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Hey, I want my news.

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What's techin' so long?

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I'm going home. NVIDIA's RTX 5090 and 5080 graphics cards are real

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and they are spectacular. Specs for both cards were tweeted out

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by venerable leaker Copight 7 Kimmy without even acknowledging how bonkers some of them are.

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The 5090 apparently takes the 4090's 24 gigabytes of VRAM

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and slides it up to 32 gigabytes. The largest amount of VRAM in a gaming GPU ever.

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The RTX 5080 is being held back at the same 16 gigs though,

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presumably to atone for the RTX 4070 Ti disguising itself

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as an RTX 4080 at launch, the sins of the father.

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Going back to the 5090, Copight says it'll need 600 watts

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of power compared to the 4090's 450 watt requirement.

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That would max out a 12V 2X6 connector.

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So it's a good thing that new MSI power supply was recently spotted with two of them.

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We're gonna call that whole connector melting thing a learning experience.

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But even if there is still a melting risk, the 5090 also apparently has 33% more CUDA cores.

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And isn't that worth it? According to a report from Bench Life,

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the two GPUs are expected to debut at CES in January

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for $40,000 and a breeding pair of goats.

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Must be good goat. Reviews for laptops powered by Intel's new Core 200 series,

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AKA Lunar Lake, hit the web this week. And unlike the launch of Qualcomm's

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Snapdragon X series laptop chips, there is a consensus here.

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Yeah, they're good. Lunar Lake battery life is generally on par

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or better than the Snapdragon X series and the upgraded art graphics seem to trade blows

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with AMD's mobile competitors. But to make the comparison even worse for Qualcomm,

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Intel's new notebooks have full native x86 app support,

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which wouldn't even have been a thing to mention this time last year. But now Intel gets a free win.

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Because ARM's only fluent, best.

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Versus native? I read I'm going home. Okay.

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Which is great because Intel really needs wins right now.

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The Foundry division quit developing their 20A node to focus on the more advanced 18A node,

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which will show up for the first time in Intel's Clearwater Forest Xeon processors.

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They better be good or someone's gonna buy you.

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That's how it works. Following Qualcomm's advances,

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ARM also apparently shot their shot, but Intel's staying strong.

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She's independent. She don't need no fellow tech corporation.

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And to prove how much they care, Intel took another look at that instability issue

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in their 13th and 14th gen desktop processors and are releasing another microcode update

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to fix what they now say is the real root cause.

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And I'm happy to believe them until they find the next one. Turns out they were haunted.

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Sorry. OpenAI is planning to restructure itself

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so that the for-profit company would no longer be controlled by its non-profit board,

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according to a Reuters report. The report also says the plan would see CEO Sam Altman

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receiving equity for the first time, worth an estimated $150 billion,

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which would pay for more than enough clone bodies.

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He goes through them like that. He's like twink palpitating.

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However, at a company all hands this week, Altman denied any plan to get him

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a giant equity stake in the company. Although it's unclear what might qualify as a giant amount

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to Sam already a billionaire, Altman.

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His parents named him ambitiously. Actually, Sam is short for Sanbiciously.

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Sanbiciously. Also this week, OpenAI's CTO, Mira Murati of face fame,

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as well as the chief research officer and VP of research all left the company.

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Seems related to the whole changing to for-profit thing,

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but not to Sam Altman, who tweeted that leadership changes

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are a natural part of companies. And while this one was abrupt,

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they are not a normal company. And he's right. They have this whole convoluted non-profit controlling

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a for-profit structure to protect humanity from AI. Oh right, they're getting rid of that

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to become more normal.

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Something Sam has strived for all his life. He may have been pleased to hear then

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that while touring the globe, trying to gather $7 trillion to build dozens

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of new chip making plants, the New York Times says that TSMC executives

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dismissed Altman as a podcasting bro,

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which is about as basic as it gets. Good job, Sam.

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One day he won't be an Altman, he'll be a normal man.

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Hey, isn't this where the quick bits usually are?

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Yeah, we're about to happen right now. I don't see him anywhere.

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Microsoft is once again trying to make fetch happen

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with an adjusted version of its controversial recall feature.

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It's back. It's that classic Microsoft wisdom. If you announce something enough times,

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eventually the public will be too exhausted to get angry. The company says the feature will be opt in by default

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and its locally stored files will be encrypted

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and require reauthentication to access.

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The new and improved recall will operate

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inside a VBS enclave and will only operate

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when BitLocker and device encryption is fully enabled.

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But most importantly, it can also now be uninstalled.

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Hallelujah, amen. When Zuck announced at MetaConnect

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that Facebook and Instagram would start serving users AI generated content based on their interests,

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he didn't mention that the content may also contain your face.

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Any users that have onboarded to Meta's Imagine Me feature,

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which allows the creation of AI selfies based on users' photos,

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may see AI images of themselves in their feeds.

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Ah! That's not the stopian at all. This is quite similar to the story we covered last week

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about Snapchat, where the company was able to use AI generated images of users' faces

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in ads that only the user sees. However, this story is scarier

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because people actually use Instagram. Ooh, got him.

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Apparently people use Snapchat. I don't know who. Researchers revealed they could hack

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into millions of vehicles thanks to a bug in automaker Kia's website.

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The vulnerability allowed them to gain access to backend dealer APIs.

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That's a problem because Kia apparently gives their dealers the ability to assign control

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of the internet-connected features of any car

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to any customer account. With just a license plate number,

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this bypass could unlock a vehicle's doors and start its engine.

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Even worse, the vehicle could be remotely located and any installed 360-degree cameras could also be accessed.

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Also the attack takes like 30 seconds. Oh! You know, I'm starting to think

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that turning everything into a computer was a bad idea. Maybe we draw the line at plants.

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Fuck, they hacked my ficus! A paraplegic man who relies on a $100,000 exoskeleton

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was left unable to walk for two months after the manufacturer, Rewalk,

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refused to fix a wiring issue with the watch he uses to control the device.

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When the man, former jockey Michael Strait, contacted the company, they told him

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they no longer work on devices older than five years.

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Hope you had fun. Strait got his a decade ago.

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So I guess instead of fixing his $20 watch battery,

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he should just drop Porsche money on a whole new device and hope insurance will cover it.

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Of course, Mr. Strait's story hit the local news and Rewalk mysteriously found their soldering kit

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between the couch cushions and fixed his watch a few days later.

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Thank goodness, that's lucky. And if you like your gaming mice equal parts modular,

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ergonomic, and horror inducing, look no further than the Piot Design Statial Dot B.

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An open source DIY mouse design that only looks like an alien parasite a little bit.

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I rate it A for, ah!

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The idea is instead of settling for a set mouse shape,

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you 3D print and assemble dozens of adjustable parts

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to create the mouse shape you want. As long as that shape is existential dread.

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What are you scared? It's just a mouse. Just put your hand on it.

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Merge with it. Gordinovsh! But don't join with us on Monday for more tech news

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because it's what the government calls a statutory holiday

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despite presenting no evidence that they exist in the wild which means they probably just made it up just like birds.

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Okay. Whatever, man! Right, Wednesday, Wednesday.