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It does occur to me occasionally that humanity has built machines that produce

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with terrible confidence inane, tripe, and cod swallow.

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One hesitates to call this progress, and yet forward we march.

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Nintendo is raising the global prices of the Switch 2 starting September 1st.

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Prices in the US and Canada will jump by 50 bucks, while Europeans can delight in the strength of

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their currency, only seeing a 30 euro increase, which I think is pretty close to being 50 bucks.

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Anyway, uh, haven't checked. 4835 Canadian. Okay, pretty close.

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The Japanese, however, were hit the hardest, as every Switch configuration will cost more,

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not just the Switch 2. Nintendo Switch Online is also going up in Japan and South Korea starting

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July 1st. Nintendo blames the changes on market conditions, which is another way of saying the

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AI boom has been hoovering up every memory chip on Earth and feeding them to chatbots that have

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mostly helped people write LinkedIn posts. LinkedIn users are happy, though.

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To be fair to Nintendo, though, Sony already hiked the PS5 price back in March,

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so Nintendo's just following suit. Xbox also had some price hikes recently, but no one buys

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those. Unsurprisingly, Nintendo expects sales to dip 17% compared to last year.

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Well, at least it seems like they know what they're doing. And that's reassuring.

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French prosecutors have escalated their probe into Elon Musk and the platform,

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formerly known as Twitter, to a full criminal investigation. The probe kicked off in January

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2025 over allegations of Musk using X for political manipulation, and it then ramped up when Grok

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went mecha-Hitler and started generating deepfakes and CSAM at the end of last year. Very cool.

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This prompted French officials to raid X's Paris offices in February and issue a summons for Musk

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and former X CEO Linda Jacarino to appear in Paris on April 20th. Unsurprisingly,

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both of them no-showed, but Musk did make sure to let everyone know what he thought of the summons,

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tweeting that the prosecutors had intellectual disabilities, but not phrasing it like that at

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all and definitely phrasing it in the way you know he would have said it.

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The U.S. Justice Department is refusing to cooperate with the investigation, claiming the

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French government is wrongfully regulating an American social media platform. Hey,

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if the French want to regulate our companies, they need to come over here and do a regime change

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like a normal country. Meta is rolling out an AI tool that scans your kids' bones.

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Why are they scanning their bones in order to figure out their ages? It's not weird.

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The company is reportedly launching this as a form of age verification that doesn't require ID

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or facial scanning, instead using photos to extract things like height, posture, and bone structure.

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The rollout is likely response to a preliminary EU finding that Meta is violating the digital

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services act by failing to keep under-13s off of its platforms and also probably that

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recent New Mexico ruling that found Meta liable for misleading users about child safety.

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Critics have largely dismissed the whole bones-based broach as AI phrenology aimed at appeasing

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regulators rather than actually keeping kids off the platform. Meta probably wants those kids

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on the platform. Meta however claims that its goal is to limit the cases of children

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circumventing facial scanning technology using sophisticated techniques like drawing on a fake

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mustache, which Wired reported was exactly how a 12-year-old convinced a facial scanning-based

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age verification system that he was 15, an age at which many children famously grow mustaches.

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I mean now if those kids want to get past age verification, they'll need at least

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two other kids and a trench coat and maybe our sponsor. I confess I am awfully fond of the quick

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bits and I shall endeavor not to be greedy. Why? Why?

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TCL showed off a display panel with a refresh rate of just 0.01 hertz. That's one frame

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every 100 seconds, as opposed to one hertz, which is one frame every second. LG only just

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started rolling out those one-hertz panels, but TCL wanted to top the competition and move

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100 times slower. The display uses 12 independent zones to swap between 120 hertz

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and basically a static image. Yeah, and TCL estimates it could add over an hour of video

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playback. It's the ideal display for watching paint dry in stunning 4K. The hacking group

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Shiny Hunters has infiltrated the widely used Canvas learning portal for thousands of schools,

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including prestigious organizations like Harvard, Columbia and Princeton. The group claims it

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stole around 275 million records from Canvas' parent company Instructure, including names,

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emails and student IDs. They've now given affected schools until May 12th to negotiate a

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settlement before the data gets leaked. The silver lining for a lot of those kids that might get

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their info leaked is that it happened during finals week. So now they have a few extra days

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to try not to fail calculus too. It might be worth it. OpenAI launched GPT 5.5 Cyber,

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a version of 5.5 with fewer guardrails for vetted defenders in its Trusted Access for Cyber

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program. It handles bug hunting, malware reverse engineering and penetration testing.

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It comes a month after Sam Altman criticized Anthropic for gating mythos, calling it

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fear-based marketing. At this point, Altman and Amade are performing

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anything you can do at each other across San Francisco. And everyone's watching.

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Nobody show this to Lin-Manuel Miranda. I don't want to give him any ideas.

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And a Verge reporter was run over by a YARBO lawnmower for science after researcher

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Andreas Makris hijacked it from 6,000 miles away. These $5,000 robots ship with hard-coded

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root passwords, allowing hackers to override safety stops and steal Wi-Fi credentials.

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Now despite Makris reporting the flaw, YARBO initially called the back door

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a deliberate design decision. They have now publicly said they are taking action.

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By giving the 200 pound robot with spinning blades a password. Seems like a good idea.

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And I have an even better idea. Why don't you come back here on Monday for more tech news?

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And I will stop doing this accent. I'm so sorry. I apologize to all the UK. Love you.