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You know when you wake up and you can't move and there's a hunch demon sitting

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on your chest whispering dark implications?

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That's your sleep paralysis demon Doug. And today he's whispering the tech news.

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Microsoft has finally admitted to itself that Windows 11 sucks. According to a

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leaked report, it has created an internal initiative to fix the much

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belleaguered OS code named K2. So named

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because ripping out all that bloatware will be as hard as a 28,000 foot

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vertical ascent. The plan follows Microsoft's commitment to win back users

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by addressing their pain points as announced by Windows President Pavan

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Davaleri back in March. Leaks say K2 will rebuild the start menu from scratch

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in Win UI3, removing ads and making it

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up to 60% faster. K2 also includes a

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full file explorer overhaul. Don't touch what I love. More reliable Windows

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updates and debloating the OS to run better on handhelds. For gaming, leaks

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say Microsoft's using Valve Steam OS as a performance benchmark, likely because

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the next Xbox console will run Windows 11 for better or worse. In the meantime,

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Windows 11 is trying for some quick wins by adding screen tints to reduce

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migraines. Sure, Pavon, it was the blue light causing migraines. Not every

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single patch Tuesday coming with 100 bugs that bricked your machine. IT

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COULDN'T HAVE BEEN THAT. Open AAI is planning to release its own smartphone.

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According to a report from supply chain analyst Mingchi Quo, Quo says OpenAI is

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working with Qualcomm and MediaTek on the processors with Lux Share as the

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exclusive co-design and manufacturing partner. If true, this would make for

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the third hardware product OpenAI is planning to release after Jooni's smart

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speaker and earbuds and not including that weird orb that Altman keeps trying

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to scam I mean scam people with. The goal with the smartphone product would

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be to compete with the iPhone by replacing apps with AI agents. Ah, yes.

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I've always wanted to let my phone hallucinate directions to the closest

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Burger King. I don't care that this is a bank. I WANT A WHOPPER. GODDAMN IT. IT'S

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WEDNESDAY. Qualcomm shares jumped 13% in pre-market trading this morning after

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Qu's post. Further evidence that the market continues to be as irrational as

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your uncle. 12 beers in at a Fourth of July party, claiming he can clear the

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pool if he gets a running start at it. Give him a chance. Intel has reportedly

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cancelled its nextG celestial discrete gaming GPUs, leaving ARC fans with no

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successor in sight to the Battle Mage B580. But they do this all the time with

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ARC, don't they? According to leaker Jaken, Celestial, the architecture meant

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to follow Battle Mage, was killed long ago, and Intel just didn't tell us.

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Which is a fun new way to break up with your customers. The chip design isn't

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dead. It's just going to Panther Lake laptops and AI data centers instead,

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where Intel can sell one chip with 160 gigs of memory for more than a whole

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stack of gaming cards. That leaves Druid as the only hope for a B580 successor,

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but Jacin says even that is up in the air. So, if you were waiting for an

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affordable art car to come in and fix the GPU market, you may want to start

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waiting for something else like HalfLife

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3 or OUR SPONSOR B.DEV. THE WAY OF the

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watch videos, but by making you write real code and build real projects. Each

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project is another fold in the steel, reinforcing your skills, hardening your

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blade, WHICH IN THIS CASE IS your mind. Hya.

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Should you falter, Boots, the Bear Wizard, is your personal AI tutor. He

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Much like your sleep paralysis demon, the quick bits also travel the nightmare

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realms, but they're mostly delivering Uber Eats orders. Microsoft is finally

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letting Windows insiders pause updates indefinitely in 35day chunks. They can

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extend forever via a new calendar interface. The feature is rolling out to

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dev and experimental testers with no cap on how many times you can hit extend

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extend. Of course, indefinitely here means clicking a button every 35 days

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for the rest of your natural life on a beta build for the same OS that bricked

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itself with the last three updates. But hey, something's better than nothing.

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Commodore has reversed course on locking down third-party firmware for its C64

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Ultimate Retro PC after community backlash, opting for a use at your own

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risk disclaimer instead. The original policy was meant to stop users from

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breaking their machines with custom mods and asking Commodore to fix it. Now

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you're free to brick your C64 all you want, which is exactly the kind of

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problem 80s hobbyists fought a war to have. Welcome back to 1982, cowards.

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Meta has signed a deal with startup Overview Energy to beam solar power from

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satellites down to its AI data centers, becoming the first company to lock in a

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space-based solar agreement. The contract reserves up to 1 gawatt of

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capacity with an orbital demo planned for 2028 and commercial delivery by

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2030, that magical year that all policies started. Honestly, firing

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directed energy signals from orbit at a precise location on Earth feels like

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Zuck may have finally found a company to help him phone home. The war in Iran is

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reportedly disrupting the global supply chain for printed circuit boards,

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further driving up computer component costs, as if that needed help. According

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to Goldman Sachs, PCB prices increased by 40% between March and April. And

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since they're used in everything that beeps and boops, the entire tech

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industry is feeling pressure. The shortage is due to a military strike on

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a refinery where chemical giant SEIC produces around 70% of the world's PPE

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resin. Here's hoping we can get that PPE flowing again soon. Why are there so

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many choke points in our system like this? And Toyota has unveiled a $3,500

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office chair built from an actual Toyota Crown front power seat with heating,

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cooling, power recline, and a seat belt buckle repurposed into a USBC charging

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port. It runs off a built-in battery, is limited to only 70 units, and is being

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sold exclusively in Japan. The seat belt is non-functional, and that's a real

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shame because I'd love to see Toyota's airbag deployment system go off mid

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Valerant match. probably happened to while you're getting teaagged, too. You're like, YOU SON OF A Just like I

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love to see you back here on Wednesday for more tech news. Because if I don't

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tell you the tech news, Doug says he's going to take me back to the never realm

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where all of time and space folds in on itself in an infinite toroid without

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beginning or end. See you.
