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Oh, hey, you want some tech news? Just got to beam it in, ONE SEC.

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>> [screaming] >> SORRY. USUALLY DO THAT OFF SCREEN. Microsoft

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has announced that the next major Windows 11 update, 26H1, is not for your

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PC. Even if you did upgrade to Windows 11 when they told you you had to, there

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was a little bit of attitude there. So, no update for you. Now, as explained in

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a Windows IT blog post, 26H1 is a

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special version of Windows only intended for devices with the upcoming ARM-based

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Qualcomm Snapdragon X2 series processors,

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>> [music] >> at least at this time. One could assume

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that 26H1 might also be intended for NVIDIA's N1 series of ARM-based laptop

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chips, but Microsoft maybe didn't mention that because those chips have

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reportedly been delayed yet again. NVIDIA keeps forgetting to work on them

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while it's swimming in its giant pool of gold like Scrooge McDuck. Fun fact,

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Windows doesn't usually do H1 updates. The last one was in May 2021 before AI

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punched a hole in the ozone layer of society.

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But why can't you get this update? Well, Microsoft says 26H1 is based on a

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different Windows core. So, while existing PCs and Snapdragon X2-based PCs

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will both get security, quality, and feature updates, they'll be different

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updates, and never the twain shall meet. Honestly, with the way Windows updates

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have been going this year, I'm not too sad about missing out on another one.

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Hi, I'd like only the updates that allow my computer to continue working. Thank

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you. Oh, like this one rolling out this year

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to most PCs running Windows 11 and Windows 10 if they're enrolled in

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extended security updates, which will provide shiny new secure boot

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certificates to replace the ones set to expire later this year, [music] which is

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good because Fortnite tournaments are going to require secure boot to work

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now. You don't want your system booting insecurely and letting hackers steal all

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your vape juice.

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Or something.

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Fortnite things, but potions. The implication is that I don't

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know what Fortnite is. Okay. Meta and YouTube were taken to court in

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California this week to defend against accusations of pushing highly addictive

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apps on children. CEO of Meta and

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human-fish hybrid Mark Zuckerberg is expected to take the stand next week as

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this landmark case could set legal precedent for similar lawsuits. In his

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opening arguments, the plaintiff's attorney, Mark Lanier, took out a set of

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children's toy blocks and in a move he

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definitely workshopped with his level one improv class, declared, "This case

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is as easy as ABC with A for addicting,

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B for brains, and C for children." Don't

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think twice. We're addicting brains to children. It's

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bad. >> [laughter] >> He then hit the jury with some slam

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poetry saying that these companies don't only build apps, they build traps.

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Thank you. And then he drove his point home with props including a toy Ferrari

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and a mini slot machine. In between testing out bits from his one-man show

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on the jury, Lanier made the crucial point that the plaintiffs are not

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alleging that the companies are liable for the content on their platforms as

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Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act in the US protects them from

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that. Instead, they're arguing that the structure of the apps themselves,

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specifically the algorithm and infinite scroll, were intentionally designed to

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be addictive. Meta's attorney, Paul Schmitt, opted for the Regina George

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from Mean Girls approach, alleging that the 20-year-old plaintiff would have

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been totally messed up anyways because she had like a super sad home life and

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that she'd been like seeing therapists since she was 3 years old. Tragic.

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YouTube's lawyer, Lewis Lee, tried to make the case that YouTube wasn't a

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social media platform and more of an entertainment platform like Netflix. He

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then showed the jury screenshots of an Ariana Grande music video and highlights

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of an NFL game arguing that YouTube was a source of creativity and income for

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young entertainers, which can be true

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for the extremely lucky few who make it big or get hired out of a dumpster by an

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existing YouTuber, but like they showed the National Football League. Where

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would they be without YouTube helping them foster their football-based

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creativity? Playing football. They paint the lines. Lee then argued

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that features like infinite scroll and video recommendations are meant to help

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users, not harm them. Oh, I'm so sorry.

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I didn't realize you were trying to help us slowly simmer our brains sous-vide

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style in a broth of dopamine. Thank you so much. That's actually great. He also

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said, and I quote, "Infinite scroll is

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not infinite." You know what? My bad again. I stupidly assumed that an

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infinite scroll would be infinite because it's called infinite and also it

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never ends. See, I like things that make sense, like our sponsor. Joy Saily. In

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the jungle, one is surrounded by nature in all her splendor, but out here,

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queuing for local SIM cards at the airport, and no buying dodgy SIM cards

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from scammers OUTSIDE TRAIN STATIONS. JUST THOUGHT I SAW ONE. SAILY WORKS on

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Eazy SIM data plans. Download the Sal Eazy app and use code TAC link TO CHECK

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OUT. HEY, HEY, SORRY. HAD TO TRANSFER THE quick

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bits into. I still want to do that off-screen though, since they insist on

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transferring it physically. Trust me, you don't want to see that.

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Discord has responded to the significant backlash over its new teen-by-default

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age verification system, with users threatening to leave, canceling Nitro

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subscriptions, and US searches for Discord alternatives jumping roughly

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10,000% in 48 hours. The messaging platform

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would like everyone to please calm down because the vast majority of users won't

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need to verify at all, since most don't

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access age-restricted servers. And those who do will only be asked for a face

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scan or ID if Discord's age prediction model can't already confirm they're an

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adult. Confirm used very loosely there.

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Nice try, Discord. I for one will never

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give Discord a picture of my face. The only shady corporations who are getting

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a picture of this bistachioed kisser is

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Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, US TikTok, Uber, YouTube, Google, every airline

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ever, and X, the everything app, which is also now Grok and Starlink. In fact,

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I'm going to post about this on all those platforms right now.

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Oh, oh, just just got to accept cookies first.

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Google launched new tools yesterday to help users remove non-consensual

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explicit images from search. Users can now click the three dots on an image

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result in Google search and flag it for removal. Easy. The company also expanded

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its results about you hub to let users flag search results containing their

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social security number, driver's license, or passport number for removal.

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All you got to do is give Google that sensitive info first. Only Google gets

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it. But, it's okay. They're using rigorous security protocols and advanced

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encryption, so your data is absolutely safe with them. And even if it's not, it

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doesn't matter because you won't remember them making this promise after they turn your brain into soup with

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YouTube's non-infinite infinite scroll, okay? So, it's fine. Meta has introduced

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an official "Dear Algo" feature on Threads that will let you customize your

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personal algorithmic feed inspired by the trend of users posting "Dear Algo"

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requests last year. Now, you can officially request more or less of a

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certain topic and repost other users' public requests. And I guess you can't

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make private requests, which is

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a little weird. You can also delete requests that you've made, or you can

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just wait 3 days, because that's how long the algo will respect your tastes

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before it'll try to shuffle you back into the slop factory. You're missing SO

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MUCH GREAT CONTENT IN THERE. COME ON! It's really a win-win for Meta here.

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Android Central loves the feature because with their new personalized

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feed, they can't stop scrolling. Mmm,

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well, that's good. A hacktivist known as Wackid haha

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scraped over 536,000 payment records from a stalkerware

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operation run by Ukrainian company Structura, exposing the email addresses

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and partial credit card info of customers who paid to spy on others.

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Stalkerware is a type of software that's installed on a phone, then works

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silently in the background uploading the victim's call records, text messages,

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photos, browsing history, and precise location data. Structura explicitly

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marketed these apps for people to spy on their spouses and domestic partners,

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which is illegal. So, we don't feel too bad that the hacktivist exploited what

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they called a trivial bug, and then leaked the data to a hacking forum.

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According to TechCrunch, that makes this the 27th stalkerware company to be

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hacked or breached since 2017, which is only fair. Let he who is without secrets

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install the first piece of malware, an ancient piece of wisdom

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from the before times. And Beast Industries, the company who I'm going to

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imagine created YouTuber Mr. Beast aka Jimmy Donaldson in some kind of sick

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lab, has acquired Step, a financial services app for teens and young adults

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with over 7 million users. It's not for teens and young adults with over 7

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million users. >> No, no, no. It's for teens and young

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adults, and the app has 7 million users. Yeah, yeah, you got to have 7 million

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and then you can install that. The app offers credit building, saving,

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and investing tools with no monthly fees. Donaldson said that he wants to

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give millions of young people the financial foundation he never had, even

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though logically Jimmy is evidence of that foundation being entirely

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unnecessary. The move aligns with his upcoming finance-themed YouTube channel

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and gives him a direct pipeline to monetize his massive Gen Z and Gen Alpha

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audience beyond content and snacks. I guess it will be financial advice. I

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personally cannot wait to see challenge videos about who can stay in a circle

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the longest while also collecting 3% compound interest. Now, that's content.

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But you'll collect even more than that if you come back on Friday for more tech

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news. You'll gain something that you should like a lot more than compound

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interest. Knowledge.

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Maybe a Maybe And maybe even a Lamborghini.