{"video_id":"TvDLK_sAM0o","title":"Please Stop, Microsoft...","channel":"TechLinked","show":"TechLinked","published_at":"2026-03-05T14:53:29Z","duration_s":665,"segments":[{"start_s":0.0,"end_s":5.76,"text":"Oh my gosh. What?","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":3.36,"end_s":11.79,"text":"Oh my gosh. Wow. The tech news today. It made me do that.","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":8.88,"end_s":16.04,"text":"When have you ever seen me do that? So, >> [sighs and gasps]","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":13.48,"end_s":21.2,"text":">> that's how you know. Microsoft Windows 11 February update has led to reports of","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":18.96,"end_s":26.2,"text":"failed installations, broken network connections, and cryptic errors. Proving","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":23.8,"end_s":31.36,"text":"that as a public holiday, Patch Tuesday is less Easter and more Lent. You're","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":29.52,"end_s":35.84,"text":"supposed to refrain from eating while you atone for your computer sins.","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":33.4,"end_s":40.48,"text":"Microsoft, bless their hearts, says everything's fixed and points to their","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":37.76,"end_s":44.36,"text":"known issues page. But Reddit and the Microsoft Answers forums tell a","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":42.24,"end_s":48.16,"text":"different story. We're talking Wi-Fi connecting with no actual internet,","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":46.6,"end_s":52.76,"text":"Bluetooth controllers straight up disappearing mid-session, and at least","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":50.2,"end_s":56.8,"text":"one sysadmin on Reddit saying there was a three out of five chance his taskbar","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":55.08,"end_s":60.92,"text":"would just disappear. Can you find a way to get it back? It's like a game. Sure,","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":59.32,"end_s":65.56,"text":"some of these problems could be lingering issues left over from last","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":63.04,"end_s":69.84,"text":"month's File Explorer breaking update, but that doesn't exactly make Microsoft","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":67.48,"end_s":73.68,"text":"look better here. But I don't know. Maybe the devs are just busy with","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":71.32,"end_s":78.16,"text":"actually important things like deleting official blog posts that recommended","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":75.64,"end_s":82.4,"text":"people train AI models on pirated Harry Potter books. Blimey, Copilot, didn't","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":80.96,"end_s":90.0,"text":"you wonder where your parents learned it all? Learned what? You're a chatbot,","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":86.0,"end_s":93.84,"text":"Copilot. I'M A WHAT? A CHATBOT. And a","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":90.0,"end_s":95.64,"text":"company and I wager Oh. Meta CEO and","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":93.84,"end_s":99.96,"text":"former Innsmouth resident Mark Zuckerberg took the stand on Wednesday","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":97.8,"end_s":104.48,"text":"in a landmark social media addiction trial, where a 20-year-old plaintiff is","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":102.48,"end_s":109.56,"text":"alleging that Instagram's design worsened her depression and thoughts of","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":106.6,"end_s":113.64,"text":"self-harm. Zuck, seen here exiting the courtroom wearing his dad's suit, told","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":111.4,"end_s":118.16,"text":"the jury, \"I care about the well-being of teens and kids who are for our","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":115.4,"end_s":124.12,"text":"services.\" Pointing to an email he sent Tim Apple in 2018 to chat about child","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":120.84,"end_s":128.24,"text":"safety. Remember that, Tim? Yeah, fish","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":124.12,"end_s":130.24,"text":"boy. What a great guy. Thank you, Tim.","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":128.24,"end_s":135.64,"text":"Zuckerberg also admitted that Meta may have once set goals around increasing","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":133.12,"end_s":139.72,"text":"time spent by users, but that's no longer how they operate. Probably","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":137.56,"end_s":143.44,"text":"because they already tuned the hell out of the dopamine machine that is","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":141.36,"end_s":148.08,"text":"Instagram. That thing's cranking, it's working well. The trial's been generally","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":145.8,"end_s":153.2,"text":"rocky for the puppet turned billionaire with the prosecution showing the jury an","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":150.64,"end_s":158.0,"text":"internal Facebook email from 2017 stating, \"Mark has decided the top","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":155.48,"end_s":160.16,"text":"priority for the company is teens.\" That's crazy.","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":159.166,"end_s":164.32,"text":">> [laughter] >> CRAZY. ON TOP of that, the judge scolded","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":162.44,"end_s":169.28,"text":"him and his entourage for wearing camera-equipped Ray-Ban Meta glasses","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":166.959,"end_s":173.8,"text":"into the courtroom, threatening to hold them in contempt as, you may be aware of","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":171.6,"end_s":178.44,"text":"this, recording courtroom proceedings is often illegal, which to be fair, is not","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":176.72,"end_s":183.16,"text":"something big tech bros are often concerned about. Former Meta VP Brian","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":181.32,"end_s":188.4,"text":"Boland, though, seems like maybe one of the good ones. He took the stand after","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":185.72,"end_s":191.84,"text":"spending 11 years helping build Meta's ad machine.","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":190.08,"end_s":196.36,"text":"So, okay, maybe I don't know. Jury's out on him. He told the jury that","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":194.48,"end_s":201.64,"text":"Zuckerberg fostered a culture that prioritized growth over user safety, and","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":199.44,"end_s":205.88,"text":"that when concerns about harm came up, the primary response was to manage the","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":203.959,"end_s":210.56,"text":"press cycle rather than actually investigate the problem. Boland left the","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":208.0,"end_s":216.6,"text":"company in 2020, walking away from over $10 million in unvested stock. Imagine","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":214.56,"end_s":221.56,"text":"how unlikable Zuckerberg must be for someone to walk away from $10 million.","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":220.0,"end_s":225.44,"text":"I feel like that wins the court case right there. We've seen enough. You may","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":223.92,"end_s":229.519,"text":"have seen a bunch of headlines in circulation about how headphones are","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":227.4,"end_s":234.44,"text":"poisonous now or something, but don't worry, we looked [music] into it. So, an","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":231.84,"end_s":239.32,"text":"EU-funded coalition of Central European consumer groups tested 81 pairs of","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":236.72,"end_s":243.12,"text":"headphones and found harmful chemicals in every single one. They tested","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":241.44,"end_s":247.36,"text":"products from well-known brands like Bose, Samsung, and Sennheiser, but also","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":245.72,"end_s":251.12,"text":"stuff like off-brand children's headphones from Temu, which was","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":249.24,"end_s":255.76,"text":"apparently one of the worst offenders. So, that's nice. BPA, the bad chemical","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":253.92,"end_s":260.92,"text":"that every water bottle now has to assure you it does not contain, showed","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":257.959,"end_s":265.88,"text":"up in 98% of samples along with other bad boys like phthalates, chlorinated","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":263.44,"end_s":271.36,"text":"paraffins, and flame retardants, some of which can migrate through your skin,","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":269.16,"end_s":275.96,"text":"especially when you sweat. Now, while that does sound concerning, some have","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":273.76,"end_s":279.76,"text":"pointed out a couple methodologically weird things with the study, and just","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":277.96,"end_s":284.2,"text":"because headphones contain a chemical doesn't mean that it's going to get into","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":281.32,"end_s":288.2,"text":"your body and poison you. Nevertheless, certain media outlets have been","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":285.44,"end_s":292.16,"text":"sensationalizing the issue. PC Gamer went with \"All headphones are toxic.\"","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":290.72,"end_s":297.68,"text":"Tom's Guide said you should ditch your headphones for speakers, and The Guardian summarized the study's concerns","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":295.6,"end_s":302.0,"text":"as being partially about the risk of the feminization of males, Oh, no.","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":301.303,"end_s":308.2,"text":">> [laughter] >> which predictably sent Reddit into a spiral. Now, if you take the time to","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":305.84,"end_s":311.16,"text":"read it, the report is pretty reasonable. They're pointing out that","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":309.52,"end_s":315.04,"text":"companies are cramming in as much of these regulated chemicals as they can","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":313.24,"end_s":319.56,"text":"without getting in trouble, and then shifting to equally bad but unregulated","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":317.36,"end_s":323.72,"text":"substitutes when they get caught. Tox Free wants greater regulation to close","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":321.919,"end_s":326.919,"text":"loopholes like this, and we feel that it's important to point out that while","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":325.12,"end_s":331.32,"text":"some outlets may be overblowing the danger to society, the study itself","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":329.36,"end_s":336.76,"text":"brings some important issues to light, and maybe should be taken seriously,","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":334.44,"end_s":341.44,"text":"perhaps even more seriously than our sponsor. Rob Lab, look, I spend all day","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":1},{"start_s":339.68,"end_s":345.08,"text":"on the streets of New York City building skyscrapers and crawling around in the","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":1},{"start_s":343.24,"end_s":349.0,"text":"sewers with my brothers Tony, Frankie, Manny, Tony, Tony, and Tony. And when I","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":1},{"start_s":347.0,"end_s":353.8,"text":"get home, I don't want to apply for a permit just to set up a couch to relax","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":1},{"start_s":351.64,"end_s":357.48,"text":"on. Luckily, the M1 sofa from Rove Concepts pre-assembled. No tools, no","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":1},{"start_s":355.76,"end_s":361.48,"text":"instructions, no calling Tony to help you carry it up four flights of stairs.","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":1},{"start_s":359.28,"end_s":365.32,"text":"He's not reliable. Each piece is light enough to move solo. It's perfect for","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":1},{"start_s":363.24,"end_s":369.4,"text":"apartments, walk-ups, tight hallways, you name it. And it's modular, so you","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":1},{"start_s":367.6,"end_s":374.0,"text":"can add sections, rearrange the whole thing. No replacing the entire couch","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":1},{"start_s":371.88,"end_s":378.24,"text":"just cuz you moved to a bigger place. Now, let me tell you something. Inside","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":1},{"start_s":375.6,"end_s":382.48,"text":"is this smart foam technology, patent pending, which actually gets more","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":1},{"start_s":380.0,"end_s":386.48,"text":"comfortable the more you use it, unlike my back. And the Rove Concepts weave","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":1},{"start_s":384.6,"end_s":389.8,"text":"fabric is spill-proof. You think I'm going to be careful with a drink after a","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":1},{"start_s":387.88,"end_s":394.32,"text":"12-hour shift building the Empire State Building or the STATUE OF LIBERTY?","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":1},{"start_s":391.32,"end_s":396.12,"text":"FORGET ABOUT IT. 100-DAY TRIAL, lifetime","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":1},{"start_s":394.32,"end_s":400.6,"text":"warranty. Unbox comfort at roveconcepts.com/techgains","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":1},{"start_s":397.96,"end_s":406.44,"text":"to get 100 bucks off orders over 500 bucks for a limited time. Sit back,","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":1},{"start_s":402.76,"end_s":410.32,"text":"relax, enjoy M1. GET BACK TO WORK. HEY,","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":1},{"start_s":406.44,"end_s":410.32,"text":"I'M RELAXING OVER HERE.","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":1},{"start_s":410.96,"end_s":417.52,"text":"WOW. >> [sighs] >> I I just saw what the quick bits are","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":414.56,"end_s":417.52,"text":"today, and","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":418.56,"end_s":425.0,"text":"they're still pretty crazy. WE'RE GOING WOW. Intel has announced that it's","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":423.2,"end_s":429.84,"text":"moving certain customer support functions to an AI chatbot. And while AI","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":428.12,"end_s":433.84,"text":"customer assistants are relatively common now, Intel's assistant seems to","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":432.16,"end_s":437.48,"text":"be taking a little too much initiative with troubleshooting hardware issues.","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":435.68,"end_s":442.76,"text":"When a PC World writer tested the behavior of the bot with a crashing CPU,","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":440.32,"end_s":447.12,"text":"it helpfully told them to try updating their graphics driver before kind of","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":445.0,"end_s":451.36,"text":"just going through up some boilerplate troubleshooting steps. Hopefully, the","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":449.0,"end_s":454.84,"text":"graphics thing works out, though. This is a little embarrassing for Intel, as","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":453.32,"end_s":459.76,"text":"they've helped fast-food chains experiment with putting AI chatbots in","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":456.919,"end_s":464.68,"text":"drive-throughs for years, including KFC. But a CPU malfunction is a little more","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":461.8,"end_s":468.68,"text":"complicated than, you know, a bucket of chicken, no matter how many herbs and","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":467.08,"end_s":474.08,"text":"spices there are. And whether they're secret or not. How","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":470.72,"end_s":474.08,"text":"many are there? 11.","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":474.12,"end_s":480.08,"text":"Okay. Amazon's Ring is not only sticking","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":477.36,"end_s":484.4,"text":"with its enabled-by-default search party feature that lets Ring camera owners","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":482.2,"end_s":489.12,"text":"search each other's footage for lost dogs, despite backlash over its eerily","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":486.84,"end_s":493.8,"text":"dystopian Super Bowl ad, they are doubling down. Leaked internal emails","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":491.32,"end_s":498.08,"text":"showed CEO Jamie Siminoff suggesting that he's pretty excited to see the","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":495.84,"end_s":502.68,"text":"[music] results of our public agencies using this tool and the impact it will","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":500.08,"end_s":508.2,"text":"have on our communities. Woof. And that eventually Ring cameras","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":505.6,"end_s":513.525,"text":"could help zero out crime in neighborhoods, at least","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":510.48,"end_s":514.479,"text":"a certain kind of crime. Dog crime.","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":513.525,"end_s":519.159,"text":">> [laughter] >> I don't think a dragnet of Ring cameras","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":517.0,"end_s":523.039,"text":"is going to be able to zero out investment fraud. And I don't think","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":521.08,"end_s":527.2,"text":"that's really their goal anyway. Shiny Hunters, the internet's favorite hacking","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":525.28,"end_s":532.92,"text":"group, is back at it again this week after launching cyberattacks against","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":529.32,"end_s":534.839,"text":"both Win Resorts and CarGurus. The","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":532.92,"end_s":539.48,"text":"craziest part, they're apparently using the same vishing methods seen in","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":537.48,"end_s":544.72,"text":"previous breaches. That's fishing, but like voice version of it. Stay Keep up.","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":542.16,"end_s":549.24,"text":"The stolen data includes 800,000 employee records from Win Resorts and","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":546.72,"end_s":550.96,"text":"around 1.7 million corporate files from CarGurus.","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":550.861,"end_s":556.12,"text":">> [snorts] >> Gurus. Gurus. A spokesperson for the","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":553.88,"end_s":560.76,"text":"Hunters told The Register that stolen data includes full names, emails, phone","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":558.52,"end_s":565.76,"text":"numbers, positions, salaries, start dates, and even birthdays. Honestly,","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":563.44,"end_s":570.76,"text":"what's Shiny Hunters' deal and what are these shinies they're hunting? If we","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":568.12,"end_s":575.68,"text":"give them a few Charizards, Gardevoirs, and a Mew, will they leave us alone? The","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":573.08,"end_s":581.96,"text":"FBI has issued new guidance to store owners after hackers jackpotted more","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":578.32,"end_s":584.88,"text":"than 700 ATMs in 2025, stealing roughly","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":581.96,"end_s":591.2,"text":"$20 million dollars. Using malware called Ploutus criminals infect a","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":588.16,"end_s":593.24,"text":"machine's internals and force cash","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":591.2,"end_s":597.12,"text":"withdrawals without using a card, tricking the machine itself instead of","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":595.24,"end_s":600.88,"text":"using a fake bank account. I'm actually surprised they explained how it works.","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":599.48,"end_s":605.84,"text":"You would think they'd want to keep this information from the crazy people who","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":603.48,"end_s":609.44,"text":"are currently using forklifts to rip ATMs out of the ground.","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":608.12,"end_s":613.6,"text":"We can't let them know there's an easier option. And Substack just announced an","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":611.76,"end_s":617.56,"text":"expansion of their existing partnership with gambling platform Polymarket,","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":615.72,"end_s":622.44,"text":"allowing Substack authors to embed prediction market betting data directly","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":620.4,"end_s":626.28,"text":"into newsletters and articles. Polymarket celebrated the new","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":623.88,"end_s":630.36,"text":"partnership by tweeting that journalism is better when it's backed by live","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":628.72,"end_s":633.48,"text":"markets. Sure.","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":631.88,"end_s":638.04,"text":"And I'm sure this isn't an elaborate narrative to avoid being regulated as a","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":635.36,"end_s":642.16,"text":"gambling platform. In unrelated news, I'm launching a statistics course where","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":639.92,"end_s":647.52,"text":"you try and guess where a ball will land in a spinning wheel using statistics","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":645.24,"end_s":650.92,"text":"because learning is always better when backed by the ability to lose your life","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":649.8,"end_s":658.08,"text":"savings. But you won't lose anything if you come back on Monday for more tech news","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":655.0,"end_s":659.88,"text":"except maybe time. And we all have an","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":658.08,"end_s":664.64,"text":"unlimited amount of that, so it doesn't matter. Woo!","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0},{"start_s":661.12,"end_s":664.64,"text":"I'M NEVER GOING TO DIE.","speaker":null,"is_sponsor":0}],"full_text":"Oh my gosh. What? Oh my gosh. Wow. The tech news today. It made me do that. When have you ever seen me do that? So, >> [sighs and gasps] >> that's how you know. Microsoft Windows 11 February update has led to reports of failed installations, broken network connections, and cryptic errors. Proving that as a public holiday, Patch Tuesday is less Easter and more Lent. You're supposed to refrain from eating while you atone for your computer sins. Microsoft, bless their hearts, says everything's fixed and points to their known issues page. But Reddit and the Microsoft Answers forums tell a different story. We're talking Wi-Fi connecting with no actual internet, Bluetooth controllers straight up disappearing mid-session, and at least one sysadmin on Reddit saying there was a three out of five chance his taskbar would just disappear. Can you find a way to get it back? It's like a game. Sure, some of these problems could be lingering issues left over from last month's File Explorer breaking update, but that doesn't exactly make Microsoft look better here. But I don't know. Maybe the devs are just busy with actually important things like deleting official blog posts that recommended people train AI models on pirated Harry Potter books. Blimey, Copilot, didn't you wonder where your parents learned it all? Learned what? You're a chatbot, Copilot. I'M A WHAT? A CHATBOT. And a company and I wager Oh. Meta CEO and former Innsmouth resident Mark Zuckerberg took the stand on Wednesday in a landmark social media addiction trial, where a 20-year-old plaintiff is alleging that Instagram's design worsened her depression and thoughts of self-harm. Zuck, seen here exiting the courtroom wearing his dad's suit, told the jury, \"I care about the well-being of teens and kids who are for our services.\" Pointing to an email he sent Tim Apple in 2018 to chat about child safety. Remember that, Tim? Yeah, fish boy. What a great guy. Thank you, Tim. Zuckerberg also admitted that Meta may have once set goals around increasing time spent by users, but that's no longer how they operate. Probably because they already tuned the hell out of the dopamine machine that is Instagram. That thing's cranking, it's working well. The trial's been generally rocky for the puppet turned billionaire with the prosecution showing the jury an internal Facebook email from 2017 stating, \"Mark has decided the top priority for the company is teens.\" That's crazy. >> [laughter] >> CRAZY. ON TOP of that, the judge scolded him and his entourage for wearing camera-equipped Ray-Ban Meta glasses into the courtroom, threatening to hold them in contempt as, you may be aware of this, recording courtroom proceedings is often illegal, which to be fair, is not something big tech bros are often concerned about. Former Meta VP Brian Boland, though, seems like maybe one of the good ones. He took the stand after spending 11 years helping build Meta's ad machine. So, okay, maybe I don't know. Jury's out on him. He told the jury that Zuckerberg fostered a culture that prioritized growth over user safety, and that when concerns about harm came up, the primary response was to manage the press cycle rather than actually investigate the problem. Boland left the company in 2020, walking away from over $10 million in unvested stock. Imagine how unlikable Zuckerberg must be for someone to walk away from $10 million. I feel like that wins the court case right there. We've seen enough. You may have seen a bunch of headlines in circulation about how headphones are poisonous now or something, but don't worry, we looked [music] into it. So, an EU-funded coalition of Central European consumer groups tested 81 pairs of headphones and found harmful chemicals in every single one. They tested products from well-known brands like Bose, Samsung, and Sennheiser, but also stuff like off-brand children's headphones from Temu, which was apparently one of the worst offenders. So, that's nice. BPA, the bad chemical that every water bottle now has to assure you it does not contain, showed up in 98% of samples along with other bad boys like phthalates, chlorinated paraffins, and flame retardants, some of which can migrate through your skin, especially when you sweat. Now, while that does sound concerning, some have pointed out a couple methodologically weird things with the study, and just because headphones contain a chemical doesn't mean that it's going to get into your body and poison you. Nevertheless, certain media outlets have been sensationalizing the issue. PC Gamer went with \"All headphones are toxic.\" Tom's Guide said you should ditch your headphones for speakers, and The Guardian summarized the study's concerns as being partially about the risk of the feminization of males, Oh, no. >> [laughter] >> which predictably sent Reddit into a spiral. Now, if you take the time to read it, the report is pretty reasonable. They're pointing out that companies are cramming in as much of these regulated chemicals as they can without getting in trouble, and then shifting to equally bad but unregulated substitutes when they get caught. Tox Free wants greater regulation to close loopholes like this, and we feel that it's important to point out that while some outlets may be overblowing the danger to society, the study itself brings some important issues to light, and maybe should be taken seriously, perhaps even more seriously than our sponsor. Rob Lab, look, I spend all day on the streets of New York City building skyscrapers and crawling around in the sewers with my brothers Tony, Frankie, Manny, Tony, Tony, and Tony. And when I get home, I don't want to apply for a permit just to set up a couch to relax on. Luckily, the M1 sofa from Rove Concepts pre-assembled. No tools, no instructions, no calling Tony to help you carry it up four flights of stairs. He's not reliable. Each piece is light enough to move solo. It's perfect for apartments, walk-ups, tight hallways, you name it. And it's modular, so you can add sections, rearrange the whole thing. No replacing the entire couch just cuz you moved to a bigger place. Now, let me tell you something. Inside is this smart foam technology, patent pending, which actually gets more comfortable the more you use it, unlike my back. And the Rove Concepts weave fabric is spill-proof. You think I'm going to be careful with a drink after a 12-hour shift building the Empire State Building or the STATUE OF LIBERTY? FORGET ABOUT IT. 100-DAY TRIAL, lifetime warranty. Unbox comfort at roveconcepts.com/techgains to get 100 bucks off orders over 500 bucks for a limited time. Sit back, relax, enjoy M1. GET BACK TO WORK. HEY, I'M RELAXING OVER HERE. WOW. >> [sighs] >> I I just saw what the quick bits are today, and they're still pretty crazy. WE'RE GOING WOW. Intel has announced that it's moving certain customer support functions to an AI chatbot. And while AI customer assistants are relatively common now, Intel's assistant seems to be taking a little too much initiative with troubleshooting hardware issues. When a PC World writer tested the behavior of the bot with a crashing CPU, it helpfully told them to try updating their graphics driver before kind of just going through up some boilerplate troubleshooting steps. Hopefully, the graphics thing works out, though. This is a little embarrassing for Intel, as they've helped fast-food chains experiment with putting AI chatbots in drive-throughs for years, including KFC. But a CPU malfunction is a little more complicated than, you know, a bucket of chicken, no matter how many herbs and spices there are. And whether they're secret or not. How many are there? 11. Okay. Amazon's Ring is not only sticking with its enabled-by-default search party feature that lets Ring camera owners search each other's footage for lost dogs, despite backlash over its eerily dystopian Super Bowl ad, they are doubling down. Leaked internal emails showed CEO Jamie Siminoff suggesting that he's pretty excited to see the [music] results of our public agencies using this tool and the impact it will have on our communities. Woof. And that eventually Ring cameras could help zero out crime in neighborhoods, at least a certain kind of crime. Dog crime. >> [laughter] >> I don't think a dragnet of Ring cameras is going to be able to zero out investment fraud. And I don't think that's really their goal anyway. Shiny Hunters, the internet's favorite hacking group, is back at it again this week after launching cyberattacks against both Win Resorts and CarGurus. The craziest part, they're apparently using the same vishing methods seen in previous breaches. That's fishing, but like voice version of it. Stay Keep up. The stolen data includes 800,000 employee records from Win Resorts and around 1.7 million corporate files from CarGurus. >> [snorts] >> Gurus. Gurus. A spokesperson for the Hunters told The Register that stolen data includes full names, emails, phone numbers, positions, salaries, start dates, and even birthdays. Honestly, what's Shiny Hunters' deal and what are these shinies they're hunting? If we give them a few Charizards, Gardevoirs, and a Mew, will they leave us alone? The FBI has issued new guidance to store owners after hackers jackpotted more than 700 ATMs in 2025, stealing roughly $20 million dollars. Using malware called Ploutus criminals infect a machine's internals and force cash withdrawals without using a card, tricking the machine itself instead of using a fake bank account. I'm actually surprised they explained how it works. You would think they'd want to keep this information from the crazy people who are currently using forklifts to rip ATMs out of the ground. We can't let them know there's an easier option. And Substack just announced an expansion of their existing partnership with gambling platform Polymarket, allowing Substack authors to embed prediction market betting data directly into newsletters and articles. Polymarket celebrated the new partnership by tweeting that journalism is better when it's backed by live markets. Sure. And I'm sure this isn't an elaborate narrative to avoid being regulated as a gambling platform. In unrelated news, I'm launching a statistics course where you try and guess where a ball will land in a spinning wheel using statistics because learning is always better when backed by the ability to lose your life savings. But you won't lose anything if you come back on Monday for more tech news except maybe time. And we all have an unlimited amount of that, so it doesn't matter. Woo! I'M NEVER GOING TO DIE."}