Welcome to the show that's all about staying up-to-date on advancements in tech.
It won't stop AI from taking over, but at least we'll know when to start helplessly watching as it all happens.
Where's the popcorn? Google held their annual I.O. developer conference today and made several announcements related to AI.
And while we've all memed about Google getting leapfrogged by everyone from open AI to your jobless uncle in his basement,
Google spent some time talking about how to prevent AI from ruining everything.
Something that sounds kind of important? Google will be launching Bard in 180 countries, which is basically all the ones that matter.
Sorry North Korea and the Vatican. In your face, principality of ceilings.
Google also showed off AI integrations in its entire workplace suite.
So you'll soon be able to use text prompts to draft emails,
draft data tables, generate visuals for slideshows, and all kinds of boring work stuff you don't want to do.
The future is here, and for some reason it still involves an ungodly number of memos and spreadsheets.
I thought we would have dealt with that by now.
Google has made substantial improvements to Vertex, its personalized AI product for corporations,
and even teased a version for individual users called Project Tailwind.
Is that a reference to that cool animated series? That's tailspin.
Project Tailwind is a notebook that learns from your documents and acts as a tutor and research assistant.
Again, that sounds cool. But as I alluded to earlier, a major in emphasis of the announcement was Google's focus on an ethical approach to AI,
including integrated tools to help users spot and contextualize online misinformation,
metadata tagging for AI images, and guardrails against undisclosed deepfakes.
Which sounds genuinely good?
What is this strange emotion about the future of technology?
Hope? Probably hardburn. In terms of Google's hardware announcements, it's all pixels all day.
Oddly, they spend more time discussing a feature that lets you make the poop emoji into your phone's wallpaper
than they did talking about the Pixel 7a. Because, bluntly, it's one of Google's best-selling product lines, and they already know we're going to buy it.
What most people are probably not going to buy is the much-anticipated Pixel Fold, which starts at $1,800.
That's a lot of money to pay for a phone whose primary features include 300 increase in breakability
and the option to take a selfie with the back camera. It's pros and cons. They're so... it's... it's hard.
Although, it's important to point out, Google says the Pixel Fold has the best foldable camera system,
with the best zoom on a foldable, which is also the thinnest foldable on the market.
All claims that we'll have to wait until June to verify. So, for now, all we can do is take them at face value.
It's a pretty face. It's probably true. Lastly, Google showed off the new 11-inch Pixel Tablet, which can be set to HUB mode
and double as a Nest Hub when you pop it on the included magnetic charging dock.
It's got a magnet in it. It's also got Chromecast built in so you can cast your phone to your tablet,
and then, presumably, you can cast from your tablet to your TV.
And maybe, if you're lucky, cast back from your TV onto your phone.
It's a paradox! And that's how I spent my Saturday.
The tablet's only $4.99, so I suggest buying three and taping them together for a super-duper
extra-big Pixel Fold, just an idea. And the Indian government has apparently banned 14 messaging apps,
many of them open source, citing national security concerns.
Specifically, that concern is the possibility that separatist insurgents in the Jammu and
Kashmir regions are using them to communicate. I know I said those wrong.
The Indian government has long restricted these same regions to only 2G cell service
on the same grounds of restricting separatist organization efforts.
Now, as your friendly neighborhood Canadian tech reporters, we're not going to comment on the legitimacy of the Indian government's actions.
We will, however, point out that there was a natural disaster somewhere in India
on 88% of the days in the first nine months of last year,
and that shutting off nearly every single accessible form of communication to the general public
is very likely to lead to people not existing anymore.
Quick bits are like a Disneyland day pass, because you only get to go on your five favorite rides,
and there's some guy who keeps talking the whole time. Am I the guy?
Are you the guy? Fossil is dropping support for watches made by Misfit,
the company Fossil acquired in 2015. Users can no longer log into the companion app or website,
meaning they can't even set the time, making it less a watch and more like an unnecessarily expensive bracelet.
It's so pretty! Which some people buy. Fossil didn't even announce anything,
and users who contacted customer service were only offered a 30% discount to buy a Fossil watch,
which is amazing, considering that you can get a 25% discount just by signing up for their email.
Oh, did I say amazing? I meant insulting.
Spotify purged thousands of AI-generated songs from its platform,
though not because they embarrassed Drake by sounding better than anything he's released in years.
Oh! Who wrote that?
Me. That was nice. Better than Drake.
The songs in question were made by a proprietary AI startup called Bumi,
Universal Music accused some songs of using bots to inflate audience numbers,
and Spotify eventually reinstated the songs, which was a massive release to tens of AI music enjoyers.
What a relief. There are dozens of us!
Roku, the We Have Android TV at home company,
announced a home security starter kit today that costs only $100.
Though it doesn't include cameras, it does include two entry sensors and a hub with a built-in siren,
which is almost as good. Are you trying to seduce me?
The company also announced Roku OS integration so that if you do buy a camera,
you can watch it from the comfort of your Roku TV, which is perfect for when you've already curled up in a blanket
and would literally rather die than leave your warmth cocoon
to get up and do a 360 sweep with your actual eyes. Researchers in Italy have developed what they're calling
the world's first fully edible battery, for some reason.
What, you've never heard of a potato? That's so embarrassing.
But unlike a potato, this battery is rechargeable,
much smaller and relatively low carb. Some of the components include edible seaweed,
activated charcoal, and beeswax.
Yum, yum, yum. In the future, technologies like this could be used in toys for children.
Since for years, swallowing batteries has been the biggest fad diet amongst rich, up-suburban babies.
Oh no. And customs officials in Hong Kong have arrested two men
for suspected smuggling after being caught hauling 70 GPUs
and more importantly, over 600 pounds of live lobsters.
Authorities claim that the combined value of silicon and shellfish
was worth over $76,000, which is surprising
because the GPUs are nearly a decade old and only retail for $160 each.
And the lobsters don't even support ray tracing. But you should support us emotionally by tuning back in on Friday.
For the price of just eight minutes, you can prevent tech news hosts from crying on camera.