Apple has just spectacularly had its ass handed to it in a way I didn't think I would see
in Tim Sweeney's lifetime. On Wednesday, the judge in Epic Games' lawsuit against Apple
ordered Apple to immediately allow iOS app developers to include buttons and external links
to alternative payment options in a fiery ruling, excoriating the tech giant for repeatedly
defying court orders, lying under oath, and consistently making bad choices. A copy of
the ruling was also sent to every Apple executive's mother. I'm just kidding, but that would be great.
Because Judge Yvonne Gonzalez Rogers did not hold back, she accuses Apple VP of finance,
Alex Roman, of lying under oath and referred the incident to federal prosecutors for possible
criminal contempt of court. She says CEO Tim Cook chose to listen to his CFO's advice to ignore
the court's injunction, and in doing so, Cook chose poorly. She sounds like a Viking shaman
telling a cautionary tale. Is that offensive, Bjorn? Other highlights include the judge calling
out Apple for internally calling it a good thing if external link pop-ups are scary,
and then defending that by arguing that scary is a term of art, an industry-specific term that
means raising awareness and caution, which A is BS, and B, that still means scary. Now because Apple
has been acting a fool, Gonzalez Rogers ended with some bangers, writing that she will not
be entertaining a request for a stay because this is an injunction, not a negotiation. For this court,
there is no second bite at the Apple. Ooh, you know when she finished writing this at 3am,
she's hitting those keys hard. Now Apple is actually complying with the order. They updated
their App Store guidelines to remove restrictions on buttons, external links, and calls to action in
the US. And some companies have already started to car-pay this DM, including Spotify, Stripe,
and Patreon, as announced by CEO Jack Conti in another of his signature video updates filled
with what I like to call parasocial manic boyfriend energy. Okay, I know you're worried,
and I promise I'll sleep soon, but this is important. Been doing a lot of research.
Meanwhile, Epic Games is taking a victory lap, announcing web shops, a feature that will make
it easier for app developers to avoid Apple's in-app purchasing by linking to payment options
elsewhere. And Epic is so happy, they also announced the Epic Games Store will take
zero revenue from the first $1 million a game makes every year, which is like their previous
policy announced in 2020, but with a yearly reset. Now CEO Tim Sweeney apparently thinks this ruling
will make it so that Fortnite can return to iOS next week. But Apple kicked them out for breach
of contract. So Sparky might be getting a little excited. Also, though they're complying with
the ruling for now, Apple said they're still planning to appeal. And Mr. Apple? I wouldn't have it any
other way. That's a joke. Please stop. Believe it or not, other stuff happened this week. Like,
for example, the Trump administration officially ended the de minimis rule that exempted inexpensive
goods from import tariffs. And this rule was basically the only reason that Timu and Xi'en
got so popular in the US as the go-to destination for finding cheap things to ship directly from
China so you can fill up your house and hopefully the hole in your heart. I think you can still see
some of the floor over there. Better fire up the app. Well, not anymore. Timu says they've stopped
shipping goods from China directly to US customers and will now focus on shipping items from US-based
warehouses. Meanwhile, tariffs have driven Xbox to raise the prices of its consoles, accessories,
and games worldwide. The base model Series X will now cost 600 USD up from 500 while the two
terabyte version is now $730, making it more expensive than a PS5 Pro, which Xbox is probably
fine with because they are making it very clear they do not care if you buy an Xbox. Because
of this rate, the PS5 Pro and your grandma will be an Xbox. Everybody's an Xbox. Also, wait,
why are game prices going up? Those don't have to be imported. Um, just because? Ah, yeah, sounds
right. And now it sounds like it's time for the quick bits. What do you mean you can't hear that?
References to a higher-tier Intel Battlemage GPU, codenamed BGM31, have been spotted in
manifests for shipments traveling between Intel Vietnam and its other Labs, according to Twitter
posts from the leaker known as haze. Other Twitter leaker, OneWriteU, also suggested Intel hasn't
given up on a more powerful sibling to the Arc B570 and B580, despite rumors to the contrary.
But there are also rumors of Intel CEO Pat Gelsinger being fired, but he's still there.
He's still, he's still in, in, in here. Pat! A company called Aurora has become the first to
commercially deploy self-driving Class 8 trucks, which will be driving themselves all over the
great highways and byways of Texas, completely without a driver inside, which is, unbeknownst
to many Tesla owners, what self-driving is actually supposed to mean. Although it definitely helps
that Aurora trucks use LiDAR. I hear it's better than regular cameras. Two storied gaming outlets
were hit by sudden layoffs this week. Giant Bombs owner Fandom laid off a number of prominent staff,
including Jeff Grubb, who we have cited on the show many times. Many staff at Polygon were also
let go, as the site was sold by Vox Media to Valnet, the company that owns a ton of brands,
including Game Rant, Dual Shockers, XDA Developers, Android Police, and How To Geek.
I would say, well at least some staff survived the purge, but they're now working for a holding
company that sued the rap over that outlets report on sweatshop-like conditions at Valnet's companies.
So, uh, guess who'll be wearing shorts to work now.
And Japanese researchers have proven you can get cicadas to play the Baroque classic
Pachelbel's Canon by jabbing electrodes into their specialized sound producing organs called
Timbles. Okay. Why? The researchers say, hey, it doesn't harm them and one day,
they could be used in emergency situations, such as earthquakes.
To do what? Give grandma's a heart attack? Earthquake! I mean, she's already been turned
into an Xbox. Give her a break! And it's time for us all to take a break from tech news,
but only until Monday when we'll all come back here and check on our Xbox mutation progress.
I'm already starting to see my buttons come in.