1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,800 Oh, well, I'm sorry to say we don't have any tech news today, April Fool! 2 00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:12,000 I'm so like, I got you so good to look on your face. 3 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:16,080 I love this holiday. It's good that we do this. Iran! 4 00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:24,880 Iran has announced plans to attack 18 major tech companies across the Middle East, 5 00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:30,320 either as part of its ongoing military conflict with the US, or the most ambitious April Fool's 6 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:36,160 joke of all time. The threat was posted to Telegram on Tuesday, naming Apple, Google, 7 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:42,400 Microsoft, Meta, NVIDIA, Boeing, and GE. Among the companies it accused of helping the US 8 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:49,440 and Israeli military carry out strikes on Iran. Wait, GE? Is the US dropping shitty 9 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:54,240 washer dryers on their enemies now? You're gonna have to run the Ayatollah or whoever's 10 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:57,760 pants through the wash twice if he doesn't want weird detergent residue on them? 11 00:00:58,560 --> 00:00:59,840 What do you have against GE? 12 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:07,680 These tech companies have thousands of employees across the Gulf region, who were warned to 13 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:13,440 evacuate a 1 kilometer radius around all targeted facilities. The attacks were expected to start 14 00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:19,920 at 8pm Tehran time on April 1st, but as of recording, no strikes have been confirmed. 15 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:26,960 Risk management firm Helix's CEO, James Henderson, told CNBC that since AI is now being used as a 16 00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:32,160 weapon in the theater of war, cloud infrastructure assets like data centers will be pulled into 17 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:38,720 conflict more and more, and then also GE, for some reason. I mean, their microwaves suck, 18 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:46,720 but are they like, Jihad bad? The writer that wrote that is Muslim by the way, so I'm allowed. 19 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:59,280 Open source software is under siege from AI, and not in the fun Steven Segal way either. 20 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:05,360 Two security researchers recently launched an AI tool that can clone entire open source projects 21 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:12,480 as a tongue-in-cheek provocation to show how easily AI can be used to bypass open source licensing. 22 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:21,520 The dubiously named MALLUS, spelled M-A-L-U-S, recreates software from public documentation alone, 23 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:27,520 producing code that's functionally identical to the original, but proprietary. The seemingly 24 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:32,800 satirical service markets itself as targeting companies that don't want to credit the original 25 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:38,720 developers or share their changes back to the project, promising legally distinct code with 26 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:44,000 corporate friendly licensing. It's still unclear whether MALLUS is real or not, 27 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:49,600 but what is definitely real is the broader threat to genuinely beloved open source tools. 28 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:54,880 Curl was forced to shut down its bug bounty program to stem the massive tide of vibe-coded 29 00:02:54,880 --> 00:03:00,240 slop submissions. GitHub is considering a kill switch to let maintainers disable pull requests, 30 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:06,320 entirely for the same reason, and Tailwind Labs laid off 75% of its engineers after AI tools 31 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:11,120 tanked their revenue. As for whether MALLUS is satire, well on the one hand, 32 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:16,800 its blog includes cartoonishly villainous posts thanking maintainers for their unpaid labor, 33 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:22,240 and testimonials from clients like Chad Stockholder at Profit First LLC. 34 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:28,720 On the other hand, a guy named Chad Stockholder is, on paper, arguably more believable than 35 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:33,280 about half of the weirdo tech bros in Silicon Valley. Now in case you hadn't noticed, today 36 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:37,520 was April Fool's, aka the hardest day of the year for us here, 37 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:43,040 because Timu TikTok's store Slop has completely flooded the internet and it's hard to tell what's 38 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:49,920 real. These are probably jokes, though, that I'm gonna say now. Yahoo showed off the scroll stopper, 39 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:55,040 a thumb helmet inspired by what I can only imagine is Juggernaut, the marvel bad guy, 40 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:59,520 designed to physically stop you from doom scrolling. And I'm kinda sad that this is a 41 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:03,520 joke because for a second there, I thought I knew one thing that Yahoo still does. 42 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:09,360 PlayStation's Project Playmo goes the opposite direction, letting AI take over your controller, 43 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:13,120 your gameplay, and maybe one day, your role as a father and husband. 44 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:19,680 Triggers meet AI glasses promise real-time steak intelligence for those who love meat 45 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:26,400 and don't love meta. There's gotta be some crossover. Metro by T-Mobile dropped Kalaon, 46 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:30,640 a phone-based fragrance so you can smell like an old Nokia, 47 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:36,160 and Sega released a sanic shirt collection that thankfully did not include Sonichu. 48 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:40,880 CD Projekt Red's Project Roach, or Ride on a Controller Horse, 49 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:46,080 is exactly what it sounds like, an experience that gaming has been sorely lacking until now. 50 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:50,400 MSI added a catbed to a monitor ARM because of course they did, and I want it. 51 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:55,200 And then there were these articles, one from TechSpot about AMD buying Intel, 52 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:59,760 which is thankfully not true, or it would trigger the shitty naming scheme apocalypse, 53 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:08,240 and another one from TechPowerUp about AMD's answer to DLSS5, called FSR5 Scarlet Cortex, 54 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:13,920 which genuinely broke my brain because it's seven pages long, with AMD branded presentation 55 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:19,040 slides, detailed diagrams, and even interactive comparisons, which is a lot of work for an 56 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:24,080 April Fool's joke about a feature that, in all likelihood, AMD is probably going to release 57 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:29,280 for real at some point soon. We confirmed with AMD that this is not real, for now. 58 00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:33,600 But like, it's like making an April Fool's joke about Apple working on the iPhone 18. 59 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,000 Haha, what if they did that? They're going to! 60 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:43,520 Oh man, look at you. You've seen so many April Fool's jokes that your entire internal model 61 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:48,880 of reality is breaking down. You're like, straight up, been set ontologically adrift, 62 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:56,720 get got, son! Anthropic accidentally open sourced part of AI coding tool clod code 63 00:05:56,720 --> 00:06:02,240 source code. Say that five times fast, I won't. The flub was spotted by security researcher 64 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:09,120 Chow Fan Xu, who linked to the relevant zip archive on Twitter. Anthropic told Axios it was a 65 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:14,880 release packaging issue caused by human error, not a security breach. I feel like those can be the 66 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:20,560 same thing, but so at least no user data was leaked. Cis admins on Reddit point out the sweet 67 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:27,040 irony of Anthropic building 23 separate layers of bash security, only to be undone by one 68 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:34,240 misconfigured text file. I wouldn't have done that. Anthropic has since DMCA'd the leaks, 69 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:39,760 because publicly accessible data is only valid when Anthropic is the one doing the scraping. 70 00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:47,920 Okay, FYI. NASA's Artemis-2 successfully launched today at 6.24pm Eastern Daylight Time from NASA's Kennedy 71 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:54,240 Space Center in Florida, the first crewed mission beyond low Earth orbit since Apollo 17 in the 72 00:06:54,240 --> 00:07:00,720 70s. The 10 day lunar flyby is part of a longer roadmap in the Artemis program, focusing on lunar 73 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:07,200 exploration and carries the first black astronaut, first woman astronaut, and even the first Canadian 74 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:12,640 astronaut to ever visit the moon's orbit, shattering the glass dome that encompasses the 75 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:17,920 entire Earth, causing our atmosphere to vent into space and giving us all hours to live. 76 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:22,880 But at least those guys will get to see the moon. Oracle is laying off thousands of its 77 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:28,960 employees as the company decides AI data centers have a better value proposition than people. 78 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:35,600 Workers across the US, India, Canada, and Mexico received a termination email from Oracle leadership 79 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:44,160 at 6am, which is an AI robot thing, with no prior warning and access to systems was cut immediately. 80 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:48,000 Senior operations manager Michael Shepard took to LinkedIn to write, 81 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:53,520 To my colleagues who are impacted today, your worth is not defined by this moment. 82 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:56,960 A post looking like it was drafted with chat dbt. 83 00:07:56,960 --> 00:08:00,960 But I think what calms my restless heart is knowing somewhere out there, 84 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:06,800 Larry Ellison is unaffected by all this sipping chardonnay in a bubble bath while keeping his 85 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:11,520 perfect wax visage out of the water so it doesn't melt off his head. 86 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:18,160 Over a hundred of Baidu's Apollo Go robotaxies turned into 4000 pound paperweights on Wuhan 87 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:24,160 highways Tuesday night after a total system failure, the second worst news to come out of Wuhan in the 88 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:25,200 last six years. 89 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:33,200 Passengers were trapped for almost two hours, some stranded in the middle of high speed lanes with 90 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:41,040 trucks speeding past them, some of them those driverless blocks that are just, there's no humans 91 00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:47,920 in there. Okay, China uses, you've seen them. One passenger told a journalist it took her 30 92 00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:53,440 minutes just to connect to a customer representative. Turns out AI drivers don't get sleepy, 93 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:58,400 but they do occasionally decide to take a simultaneous unprompted coffee break in traffic. 94 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:08,080 This'll be fine. Let's do more of this. And scientists at USC built a memory chip that works at 700 degrees Celsius, 95 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:13,440 which could finally allow computers to be used by denizens of the elemental plane of fire. 96 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:18,960 The team used tungsten, ceramic, and a single atom thick graphene layer to block the 97 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:25,360 short circuits that normally kill chips in extreme heat. It held data for over 50 hours at 700 98 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:29,920 degrees and survived over a billion switching cycles at that temperature. So for all the 99 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:35,280 supervillains out there who have been eyeing up those primo volcano locations for their evil 100 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:41,440 data centers, now's your time to shine. Teal, I'm looking at you. And I'm looking at you, 101 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:48,320 viewer, hoping you'll come back on Friday. Oh, just kidding. We got you again. It's a stat holiday. 102 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:54,480 We'll be back on Monday, April 6th with more tech news. Man, you are really gullible. You should 103 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:58,880 do something about that, like severely doubt everything and maintain heinously high standards 104 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:02,480 of evidence. No intuition or vibes at all. Just question everything. Try that.