WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.800 Oh, well, I'm sorry to say we don't have any tech news today, April Fool! 00:00:07.840 --> 00:00:12.000 I'm so like, I got you so good to look on your face. 00:00:12.960 --> 00:00:16.080 I love this holiday. It's good that we do this. Iran! 00:00:18.880 --> 00:00:24.880 Iran has announced plans to attack 18 major tech companies across the Middle East, 00:00:24.880 --> 00:00:30.320 either as part of its ongoing military conflict with the US, or the most ambitious April Fool's 00:00:30.320 --> 00:00:36.160 joke of all time. The threat was posted to Telegram on Tuesday, naming Apple, Google, 00:00:36.160 --> 00:00:42.400 Microsoft, Meta, NVIDIA, Boeing, and GE. Among the companies it accused of helping the US 00:00:42.400 --> 00:00:49.440 and Israeli military carry out strikes on Iran. Wait, GE? Is the US dropping shitty 00:00:49.440 --> 00:00:54.240 washer dryers on their enemies now? You're gonna have to run the Ayatollah or whoever's 00:00:54.320 --> 00:00:57.760 pants through the wash twice if he doesn't want weird detergent residue on them? 00:00:58.560 --> 00:00:59.840 What do you have against GE? 00:01:03.120 --> 00:01:07.680 These tech companies have thousands of employees across the Gulf region, who were warned to 00:01:07.680 --> 00:01:13.440 evacuate a 1 kilometer radius around all targeted facilities. The attacks were expected to start 00:01:13.440 --> 00:01:19.920 at 8pm Tehran time on April 1st, but as of recording, no strikes have been confirmed. 00:01:19.920 --> 00:01:26.960 Risk management firm Helix's CEO, James Henderson, told CNBC that since AI is now being used as a 00:01:26.960 --> 00:01:32.160 weapon in the theater of war, cloud infrastructure assets like data centers will be pulled into 00:01:32.160 --> 00:01:38.720 conflict more and more, and then also GE, for some reason. I mean, their microwaves suck, 00:01:38.720 --> 00:01:46.720 but are they like, Jihad bad? The writer that wrote that is Muslim by the way, so I'm allowed. 00:01:50.320 --> 00:01:59.280 Open source software is under siege from AI, and not in the fun Steven Segal way either. 00:01:59.280 --> 00:02:05.360 Two security researchers recently launched an AI tool that can clone entire open source projects 00:02:05.360 --> 00:02:12.480 as a tongue-in-cheek provocation to show how easily AI can be used to bypass open source licensing. 00:02:12.560 --> 00:02:21.520 The dubiously named MALLUS, spelled M-A-L-U-S, recreates software from public documentation alone, 00:02:21.520 --> 00:02:27.520 producing code that's functionally identical to the original, but proprietary. The seemingly 00:02:27.520 --> 00:02:32.800 satirical service markets itself as targeting companies that don't want to credit the original 00:02:32.800 --> 00:02:38.720 developers or share their changes back to the project, promising legally distinct code with 00:02:38.720 --> 00:02:44.000 corporate friendly licensing. It's still unclear whether MALLUS is real or not, 00:02:44.000 --> 00:02:49.600 but what is definitely real is the broader threat to genuinely beloved open source tools. 00:02:49.600 --> 00:02:54.880 Curl was forced to shut down its bug bounty program to stem the massive tide of vibe-coded 00:02:54.880 --> 00:03:00.240 slop submissions. GitHub is considering a kill switch to let maintainers disable pull requests, 00:03:00.240 --> 00:03:06.320 entirely for the same reason, and Tailwind Labs laid off 75% of its engineers after AI tools 00:03:06.400 --> 00:03:11.120 tanked their revenue. As for whether MALLUS is satire, well on the one hand, 00:03:11.120 --> 00:03:16.800 its blog includes cartoonishly villainous posts thanking maintainers for their unpaid labor, 00:03:16.800 --> 00:03:22.240 and testimonials from clients like Chad Stockholder at Profit First LLC. 00:03:23.120 --> 00:03:28.720 On the other hand, a guy named Chad Stockholder is, on paper, arguably more believable than 00:03:28.720 --> 00:03:33.280 about half of the weirdo tech bros in Silicon Valley. Now in case you hadn't noticed, today 00:03:33.280 --> 00:03:37.520 was April Fool's, aka the hardest day of the year for us here, 00:03:37.520 --> 00:03:43.040 because Timu TikTok's store Slop has completely flooded the internet and it's hard to tell what's 00:03:43.040 --> 00:03:49.920 real. These are probably jokes, though, that I'm gonna say now. Yahoo showed off the scroll stopper, 00:03:49.920 --> 00:03:55.040 a thumb helmet inspired by what I can only imagine is Juggernaut, the marvel bad guy, 00:03:55.040 --> 00:03:59.520 designed to physically stop you from doom scrolling. And I'm kinda sad that this is a 00:03:59.520 --> 00:04:03.520 joke because for a second there, I thought I knew one thing that Yahoo still does. 00:04:03.520 --> 00:04:09.360 PlayStation's Project Playmo goes the opposite direction, letting AI take over your controller, 00:04:09.360 --> 00:04:13.120 your gameplay, and maybe one day, your role as a father and husband. 00:04:13.680 --> 00:04:19.680 Triggers meet AI glasses promise real-time steak intelligence for those who love meat 00:04:19.680 --> 00:04:26.400 and don't love meta. There's gotta be some crossover. Metro by T-Mobile dropped Kalaon, 00:04:26.480 --> 00:04:30.640 a phone-based fragrance so you can smell like an old Nokia, 00:04:30.640 --> 00:04:36.160 and Sega released a sanic shirt collection that thankfully did not include Sonichu. 00:04:36.160 --> 00:04:40.880 CD Projekt Red's Project Roach, or Ride on a Controller Horse, 00:04:41.600 --> 00:04:46.080 is exactly what it sounds like, an experience that gaming has been sorely lacking until now. 00:04:46.080 --> 00:04:50.400 MSI added a catbed to a monitor ARM because of course they did, and I want it. 00:04:50.400 --> 00:04:55.200 And then there were these articles, one from TechSpot about AMD buying Intel, 00:04:55.200 --> 00:04:59.760 which is thankfully not true, or it would trigger the shitty naming scheme apocalypse, 00:04:59.760 --> 00:05:08.240 and another one from TechPowerUp about AMD's answer to DLSS5, called FSR5 Scarlet Cortex, 00:05:08.240 --> 00:05:13.920 which genuinely broke my brain because it's seven pages long, with AMD branded presentation 00:05:13.920 --> 00:05:19.040 slides, detailed diagrams, and even interactive comparisons, which is a lot of work for an 00:05:19.040 --> 00:05:24.080 April Fool's joke about a feature that, in all likelihood, AMD is probably going to release 00:05:24.080 --> 00:05:29.280 for real at some point soon. We confirmed with AMD that this is not real, for now. 00:05:29.280 --> 00:05:33.600 But like, it's like making an April Fool's joke about Apple working on the iPhone 18. 00:05:33.600 --> 00:05:36.000 Haha, what if they did that? They're going to! 00:05:37.600 --> 00:05:43.520 Oh man, look at you. You've seen so many April Fool's jokes that your entire internal model 00:05:43.520 --> 00:05:48.880 of reality is breaking down. You're like, straight up, been set ontologically adrift, 00:05:49.760 --> 00:05:56.720 get got, son! Anthropic accidentally open sourced part of AI coding tool clod code 00:05:56.720 --> 00:06:02.240 source code. Say that five times fast, I won't. The flub was spotted by security researcher 00:06:02.240 --> 00:06:09.120 Chow Fan Xu, who linked to the relevant zip archive on Twitter. Anthropic told Axios it was a 00:06:09.120 --> 00:06:14.880 release packaging issue caused by human error, not a security breach. I feel like those can be the 00:06:14.880 --> 00:06:20.560 same thing, but so at least no user data was leaked. Cis admins on Reddit point out the sweet 00:06:20.560 --> 00:06:27.040 irony of Anthropic building 23 separate layers of bash security, only to be undone by one 00:06:27.040 --> 00:06:34.240 misconfigured text file. I wouldn't have done that. Anthropic has since DMCA'd the leaks, 00:06:34.240 --> 00:06:39.760 because publicly accessible data is only valid when Anthropic is the one doing the scraping. 00:06:39.840 --> 00:06:47.920 Okay, FYI. NASA's Artemis-2 successfully launched today at 6.24pm Eastern Daylight Time from NASA's Kennedy 00:06:47.920 --> 00:06:54.240 Space Center in Florida, the first crewed mission beyond low Earth orbit since Apollo 17 in the 00:06:54.240 --> 00:07:00.720 70s. The 10 day lunar flyby is part of a longer roadmap in the Artemis program, focusing on lunar 00:07:00.720 --> 00:07:07.200 exploration and carries the first black astronaut, first woman astronaut, and even the first Canadian 00:07:07.200 --> 00:07:12.640 astronaut to ever visit the moon's orbit, shattering the glass dome that encompasses the 00:07:12.640 --> 00:07:17.920 entire Earth, causing our atmosphere to vent into space and giving us all hours to live. 00:07:18.480 --> 00:07:22.880 But at least those guys will get to see the moon. Oracle is laying off thousands of its 00:07:22.880 --> 00:07:28.960 employees as the company decides AI data centers have a better value proposition than people. 00:07:28.960 --> 00:07:35.600 Workers across the US, India, Canada, and Mexico received a termination email from Oracle leadership 00:07:35.600 --> 00:07:44.160 at 6am, which is an AI robot thing, with no prior warning and access to systems was cut immediately. 00:07:44.160 --> 00:07:48.000 Senior operations manager Michael Shepard took to LinkedIn to write, 00:07:48.000 --> 00:07:53.520 To my colleagues who are impacted today, your worth is not defined by this moment. 00:07:53.520 --> 00:07:56.960 A post looking like it was drafted with chat dbt. 00:07:56.960 --> 00:08:00.960 But I think what calms my restless heart is knowing somewhere out there, 00:08:00.960 --> 00:08:06.800 Larry Ellison is unaffected by all this sipping chardonnay in a bubble bath while keeping his 00:08:06.800 --> 00:08:11.520 perfect wax visage out of the water so it doesn't melt off his head. 00:08:11.520 --> 00:08:18.160 Over a hundred of Baidu's Apollo Go robotaxies turned into 4000 pound paperweights on Wuhan 00:08:18.160 --> 00:08:24.160 highways Tuesday night after a total system failure, the second worst news to come out of Wuhan in the 00:08:24.160 --> 00:08:25.200 last six years. 00:08:27.680 --> 00:08:33.200 Passengers were trapped for almost two hours, some stranded in the middle of high speed lanes with 00:08:33.200 --> 00:08:41.040 trucks speeding past them, some of them those driverless blocks that are just, there's no humans 00:08:41.040 --> 00:08:47.920 in there. Okay, China uses, you've seen them. One passenger told a journalist it took her 30 00:08:47.920 --> 00:08:53.440 minutes just to connect to a customer representative. Turns out AI drivers don't get sleepy, 00:08:53.520 --> 00:08:58.400 but they do occasionally decide to take a simultaneous unprompted coffee break in traffic. 00:08:59.040 --> 00:09:08.080 This'll be fine. Let's do more of this. And scientists at USC built a memory chip that works at 700 degrees Celsius, 00:09:08.080 --> 00:09:13.440 which could finally allow computers to be used by denizens of the elemental plane of fire. 00:09:13.440 --> 00:09:18.960 The team used tungsten, ceramic, and a single atom thick graphene layer to block the 00:09:18.960 --> 00:09:25.360 short circuits that normally kill chips in extreme heat. It held data for over 50 hours at 700 00:09:25.360 --> 00:09:29.920 degrees and survived over a billion switching cycles at that temperature. So for all the 00:09:29.920 --> 00:09:35.280 supervillains out there who have been eyeing up those primo volcano locations for their evil 00:09:35.280 --> 00:09:41.440 data centers, now's your time to shine. Teal, I'm looking at you. And I'm looking at you, 00:09:42.080 --> 00:09:48.320 viewer, hoping you'll come back on Friday. Oh, just kidding. We got you again. It's a stat holiday. 00:09:49.520 --> 00:09:54.480 We'll be back on Monday, April 6th with more tech news. Man, you are really gullible. You should 00:09:54.480 --> 00:09:58.880 do something about that, like severely doubt everything and maintain heinously high standards 00:09:58.880 --> 00:10:02.480 of evidence. No intuition or vibes at all. Just question everything. Try that.