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The most precious substance in the universe is tech news.

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He who controls the tech news controls the universe.

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The tech news must flow. Valve has pushed out what they described as a small update

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to Counter-Strike 2 that wiped out nearly $2 billion

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from the game's player-driven economy overnight. The October patch quietly changed

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how trade-up contracts work. Instead of having to buy expensive stuff,

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you could just trade in a bundle of cheap crap for ultra-rare knives.

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This deen-deen-deen-deen-deen-deen update single-handedly detonated the steam community market

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overnight sending the value of long-horted items

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into freefall. Bloomberg reports total losses of over $1.75 billion

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in under 24 hours. In perhaps the greatest redistribution of wealth

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NVIDIA game history, well-to-do players on social media are showing several thousands in losses

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whilst the little guys are actually coming out ahead. One lucky user's inventory of previously low-tiered skins

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is currently being valued at three million US dollars.

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But why did Valve do this? Well, this would stimulate a bunch of transactions

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and they do make a kickback off of each sale,

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but Valve wouldn't do that, right?

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No, no. Literally no, they must have some other reason.

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But maybe. Microsoft just pinched off its fall co-pilot release

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and amongst a handful of updates for Edge, they introduced Miko, a new optional visual presence.

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It didn't take long for every tech news site to draw parallels between Microsoft's blobby new mascot

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and Clippy, Microsoft's old office assistant.

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I'm not sure Miko can become as beloved or memed on as Clippy,

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but Clippy never changed colors to reflect your interactions.

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For an amorphous blob, Miko's grown on me.

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Wouldn't be the first. And another thing that's growing is Microsoft's Edge browser,

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which finally got a bunch of AI features that were announced back in July.

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In Edge's new co-pilot mode, you can use co-pilot actions to set up AI-assisted

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multi-step tasks for the browser to complete.

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And the journeys feature lets you save projects without bookmarks, relying on co-pilot's memory

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of your searches to jump back into a project.

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Like with OpenAI's recently released Atlas browser, co-pilot does require permission to access your private data

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and you'll see queues when co-pilot is active in your browser.

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Speaking of Atlas, the timing of these Edge updates coincides

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with OpenAI trying to make AI browsing cool,

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but they're not off to a great start as Atlas is being called agonizingly slow.

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Atlas was supposed to bring about vibe-living,

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but by not letting you do online banking or visit the New York Times,

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people are thinking it's more of a vibe killer.

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Not chill, Atlas. I'm going back to Boomer Browsing.

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In other Microsoft news, we may have found the smoking gun

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that led to Xbox's recent price hikes. According to a report from Bloomberg's Jason Schreyer,

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in fall 2023, Microsoft's Master Chief Financial Officer

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Amy Hood told the Xbox division to target 30% profit margins

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or accountability margins, as they apparently call them.

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This is an eye-watering number considering gaming companies reportedly maintain profit

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margins closer to 17 to 22% most of the time.

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The aggressive targets apparently compelled Xbox to introduce significant policy changes to keep up,

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which has resulted in layoffs and price hikes.

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If they really wanted to make some money, they should release Halo 1 PlayStation,

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which is exactly what they announced literally right before we started shooting this video,

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which is so cool of them. We didn't have time to dive deep, but essentially a full remake of the Halo 1 campaign

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is coming to the Xbox Store, Steam, and PlayStation 5 in 2026.

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As Phil Spencer probably said, please buy multiple copies, please.

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He probably said that. It's not all bad looks for Xbox though,

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as old Phil and Miss Spence just told Japanese gaming publication, Femitsu,

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in the last year, Xbox's playtime has increased by around 20% in Japan,

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a region notorious for hating Xbox. Unfortunately, it's still mostly bad looks for Xbox though,

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because some YouTubers claim the new ROG Xbox Ally handheld systems

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perform better and smoother with the Steam OS like Bazlight Linux OS

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instead of the Windows OS that comes pre-installed.

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CyberDopamine and ETA Prime both have videos on the subject with similar findings.

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Windows just isn't quite comfortable on handhelds yet,

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but you know where you may be more comfortable, you will be on our sponsor.

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Don't fear, QuickBits. QuickBits are the mind-filler. I will face my QuickBits.

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I will permit them to pass through me and over me and in me.

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Apple says its beloved app tracking transparency feature,

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the one that stops apps from following you around like a clingy ex, might soon be disabled in Europe.

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The company claims intense lobbying efforts in countries like Germany and Italy

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could force it to withdraw the privacy tool to the detriment of European consumers.

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This statement comes after a probe launched by German,

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they love their probes. Back in 2022 and fines from France's competition authority

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back in March of this year. When will these socialists stop?

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Don't you people want the freedom to be exploited? The American way?

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Yeehaw! Yeehaw! And in what might be the most shocking Apple news this week,

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the company is developing a new app migration kit,

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a framework to help users move their data from iOS to Android.

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You know, the opposite of what they usually want their customers to do? The tool, quietly detailed on Apple's developer site,

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would let apps securely transfer user data between platforms.

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The reason? Likely EU regulatory pressure.

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That's what causes all good things in this world. Though Apple hasn't said that outright.

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Either way, Apple removing their head out of their ass a little bit more is good news for everybody.

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Forget what I said at the end of the last story. Samsung and SK Hynix are reportedly raising memory prices

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by up to 30% according to Trend Force and Hang Yung.

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This increase hits both DRAM and NAN Flash, the stuff that powers your RAM and SSDs.

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The reason? Surging AI demand and long-term data center contracts

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gobbling up supply. Great news for chip makers, but terrible news

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for anyone planning a PC upgrade. At this rate, your next 16 gigs of RAM

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might end up costing more than the game you bought it for.

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Just joking, those are going up in price too. Nike has revealed Project Amplify,

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a new line of powered footwear designed to enhance leg

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and ankle movement. The shoes feature built-in actuators

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and motion sensors to assist with every step. But the design is giving Marty McFly mags

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crossed with your dad's prescription knee brace. Nike's cinematic pro-mo shows glowing futuristic athletes,

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but explains nothing about how they work. I assume over-the-air updates.

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Nike Air, I'll see myself out.

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Thank you. An FBI investigation is alleging that NBA players,

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coaches, and alumni were involved in a nationwide poker conspiracy,

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straight out of a heist movie. The scheme involved leering wealthy people

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who wanted to play cards against celebrities, such as 2004 NBA finals MVP, Chauncey Phillips,

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into underground poker games, where everyone else was in on the plot

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to take the target's money. Aren't NBA players rich enough?

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The FBI alleges that the perpetrators relied on technology like rig-shuffling machines,

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cards with marks on them that could only be seen using special sunglasses or contact lenses,

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and naturally x-ray friggin' tables to cheat.

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Apparently, the victims were hustled out of at least $7 million.

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I guess you could say these gamblers were really ballin' out.

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Now, seriously, I should leave.

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But you should stay, or come back again, on Monday for more tech news.

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I know there's another episode coming, because oddly enough, my co-writer quoted Lynch's dune

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when he told me to restore tech news production or live my life out in a pain amplifier.

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I've gotta call HR about that. No gum, Jabar, is that work, pinball?

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Darn.