Dear Journal, I've been covering CES 2025 for three days now.
The Red Bull has run out. Drums sound in the distance, probably beaten by a smart toilet with robot arms or something.
It won't be long now.
AMD's lips are still sealed when it comes to their next-gen GPUs, but IGN managed to
secretly run the internal benchmark in Call of Duty Black Ops 6 on the RX9070 non-XT in
AMD's CES booth, getting an average FPS of 99.
From this, IGN estimates the card might perform somewhere close to NVIDIA's RTX 4080 Super
using some kind of PC nerd derivative of girl math.
I couldn't follow it. But the point is AMD's apparent decision to, at the last minute, withhold all information
about their next-gen GPUs except their names, has only made everyone more curious about
them. A lesson they already would have learned had they ever brought a bag of nuts into the
squirrel pen. You guys don't have those?
Even AMD's GPU board partners seem confused about what's going on.
PowerColor allowed Leo and the KitGuru team to look at their RX9070s while pretending
that they weren't. Come in, Matt. Come close and look at the invisible, non-existent graphics cards.
Meanwhile, Tom's hardware seems to have inadvertently published a photo of the Navi 48 chip powering
the GPUs, leading leaky Twitter guy David Wong to estimate the die size at around 390
mm2, which is slightly larger than the AD103 chip powering NVIDIA's RTX 4080.
We have gotten one concrete piece of information, though.
ASUS revealed both RX9070 variants have 16 GB of VRAM, which they apparently weren't supposed
to reveal as they took down the page shortly after.
AMD's kinda acting like that friend who will plan a surprise party for you, but hide it
horribly, so you have to act surprised when it happens.
Which has happened to me so many times. Such a relatable story. The Nintendo Switch 2 leaks may have officially jumped the shark.
Accessory maker Genki has published a video on their website of what might as well be
the Switch 2, ostensibly to show off the company's protective case for the console,
but they know what they're doing. They told Press the mock-up they're showing here is based on the real console, and their
website has a pop-up admitting they can't keep a secret.
The video shows in detail the magnetic Joy-Cons releasing at the push of a button, revealing
the rumored laser sensor on the rail that may enable mouse functionality, we'll see.
And the video also provides our best look yet at the Switch 2's dock design.
Not only that, they were handing around a 3D printed mock-up of the console at their
CES booth, first shown in a video by French tech outlet Numorama.
They're starting to feel a little ridiculous that Nintendo hasn't unveiled the Switch 2
yet. As if to emphasize this, the Nintendo Japan Twitter account just changed their account
banner to Mario and Luigi, seeming to gesture at empty space.
Just watch Nintendo wait until March 31st, and then wait one more day to reveal the greatest
April Fools prank ever. There is no Switch 2.
But it wakes up in a cold sweat. Meta isn't just trying to appease the incoming Trump administration, they're also humoring
the EU and launching a test allowing users to browse eBay listings on Facebook Marketplace
in the US, France, and Germany. The European Commission fined Meta over $820 million last year over Facebook Marketplace
being tied to Facebook. The EU loves to find people.
They even find themselves. Sort of.
The EU General Court ruled this morning that the European Commission broke its own rules
and allowed a German citizen's personal data to be sent to Meta's servers in the US when
they signed in with their Facebook account on an EU webpage.
The EU is now forcing itself to pay that citizen 400 euros in damages.
It's not really a fine in the strict sense of the word, but it makes more sense than
going pay up. Serves me right.
Dear Journal, the smart toilets found me and said they'd let me live if I gave them quick bits.
I said never, and now I'm dead.
Lesson learned. Alright, time for good old fashioned wacky CES stuff.
Swippet has unveiled a machine that can essentially reload your phone's battery with a fully charged
one in about two seconds. Although it's not your phone's internal battery, Swippet's link case, compatible with iPhone
and Android, has a battery inside which is swapped out for a fresh one when you dip it
into the hub, a toaster looking device that stores and charges extra batteries.
It all looks pretty sleek in Swippet's marketing materials, but as demonstrated by Allison
Johnson from The Verge, it actually sounds like a 20 year old printer.
But that's a small price to pay to avoid buying Anker's new solar panel beach umbrella,
which is billed as an alternative to lugging a battery back up to the beach.
I mean, maybe you're supposed to be touching grass, but there's no grass on the beach
anyway. This makes sense. LG had some fun things to show off other than that years old transparent OLED TV that's
actually available to buy now for $60,000.
How about the Stand My B2, a portable, hangable, 27 inch TV?
It's even got a kickstand, making it really seem like a giant tablet missing a touchscreen.
That's still a little confusing, but it makes more sense than the model from last year that
goes in a suitcase. Eh? TV in a suitcase?
I got one. But the best thing I think LG showed off was the AeroCat Tower, a version of one of the
company's AeroTower air purifiers, with a cradle on top so a cat can sit on it.
Now that's innovation. Where are all the other companies?
Putting cats on things. Ufi showed off their 3-in-1 E20 robot vacuum, so named because you can remove the actual
vacuum part and use it as a Dyson-style handheld with multiple attachments, which will also
get you more powerful suction. It's one of those rare CES products that's simultaneously practical and also kind of
wacky. But wait till you see Roborock's vacuum with a robot ARM in it, but not right now!
That's for the weirdest tech at CES episode on Friday.
I'm saving it. A company called Halliday showed off their smart glasses, which eschews more popular
waveguide built-in displays for their own Digi-window design.
It can be controlled either by voice or a control ring on your finger, which can of
course summon an AI agent. I'm sure there's more cool things about these glasses, but I was so distracted by the voice-overs
in the trailer. I think it's retro revival. People want that nostalgic feel, but with a modern twist.
That's the one. I love it. Let's explore some design concepts.
And Chinese car company BYD has shown off their Yang-Wang U9 electric sports car, but
apparently it means like, admire or something, so I was like, fair, you know.
Anyway, they showed off the car bunny-hopping over obstacles at 120 km per hour, including
a sizable pothole, a bunch of spikes, and worst of all, a chalk rainbow.
Wouldn't want to disappoint the kids who drew that. Oh, it ruined it anyway.
Well, it was technically graffiti. Those kids are probably going straight to a CCP jail anyway.
But not you! I'm going right back here tomorrow for more tech news, because I'll be damned if I have
to endure this pain alone. Ah, oh wait.
I'm dead. I forgot. Ah!