WEBVTT

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Oh, so it's tech news you want.

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Apple has been making some positively wacky moves lately with notoriously

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accurate analyst Mingchi Quo claiming a more affordable MacBook is coming next

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year with an A18 Processor.

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Yeah, as in the chip that powers the iPhone 16 Pro. If any other company was

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putting a phone CPU in a laptop, we'd probably all immediately burst out

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laughing. But this is an Apple silicon chip. Scientists don't even know how to

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measure its upper limits. I'm pretty sure it could power an Iron Man suit.

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Lending some credence to Quo's claim, Mac Rumor said they spotted references

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to this iPhone book in some backend code

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last year. So Quo also made it clear Apple ain't

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giving up on spatial computing just yet,

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predicting a new Vision Pro with an M5

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chip launching this year, a Vision Air and XR glasses in 2027, followed by a

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Vision Pro 2 in 2028. Maybe by then

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they'll have stopped trying to slither around EU regulations like they did last

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week when they announced a new tiered commission system that punishes iOS app

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developers with less visibility on the app store and the removal of basic

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features unless they pay Apple a 13%

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commission on external purchases. Apple also said they have no choice but to

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withhold some iOS 26 features from EU

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users due to bureaucratic complexities introduced by the so-called digital

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markets act and they implore regulators to consider making it easier for small

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businesses such as themselves to make a living and say hi to your mother for me.

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The US Supreme Court on Friday upheld a Texas law requiring adult websites to

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verify the age of their users, indicating that similar laws passed in

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nearly half of all US states are totally fine despite Pornhub ceasing operations

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in many of them and horn dogs have nowhere else to go. Twitter's not a

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thing anymore. The ruling is igniting dick sores, I mean discourse around how

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such laws interact with the first amendment, aka free speech, with some

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analysts saying age verification could demolish the internet as a tool for

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speech and that the Supreme Court judges are scared of nudity. And while there

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are legitimate concerns about how easy it is to legalize censorship as long as

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you're doing it to protect the kids, more and more countries and US states

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are passing age verification laws for social media, too. Now, if we could just

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find a way to do it without forcing people to upload their driver's licenses

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or something, because we'd have to start giving kids driver's licenses, and

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that's a whole another can of worms. Supposed human person Mark Zuckerberg

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has announced all of Meta's AI stuff is

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being restructured under a new division called Meta Super Intelligence Labs, led

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by Scale AI founder Alexander Wang, who

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was recruited earlier this month as part of a 14 billion investment in Scale AI.

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Zuck also treated himself to some billionaire fund. You know, he splurged

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a bit, offered massive pay packages, and successfully poached 11 top researchers

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from Google Anthropic and especially Open AI, where so many employees were

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getting meta offers that the company is now re-calibrating compensation for

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staff and giving them the whole week off so the execs can please have quiet in

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the office for 5 seconds. Meta wants all those AI researchers because A, Meta's

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models need some serious work to catch up, and B, they really want AI in every

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corner of their products, including Facebook, where users have reported

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being shown AI versions of private pictures from their camera roll. This is

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a feature, not a bug. In the US, at least some users were shown a pop-up

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with allow and disallow options for letting Meta AI automatically AIFI your

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private photos. In the EU, some users say they got an email to opt out, which

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was likely missed by many. Regardless, you can opt out yourself on the Facebook

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mobile app. Can't do it on desktop by going to settings, then preferences,

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then camera roll sharing suggestions. Meta AI, the personal AI that

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understands you because it already went through all of your How about instead

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you go through hell and back in our sponsor, War Thunder, the game that

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tanks, weapons, and even crew members. This is still a video game. They're a

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component all susceptible to damage or disabling by enemy shells or missiles,

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different types of which behave differently according to the type of

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armor you have equipped. It's science. You can learn about how all those things

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Thunder for free today on PC, console, and mobile using our links. What? Now

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you want quick bits? Tell me you're

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joking. Microsoft is making it easier for

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regular non-b businessiness users to stay on Windows 10 for an extra year by

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making extended security updates free for users who sync their PC settings to

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Windows Backup with their Microsoft account. You can still pay 30 bucks if

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you prefer. Or you can now redeem a thousand Microsoft rewards points if you

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know what those are, cuz I don't. Microsoft's even just providing an

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option in Windows settings to enroll in the ESU program because Windows 10's end

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of support in October is fast approaching. And I guess they'll do

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anything to stop you from migrating to Linux. For they know the pain that

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awaits you there. Anker has announced

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another recall for five more of the company's power banks. The A1257,

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A1647. I'm not going to read all of those. They don't exactly roll off the tongue.

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Unlike the previous recall of the Power Core 10,000 power bank, there are

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reportedly no reports of explosions, but Anker figured, hey, why not try being

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proactive and do something to stop their batteries from exploding before they

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explode? It's weird and new, but they're open-minded. Canada has canled plans to

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enact a digital services tax on American tech companies, the first payments of

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which were supposed to start coming in today. US President Trump ended all

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trade talks with Canada on Friday in response to the tax, which left Canada

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feeling pretty dumb. So, you know, sorry

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about that. And after making their tiny humanoid robots fight each other

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physically, China is making them play the world's most popular game, football.

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While humans may love it, the robots show no celebration whatsoever when they

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score a goal. But they do capture the spirit of the game perfectly in one

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respect. These bots take some of the most dramatic dives I've ever seen for

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no discernable reason at all. Oh, what? They're bringing out the stretcher. Come

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on. He's fine. I won't be fine if you

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don't come back on Wednesday for more tech news, though. It'll be as emotionally damaging to me as it is to

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soccer players, none of whom have ever suffered a single real injury. I love

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sports.
