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Well, well, well, look who finally decided to show themselves. We've had to wait 10 seconds for you.

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I guess now we can deliver the tech news as long as there are any other delays.

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Wait a second, where's BootyMangler72? BootyMangler!

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Windows 11 Pro's on by default encryption could be slowing down your SSD speed

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by as much as 45% according to tests performed by Tom's hardware.

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Does my PC not recognize the flames I drew on the boot drive?

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Tom's hardware tested a Samsung 990 Pro using Windows software BitLocker encryption.

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It's hardware BitLocker encryption and no encryption at all.

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Nothing at all. While software encryption caused the frightening performance drop,

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it turns out that hardware encryption may be even faster than no encryption at all.

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This would be terrific news if it weren't for Windows.

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In 2019, Microsoft decided to change Windows

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so that software encryption would be the default rather than hardware encryption.

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What makes this worse is that Windows 11 Pro force enables this encryption

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without providing a clear opt-out option. And worst of all, if you want to switch

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to hardware encryption, even if you don't have software BitLocker enabled,

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you have to reinstall Windows if you have the OS running on that SSD

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because how dare you try and make your machine more functional without penalty?

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If you feel your computer has slowed down, there's a blog post on how to get hardware encryption

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working on your PC in our news sources. We knew it was a good tutorial

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because it's not from Microsoft support. Phone manufacturers have been remotely disabling

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Mexican customers' cell phones. This is real.

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As in many countries, a large percentage of Mexicans buy their phones

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on the gray market through sites like Amazon and AliExpress.

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This means they're getting better deals by buying phones that are meant for release in other markets,

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but that would still most likely be compatible with Mexico's cellular infrastructure.

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But some phone companies don't like this. In July of this year,

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Motorola announced all phones imported and activated

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in Mexico after that month would be subject to remote disability,

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making the phone completely useless except for emergency calls.

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Fortunately, Samsung disagreed with Motorola's tactics, but unfortunately it was because

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they didn't think Motorola went far enough. Samsung started disabling all gray market phones

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retroactively under the pretense that the phones weren't properly certified

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by the Mexican government. However, the government never asked Samsung to do this

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and in fact, hold manufacturers very strongly to stop disabling phones.

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But come on, they offered everyone a 30% off coupon for the second phone customers were being forced to buy.

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What more does the Mexican government want? Not forcibly removing citizens access to their own data

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and or ability to text their loved ones? Dia's mio.

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Speaking of phones, it turns out all those fancy AI tasks the Pixel 8 Pro can do

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aren't actually performed by the phone. In his review for the Pixel 8 Pro,

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Mr. Who's the boss revealed that the phone's AI features like AI wallpapermaking and the magic eraser for photos

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are not accomplished with the phone's Google-designed processor.

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The device needs a persistent internet connection so the phone can offload those tasks to Google servers.

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Maybe someone should have informed Google VP of product management, Monica Gupta,

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before she wrote a blog post saying things like, the Tensor G3 chip continues to push the boundaries

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of on-device machine learning and how the chip's upgraded subsystems

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are paving the way for on-device generative AI. With specific regard to using magic editor on photos

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or AI-generating wallpapers, I guess on-device generative AI means on-device Wi-Fi

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so your phone can connect to an AI server. They never said which device.

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And that sounds way less special. Maybe that's why Google decided to block reviewers

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from downloading benchmarks to test the new Tensor chip.

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They didn't want anyone to find out their AI magic wasn't real.

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Then the reviewers would start asking questions about the AI tooth fairy.

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Childhood ruined. Quick bits are a sacred addition to going back to some point in the past

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when a significant event happened. I don't know, man.

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I'm just reading this off the property. I don't know what the event was. Twitch is expanding its simulcasting guidelines

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to allow creators to live stream anywhere on the web simultaneously following an unsuccessful ban

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on simulcasting that may or may not have contributed to top talent leaving the service in droves.

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There are still a few limitations like the version of a stream hosted on Twitch

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should be at least equivalent in quality of experience and streamers shouldn't share links

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to their Twitch audience directing them to watch other platforms midstream.

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Twitch also announced that they will be adding doxing and swatting to their list of punishable

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off-platform conduct having concluded that criminal harassment is wrong, very wrong.

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You mean I can't stick the cops in butt nugget 65? Get the door, it's dominoes, really it is.

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Microsoft Excel has now finally created a user setting

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to turn off its automatic date conversion feature for dates

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both as a quality of life measure and to prevent Excel from accidentally destroying

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peer-reviewed scientific data. You see, genes tend to have long, stupid names

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like differentiated embryonic grandose site express gene one

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which scientists who are only human abbreviated as dease one which Excel

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who's only a computer program interpreted as December 1st

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and automatically reformatted. A 2016 study found that out of over 3,500 published papers

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around a fifth had errors introduced by Excel. Scientists actually reworked their entire system

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for abbreviating genes back in 2020 when admittedly they had a lot more free time

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on their hands. Amazon has launched a trial for its new workforce

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of bipedal humanoid robots developed by Agility Robotics

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which are definitely not intended to replace Amazon's current human workforce with their weak flesh

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and limited bladder capacity with something superior.

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No, the primary benefit of the new bots is their ability to crouch, grasp and lift objects

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and navigate warehouses designed for feeble human workers. One union commented that Amazon has been treating

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their workers like robots for years. Though hopefully we won't start finding bottles

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of used motor oil along the sides of the highway. It's a matter of time before the robots unionize.

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And the Windows phone is many things but would you have guessed that it's the unlikely hero

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to save us from YouTube's new ad block blocking?

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Twitter user endermanch discovered that if you change

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your user agent, the HTTP header that identifies

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what device browser version and OS you're using, using a user agent switcher to Windows phone,

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it'll disable ads. It's like the reverse of the movie Weekend at Bernie's.

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Instead of convincing a party that a corpse is a living person, you're convincing the world's

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largest video hosting platform that your computer is running a dead OS.

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And Tinder's new matchmaker feature allows you to get outside opinions on potential matches.

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Users can invite loved ones and friends with or without

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their own profile to view and recommend potential matches on the platform.

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Once the matchmaker session expires, you'll be able to see which profiles were recommended

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while still getting final say yourself over which direction you swipe.

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What a great idea. I mean, who doesn't want their mom to help them choose the one they won't call tomorrow?

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Watch out screenshots. Tinder's coming for ya.

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You're right, dad. He does look like a boy. But we'll call you on Wednesday when we have more

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tech news to share and who knows? Maybe we'll form a deep and lasting emotional connection

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that we can explore over future episodes.