Oh, hey, you want some tech news? Just got to beam it in, ONE SEC.
>> [screaming] >> SORRY. USUALLY DO THAT OFF SCREEN. Microsoft
has announced that the next major Windows 11 update, 26H1, is not for your
PC. Even if you did upgrade to Windows 11 when they told you you had to, there
was a little bit of attitude there. So, no update for you. Now, as explained in
a Windows IT blog post, 26H1 is a
special version of Windows only intended for devices with the upcoming ARM-based
Qualcomm Snapdragon X2 series processors,
>> [music] >> at least at this time. One could assume
that 26H1 might also be intended for NVIDIA's N1 series of ARM-based laptop
chips, but Microsoft maybe didn't mention that because those chips have
reportedly been delayed yet again. NVIDIA keeps forgetting to work on them
while it's swimming in its giant pool of gold like Scrooge McDuck. Fun fact,
Windows doesn't usually do H1 updates. The last one was in May 2021 before AI
punched a hole in the ozone layer of society.
But why can't you get this update? Well, Microsoft says 26H1 is based on a
different Windows core. So, while existing PCs and Snapdragon X2-based PCs
will both get security, quality, and feature updates, they'll be different
updates, and never the twain shall meet. Honestly, with the way Windows updates
have been going this year, I'm not too sad about missing out on another one.
Hi, I'd like only the updates that allow my computer to continue working. Thank
you. Oh, like this one rolling out this year
to most PCs running Windows 11 and Windows 10 if they're enrolled in
extended security updates, which will provide shiny new secure boot
certificates to replace the ones set to expire later this year, [music] which is
good because Fortnite tournaments are going to require secure boot to work
now. You don't want your system booting insecurely and letting hackers steal all
your vape juice.
Or something.
Fortnite things, but potions. The implication is that I don't
know what Fortnite is. Okay. Meta and YouTube were taken to court in
California this week to defend against accusations of pushing highly addictive
apps on children. CEO of Meta and
human-fish hybrid Mark Zuckerberg is expected to take the stand next week as
this landmark case could set legal precedent for similar lawsuits. In his
opening arguments, the plaintiff's attorney, Mark Lanier, took out a set of
children's toy blocks and in a move he
definitely workshopped with his level one improv class, declared, "This case
is as easy as ABC with A for addicting,
B for brains, and C for children." Don't
think twice. We're addicting brains to children. It's
bad. >> [laughter] >> He then hit the jury with some slam
poetry saying that these companies don't only build apps, they build traps.
Thank you. And then he drove his point home with props including a toy Ferrari
and a mini slot machine. In between testing out bits from his one-man show
on the jury, Lanier made the crucial point that the plaintiffs are not
alleging that the companies are liable for the content on their platforms as
Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act in the US protects them from
that. Instead, they're arguing that the structure of the apps themselves,
specifically the algorithm and infinite scroll, were intentionally designed to
be addictive. Meta's attorney, Paul Schmitt, opted for the Regina George
from Mean Girls approach, alleging that the 20-year-old plaintiff would have
been totally messed up anyways because she had like a super sad home life and
that she'd been like seeing therapists since she was 3 years old. Tragic.
YouTube's lawyer, Lewis Lee, tried to make the case that YouTube wasn't a
social media platform and more of an entertainment platform like Netflix. He
then showed the jury screenshots of an Ariana Grande music video and highlights
of an NFL game arguing that YouTube was a source of creativity and income for
young entertainers, which can be true
for the extremely lucky few who make it big or get hired out of a dumpster by an
existing YouTuber, but like they showed the National Football League. Where
would they be without YouTube helping them foster their football-based
creativity? Playing football. They paint the lines. Lee then argued
that features like infinite scroll and video recommendations are meant to help
users, not harm them. Oh, I'm so sorry.
I didn't realize you were trying to help us slowly simmer our brains sous-vide
style in a broth of dopamine. Thank you so much. That's actually great. He also
said, and I quote, "Infinite scroll is
not infinite." You know what? My bad again. I stupidly assumed that an
infinite scroll would be infinite because it's called infinite and also it
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OUT. HEY, HEY, SORRY. HAD TO TRANSFER THE quick
bits into. I still want to do that off-screen though, since they insist on
transferring it physically. Trust me, you don't want to see that.
Discord has responded to the significant backlash over its new teen-by-default
age verification system, with users threatening to leave, canceling Nitro
subscriptions, and US searches for Discord alternatives jumping roughly
10,000% in 48 hours. The messaging platform
would like everyone to please calm down because the vast majority of users won't
need to verify at all, since most don't
access age-restricted servers. And those who do will only be asked for a face
scan or ID if Discord's age prediction model can't already confirm they're an
adult. Confirm used very loosely there.
Nice try, Discord. I for one will never
give Discord a picture of my face. The only shady corporations who are getting
a picture of this bistachioed kisser is
Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, US TikTok, Uber, YouTube, Google, every airline
ever, and X, the everything app, which is also now Grok and Starlink. In fact,
I'm going to post about this on all those platforms right now.
Oh, oh, just just got to accept cookies first.
Google launched new tools yesterday to help users remove non-consensual
explicit images from search. Users can now click the three dots on an image
result in Google search and flag it for removal. Easy. The company also expanded
its results about you hub to let users flag search results containing their
social security number, driver's license, or passport number for removal.
All you got to do is give Google that sensitive info first. Only Google gets
it. But, it's okay. They're using rigorous security protocols and advanced
encryption, so your data is absolutely safe with them. And even if it's not, it
doesn't matter because you won't remember them making this promise after they turn your brain into soup with
YouTube's non-infinite infinite scroll, okay? So, it's fine. Meta has introduced
an official "Dear Algo" feature on Threads that will let you customize your
personal algorithmic feed inspired by the trend of users posting "Dear Algo"
requests last year. Now, you can officially request more or less of a
certain topic and repost other users' public requests. And I guess you can't
make private requests, which is
a little weird. You can also delete requests that you've made, or you can
just wait 3 days, because that's how long the algo will respect your tastes
before it'll try to shuffle you back into the slop factory. You're missing SO
MUCH GREAT CONTENT IN THERE. COME ON! It's really a win-win for Meta here.
Android Central loves the feature because with their new personalized
feed, they can't stop scrolling. Mmm,
well, that's good. A hacktivist known as Wackid haha
scraped over 536,000 payment records from a stalkerware
operation run by Ukrainian company Structura, exposing the email addresses
and partial credit card info of customers who paid to spy on others.
Stalkerware is a type of software that's installed on a phone, then works
silently in the background uploading the victim's call records, text messages,
photos, browsing history, and precise location data. Structura explicitly
marketed these apps for people to spy on their spouses and domestic partners,
which is illegal. So, we don't feel too bad that the hacktivist exploited what
they called a trivial bug, and then leaked the data to a hacking forum.
According to TechCrunch, that makes this the 27th stalkerware company to be
hacked or breached since 2017, which is only fair. Let he who is without secrets
install the first piece of malware, an ancient piece of wisdom
from the before times. And Beast Industries, the company who I'm going to
imagine created YouTuber Mr. Beast aka Jimmy Donaldson in some kind of sick
lab, has acquired Step, a financial services app for teens and young adults
with over 7 million users. It's not for teens and young adults with over 7
million users. >> No, no, no. It's for teens and young
adults, and the app has 7 million users. Yeah, yeah, you got to have 7 million
and then you can install that. The app offers credit building, saving,
and investing tools with no monthly fees. Donaldson said that he wants to
give millions of young people the financial foundation he never had, even
though logically Jimmy is evidence of that foundation being entirely
unnecessary. The move aligns with his upcoming finance-themed YouTube channel
and gives him a direct pipeline to monetize his massive Gen Z and Gen Alpha
audience beyond content and snacks. I guess it will be financial advice. I
personally cannot wait to see challenge videos about who can stay in a circle
the longest while also collecting 3% compound interest. Now, that's content.
But you'll collect even more than that if you come back on Friday for more tech
news. You'll gain something that you should like a lot more than compound
interest. Knowledge.
Maybe a Maybe And maybe even a Lamborghini.