You know when you wake up and you can't move and there's a hunch demon sitting
on your chest whispering dark implications?
That's your sleep paralysis demon Doug. And today he's whispering the tech news.
Microsoft has finally admitted to itself that Windows 11 sucks. According to a
leaked report, it has created an internal initiative to fix the much
belleaguered OS code named K2. So named
because ripping out all that bloatware will be as hard as a 28,000 foot
vertical ascent. The plan follows Microsoft's commitment to win back users
by addressing their pain points as announced by Windows President Pavan
Davaleri back in March. Leaks say K2 will rebuild the start menu from scratch
in Win UI3, removing ads and making it
up to 60% faster. K2 also includes a
full file explorer overhaul. Don't touch what I love. More reliable Windows
updates and debloating the OS to run better on handhelds. For gaming, leaks
say Microsoft's using Valve Steam OS as a performance benchmark, likely because
the next Xbox console will run Windows 11 for better or worse. In the meantime,
Windows 11 is trying for some quick wins by adding screen tints to reduce
migraines. Sure, Pavon, it was the blue light causing migraines. Not every
single patch Tuesday coming with 100 bugs that bricked your machine. IT
COULDN'T HAVE BEEN THAT. Open AAI is planning to release its own smartphone.
According to a report from supply chain analyst Mingchi Quo, Quo says OpenAI is
working with Qualcomm and MediaTek on the processors with Lux Share as the
exclusive co-design and manufacturing partner. If true, this would make for
the third hardware product OpenAI is planning to release after Jooni's smart
speaker and earbuds and not including that weird orb that Altman keeps trying
to scam I mean scam people with. The goal with the smartphone product would
be to compete with the iPhone by replacing apps with AI agents. Ah, yes.
I've always wanted to let my phone hallucinate directions to the closest
Burger King. I don't care that this is a bank. I WANT A WHOPPER. GODDAMN IT. IT'S
WEDNESDAY. Qualcomm shares jumped 13% in pre-market trading this morning after
Qu's post. Further evidence that the market continues to be as irrational as
your uncle. 12 beers in at a Fourth of July party, claiming he can clear the
pool if he gets a running start at it. Give him a chance. Intel has reportedly
cancelled its nextG celestial discrete gaming GPUs, leaving ARC fans with no
successor in sight to the Battle Mage B580. But they do this all the time with
ARC, don't they? According to leaker Jaken, Celestial, the architecture meant
to follow Battle Mage, was killed long ago, and Intel just didn't tell us.
Which is a fun new way to break up with your customers. The chip design isn't
dead. It's just going to Panther Lake laptops and AI data centers instead,
where Intel can sell one chip with 160 gigs of memory for more than a whole
stack of gaming cards. That leaves Druid as the only hope for a B580 successor,
but Jacin says even that is up in the air. So, if you were waiting for an
affordable art car to come in and fix the GPU market, you may want to start
waiting for something else like HalfLife
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Much like your sleep paralysis demon, the quick bits also travel the nightmare
realms, but they're mostly delivering Uber Eats orders. Microsoft is finally
letting Windows insiders pause updates indefinitely in 35day chunks. They can
extend forever via a new calendar interface. The feature is rolling out to
dev and experimental testers with no cap on how many times you can hit extend
extend. Of course, indefinitely here means clicking a button every 35 days
for the rest of your natural life on a beta build for the same OS that bricked
itself with the last three updates. But hey, something's better than nothing.
Commodore has reversed course on locking down third-party firmware for its C64
Ultimate Retro PC after community backlash, opting for a use at your own
risk disclaimer instead. The original policy was meant to stop users from
breaking their machines with custom mods and asking Commodore to fix it. Now
you're free to brick your C64 all you want, which is exactly the kind of
problem 80s hobbyists fought a war to have. Welcome back to 1982, cowards.
Meta has signed a deal with startup Overview Energy to beam solar power from
satellites down to its AI data centers, becoming the first company to lock in a
space-based solar agreement. The contract reserves up to 1 gawatt of
capacity with an orbital demo planned for 2028 and commercial delivery by
2030, that magical year that all policies started. Honestly, firing
directed energy signals from orbit at a precise location on Earth feels like
Zuck may have finally found a company to help him phone home. The war in Iran is
reportedly disrupting the global supply chain for printed circuit boards,
further driving up computer component costs, as if that needed help. According
to Goldman Sachs, PCB prices increased by 40% between March and April. And
since they're used in everything that beeps and boops, the entire tech
industry is feeling pressure. The shortage is due to a military strike on
a refinery where chemical giant SEIC produces around 70% of the world's PPE
resin. Here's hoping we can get that PPE flowing again soon. Why are there so
many choke points in our system like this? And Toyota has unveiled a $3,500
office chair built from an actual Toyota Crown front power seat with heating,
cooling, power recline, and a seat belt buckle repurposed into a USBC charging
port. It runs off a built-in battery, is limited to only 70 units, and is being
sold exclusively in Japan. The seat belt is non-functional, and that's a real
shame because I'd love to see Toyota's airbag deployment system go off mid
Valerant match. probably happened to while you're getting teaagged, too. You're like, YOU SON OF A Just like I
love to see you back here on Wednesday for more tech news. Because if I don't
tell you the tech news, Doug says he's going to take me back to the never realm
where all of time and space folds in on itself in an infinite toroid without
beginning or end. See you.