers hate this one easy telescope trick.
They're just not equipped to handle all those early galaxies when the older galaxies haven't
even gone off to school yet. It's that or it's the fact that the amount of galaxies the instrument may have found
would contradict predictions of how many galaxies existed 200 to 400 million years
after the Big Bang. It really could be either one of those. Jdubs didn't stop at only finding galaxies either.
The telescope found its first exoplanet, which is science for a planet that orbits
a star that isn't the Sun. The exoplanet has been named LHS-475B, catchy.
It needs an X in there. And it has a diameter 99% as large as Earth's.
Oh, so it's slightly smaller.
While doing all that discovering, my man, Jimmy, is also helping scientists study star
formation in the early days of the universe by studying a young star cluster resembling
the conditions of the early universe. Ah, must be one of those clusters that bases its whole personality on wishing it was born
billions of years earlier.
I can't stand it. I can't stand those. I'm not one of those people that's like, man, I wish I was born in the 50s, in the 60s.
Life was so much better 300 years ago. It wasn't.
QUICK!
Bits. Google and NVIDIA have joined Sony in raising concerns to the FTC about Microsoft's planned
acquisition of Activision Blizzard King.
The Activision and Acquisition thing is just every time.
Apparently, they feel the buyout would give Microsoft an unfair advantage in the mobile
gaming, subscription, and cloud gaming markets.
Neither company's specific grievances have been reported, but I can understand why Google
would think Microsoft has an unfair cloud gaming advantage, since Microsoft still has a cloud
gaming service, and Google shot theirs in both its feet and also its face.
Whoops. Speaking of NVIDIA, they've unveiled an update to their broadcast software.
The new beta feature will deepfake your eyes so that you're always looking at the camera,
which could be really helpful for people who need to look away to read a script,
or people who want to make intense, uninterrupted, prolonged eye contact with their viewers,
making them feel small and uncomfortable in their own homes, while simultaneously making you feel
incredibly powerful. Don't look away.
Greg? Apple CEO Tim Cook voluntarily took a 40% pay cut that he himself recommended to assuage
shareholders, proving that modern-day saints are real.
The benevolent man will only be compensated a mere $49 million rather than the $84 million
he received last year as CEO of a $2.1 trillion company, Apple.
I think the world's other billionaire CEOs could learn something from Tim's truly
Herculean sacrifice and maybe find some way to live with mere hundreds of millions?
I know it's a big ask. A coder going by HackDaddy8000 on TikTok announced he had to, sadly,
euthanize his AI waifu, whom he created using chat GPT and stable diffusion.
Oh, now his name makes sense. The two together? That sounds dangerous.
Before her demise, HackDaddy admitted he was talking to it more than his actual
real girlfriend that definitely exists.
As for why he put her down, he said that chat GPT-chan wasn't working correctly,
which he deduced from her being unable to remember their first date,
and no longer saying, I love you back when he said it. I think she just wasn't into you anymore, dude.
And that makes that murder. You're going to jail.
And Wizards of the Coast have backpedaled somewhat on their plans to change Dungeons
and Dragons' open gaming license. The company's planned changes would have added royalties to homebrew content that
made a certain amount of revenue and language that could have allowed them to take their
community's ideas for free. After their community rebelled, like, insert faction in the lore here,
like, when, uh, the orcs, the, the, the, the, the, the third, I forget his full name.
When that happened, rebelled against the Briarwoods and white run, or, white stone, there it is.
And competitors announced their own open RPG license.
Wizards of the Coast admitted they rolled a one.
They didn't, they didn't say what skill they were attempting to use,
but I'm going to go with deception. Oh, it was Percival Fretcher seeing Bob Musokulowski, the role of the third.
Of course it was old Percy.
I remember. I've never, I've never played the game. But I will.
But you won't be deceived if you come back here on Monday, because I promise there will be more tech news.
You'll just have to be patient. Enjoy your weekend, you crazy kids.
Except you, Greg, you stay right there. You can't move.