Sometimes you choose the tech news, and sometimes the tech news barges into your room
and throws you in an unmarked SUV, and today was the second one for me.
Apple finally addressed the question of what its compliance with the EU's
Digital Markets Act rules will look like, and the answer is malicious.
I was hoping it would be delicious, but we didn't, close. I mean, it sounds good at first.
Apple announced that iOS will support third-party app stores,
they call them marketplaces, as well as third-party payment systems
and browser engines other than WebKit, so you can actually use a browser
that isn't just Safari covered in chrome spray paint.
But then you realize these delicious treats are only coming to the EU
because they're actually really dangerous, and you're not sure you want them anymore anyways
because you think you saw Apple spit on them before handing them out.
Alternative app marketplaces must be authorized by Apple,
and all the apps that they host must be notarized,
a perfectly dystopian-sounding Apple-ism for reviewed by bots and humans.
Prepare to be notarized. While many are repeating claims that iOS will support
side-loading, installing standalone app packages
outside of any app store, like you can do on Android, Windows, Linux, and macOS,
it won't support that, and it only gets wilder.
In order for developers to distribute their apps on alternative app marketplaces
or even use third-party payment processes,
they need to accept the new business terms.
This is the new business now, get used to it. That includes paying a lower 10% cut of the app store revenue
or 17% for digital goods and services, plus an extra 3% to use Apple's own payment system,
which will also spare users from the pop-up warning them
that they may be about to hand over their savings to a Nigerian prince if they don't use the right one.
But the new terms also include Apple's own version
of Unity's scandalous per install fee from last year.
Once an app hits 1 million installs, its devs will have to pay a core technology fee, or CTF,
of 50 Euro cents for every new user who installs it annually,
as in the app can be reinstalled by the same user for no charge for 12 months.
For some devs, this could see Apple taking something like a 60% cut of their app revenue.
Now, if you think crossing your fingers and hoping that your app doesn't get too popular
sounds kind of stressful, developers can always stick with the current business terms
and swear off the cool new stuff. They could also target iPadOS,
where first installs won't trigger the CTF, apparently.
Developers of app marketplaces, however, will have to pay the CTF every time
the marketplace app is installed, including the first million.
They'll also have to get a letter of credit from an A-rated financial institution of a million euros.
Altogether, the deal doesn't sound too good, and in their explainers, Apple is making it clear
that's by design. The company explained that it's only making the new features
available in the EU because they're actually super dangerous,
and in the EU, they can take that. We're soft and vulnerable.
I mean, the app store's harsh protections blocked $2 billion worth of fraudulent transactions in 2022,
the same amount that Google blocked in the same year
on the far less restrictive Play Store. But there's way more Android phones in the world,
and they're way harder to use for babies.
The argument's confusing. But Apple did announce one thing that appears
to be just straight up good news. Game streaming platforms like NVIDIA's GeForce Now
and Xbox Cloud Gaming can now submit a single iOS app
with the capability to stream their entire library of games.
Which is, again, how things already worked on other operating systems,
but not on the minimalist Fisher price of phone OSes.
Your minimalist baby will love it. Apple previously wanted NVIDIA and Microsoft
to create an app store listing for every individual game in their streaming catalogs,
a request the two tech giants responded to with, brrrr, brrrr.
Interestingly, GeForce Now was the only way to play Fortnite on iOS since Epic Games
removed it in 2020 when it started its whole app store mud fight with Apple.
But now that iOS will support third-party app stores, Epic Games plans to finally launch
the Epic Games Store and Fortnite on iPhone.
Even though Epic boss Tim Sweeney thinks the new rules are, quote, hot garbage.
Whether they actually go through with that launch also depends on whether Apple authorizes
their upcoming app marketplace. Which I have a feeling is somewhat unlikely
as long as Sweeney keeps characterizing Apple's announcements as a, quote, horror show.
Tim Cook expects some level of decorum here.
I do not suffer impudence from whinging vermin.
GARGE! Okay, I think all the Apple news has left by now.
I think we can do the quick bits. Oh God! There's one more in the corner.
It's standing there the whole time. You know that's kind of creepy, right?
I'm still here. Users of Beeper Cloud, the service that lets you
route iMessages to your Android phone through your Mac computer, reported earlier this week
that Apple was blocking them from using iMessage
even on their Macs, which were flagged for spam.
Because while Apple values the user experience above all,
their other core tenant is, naughty children must be punished.
After the New York Times reported on the issue and reached out to Apple, Apple did not respond
to the New York Times, but suddenly started unbanning these users.
For now, Beeper has disabled Beeper Cloud functionality anyways,
while they apparently try to find yet another workaround.
I don't know, if Apple's compliance with the DMA is any indication, you might just have to get
your mom an iPhone. I just, thousands of users reported
that Microsoft Teams was down today, including many users from our own office,
tragically blocking us from posting in the company-wide short joke group chat
that is our comm system. Like a Kevlar out.
I swear we're a real company. Down Detector reported nearly 15,000 outages
as of noon Pacific time. Microsoft gave a vague statement on Twitter,
acknowledging the problem and blaming it on a non-specific networking issue.
Rats got into the pipes. Notably, this outage comes less than a week
after Microsoft disclosed an attack from a Russian-sponsored hacker
and underrated my little pony character, Midnight Blizzard.
They shelved him in the first season.
He was just not, it's a boy. Florida's House of Representatives has passed a bill
that, if passed by the Senate and then signed by the governor, will ban children under 16
from social media platforms that track users' activity
and use that information to provide targeted content.
A primary concern is social media's potentially addictive nature,
with one state representative comparing it to a kind of digital fentanyl.
The bill has excluded platforms mainly used for messaging,
non-user-generated entertainment, and professional networks.
So, if you're 14 in Florida, maybe now's the time to become a LinkedIn influencer.
It's gonna be the hot new thing. Business!
Google has released a research paper and a demo video for Lumiere,
something they're calling a space-time diffusion model,
which sounds like a teleporter that turns users into a fine mist,
but is actually an impressive text to video and image to video generation tool.
The output is surprisingly realistic and smooth compared to past attempts at AI video generation.
And just look at all these animals with the correct number of eyes and limbs.
Wow! And these raccoons reading hovering books.
Try it out, be our guest. Lumiere even has the ability to take the style
from a reference image and incorporate it in a new video, as well as alter existing footage.
Like this horrifying woman flower homunculus.
The future is bright. And Meta's Reality Labs has created a way
of allowing VR users, as well as virtual characters and experiences,
to appear to manipulate real-world objects.
They demonstrated this concept in a video where a, thankfully, fake,
hideous monkey peanut monster thing grabs a very real drink cart
and throws it down the stairs before escaping justice by taking the elevator.
The user in that scenario was moving real slow. They could've got it.
Now in reality, the VR program creates a virtual double of the object
and simultaneously erases the original from sight.
It's super cool, though it feels like maybe they should be working on other things,
like how to get the Quest 3's pass-through mode to work on a plane,
or even when you just decide to stand up or go downstairs.
The Vision Pro can do it, Meta. Honestly though, check the video out for yourself.
Just be prepared for the nude minions streaking through the frame at three minutes and 45 seconds.
I just, if you're not into that, maybe avoid. And don't break your streak.
Come back on Monday for more tech nudes. No, I'm sorry, not nudes, not nudes, no.