Yeah, over the long weekend, I worked on one of my famous interpretive dance sequences.
Yeah, you wanna see, you wanna preview? Pretty, pretty risque stuff in here.
Oh shoot, look at the time, we gotta do the tech news. Whoopsies.
Apple has announced their new M5 chip, which will arrive in a refreshed iPad Pro,
MacBook Pro, and Vision Pro one week from today.
Apple says that in multi-threaded performance, the M5 is 15% faster than the M4,
but more importantly, its 10-core GPU delivers four times
the M4's peak compute, because this is 2025,
and it's important to give AI as much power as it needs
to melt our brains so we don't feel anything when our skulls are crushed under their metal heels.
As for the new M5-equipped 14-inch MacBook Pro,
iPad Pro, and Vision Pro, well, the M5 seems to be the only real new thing about them,
but if you're a total compute head, you can choose wrongly to pre-order them now,
and when they ship on the 22nd, you can watch all your favorite shows
on Apple's newly renamed streaming service, Apple TV.
Plus, TV, TV plus? No, it's just Apple TV now,
which is probably what half of you are already calling it anyway, while the other half screamed,
Apple TV is the box, mom! Apple is right to call this a vibrant new identity
for the platform. I love it when we talk about streaming services like they're our friend, Chris,
changing the spelling of his name by removing the H.
So much more vibrant, Chris. Almost as vibrant as the custom LaBooBoo given to Tim Cook
by the creator of LaBooBoo himself. Oh, thank you.
Introducing LaBooBoo 17.
Reviews are out for the ROG Xbox Ally and Xbox Ally X.
ShortCircuit and Linus Tech Tips have both released videos
about the new gaming handhelds for some reason, alongside many other people
that don't work in this building. Seems like most reviewers are impressed
by the Ally X's hardware and performance, but think a thousand bucks is a bit steep
for something that seems to not even know whether it's a real Xbox or not.
Make up your mind. And while the non-X Ally's price of $600 is smaller,
it's actually an even greater obstacle, given the lackluster gaming chops
of its arguably outdated chip design. We are just tearing into these things.
They have some redeeming qualities. The joysticks are nice.
Well, if the reviews for these new handhelds turn you off, don't worry.
It sounds like you won't have to wait long for new consoles. Generally reliable AMD leaker Kepler L2
stated on a NeoGap forum that the specs for PlayStation's next console are finalized
and YouTuber, Moore's Law Is Dead, has revealed alleged details about the next gen Xbox
and its Magnus APU from AMD.
Now with the leaked specs in mind, WCCF Tech says that the next gen Xbox
will have the hardware edge compared to its PlayStation contemporary.
What a crazy moment for Xbox. One day they're dying, never releasing hardware again
and being relegated to a game streaming service. And the next, they're pumping out powerful handhelds
and supposedly winning the console wars of 2027,
a year when AI will just play our games for us
and it won't matter anyway. It'll be so much better.
Speaking of AI, open AI CEO, Sam Altman
has announced that ChatGPT will be able to engage in erotic conversations with verified adult users
by December, clock's ticket as part of an initiative
to put some of that good spicy personality back
into the chatbot that they took out. In a tweet, Altman says that open AI has been pretty restrictive
with ChatGPT's personality and conversation topics
for fear of putting folks with mental health issues at risk.
But that made it less fun to use for many users
with absolutely no mental health problems at all.
You know, normal people, they figured it all out.
So open AI is loosening those restrictions with help from a newly formed expert council
of well-being and AI, whose first decree is to say,
smart is okay for verified adults.
It is the will of the council. This is a bit of an about face from Altman
who had previously made jokes at the expense of the sexy anime slot being generated by Grok.
But I guess the people want what the people want and they really want to talk dirty with their chatbots.
I'm guessing this is going to be a big blow to people fighting against AI slop on the internet
because it's about to get a whole lot sloppier. All that said, even though you're gonna be
sexting your chatbots soon, you can forget about marrying it at least in Ohio
where lawmaker Fadius Claggett,
yes, has put forward House Bill 469
to stop humans from marrying AI and to stop AI from acquiring personhood.
Like they're stealing it from a bank. We got the personhood.
Run, Claggett says that he wants to make sure we always have a human in charge of the technology,
not the other way around. I'll tell you what, I'd rather have a Claggett in charge
than a clanker. That's not how they sound in Ohio, so I'm sorry. And if I'm fixin' to stay dry, I'd rather use our sponsor.
You know, before the quick bits started hanging around here, they were an incredible break dancer down in LA.
Pop and locking, that would blow your mind.
Ask JC Chasses?
Windows 10 was issued its last major update
on October 14th, the operating system's last day of official support.
It's been sent to drift, like a Viking funeral ship.
Okay, we got a quote here. Cattle die and kinsmen die, and so one dies one's self.
But a noble name will never die if good renown one gets.
That doesn't, is that supposed to rhyme? But wait, hold your Norse funeral poetry.
You may remember that there are a number of ways to get a free year of security updates for Windows 10,
including simply signing into Windows with your Microsoft account and syncing your settings.
Ragnarok isn't here after all. I got all emotional for nothing.
You know what is here? NVIDIA's DGX Spark personal AI supercomputer.
Team Green's first product to feature its homegrown GB10 SoC.
It's such a big deal that NVIDIA bumped the starting price up to $4,000 after announcing that it would start
at $3,000 earlier this year. Still, Jensen hand delivered a Spark to Elon Musk,
and you can't put a price on that additional leather jacket cool factor.
Well, I guess you can. It's $1,000.
Google's Pixel 10 Pro Fold is blowing up
for all the wrong reasons. In a YouTube video from JerryRigEverything,
aka Zach Nelson, the Pixel 10 Pro Fold's battery
appears to expand, overheat, and emit a bunch of smoke during the bend test,
eventually setting off a fire alarm. While the bend test is pretty extreme
and puts an unusual amount of stress on the phone, Nelson does know that he's been doing this test
for a decade, and he has never seen a phone explode
like this before. I guess you could say the Pixel 10 Pro Fold
is the hot new phone, but not in the way Google wanted.
Ooh, got him again. Two in a row.
Andruil, the military tech company created by Palmer Lucky,
the original founder of Oculus, has teamed up with Meta to launch
the Eagle Eye military helmet as part of Lucky's mission to turn warfighters
into techno mansors. The Eagle Eye uses a mixed reality system
built into a soldier's helmet as a sort of AI partner in their display,
aiding in mission planning, enhanced perception of a battlefield,
and presumably, writing army-approved erotica.
Now that all sounds awesome, but I'm not sure how badass military guys will feel
about wearing what Gizmodo calls tactical cat ears
and taking part in the uwuification of war.
Alrighty, thanks for watching. That's plenty of tech news for one day.
If you want more, come back on Friday. Now, how about I show you some of these freaky dance moves?
Incredible. Plie! Beautiful. What is a chasse?
I don't know. Pirouette!
I did it now.