WEBVTT

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the roast of linus sebastian is fueled by madrina's coffee get the linus tech

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tips vanilla cold brew today and now

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please welcome your roastmaster james

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stry

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good evening ladies and gentlemen i'm james tribe and tonight is the big night

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welcome to the madrina's coffee roast of linus sebastian tonight we're here to

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honor a man who made hundreds of hours

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of quality educational content

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five years ago and has been riding on click bait ever since

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but before we get into it i'd just like to say on behalf of all those in

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attendance tonight and the millions watching at home

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colton hey

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that guy joining me on stage tonight i have

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essentially an entire team where every player was picked last

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you guys look like the character select screen for that banned steam game active

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shooter you're like a buzzfeed listicle for

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famous virgins

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i'm just kidding you guys no one here is famous

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bitwit is here tonight playing himself kyle also sometimes plays a yellow face

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character named lyle who we all feel uncomfortable watching

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but it's okay because kyle is part chinese

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and part douchebag

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he was allowed to bring a date tonight but paul already had plans so

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gamer's next is steve i recognize you now sorry about earlier man we had a

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mix-up where i thought steve was the guy we hired to set up the microphones

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sorry man if you're tech jesus we're going to

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need more nails

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not to be outdone nick light is here tonight

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you may remember him from such roles as the adams family's uncle fester

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and help my head is a bowling ball

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and finally we have a wait who the [ __ ] is that guy

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taryn tong i'm told you're lying to us his old boss or something that's rumor

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you don't look funny at all man guys don't worry someone will put

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timestamps in the comments so you can skip all these people oh my god

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speaking of people who love segways linus is the megalomaniac ceo who pays

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my salary linus is a fast easy way to regret ever looking up a phone review in

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the first place so you can get on with your life because who the [ __ ] cares

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anyway just head to littleman syndrome.com and

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enter code grinder in the how did you hear about us section

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so thanks for watching guys because i'm fired now

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on a related note it's a good thing that we're doing this roast now because let's

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face it youtube is a fickle mistress and now the linus is over 30 this house of v

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cards could collapse at any minute

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which is why i brought these headshots

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call my people we're going to take a few pokes out

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linus tonight but there's no denying he's an icon

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that you should probably drag into the recycle bin let's take a look at the work that

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bookmarked him in the first place thank you for joining me

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that didn't quite go as smoothly as i thought i pissed off a lot of people

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and maybe that makes me kind of an [ __ ] but

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i'm a happy [ __ ] right now let's put the past in the past

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after this word from our sponsor

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why not both am i being manipulated to join a crusade

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or is there some kind of agenda let's see if i still got this

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you could always just bludgeon your opponents over the head when you lose

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is

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hey are you pranking me right now my sister

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had some spare pregnancy tests and i was like oh well i'll just try why didn't

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you get tested when i asked you uh

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hey there sexy i would like to spend some time with you tonight we are going

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out to purchase some adult sex

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it's all about the butt you want to start bouncing then i'm going to start

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bouncing it baby was i wrong when i said she's a thick girl no prepare for some

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lube to go everywhere oh my god it's full of pubes i'm a little nervous too

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baby i've never done anything like this

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oh my god it's hot just turn that camera off let's go

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and through all that time he never changed his hairstyle his wardrobe or

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his earrings he's like a less successful backstreet boy

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ladies and gentlemen please welcome the only in-cell i know

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who's married the west coast sheila linus sebastian

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oh wait wait wait wait wait wait wait i thought of everything buddy

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you don't want you don't want this okay

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well i noticed your feet are dangling already so

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wow

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finally i get to roast

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linus sorry guys uh linus gave me some hosting tips before the show but i just

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can't do it anyway what's with all the signing man your audience isn't deaf

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they just wish they were

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is there anyone who doesn't watch linus's videos with the playback speed

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crank to 2x seriously dude the only thing slower than your presentation

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style is nyx metabolism

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i'm surprised to see you in your regular uniform tonight i guess the uh your

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father's suit section of valley village must have been picked dry

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linus has three beautiful children but i think they must have been test tube

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babies or something because there's no [ __ ] way this guy's not a virgin

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i know i'm as disappointed as anyone that this guy was able to breed at all

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but apparently he's fixed now he says he got a vasectomy but i think they just

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cut his balls right off

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the imagery lately linus has been trying to figure

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out what to do next he tried to break into acting but he got frustrated

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because he kept getting typecast as a eunuch

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seriously i gotta hand it to you and the team for making this far though because uh your early videos have all the

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production quality of an r kelly sex tape

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but with more potty humor

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it's a slow burn more recently linus has been criticized

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for the ridiculous faces that he wears in the thumbnail images but i don't

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think he can help it in fact yvonne told me that he makes the same faces in bed

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when she pegs him

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linus definitely has some baggage from high school

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and i think that's why he likes badminton he can avoid the trauma of a

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team locker room while still getting to bat [ __ ] around all night

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but his deepest insecurity is that even though he's built one of

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the largest tech channels in the world the industry still treats him just like

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his classmates did you can't play with our toys before

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launch you're not invited to our annual party

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and if you want to play seven minutes in heaven eventually you have to come out

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of the closet

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all right it's time for me to shut up and get to our first roaster kyle hanson

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kyle's channel used to be called awesomesauce many people don't know that

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this was actually his dad's nickname for him from way back before he was born

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and who could have predicted his son would become famous for taking a sticky

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load in the eye oh my god though i think he gets that

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from his mother's side please welcome spitwitch

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thank you for that introduction james

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and impressive work by the way i actually didn't think linus could sound

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any stupider until you started writing for lmg

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okay you're laughing too hard

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good evening it's uh it's good to be here and by here i mean not sitting next to

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you souls anymore all of you

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hi jay

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jay i i know you're probably too embarrassed to ask so i'll help you out

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linus do you have any offer codes for hair dye

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jay will be in touch he probably does you're looking good though jay

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you know i think it's cute how you show off your little sports cars must be nice

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to actually fit in them now

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just honest question did you just name your cars after girls fat jay never got

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to ride because if so you're going to need a lot

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more cars man

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one of the most impressive things jay has ever done is his post malone build

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you can really see how much hard work and talent goes into making something so

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precisely ugly

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when post malone stands next to that pc you don't even see his face tax

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that build took so long to launch you should have named it floatplane

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there he goes

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hi luke hey man man you look like you've had less sleep

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than emperor palpatine

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still i get aroused every time i see your face because it looks like a vagina

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from the 70s

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i also love how your professional and personal relationship with linus is the

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same he's the front end you're the back

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beautiful but seriously building a website on that

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scale must be a tediously grueling

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process kind of like watching a gamer's nexus video

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steve puts a lot of effort into his work you can't tell but he's benchmarking a

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video card right now

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i'm guessing it's up his ass and that's why he's always angry

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i love all your youtube rant steve did you make one when metallica kicked

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you out of the band

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steve is known in the community as tech jesus but at least people believe in

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jesus you corporate shell

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by the way i didn't bring my twin brother lyle here tonight because i

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didn't think any anyone would understand him

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but it turns out dennis is here

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oh dennis i think it's cool that during the bird box challenge you didn't need a

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blindfold you just smiled

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colton why are you doing that i thought they put you up here with us

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like you need to be any lower to the ground

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i'm actually kind of surprised to see you here i'm pretty sure colton hasn't

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been fired yet because lmg has a height requirement for termination

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kind of ironic isn't it linus

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but colton i've always thought you'd make a great pedophile because you blend in with children

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it's a feature so i've known linus for let's see

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too long and what i've learned is linus will

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monetize anything that moves i remember we did karaoke with him once and he

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picked a song from the lion king

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i'm pretty sure that was just a disney ad

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you realize you're sandwiched between ads in every video right

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like if you ever left youtube for pornhub you'd have dbrand in your ass and honey in your mouth

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hey it tastes better than you think

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i don't think your wife even knows that

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by the way your earrings called they want the lesbian you stole them from back

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in case you didn't know lesbian is an abbreviation for linus sebastian

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call her unlucky but at least helen keller never had to see your face or

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hear your voice linus's voice is proof that his balls

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are the only two things he hasn't dropped yet

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then again it's what made you internet famous i really loved your role as the 56k

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modem

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we all showed up to linus's roast tonight but we'd never go to his

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birthday party because he's a workaholic the invitation would say come celebrate

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linus's birthday monday 9-5

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free cake sponsored by savage jerky

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your funeral would be more fun

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which reminds me when's the funeral for channel super fun happening

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that must have been fun though right making videos of you pretending that you

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had friends because you clearly never had any in school

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that's why when you grew up you had to hire 30 of them

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you guys have really come a long way though i remember when the profile picture for the ltt channel was linus

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dressed up and posing as steve jobs remember that yeah

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total douchebag move but it still looks better than your new logo oh

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my god you and steve jobs do have a lot in

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common though linus may you live as long as he did

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oh my god

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jokes aside man you're all right in my book you've been an inspiration over the

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years and it's an honor to share the stage with you tonight thanks for having me

00:17:00.079 --> 00:17:07.360
the roast of linus sebastian is fueled by madrina's coffee get the linus tech

00:17:04.400 --> 00:17:11.760
tips vanilla cold brew today coming up luke lafreniere i still love you man

00:17:10.160 --> 00:17:16.959
steve burke yvonne ho

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and linus himself oh i think there's no

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one who deserves this more than me so tired of all the

00:17:21.120 --> 00:17:28.079
beeps well now you can watch the roast of latin sebastian completely uncensored

00:17:25.600 --> 00:17:32.120
and get early access to other linus tech tips content at floatplane.com

00:17:36.320 --> 00:17:41.840
to me our next roaster luke lafreniere

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is like a shapeshifter who can morph to perfectly match his job title he used to

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play the hunky co-host now he plays the basement dwelling

00:17:47.840 --> 00:17:50.480
software dev

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man you look like if luke ate luke

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or if philip seymour hoffman was playing luke you know what i like that

00:17:59.440 --> 00:18:04.720
comparison because these days the two of you get

00:18:02.559 --> 00:18:07.960
about the same amount of camera time i don't know who that is

00:18:07.120 --> 00:18:14.300
he's dead please welcome heir to the duck dynasty

00:18:11.679 --> 00:18:17.790
fortune luke lafreniere

00:18:27.280 --> 00:18:34.960
that's all you get all right i don't i don't think you're worth any more time taran tong

00:18:31.840 --> 00:18:34.960
why the [ __ ] are you here

00:18:35.120 --> 00:18:40.840
like i i knew you from before but do you guys even know who he is i thought rose

00:18:39.120 --> 00:18:45.520
group's supposed to be made up of like recognizable people i think the rest of

00:18:43.360 --> 00:18:48.799
people are are here at the very least for some background taren works at

00:18:46.799 --> 00:18:52.880
corsair you guys know corsair they have a logo that looks like a pirate ship uh

00:18:50.960 --> 00:18:58.080
he used to work with linus at ncx i think they might have had a logo one

00:18:54.640 --> 00:18:58.080
time that looked like a sinking ship

00:18:58.480 --> 00:19:05.039
not entirely sure and like any foundering vessel the rats will always

00:19:02.320 --> 00:19:05.039
get out first

00:19:09.120 --> 00:19:11.840
colton

00:19:13.520 --> 00:19:19.280
technically i left too so i don't know what that means um colton nick thank you

00:19:17.840 --> 00:19:25.520
for inviting me i know colton isn't up here anymore he got kicked just like in every other situation uh this everyone

00:19:23.520 --> 00:19:29.280
is the kind of reward that you get for charitable work see i handed both of

00:19:27.600 --> 00:19:33.280
these two high school degenerates the only thing they were ever successful at

00:19:31.679 --> 00:19:36.799
it's nice to see something in return also colton you still owe me for that

00:19:35.200 --> 00:19:40.880
computer buddy hit me up

00:19:38.960 --> 00:19:44.480
i'm going to start linus's section with a moment of silence

00:19:48.720 --> 00:19:54.000
that wasn't in respect of anything that was a gift to all of you it's probably

00:19:51.919 --> 00:19:58.559
the only silence you will ever have with linus in the room

00:19:56.480 --> 00:20:02.559
this never shuts up i've actually had to get used to giving

00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:07.360
gifts of no monetary value like that one because linus in all his generosity and

00:20:04.559 --> 00:20:11.039
fairness paid me below minimum wage for a really long time actually the first

00:20:09.520 --> 00:20:13.440
whole the whole time i knew taren interesting

00:20:17.120 --> 00:20:23.360
that's kind of true i had to budget about three dollars a day for food and i slept on a friend's

00:20:21.360 --> 00:20:26.080
couch well we turned his little side gig into the monster youtube channel it is

00:20:24.960 --> 00:20:31.520
today he's kind of like darth vader but more like darth helmet or dark helmet

00:20:29.840 --> 00:20:35.840
technically from spaceballs due to his like overall

00:20:32.840 --> 00:20:38.159
stature wouldn't really fit in the suit

00:20:35.840 --> 00:20:42.480
uh watching him get mad is horrible because he's got a lot of power like

00:20:40.240 --> 00:20:46.799
vader he's your boss he can fire you unlike vader who'd kill you

00:20:44.880 --> 00:20:50.640
watching me get frustrated however is quite hilarious i think we actually got

00:20:49.039 --> 00:20:53.200
a little taste of that earlier on the big screen

00:20:53.360 --> 00:20:59.039
it's just a hyper-energized little chihuahua that goes crazy

00:20:57.520 --> 00:21:02.320
it's it's too funny it's really hard to keep it in sometimes you spend the whole

00:21:00.640 --> 00:21:06.159
first movie thinking darth vader is the biggest baddest scariest force in the

00:21:03.840 --> 00:21:08.480
universe and then you meet emperor vaughn

00:21:08.559 --> 00:21:13.760
the one who's really in charge and i don't just mean at work by the way i

00:21:12.400 --> 00:21:19.200
lived with him for a while make no mistake she's the boss

00:21:16.559 --> 00:21:22.159
no question 100 i'm even pretty sure she force chokes him in bed

00:21:24.880 --> 00:21:28.240
you couldn't hear anything could you

00:21:28.720 --> 00:21:35.760
oh gee i lived across the hall buddy i know it went down

00:21:34.559 --> 00:21:40.960
actually nick you kind of look like darth vader but just when he takes the helmet off

00:21:39.520 --> 00:21:43.280
you just need a sleep apnea machine to get the

00:21:43.679 --> 00:21:49.840
then it's you got it 100 down see the problem with making fun of linus for

00:21:47.600 --> 00:21:53.360
being like short or weak or having pretty hair or a super high-pitched

00:21:51.280 --> 00:21:57.520
voice etc is that there's nothing wrong with those things so like i wasn't going

00:21:55.280 --> 00:22:00.880
to go that angle he can't change that stuff what he could change is being a

00:21:59.440 --> 00:22:05.520
terrible person um

00:22:02.720 --> 00:22:08.880
but it's just not gonna happen uh one time we were hiking the second

00:22:06.960 --> 00:22:13.100
tallest mountain in the continent he knows where this is going it's so

00:22:10.400 --> 00:22:16.080
interesting

00:22:16.080 --> 00:22:20.480
anyways it also happens to have lightning storms on it after 2 pm and

00:22:19.120 --> 00:22:23.840
we're doing it for a lan party totally makes sense welcome to linus media group

00:22:22.159 --> 00:22:27.520
we were flown in the last minute to save him some money so we had no time to

00:22:25.760 --> 00:22:31.440
acclimate to the altitude because you know sacrifice the storm troopers i

00:22:28.960 --> 00:22:33.760
guess and as i'm about twice as tall as he is and consume a lot more oxygen with

00:22:33.039 --> 00:22:38.960
my grown man lungs uh i got altitude

00:22:36.240 --> 00:22:43.520
sickness pretty quickly whoa whoa whoa this is my turn okay uh

00:22:41.679 --> 00:22:47.120
brandon wherever he is thank you for coming i'm not dissing brandon brandon's

00:22:45.200 --> 00:22:51.120
lovely he was carrying about 45 to 50 pounds of gear on his back the entire

00:22:48.559 --> 00:22:55.840
time i'm i'm gasping away like nick on a stair master

00:22:52.720 --> 00:22:55.840
and where's linus

00:22:56.400 --> 00:23:01.919
linus abandons us to get signatures from a witness well we potentially die

00:23:00.320 --> 00:23:05.520
lightning's trucks are lightning strikes are landing all around us right in front

00:23:03.840 --> 00:23:08.559
of us i'm literally carrying someone on my shoulder as we barely hobble out in

00:23:07.679 --> 00:23:14.559
time before freaking god himself strikes us down

00:23:11.760 --> 00:23:18.320
linus is just relaxing in the car filming me as i come down he's great

00:23:16.000 --> 00:23:23.120
it's wonderful you might be wondering he left you to die

00:23:20.400 --> 00:23:27.039
why not quit after that see his ego is so massive that his main hiring

00:23:24.799 --> 00:23:31.280
technique is gravitational pull and i mean that physically like he actually

00:23:29.039 --> 00:23:33.919
pulls people in so few people have quit linus menu group not because they didn't

00:23:32.640 --> 00:23:40.400
want to leave because they haven't been able to muster up the escape velocity

00:23:40.400 --> 00:23:48.320
now when talking about people that have a god complex it's usually a little bit more hypothetical he wants to write a

00:23:45.840 --> 00:23:52.960
book about himself and beyond the potential book dlc and like subscription

00:23:51.360 --> 00:23:56.880
model and however else he's going to figure out how to monetize it it's just

00:23:54.960 --> 00:23:59.919
we at this point like sure people are going to be interested people talk about

00:23:58.080 --> 00:24:03.720
it for a long time but we don't need the mind conf of youtube

00:24:04.400 --> 00:24:10.000
does not need to be one of those i'm expecting chapters like how to create an

00:24:07.919 --> 00:24:15.360
aquarium where you are absolutely the biggest fish

00:24:12.320 --> 00:24:17.679
getting bullied the early years

00:24:15.360 --> 00:24:21.279
how to sacrifice human life for fun and monetization

00:24:19.360 --> 00:24:24.480
and asian chicks actually super approachable

00:24:27.679 --> 00:24:33.039
well over here got a vasectomy no big deal smart move unlike anyone else i'm

00:24:31.440 --> 00:24:37.440
not going to make fun of that but he did seem to really like the fact that he got

00:24:35.279 --> 00:24:41.279
recognized he mentioned on tech wiki he mentioned on wan show it just seemed

00:24:39.360 --> 00:24:44.320
like a big deal i do think

00:24:42.559 --> 00:24:50.159
he really liked the fact that someone that watched his videos touched his dick

00:24:47.840 --> 00:24:53.200
just a new new way of going about things and by the way i do believe the doctor

00:24:51.919 --> 00:24:56.559
was excited i think he was actually quite into it but i do think that

00:24:54.960 --> 00:25:02.480
everyone that watches your content would just generally love to see you sterilized

00:24:59.200 --> 00:25:02.480
i think that's more what that was about

00:25:03.440 --> 00:25:09.520
on the topic of everyone why is your panel mostly made up of your employees

00:25:07.919 --> 00:25:12.840
it's because they're easy targets or like no one else show up you know

00:25:11.360 --> 00:25:17.440
they're my only friends to be fair i'm assuming austin

00:25:15.679 --> 00:25:20.159
marquez justine and the like would probably rather do anything on a friday

00:25:18.799 --> 00:25:25.840
than hang out with you considering you have no friends thank you for delivering my final life sorry

00:25:23.919 --> 00:25:29.000
you had to insert yourself and steal one more thing

00:25:33.919 --> 00:25:39.520
why do you have to make everything so damn difficult

00:25:37.520 --> 00:25:43.039
like this roast for instance i had about a month to prepare for this

00:25:41.440 --> 00:25:49.520
i had a very long time to prepare for this but he's actually an incredibly difficult person to make fun of for

00:25:46.320 --> 00:25:50.880
things that uh actually matter um

00:25:49.520 --> 00:25:54.159
i had an insanely hard time with that even then i had to crutch on star wars

00:25:52.720 --> 00:25:59.120
references which i think was almost half of it and uh just straight up

00:25:57.440 --> 00:26:01.710
embellishment for a lot of the other ones which i'm probably going to hear

00:26:00.559 --> 00:26:06.559
about later the truth is since the first day we've

00:26:04.720 --> 00:26:10.480
met you've always had my back through every failure every success imaginable

00:26:08.720 --> 00:26:13.440
both personally and professionally no matter how many jokes are made about

00:26:11.919 --> 00:26:17.520
your height at this event to me you're a giant and i've stood on your shoulders

00:26:15.279 --> 00:26:20.480
for years i'm proud that after eight years we're

00:26:19.039 --> 00:26:25.490
still working together and it's an honor to call you my friend

00:26:35.200 --> 00:26:40.640
our next roaster has some glorious hair steve you ever

00:26:38.880 --> 00:26:46.880
think about donating it actually i'm picturing you bald now and

00:26:43.360 --> 00:26:46.880
you might end up just looking like nick

00:26:47.039 --> 00:26:54.250
give it up for steve burke

00:26:58.240 --> 00:27:05.039
thanks for the introduction james organizing a roast like this is really

00:27:02.960 --> 00:27:09.760
one hell of an accomplishment if you could get anyone on the stage

00:27:07.279 --> 00:27:13.360
other than the cast of attention whoring minor celebrities

00:27:11.360 --> 00:27:15.679
good job really tried

00:27:17.120 --> 00:27:23.679
i have no idea who convinced madrinas

00:27:20.320 --> 00:27:24.960
that literally just the word roast

00:27:23.679 --> 00:27:29.120
that's it was enough to make this into an advertisement

00:27:30.960 --> 00:27:37.520
but nothing says linus tech tips more than shoehorning content into an ad

00:27:41.919 --> 00:27:47.039
what's next linus a barbecue sponsored by intel cpus

00:27:47.520 --> 00:27:52.159
a persecution complex sponsored by amd fans

00:27:52.240 --> 00:27:58.160
i didn't mention nvidia because i am contractually obligated to not mention

00:27:56.559 --> 00:28:00.960
ltt's parent company

00:28:00.960 --> 00:28:06.340
it's always great to see my mortal enemy jay how's it going jay probably asked

00:28:04.720 --> 00:28:08.240
kingpin to write your jokes tonight

00:28:08.240 --> 00:28:17.840
it's amazing that jay found the time to be here between celebrity pc builds

00:28:13.600 --> 00:28:17.840
and forfeiting overclocking battles

00:28:19.279 --> 00:28:26.399
the guy works seriously hard i've never seen anyone take

00:28:24.159 --> 00:28:28.159
a year to build a computer quite like jay

00:28:28.159 --> 00:28:33.760
post malone's lucky he got that thing before he died of liver failure

00:28:36.880 --> 00:28:41.760
it's also good to see my friend kyle here tonight

00:28:40.159 --> 00:28:45.440
kyle i'm glad to see you're not busy phoning in yet another video from your

00:28:43.360 --> 00:28:48.640
car i don't know who will be happier when

00:28:46.799 --> 00:28:52.399
you're in a fatal car accident walmart or the verge

00:28:53.360 --> 00:28:57.039
at least lyle won't be held back anymore

00:28:57.039 --> 00:29:01.919
lioness finally gets you i know you've been waiting all night

00:29:00.399 --> 00:29:06.399
i'm surprised to see you smile so much tonight honestly it's amazing it's a

00:29:03.760 --> 00:29:09.679
medical miracle that your face isn't permanently stuck in your click bait

00:29:08.159 --> 00:29:14.960
thumbnail pose how does it go is it like would you show

00:29:12.880 --> 00:29:18.000
me you gotta hold it a little longer oh i'm sorry

00:29:16.000 --> 00:29:21.760
take the picture so there's an old myth

00:29:19.840 --> 00:29:25.360
that having your photo taken would suck out your soul and based on what we've

00:29:23.760 --> 00:29:29.760
seen of you i think they were probably right

00:29:27.520 --> 00:29:34.320
speaking of soul sucking experiences there are none more depressing than

00:29:31.039 --> 00:29:36.880
watching linus a 32 year old man try to

00:29:34.320 --> 00:29:39.600
promote a 700 vacuum cleaner to his 13 year old audience

00:29:39.679 --> 00:29:46.320
i don't know what cost less your sandals or your integrity

00:29:46.320 --> 00:29:55.840
it could be worse at least you're not austin evans hey guys this is austin and this is

00:29:52.159 --> 00:29:55.840
paying my bills this month

00:29:56.799 --> 00:30:01.760
linus it's it's really helpful to have you in the industry sincerely i mean

00:30:00.080 --> 00:30:06.000
that it just it makes the rest of us look so good

00:30:06.000 --> 00:30:12.720
i still remember when you tried to show the internal case thermals linus

00:30:10.799 --> 00:30:16.000
through a tempered glass panel with a thermal camera

00:30:14.159 --> 00:30:22.440
you can't do that there's reflectivity issues there's emissivity issues this

00:30:17.919 --> 00:30:22.440
isn't a joke it just really bothered me

00:30:23.120 --> 00:30:28.799
for about four years now so you know i just want you to remember what it

00:30:27.120 --> 00:30:32.159
feels like to care about your job that was luke's idea oh

00:30:32.960 --> 00:30:39.840
still friends hopefully speaking of unfunny faints

00:30:37.679 --> 00:30:44.559
house channel super fun doing or did it die with your passion for

00:30:41.520 --> 00:30:44.559
computer hardware

00:30:44.640 --> 00:30:50.000
that's not true linus still has plenty of passion he shows it mostly when

00:30:47.679 --> 00:30:52.960
working on projects he really loves like stealing washed up hosts from dying

00:30:51.760 --> 00:30:58.080
channels riley

00:30:58.080 --> 00:31:03.760
or creating scandals by misidentifying tampons

00:31:01.919 --> 00:31:08.000
but it's all about the engagement isn't that right linus

00:31:06.320 --> 00:31:10.500
sincerely though linus even though you peaked seven years ago when you reviewed

00:31:09.520 --> 00:31:13.120
a toy fire truck

00:31:13.120 --> 00:31:19.520
we really appreciate having you in this industry you bring a lot of newcomers

00:31:16.559 --> 00:31:23.840
into the space it's extremely healthy i think for the rest of the industry and

00:31:21.600 --> 00:31:28.320
we are happy to have you in it i respect everything you've done and everyone on

00:31:25.440 --> 00:31:38.789
this stage except for james thank you

00:31:38.799 --> 00:31:44.320
how many more are left

00:31:44.320 --> 00:31:53.279
buckle up buddy next up we've got linus's wife yvonne ho or as i like to

00:31:48.960 --> 00:31:53.279
call her linus's excuse to be racist

00:31:55.440 --> 00:32:01.519
yvonne works with linus so during the height of me too i was constantly

00:31:59.840 --> 00:32:05.519
refreshing my news feed because i figured linus is a powerful guy and

00:32:04.000 --> 00:32:09.519
frankly there's just no way that anyone could sense to having sex with him

00:32:09.519 --> 00:32:14.399
she didn't change her name because she's a hoe for show please welcome to the

00:32:13.200 --> 00:32:18.399
stage the one who wears the pants and the

00:32:16.320 --> 00:32:22.350
strap-on in the relationship yvonne ho wow

00:32:29.120 --> 00:32:36.720
all right thanks for that introduction that was james everybody but don't clap for him

00:32:34.000 --> 00:32:40.159
he doesn't deserve it he's actually going on paternity leave

00:32:38.240 --> 00:32:44.559
soon thank goodness i hope he never comes back jesus

00:32:42.000 --> 00:32:48.720
that's a plan imagine all the whining and the burping

00:32:46.720 --> 00:32:50.960
and the fart farting that we won't have to deal with

00:32:50.080 --> 00:32:53.840
in the office anymore

00:32:53.840 --> 00:32:59.120
anyway um sorry excuse me i'm just uh i'm trying

00:32:57.760 --> 00:33:03.039
to look out into the audience but i'm a little distracted by nick's bald spot

00:33:00.960 --> 00:33:06.000
there like a freaking beacon

00:33:04.880 --> 00:33:08.840
you could use the shine off your forehead to like guide ships home from

00:33:07.919 --> 00:33:14.080
the sea can you just tilt your head up a

00:33:11.519 --> 00:33:17.440
little bit yeah thank you that's better i don't know if that's a better look for

00:33:15.279 --> 00:33:17.440
him

00:33:19.679 --> 00:33:25.840
anyway yes i am linus's wife and yes

00:33:22.960 --> 00:33:25.840
linus has a wife

00:33:26.080 --> 00:33:32.000
we've been together 14 years too long and have three kids

00:33:30.480 --> 00:33:36.880
i used to tell people that i actually had four kids because linus is a bit of

00:33:34.240 --> 00:33:36.880
a late bloomer

00:33:37.760 --> 00:33:43.600
i guess i should have expected that from someone who peed his bed till he was 15

00:33:41.200 --> 00:33:43.600
years old

00:33:44.640 --> 00:33:47.919
i told you that in confidence

00:33:50.960 --> 00:33:55.039
he told me it was a trust building exercise

00:33:56.880 --> 00:34:02.399
anyway we're still waiting to see if his voice will ever pass the puberty stage

00:34:02.480 --> 00:34:08.960
now a lot of people actually think that i married linus for his money but when i

00:34:06.559 --> 00:34:13.440
met linus i was studying pharmacy on my way to a six figure income and he was

00:34:10.800 --> 00:34:18.839
flunking out of school jobless and had horrible pink hair pink

00:34:16.800 --> 00:34:23.280
it was gelled the same as it is now too i think he spikes it to look taller

00:34:21.839 --> 00:34:28.399
because i can't think of any other reason why he would do it

00:34:25.119 --> 00:34:28.399
we all know it doesn't look good

00:34:31.919 --> 00:34:36.079
he actually didn't drop out of school till he made me promise to take care of

00:34:35.200 --> 00:34:39.679
him huge red flag ladies

00:34:41.440 --> 00:34:47.359
but it wasn't the financial dependency or lack of prospects that worried my mom

00:34:45.599 --> 00:34:50.960
no she pulled me aside and was like honey he's really short

00:34:54.639 --> 00:35:01.520
if you're wondering how romantic linus is you obviously have never met him and

00:34:59.040 --> 00:35:05.839
you probably know nothing about him but his idea of romance is taking me out

00:35:03.839 --> 00:35:11.280
to red robin and reading me a story called everybody poops

00:35:08.720 --> 00:35:14.640
and lighting a scented candle while i sit and watch him play video games

00:35:14.640 --> 00:35:20.240
she told me that was true that's all true that's true that just happened last

00:35:17.920 --> 00:35:20.240
week

00:35:22.240 --> 00:35:29.280
a lot of people ask me why i married linus

00:35:25.599 --> 00:35:29.280
yeah a lot of people wonder that

00:35:29.839 --> 00:35:34.480
it's good that i married him before he got famous though right otherwise i'd

00:35:32.880 --> 00:35:40.320
have to compete with all these fans out there just kidding you only attract men

00:35:40.320 --> 00:35:46.160
after we got married though linus did what a typical guy would do he asked me

00:35:44.000 --> 00:35:50.480
to have a threesome well waking up in the middle of the night to

00:35:47.599 --> 00:35:55.280
find dennis in our bed in vegas wasn't what i had in mind this is also a

00:35:52.720 --> 00:35:55.280
true story

00:35:57.200 --> 00:36:03.520
i'm sorry dennis there were budget constraints

00:36:05.520 --> 00:36:11.000
i'm sorry dennis but ugly really isn't my type oh

00:36:17.440 --> 00:36:21.599
i'm just kidding you're beautiful on the outside

00:36:22.720 --> 00:36:28.800
a lot of people have a problem with dennis's accent but i don't

00:36:26.480 --> 00:36:36.960
i say keep practicing and eventually one day you'll say something intelligent

00:36:36.960 --> 00:36:42.560
a lot of people don't know that i actually started this company with linus

00:36:40.240 --> 00:36:45.280
and even helped him in the ncix days but he just took credit for all my ideas and

00:36:44.160 --> 00:36:53.280
my labor and not only that but he made jokes about paying me with sexual favors

00:36:50.320 --> 00:36:57.810
lioness so naive men like you don't pay with sex they pay for sex

00:37:07.040 --> 00:37:12.400
speaking of taking credit for other people's ideas though bitwick kyle is

00:37:10.160 --> 00:37:15.680
here and when it comes to running his youtube

00:37:14.000 --> 00:37:19.839
channel i'm not sure he's ever had an original thought he's copied us every

00:37:17.760 --> 00:37:22.480
step of the way he even hired his wife to help

00:37:20.800 --> 00:37:24.640
that's our awesome sauce

00:37:24.640 --> 00:37:29.119
we're not mad that you copy us though it's okay you shouldn't feel bad steve

00:37:27.839 --> 00:37:34.079
copies us too he's got the bad fashion and somehow

00:37:31.200 --> 00:37:34.079
even worse hair

00:37:34.400 --> 00:37:42.240
kudos we're doing something better than us though not fair

00:37:38.880 --> 00:37:42.240
i want my conditioner back

00:37:42.640 --> 00:37:49.359
smells too good and jay you're actually one of the

00:37:46.800 --> 00:37:52.560
people i follow on twitter um i really like some of your colorful rants

00:37:51.200 --> 00:37:56.320
but i just want to share some advice that i'm always giving linus um acting

00:37:54.880 --> 00:38:05.680
like a giant dick doesn't make yours any bigger

00:38:05.680 --> 00:38:12.000
speaking of size back when i was pregnant with my third child i thought

00:38:09.200 --> 00:38:12.000
luke might be too

00:38:13.440 --> 00:38:25.359
i could feel the last nine months though so i don't know

00:38:25.359 --> 00:38:31.440
luke actually used to live with us when we started lmg he was really messy when

00:38:29.839 --> 00:38:35.440
he moved out he left the biggest grossest stand on the floor

00:38:33.920 --> 00:38:40.400
in the room now we have our two-year-old son and boy it's nice to have someone

00:38:37.280 --> 00:38:40.400
who's actually potty trained

00:38:42.480 --> 00:38:47.839
he's bought his own place now though huge congrats it was an estate sale

00:38:46.079 --> 00:38:52.880
meaning he bought it from a dead guy but he's so cheap that he took the dead

00:38:49.680 --> 00:38:55.760
guy's couch his chairs his cutlery even

00:38:52.880 --> 00:38:55.760
the dead guy's bed

00:38:56.240 --> 00:39:04.640
that's true what a great deal it was an amazing deal

00:39:02.880 --> 00:39:07.760
all jokes aside though the dead guy stuff is a huge upgrade

00:39:09.359 --> 00:39:17.839
now people ask why does lmg have so many people it's so linus can have friends

00:39:16.400 --> 00:39:21.200
when he wanted to go on vacation last year he paid for 20 other people to go

00:39:19.599 --> 00:39:25.470
and called it a mandatory company retreat

00:39:25.920 --> 00:39:31.280
some of you might not know but linus is actually really concerned about getting

00:39:28.960 --> 00:39:35.599
dad bod but hun you don't spend enough time with the

00:39:32.480 --> 00:39:35.599
kids to qualify for that

00:39:35.680 --> 00:39:41.240
real talk real time

00:39:43.599 --> 00:39:46.400
that was pretty deep

00:39:47.200 --> 00:39:52.640
now i haven't actually been with many other people or actually any other

00:39:50.640 --> 00:39:56.720
people besides linus and that's probably for the best because i might be more

00:39:54.839 --> 00:40:04.640
disappointed and i say more disappointed because i do have fingers

00:40:04.640 --> 00:40:07.680
oh one finger

00:40:08.880 --> 00:40:17.359
on summer nights linus gets so sweaty that he soaks the whole bed and it's

00:40:13.760 --> 00:40:17.359
basically the only time he makes me wet

00:40:21.040 --> 00:40:27.359
who is this lady yeah joke's on you 15 wasn't the last

00:40:25.599 --> 00:40:29.839
time oh my god

00:40:31.280 --> 00:40:36.160
in all seriousness though you know i love you you know i think you're

00:40:34.480 --> 00:40:41.920
wonderful you're my best friend you're my business partner love of my life

00:40:38.480 --> 00:40:41.920
thanks for letting us poke fun at you

00:40:48.079 --> 00:40:54.960
the roast of linus sebastian is fueled by madrina's coffee get the linus tech

00:40:52.400 --> 00:40:59.440
tips vanilla cold brew today still to come dennis liao while we're saying

00:40:57.680 --> 00:41:05.839
tonight it's not just a joke jay's two cents

00:41:03.280 --> 00:41:10.319
and riley murdoch i don't like roasting people why can't we all be friends

00:41:08.319 --> 00:41:17.000
keep the fire burning with the limited edition madrina's roast t-shirt

00:41:12.400 --> 00:41:17.000
available exclusively at lttstore.com

00:41:18.160 --> 00:41:23.839
our next roaster has no idea where he is or what's happening

00:41:25.839 --> 00:41:32.319
dennis liao is really popular on a site called ratedrivers.ca

00:41:32.319 --> 00:41:38.560
seriously i tried to punch in his plate number before this event and the whole

00:41:35.839 --> 00:41:41.599
site just crashed you think i'm being racist but i'm not

00:41:40.160 --> 00:41:46.400
making this up here's my favorite comment this is real

00:41:44.480 --> 00:41:49.839
after having an altercation at a red light with this asian

00:41:50.800 --> 00:41:56.880
he almost ran some people over because he was texting and driving

00:41:58.160 --> 00:42:03.520
for the record dennis i don't think you're texting you're probably taking a

00:42:01.440 --> 00:42:06.319
dick pic put your hands together for dennis leo

00:42:13.680 --> 00:42:21.520
oh my god i can't believe i'm working with a bunch of animals

00:42:18.720 --> 00:42:27.440
okay it's my turn look at these people oh look i haven't seen you for a while

00:42:24.079 --> 00:42:30.319
you've been living good living big

00:42:27.440 --> 00:42:34.720
no why it's called floor plan because it will never sink we're still looking on

00:42:32.560 --> 00:42:40.160
that why are you laughing nick light as if

00:42:37.680 --> 00:42:40.160
you're alive

00:42:41.119 --> 00:42:47.200
um kyle and yvonne

00:42:44.800 --> 00:42:54.920
peop all these white people thought uh we asian look all the same but i can

00:42:49.760 --> 00:42:54.920
tell you the difference you are ugly

00:42:59.040 --> 00:43:05.599
james james he loves recycling at work he just he

00:43:03.839 --> 00:43:10.240
always tells people like what to cycle what to put there and he gets all pissed

00:43:07.599 --> 00:43:14.960
about it he he literally get boner for recycling and he even used recycled

00:43:13.200 --> 00:43:17.359
condom and that's why his wife is pregnant

00:43:25.040 --> 00:43:30.560
um i'm happy for you though

00:43:30.560 --> 00:43:38.160
i guess everyone at work there's always one guy always coming to work so

00:43:35.680 --> 00:43:43.520
energetic smiling on the [ __ ] monday morning and saying like oh

00:43:41.200 --> 00:43:47.839
hey good morning how's your day and this person's riley but i've been in this

00:43:45.920 --> 00:43:52.400
whole because like my eyes was like half open like always i still really like

00:43:49.680 --> 00:43:58.400
working here and riley just always so happy i hate responding his good morning

00:43:54.480 --> 00:43:58.400
so here is good [ __ ] morning

00:44:03.280 --> 00:44:08.960
this is kind of sad lioness you lost your two cats have you found

00:44:07.839 --> 00:44:17.040
them no oh oh have you checked iman's lunch bag

00:44:17.040 --> 00:44:26.079
share with me she share with me and yummy

00:44:22.560 --> 00:44:26.079
is that where the jacket came from

00:44:26.480 --> 00:44:32.560
one of them well we have to uh big thanks to

00:44:30.880 --> 00:44:37.839
madrina's coffee to make this event happen but

00:44:35.200 --> 00:44:42.079
why the [ __ ] would you bring with lambo you know that's not real right it's been

00:44:39.599 --> 00:44:45.760
demolished and good luck

00:44:44.000 --> 00:44:51.150
okay let's start oh i'm not even using is this

00:44:48.240 --> 00:44:54.800
what oh yeah oh okay so many jokes

00:44:54.800 --> 00:44:59.079
i'm so sorry i love that one

00:45:04.079 --> 00:45:09.520
okay so let's start with something positive

00:45:07.119 --> 00:45:13.920
lioness he's a good guy he always keep his uh promises and he will take his

00:45:11.839 --> 00:45:16.079
word like one of his favorite thing is firing people

00:45:15.359 --> 00:45:19.839
but coden what are you still here

00:45:21.200 --> 00:45:26.560
lioness is so bad at acting i'm so happy

00:45:24.480 --> 00:45:32.160
and you never like pursue it uh your acting career if you ever think of going

00:45:29.040 --> 00:45:33.330
on a red carpet going to oscar this is

00:45:32.160 --> 00:45:36.160
the closest you can get

00:45:36.160 --> 00:45:42.480
there's a well-known rumor that lioness is gay

00:45:39.680 --> 00:45:45.760
well it might be true a gay virgin i mean

00:45:44.240 --> 00:45:51.200
i mean i don't think no one in your gay community would [ __ ] something like this

00:45:52.480 --> 00:46:00.440
i mean i would rather [ __ ] look hey uh james sure riley

00:45:59.280 --> 00:46:05.200
david cameron of three

00:46:05.200 --> 00:46:10.560
all the sales team except colton

00:46:08.480 --> 00:46:12.960
the guy the contractor who built a kitchen set

00:46:12.960 --> 00:46:19.680
but not steve he looked too much like a

00:46:16.800 --> 00:46:21.920
woman from the back and

00:46:20.720 --> 00:46:25.599
jay i'm not into daddies

00:46:25.599 --> 00:46:32.319
so yvonne so i can promise you that your

00:46:29.359 --> 00:46:36.400
marriage is secure speaking of secure

00:46:34.079 --> 00:46:40.640
linus is insecure why

00:46:37.760 --> 00:46:44.400
ever since lance got his vasectomy has been like so insecure like he always

00:46:43.119 --> 00:46:48.240
carrying this [ __ ] orange screwdriver around and

00:46:46.960 --> 00:46:51.760
put it in his pocket so he has a big boat

00:46:53.920 --> 00:46:58.640
come on linus nice try

00:46:58.720 --> 00:47:05.119
in fairness i've been carrying that for 10 years

00:47:01.839 --> 00:47:06.120
oh you do you get vaccectomy that early

00:47:05.119 --> 00:47:12.560
it doesn't make it better lioness slightest slants is like an

00:47:10.000 --> 00:47:18.160
annoying irritating buzzy smelly [ __ ] short bare breath white talented

00:47:14.960 --> 00:47:20.240
timeless ugly pretty eye girl voice step

00:47:18.160 --> 00:47:24.720
that you never wanted except for his money

00:47:21.280 --> 00:47:28.640
which he never gives you anyway

00:47:24.720 --> 00:47:31.040
he is so [ __ ] cheap

00:47:28.640 --> 00:47:36.160
he would bring us out for dinner but he will never pay for drinks not even

00:47:32.880 --> 00:47:39.839
anything so last besides screwdriver is

00:47:36.160 --> 00:47:39.839
there any coupons in your pocket

00:47:39.920 --> 00:47:44.960
oh you know what's in my pocket

00:47:43.119 --> 00:47:51.079
oh 10 yen oh uh i got this 10 yen for my cocoa

00:47:47.280 --> 00:47:51.079
refill here it is

00:47:54.079 --> 00:47:59.359
you take it he takes it

00:47:57.280 --> 00:48:04.000
you know linus you owe me an apology you know why

00:48:02.400 --> 00:48:10.000
because i'm not interested in your tech videos i'm not interested in your cpu

00:48:06.640 --> 00:48:10.000
gpu [ __ ] you

00:48:11.359 --> 00:48:19.680
it's like adding your video it's like having a thick knife like like

00:48:17.280 --> 00:48:24.880
just just like only my eyes what the [ __ ] that is

00:48:21.920 --> 00:48:28.910
it's also i'm like a talented caring nurse and all i do was like wiping asses

00:48:28.000 --> 00:48:31.599
it's all [ __ ]

00:48:31.599 --> 00:48:36.640
your bill guy works this one time i was

00:48:34.640 --> 00:48:41.200
built watching a build guy i i did try to build a computer i finished up before

00:48:38.800 --> 00:48:44.880
i drop it i looked down why the [ __ ] am i wearing sandals and socks

00:48:44.880 --> 00:48:50.319
well linus you are a nice person i'm really

00:48:48.319 --> 00:48:54.119
thankful that you pinned my wall even i broke your ceiling

00:49:05.359 --> 00:49:12.960
our next roaster has got to be the oldest guy in the room if

00:49:09.440 --> 00:49:15.920
linus is tech dad jay is tech grandpa if

00:49:12.960 --> 00:49:19.760
if if steve has tech jesus j is tech methuselah

00:49:18.079 --> 00:49:24.079
i'm trying to express myself here if if linus is at the height of his career

00:49:21.440 --> 00:49:24.079
jay's dead

00:49:25.040 --> 00:49:32.079
lioness and jay you guys should really do more collaborations though because you guys are actually a pretty good team

00:49:29.119 --> 00:49:36.000
jay has the temperament of a child and linus has the body of a child

00:49:34.240 --> 00:49:40.559
put them together you get one complete grown ass man

00:49:38.000 --> 00:49:46.460
make some noise for perhaps the first creator eligible for youtube's

00:49:42.079 --> 00:49:49.910
retirement pension beta jay's two cents

00:49:55.440 --> 00:50:01.760
okay um we're here to obviously hang out with

00:49:59.760 --> 00:50:05.119
someone who's got a face for radio and a voice worthy of mute

00:50:03.680 --> 00:50:09.359
i am of course talking about linus sebastian but before that we've got a

00:50:07.520 --> 00:50:14.240
few people here that we need to go ahead and address in the room kyle i want to

00:50:12.079 --> 00:50:17.599
congratulate you on the dream of home ownership

00:50:15.680 --> 00:50:21.359
big boy cars big boy clothes why don't you buy a [ __ ] brush

00:50:19.359 --> 00:50:24.640
seriously i am sick and tired of watching your videos and see that you're

00:50:23.119 --> 00:50:30.000
just like i've got the messy thing going i mean you're one fanny pack away from

00:50:26.400 --> 00:50:31.760
[ __ ] hipster of the year okay

00:50:30.000 --> 00:50:35.200
luke i liked it better without the beard seriously you look like a [ __ ]

00:50:33.359 --> 00:50:38.400
unshaved vagina there's two of those

00:50:36.640 --> 00:50:44.240
that is too and i was pissed when james said it because had you shaved i would realize

00:50:41.200 --> 00:50:46.480
you just looked like a shaved vagina

00:50:44.240 --> 00:50:50.559
so there's that i'll be okay with that uh steve

00:50:48.480 --> 00:50:53.440
what's up we we talked recently about uh we don't watch each other's videos

00:50:51.760 --> 00:50:59.760
because we're too busy until recently i found out yours are the

00:50:55.760 --> 00:51:01.599
perfect solution for insomnia seriously

00:50:59.760 --> 00:51:04.640
they're so [ __ ] boring i cannot make it past the intro

00:51:02.960 --> 00:51:07.200
like i never see the ad because i don't make it that far

00:51:07.760 --> 00:51:12.800
dennis hi hi

00:51:11.359 --> 00:51:15.760
i have no idea what you [ __ ] said in that last i just laughed

00:51:16.640 --> 00:51:22.079
i i'm sorry i've i've been to the studio i i've watched some i have no idea what

00:51:20.880 --> 00:51:27.440
you're saying and when i go to taiwan it's like i'm in the land of dennis's i have no idea

00:51:25.200 --> 00:51:32.070
what the [ __ ] is happening seriously so but but but you're sweet and uh

00:51:30.240 --> 00:51:35.280
i yeah just smile or not

00:51:35.280 --> 00:51:40.079
um riley i don't know you

00:51:38.400 --> 00:51:43.119
no i've seen you you're you're pretty much as white girl

00:51:41.760 --> 00:51:47.520
as it gets for being a dude and when ncix tech tips went under i was like yes

00:51:45.200 --> 00:51:54.800
i don't have to see this anymore and then linus hired you yes

00:51:51.520 --> 00:51:54.800
so yeah whatever no

00:51:55.040 --> 00:52:00.559
james james james we went back and forth on this i didn't know how deep i should

00:51:58.240 --> 00:52:04.000
go like how how hard should i go i i didn't know and uh he kind of was like

00:52:02.400 --> 00:52:06.960
okay your set's okay it's a good start you know but we really want to see like

00:52:05.440 --> 00:52:10.480
a verbatim script but we use a different system where i come from it's called talent

00:52:10.960 --> 00:52:16.720
so i'm kind of clicking the thing but you know i'm not really looking at it right i'm looking at you because we

00:52:15.200 --> 00:52:21.520
don't need that but if it makes you feel better i'll keep clicking the button

00:52:19.839 --> 00:52:24.880
um linus though i'm happy to see that nobody held back because i was concerned

00:52:22.960 --> 00:52:28.480
really honestly um but who should have held back was your

00:52:26.240 --> 00:52:30.720
dad you know before he was quite honest

00:52:29.520 --> 00:52:34.240
i'm just saying linus literally looks like a sock puppet

00:52:32.960 --> 00:52:38.160
without the hand i mean look at it look at this there's a hand in there

00:52:36.880 --> 00:52:43.119
well yeah the hand is in the other end but you know whatever there's something to

00:52:41.040 --> 00:52:47.359
be said about a man who only wears his own brand though right i mean think

00:52:44.960 --> 00:52:50.559
about it you're so [ __ ] conceited you have to brand i'm surprised you

00:52:48.960 --> 00:52:55.520
haven't sold the sweater and started putting sponsors and stuff on that and don't use that idea because i'm probably

00:52:52.960 --> 00:52:58.640
going to do it myself but but in terms of looks and stuff

00:52:57.280 --> 00:53:04.559
though i mean you you can't really help that you can't help the fact that you look like a skeleton wearing wax paper

00:53:02.720 --> 00:53:08.640
for skin um maybe by comparison

00:53:07.280 --> 00:53:12.480
yeah i got a few extra pounds but um

00:53:11.040 --> 00:53:17.520
you know at least i i can lift more than five pounds so

00:53:15.680 --> 00:53:20.400
look at those wrists we've also we've we've all seen those screaming goat

00:53:18.880 --> 00:53:24.640
videos though right i mean literally that's what i hear one of your videos

00:53:22.000 --> 00:53:28.160
come on i don't know yvonne what the [ __ ]

00:53:25.599 --> 00:53:31.760
look i used to think okay linus is he's got a good business he's i knew you were

00:53:30.400 --> 00:53:36.319
a pharmacy you know going to pharmacy school and all that sort of stuff and i thought okay well maybe she realized

00:53:34.160 --> 00:53:39.119
like this is a white guy going somewhere at work

00:53:37.520 --> 00:53:43.680
you just said none of that had anything to do with it you married him when he was a deadbeat or you got with him he's

00:53:41.680 --> 00:53:47.520
a deadbeat you had to take care of him you were the one going somewhere

00:53:45.440 --> 00:53:51.280
he has a small dick what is wrong with you

00:53:49.520 --> 00:53:56.480
i don't get it i don't get it but it's okay that's besides the point i mean linus can't control things like a

00:53:53.760 --> 00:53:59.280
stature or his voice but he can control his [ __ ] fashion sense

00:53:59.280 --> 00:54:05.280
so i'm off the cards now guys sorry so anyway we uh we recently were at austin

00:54:03.599 --> 00:54:08.480
evans wedding and somehow

00:54:07.040 --> 00:54:12.400
i don't know how this happened we got into the conversation about sock quality

00:54:11.040 --> 00:54:17.280
i wish this were a joke we're sitting there in line waiting to get into the reception and he goes on about like

00:54:15.440 --> 00:54:20.319
champion sucks you know whatever this brand's good this brand's bad i wear

00:54:18.640 --> 00:54:24.480
them out in badminton yeah i mean never thought i have a conversation with someone talking about stock quality

00:54:22.640 --> 00:54:28.240
while playing badminton but this guy for like 15 minutes went on and found a

00:54:26.720 --> 00:54:34.800
brand that cost a little more but has a lifetime warranty i realized he knows more about socks

00:54:31.520 --> 00:54:34.800
than anything tech related

00:54:35.760 --> 00:54:41.760
yeah 1997 called it wanted tearing backs apparently with the lesbian from earlier

00:54:39.760 --> 00:54:46.400
i don't know something like that but linus linus is cheap he told me too

00:54:44.160 --> 00:54:50.319
he only goes to places that he can get all you can drink iced tea apparently

00:54:48.800 --> 00:54:54.160
that's a thing he told me once he drank so much iced tea that they double

00:54:52.480 --> 00:54:58.079
charged him and when he called him out on that he drank more than apparently

00:54:56.559 --> 00:55:03.839
all you can drink because he's that into iced tea but speaking of drinks

00:55:01.520 --> 00:55:07.640
madrinas you don't even drink coffee

00:55:07.839 --> 00:55:14.400
it is he will put his name on anything with a dollar sign behind it and this is

00:55:12.079 --> 00:55:17.440
evidence of that he recently showed in a sponsor spot one

00:55:16.160 --> 00:55:21.440
of his live streams that he didn't even know how to [ __ ] make it

00:55:19.760 --> 00:55:25.520
and then he said that if he drink coffee he assumes it tastes all right

00:55:24.160 --> 00:55:30.240
so if there was a if you want to talk about shilling and people who are willing to put their name behind

00:55:28.079 --> 00:55:35.200
anything this is it literally right here

00:55:33.599 --> 00:55:38.720
i mean i was thinking you know it's nice of linus to to pay for all of us to come

00:55:37.440 --> 00:55:43.760
up here and i realize linus isn't paying for [ __ ]

00:55:41.119 --> 00:55:47.200
for that for this if there's ever been any over more

00:55:45.359 --> 00:55:52.000
overwhelming proof though that linus will shill it's literally this event

00:55:50.240 --> 00:55:55.520
right here but you know uh talking about shilling and that kind of segues into

00:55:53.760 --> 00:55:59.359
the whole concept of you have a big team you need the sponsor spots to help keep

00:55:57.359 --> 00:56:02.960
everything afloat because there's big overhead there's big expenses

00:56:01.280 --> 00:56:06.079
you did a live stream recently from your phone talking about

00:56:04.799 --> 00:56:09.119
every year you kind of have to address this topic why is lmg so big why is so

00:56:07.839 --> 00:56:14.680
much deaf it's because it takes 27 people to lift

00:56:11.119 --> 00:56:14.680
your ego

00:56:16.079 --> 00:56:23.520
but there's anything i've ever learned about uh small limp dick terrible haired earring

00:56:20.960 --> 00:56:27.520
wearing sock warranting sell out like linus is that anybody can literally make

00:56:25.280 --> 00:56:31.440
your dream come true as long as you're willing to pay people to make

00:56:29.280 --> 00:56:35.359
you look like you know what you're doing lioness and all seriously though i uh i

00:56:33.440 --> 00:56:38.240
appreciate you you showed me that even with a voice like yours you

00:56:36.880 --> 00:56:41.920
can go somewhere online so huge thank you i respect you

00:56:40.319 --> 00:56:49.500
in everything that you do and uh thanks for inviting me

00:56:53.680 --> 00:56:59.839
i know linus cares about the environment because he uses recycled hosts

00:56:59.839 --> 00:57:06.400
riley murdoch you were definitely raising a call to

00:57:04.079 --> 00:57:10.000
sack hey i was

00:57:08.079 --> 00:57:15.040
if god's a software developer you're his mvp

00:57:11.119 --> 00:57:15.040
minimum viable personality

00:57:15.280 --> 00:57:21.400
please welcome the product of hitting go on a basic white guy generator

00:57:36.000 --> 00:57:42.000
thank you james you said some mean things about me but

00:57:40.640 --> 00:57:44.880
i know he's joking because this is a roast

00:57:43.760 --> 00:57:51.760
normally it's kind of hard to tell because his face looks like he just stepped in dog

00:57:51.760 --> 00:57:59.920
yeah some people have resting face uh james has resting serial killer face

00:57:58.559 --> 00:58:05.680
but it's actually a trick because he's actually really got a soft heart he's an environmentalist he single-handedly

00:58:03.760 --> 00:58:10.160
started the recycling program that we have at lmg he's a vegetarian you know

00:58:07.680 --> 00:58:13.680
he loves the world just not the people on it

00:58:15.280 --> 00:58:22.480
i bet he would love actually if half the population got wiped out like today just

00:58:20.000 --> 00:58:27.119
to see less trash in the landfills oh he's not even there

00:58:24.400 --> 00:58:27.119
he's scared

00:58:27.599 --> 00:58:34.079
i have to sit here and take it i was gonna call him a sick

00:58:30.720 --> 00:58:37.839
eco-conscious bastard there he is

00:58:34.079 --> 00:58:37.839
i don't value your opinion

00:58:38.160 --> 00:58:43.040
yeah well that actually works right and uh really well into my next joke he's

00:58:41.280 --> 00:58:46.240
basically thanos you know legitimate uh interesting character

00:58:44.720 --> 00:58:51.400
complex motivations but at the end of the day he's just a big purple dick

00:58:52.640 --> 00:58:59.119
see me i love the world i love that we have so many wonderful roasters here

00:58:55.920 --> 00:59:01.520
steve burke from gamersnexus steve is a

00:58:59.119 --> 00:59:04.400
critical thinker a gentleman and a scholar

00:59:02.559 --> 00:59:08.720
but you wouldn't guess it because he looks like a cro-magnon man

00:59:07.280 --> 00:59:12.880
not many people know this steve is actually a bit of a scientific marvel

00:59:10.720 --> 00:59:17.160
yeah he was conceived in a lab using ancient sperm trapped in amber

00:59:18.960 --> 00:59:28.319
oh maybe that's why you couldn't convince the verge you're a real journalist

00:59:23.599 --> 00:59:28.319
me steve me expose intel scandal

00:59:29.839 --> 00:59:33.839
blow lid off whole thing

00:59:35.280 --> 00:59:41.119
it's just not gonna happen man why can't you get it through your hair

00:59:41.119 --> 00:59:47.920
luke lafrenier is here tonight is that you see her name i don't know i think so

00:59:45.920 --> 00:59:51.599
luke's old nickname was slick but i could never really bring myself to call

00:59:49.760 --> 00:59:56.559
him that when his wardrobe consists entirely of shirts that he can get for

00:59:53.839 --> 01:00:00.799
free at packs or at work

00:59:58.400 --> 01:00:03.920
or at work but don't get me wrong i appreciate the aesthetic you've curated

01:00:02.400 --> 01:00:10.000
you know you look very happy very contented you've just finished your third hungry

01:00:07.280 --> 01:00:10.000
man tv dinner

01:00:11.599 --> 01:00:18.880
put them on the people say luke and i look related and

01:00:16.400 --> 01:00:22.839
you know maybe it's true you know maybe we're

01:00:19.839 --> 01:00:22.839
triplets

01:00:28.079 --> 01:00:34.000
luke ate the other one

01:00:31.119 --> 01:00:38.160
dennis lau is here everybody he's the main editor for techlink the

01:00:35.599 --> 01:00:43.440
new show that i write and host and he's also

01:00:40.079 --> 01:00:45.520
a magnificent angel look at him

01:00:43.440 --> 01:00:49.839
i know this is a roast i know he said some mean things about me but

01:00:47.680 --> 01:00:52.640
could you ever say something nasty about such a pure

01:00:51.520 --> 01:01:00.720
spirit look at him he's like a delicate forest sprite

01:00:57.200 --> 01:01:04.079
a being of light and perfect goodness

01:01:00.720 --> 01:01:06.000
oh dennis can we get dennis anything

01:01:04.079 --> 01:01:10.559
do you need anything i just want to can you give him a drink

01:01:08.559 --> 01:01:12.799
can someone get him yeah please he deserves all the goodness in the

01:01:11.920 --> 01:01:18.160
world oh sweet

01:01:15.280 --> 01:01:23.760
sweet sweet boy sweet dennis no one ever can hurt you i will stop

01:01:20.640 --> 01:01:24.310
them bless you dennis

01:01:23.760 --> 01:01:28.160
how

01:01:28.160 --> 01:01:32.799
kyle [ __ ] you man

01:01:33.440 --> 01:01:39.839
i'm sorry i'm sorry that was a reflex you see when i was making videos for

01:01:37.119 --> 01:01:43.359
ncix kyle was doing the same thing for our main american rival newegg so he is

01:01:42.559 --> 01:01:48.480
still legally my nemesis

01:01:46.640 --> 01:01:52.480
and we've only met like twice i'm sorry kyle kyle is his own channel

01:01:50.400 --> 01:01:56.720
of course formerly named the relatable and excitable exciting awesome sauce

01:01:55.440 --> 01:02:01.839
network and then he changed it to uh

01:01:59.280 --> 01:02:01.839
beetweet

01:02:02.400 --> 01:02:07.200
i mean bitwit it sounds like the fifth teletubby

01:02:06.160 --> 01:02:11.870
who was too stupid to make it on the show so tinky winky and dipsy had to leave him

01:02:10.400 --> 01:02:14.640
in the namby pamby forest

01:02:14.640 --> 01:02:20.040
yes i googled the names of the teletubbies for that

01:02:20.319 --> 01:02:27.440
kyle's had a bit of trouble with the verge recently aka the real journalists

01:02:25.839 --> 01:02:31.119
that was a joke they took down his lyle character's

01:02:28.960 --> 01:02:35.200
response to their shitty pc building guide uh because they said it infringed

01:02:33.040 --> 01:02:39.440
their copyright and featured a racist character because he did a chinese

01:02:37.119 --> 01:02:45.119
accent now kyle is asian okay but i can understand the confusion i mean he looks

01:02:41.440 --> 01:02:45.119
mexican and his last name is hansen

01:02:46.240 --> 01:02:52.400
i mean i hear his full name and i think is that is that one of the umbop guys

01:02:53.760 --> 01:03:00.480
and we're also being graced tonight by the presence of taran tong from corsair

01:02:58.160 --> 01:03:05.040
taran also worked at ncix as we've heard nice to see you escape the gulag man

01:03:03.200 --> 01:03:10.960
and look where he ended up you know a featured presenter at an amateur comedy

01:03:07.280 --> 01:03:10.960
roast for a minor internet celebrity

01:03:13.359 --> 01:03:21.440
but the real reason we're here tonight everybody the third most famous linus

01:03:19.039 --> 01:03:24.960
linus sebastian now although i've only worked for linus

01:03:23.119 --> 01:03:31.119
for about a year i actually worked with him uh back at ncix i don't remember

01:03:27.520 --> 01:03:33.200
much from my time there only some vague

01:03:31.119 --> 01:03:38.160
flashes come through you know a high-pitched wine

01:03:35.760 --> 01:03:44.960
cutting through the office like a hot knife through hair gel

01:03:41.920 --> 01:03:45.839
a glimmer of light reflecting off not

01:03:44.960 --> 01:03:50.720
one but double hoop earrings

01:03:48.559 --> 01:03:53.599
in both ears why too

01:03:51.760 --> 01:03:56.400
why do you need so many i don't think he can even remove them

01:03:54.799 --> 01:04:02.240
now i think they're infused into his nervous system

01:03:59.039 --> 01:04:03.760
and i'll never forget this the distinct

01:04:02.240 --> 01:04:06.559
aroma of dippity do

01:04:06.960 --> 01:04:13.090
hardening into a jagged hellscape of

01:04:12.400 --> 01:04:20.079
spikes very affordable yes

01:04:17.119 --> 01:04:23.839
unfortunately it was 2013 and hair gel hadn't been cool for like

01:04:21.359 --> 01:04:23.839
10 years

01:04:24.480 --> 01:04:30.720
seriously though everyone's style kind of crystallizes at some point usually in

01:04:28.000 --> 01:04:36.319
adulthood but you were 13. and you were like this is it

01:04:33.680 --> 01:04:36.319
only this

01:04:37.599 --> 01:04:42.799
but that's what we love about linus isn't it he doesn't flip-flop around

01:04:40.960 --> 01:04:49.280
with the trends in fact he never wears flip-flops only the thickest soul

01:04:45.039 --> 01:04:52.000
sandals with the sturdiest velcro

01:04:49.280 --> 01:04:56.799
those things are not coming off no matter how much ivan begs

01:04:55.359 --> 01:05:01.220
legend has it that beneath those straps his skin

01:04:59.520 --> 01:05:03.039
is entirely translucent

01:05:03.039 --> 01:05:07.079
like those deep sea fish

01:05:08.480 --> 01:05:13.440
yeah linus looks less like a successful business owner and more like a 1990s

01:05:12.240 --> 01:05:15.760
circuit city employee

01:05:15.760 --> 01:05:21.039
why would i move out of my parents house i'm saving money uh i don't have to cook

01:05:19.680 --> 01:05:23.839
and i can even have girls over if i leave the door open

01:05:26.720 --> 01:05:33.280
okay but really guys we all know linus is actually an incredibly hard-working

01:05:30.319 --> 01:05:36.480
creator a dedicated husband and father and an inspiring leader

01:05:35.119 --> 01:05:40.799
i can't thank him enough for fishing me out of that dumpster last year

01:05:39.200 --> 01:05:45.599
and what he's built in linus media group is nothing short of astounding i mean you've got a huge studio hundreds of

01:05:44.240 --> 01:05:51.839
thousands of dollars in equipment and close to 30 employees now

01:05:47.839 --> 01:05:51.839
i think we can afford a stylist

01:05:51.920 --> 01:05:55.760
[ __ ] that's it

01:05:55.760 --> 01:06:00.240
hey

01:06:00.240 --> 01:06:07.440
the roast of linus sebastian is fueled by madrina's coffee get the linus tech

01:06:04.559 --> 01:06:12.960
tips vanilla cold brew today up next linus gets the last word

01:06:11.280 --> 01:06:16.160
he deserves to be roasted but he doesn't deserve the roast

01:06:14.559 --> 01:06:22.480
so i hope he leaves here a little bit sadder than he came the closer we get to

01:06:18.000 --> 01:06:22.480
it the more i am [ __ ] terrified

01:06:23.760 --> 01:06:30.559
this next roaster is someone who definitely needs an introduction

01:06:28.640 --> 01:06:35.440
i just met taran tong for the first time tonight when he tried to sell me dvds on

01:06:32.960 --> 01:06:39.839
the sidewalk definitely representing corsair's

01:06:37.200 --> 01:06:44.790
official position please welcome taren tom

01:06:54.160 --> 01:06:59.940
so i'd like to thank uh head game master seneca crane for enhancing this event

01:06:58.799 --> 01:07:02.160
tonight

01:07:02.160 --> 01:07:07.520
just so you know auditions are downstairs on the casting coach

01:07:12.720 --> 01:07:18.319
and hopefully the rest of you the view count is high enough tomorrow so you

01:07:15.760 --> 01:07:21.920
still have jobs but the odds aren't looking that good

01:07:23.280 --> 01:07:28.880
when i usually see linus it's some sort of trade show where he starts waltzing

01:07:27.200 --> 01:07:31.839
in and because he's internet famous he starts breaking

01:07:32.079 --> 01:07:37.760
so tonight i'm like well this is the first time in 15 years since

01:07:36.079 --> 01:07:42.440
inviting me on any one of his shows so i'm looking around and what can i break

01:07:42.480 --> 01:07:47.359
i'm sort of thinking something grand like the camera boom because nothing

01:07:46.079 --> 01:07:52.319
says no nothing says view counts like human

01:07:50.400 --> 01:07:56.960
tragedy i mean you guys can tell i tell your friends about it after the show

01:07:55.359 --> 01:08:02.000
speaking of internet famous it's finally nice to meet some of my co-co-roasters

01:07:59.440 --> 01:08:07.440
that i watched online jay from js2 cents um steve from gamers nexus

01:08:04.960 --> 01:08:11.440
kyle from bit what what the [ __ ] is a bit what

01:08:09.520 --> 01:08:14.590
kind of sounds like you know a head injury that you get after you take one

01:08:13.359 --> 01:08:20.839
too many shots of the head will they have to hand it to you guys

01:08:17.040 --> 01:08:20.839
for finding william hungary

01:08:25.839 --> 01:08:32.640
i think if we all get through this night he might come up and do an encore she

01:08:29.839 --> 01:08:32.640
bangs she thinks

01:08:36.719 --> 01:08:43.520
then there's a five benchwarmers from the lineus media group

01:08:41.520 --> 01:08:47.520
filling in for the other youtubers who had the better sense not to comfort this

01:08:50.799 --> 01:08:56.640
no know takeuchi sometimes is unfairly criticized for a lack of diversity but

01:08:54.880 --> 01:09:00.000
what i feel tonight is that we can yes we can show the world that we can raise

01:08:58.480 --> 01:09:06.000
that diversity that we like we have le fernier with his quick waco sounding

01:09:04.080 --> 01:09:10.400
last name dennis taking a break from deviant

01:09:07.520 --> 01:09:10.400
street turning tricks

01:09:12.000 --> 01:09:16.560
you know representing china even though he's taiwanese

01:09:18.560 --> 01:09:27.440
official communist party doctrine says it's other way around

01:09:27.440 --> 01:09:34.759
then all the hardware that james put into organizing lists so i'd like to

01:09:30.799 --> 01:09:34.759
give him one those slow claps

01:09:36.319 --> 01:09:43.600
after months and months of preparation he managed to find one

01:09:41.199 --> 01:09:46.560
not two just one woman to participate and that's minus his wife

01:09:46.880 --> 01:09:52.319
hey forever dude justine was busy

01:09:52.400 --> 01:09:58.159
i mean it should be it should be a simple pitch right you know come out

01:09:55.920 --> 01:10:02.080
have a couple drinks have a few hours joke about internet culture

01:10:00.159 --> 01:10:04.080
no joke about technology what the biggest group in in cells west of the

01:10:03.600 --> 01:10:09.679
rockies if this is in progress i don't know what

01:10:07.520 --> 01:10:09.679
is

01:10:10.560 --> 01:10:16.480
yvonne just a bit of advice keep that rape whistle and pepper spray

01:10:14.640 --> 01:10:20.540
ready and later when i tell you you run you just run and you don't look back

01:10:22.560 --> 01:10:28.239
you had your chance to speak now at the wedding

01:10:26.080 --> 01:10:31.760
piece jay first time we're meeting tonight

01:10:30.239 --> 01:10:35.120
even though my employer possibly my former employer uh depending on how the

01:10:33.520 --> 01:10:39.040
rest of the night goes has worked for several years

01:10:37.440 --> 01:10:42.480
recently i saw a really touching episode where um she answers the call from the

01:10:41.120 --> 01:10:47.840
make-a-wish renovation and he's building a pc with a kid who got traveled to cancer

01:10:45.440 --> 01:10:51.840
from no terrible thing um

01:10:49.600 --> 01:10:56.719
but be straight with me were you really their first choice

01:10:56.719 --> 01:11:02.000
i mean what was the selection process they're like going through youtube

01:11:00.159 --> 01:11:05.760
videos and they're like [ __ ] this guy's got delta [ __ ] behind as well so

01:11:05.920 --> 01:11:11.440
let's just pair the two of them up like

01:11:09.600 --> 01:11:16.239
who's making the decisions there it's a good thing they didn't check and see how long it takes them to finish a

01:11:14.000 --> 01:11:16.239
build

01:11:18.880 --> 01:11:24.480
but seriously so really good stuff i mean it shows you know the power of this

01:11:22.560 --> 01:11:27.520
community and the heart that we have and it makes us all appreciate that we're

01:11:25.679 --> 01:11:31.920
all relatively good to health except for nick he looks like he's about to go in

01:11:28.960 --> 01:11:31.920
for the lobotomy tomorrow

01:11:33.920 --> 01:11:38.840
or maybe he's having a coronary i mean move those hands are you trying to hide

01:11:37.120 --> 01:11:43.199
one of those untimely boners we have been sitting around for a

01:11:40.880 --> 01:11:46.800
little longer than we probably liked the lights a little bit warm

01:11:45.199 --> 01:11:50.080
so try to fight it but you can so just roll with the buddy

01:11:50.080 --> 01:11:55.040
jace fallon's philanthropy and humanity doesn't really end there though i mean

01:11:53.679 --> 01:11:57.760
um i understand that he brought steve from gamers nexus with him tonight

01:11:56.880 --> 01:12:03.120
because steve wanted to be on a youtube channel that was somebody watched other than his

01:12:00.880 --> 01:12:07.199
mom but don't worry stephen

01:12:05.360 --> 01:12:10.159
everything she says is true about you your hair is dreamy

01:12:11.600 --> 01:12:14.640
you're just big boned

01:12:14.880 --> 01:12:19.240
you're a real catch

01:12:19.280 --> 01:12:25.920
and you know what for somebody who has such strong opinions about cable management here it's sort of the same

01:12:24.400 --> 01:12:31.280
concept at least i didn't make the 680x

01:12:31.280 --> 01:12:36.719
very specific very very nice very neat

01:12:35.520 --> 01:12:40.159
but really really i'm thrilled to be here uh when linus asked me to come up i

01:12:39.040 --> 01:12:43.840
thought it was a wonderful opportunity to support the lgbt community

01:12:43.840 --> 01:12:50.719
i mean just look at this transformation that they've made from a socks and

01:12:47.920 --> 01:12:55.600
sandals wearing lesbian to a proud possibly gay man

01:12:55.600 --> 01:13:00.159
i'm looking forward to have been taking a story injections in the last i hear

01:12:58.719 --> 01:13:04.640
that dennis is going to help volunteer administer you know

01:13:02.800 --> 01:13:08.260
so you can go from his 12 year old girl like nasal voice to elizabeth

01:13:07.040 --> 01:13:11.360
holmes like baritone

01:13:11.360 --> 01:13:16.840
well how about this outcome right vlog your journey it'll be good i think we'll

01:13:15.199 --> 01:13:20.719
be pretty brave hashtag courage

01:13:23.600 --> 01:13:29.600
despite all the grief i give linus before today

01:13:27.920 --> 01:13:33.600
today tomorrow he's preserved and he's made it and he's

01:13:31.679 --> 01:13:36.159
a decent human being he cares

01:13:34.719 --> 01:13:38.880
much more deeply about his employees and has a lot more emotional depth than his

01:13:37.920 --> 01:13:42.159
uh crappy videos may suggest

01:13:42.480 --> 01:13:48.080
lioness today is a more introspective version of the drum kit i met years ago

01:13:46.239 --> 01:13:50.960
no mastering his negotiating skills of vendors by telling him ahead of time

01:13:49.440 --> 01:13:53.120
that no we have no intention of paying you

01:13:53.360 --> 01:13:55.840
it happened

01:13:57.120 --> 01:14:02.530
i wish him more subs more views and more successful years to come thanks for

01:14:01.199 --> 01:14:05.590
having me

01:14:13.679 --> 01:14:21.280
our final roaster is nick light just think if all those years ago michael

01:14:19.120 --> 01:14:27.600
jackson had had your face today there'd be no controversy guilty

01:14:25.280 --> 01:14:32.790
please welcome the guy who shows up with a bat if you thumbs down a linus video

01:14:30.719 --> 01:14:36.180
dicklight

01:14:42.400 --> 01:14:47.440
all right wow what an introduction

01:14:45.440 --> 01:14:50.480
uh from the guy who's attempting to look like bruce buffer

01:14:49.199 --> 01:14:55.520
after all these roasts i'm feeling a little a bit more like bruce butt hurt

01:14:52.719 --> 01:14:58.239
so uh we'll try to get past that i'm really happy that i get to share the

01:14:56.960 --> 01:15:02.159
stage tonight with some of my awesome colleagues like riley you know as you've

01:15:00.560 --> 01:15:07.920
heard tonight riley's motivated he's enthusiastic and boy is he positive

01:15:05.760 --> 01:15:10.800
like seriously this dude is weirdly positive

01:15:09.280 --> 01:15:15.760
this may be about far-fetched but some days i wonder if riley might secretly be

01:15:13.360 --> 01:15:19.199
a serial killer i could easily picture you just standing

01:15:18.000 --> 01:15:25.719
in your kitchen frying up a bunch of severed fingers and

01:15:21.360 --> 01:15:25.719
saying time for the quick bits

01:15:26.159 --> 01:15:31.440
maybe you'll uh maybe you'll enjoy them with a side of good gravy

01:15:33.120 --> 01:15:38.480
and luke luke of course as he alluded to earlier without him i probably never

01:15:36.719 --> 01:15:42.880
would have even heard of linus tech tips never mind actually working here

01:15:40.719 --> 01:15:47.440
but luke is the best type of guy to be indebted to his memory is so bad

01:15:45.760 --> 01:15:51.920
that he can't even remember to show up on time for the wan show you know the

01:15:49.679 --> 01:15:56.880
show that has started at the same time every week

01:15:53.120 --> 01:15:56.880
for like seven years

01:15:57.280 --> 01:16:03.760
so i feel pretty safe in knowing that there's no way in hell he's ever coming

01:16:00.719 --> 01:16:07.360
to collect on that debt

01:16:03.760 --> 01:16:09.920
avon you're great too uh but one thing

01:16:07.360 --> 01:16:13.440
that i absolutely can't stand is how indecisive you are sometimes

01:16:11.840 --> 01:16:17.040
i can't even imagine what it must have been to deal with you when you were a

01:16:15.600 --> 01:16:22.880
pharmacist you know you'd be calling your patients back all the time take one of these no no take two take two uh take

01:16:20.719 --> 01:16:25.570
take four uh and then they never called you back because by the time they got

01:16:24.159 --> 01:16:28.800
the final message they were dead

01:16:28.800 --> 01:16:36.000
on a more serious note though i would never

01:16:32.320 --> 01:16:38.560
impersonate a generic asian accent

01:16:36.000 --> 01:16:42.400
unlike some people on this stage but

01:16:39.760 --> 01:16:46.880
i impersonate dennis all the time because dennis is the absolute king of

01:16:44.719 --> 01:16:49.840
unintentional one-liners my absolute favorite one happened in

01:16:48.640 --> 01:16:53.920
vegas one time you know we're all chilling in the room it's ces we're

01:16:51.920 --> 01:16:57.440
catching up on emails it's like 11 p.m and then all of a sudden dennis barges

01:16:56.080 --> 01:17:03.640
through the door obviously drunk and just says

01:16:59.920 --> 01:17:03.640
i lost all my money

01:17:07.040 --> 01:17:13.600
and another time in mexico we were on some random jungle excursion dennis

01:17:11.679 --> 01:17:17.600
looks over into the distance and spots this huge hole in the ground and he

01:17:15.120 --> 01:17:22.159
points to colton and he says hey colton the reason why you're here is so i can

01:17:19.199 --> 01:17:22.159
put you in your grave

01:17:24.719 --> 01:17:29.120
and i'm sure i'd have many many more examples of that if only i could

01:17:27.920 --> 01:17:31.280
understand half the words that come out of here

01:17:32.560 --> 01:17:38.080
and who can forget our esteemed guests the three guys who had nothing better to

01:17:36.560 --> 01:17:42.080
do on a friday night than fly to a different country country to take part

01:17:40.320 --> 01:17:45.760
in a bootleg marketing event for a coffee company hosted by the troop of

01:17:44.400 --> 01:17:51.840
man children who brought you such classics as arctic hobby land rider 503

01:17:49.199 --> 01:17:56.400
rc fire truck unboxing and first look linus tech tip

01:17:54.480 --> 01:18:00.400
yes that is the full title of linus's most viewed video and yes this is the

01:17:58.800 --> 01:18:03.360
moment where all of you should be seriously reflecting on the life choices

01:18:02.239 --> 01:18:05.920
you've made that have brought you to this very state

01:18:06.640 --> 01:18:11.679
kyle the man the myth the bit whip

01:18:09.840 --> 01:18:15.120
uh lyle's just better i'm not even making a joke that's just honest

01:18:13.120 --> 01:18:18.800
feedback steve or as he's more affectionately

01:18:16.960 --> 01:18:22.320
known tech jesus uh maybe if you smoked as much weed as

01:18:20.880 --> 01:18:26.600
your hair makes it look like you do you'd actually make an entertaining video

01:18:27.120 --> 01:18:31.679
and jay i'm honestly really quite surprised that

01:18:30.239 --> 01:18:37.640
you showed up tonight all of the famous people here already

01:18:33.679 --> 01:18:37.640
don't know how to build their own pcs

01:18:41.440 --> 01:18:46.480
at least when linus decides to make a six-part video series the audience

01:18:44.880 --> 01:18:48.820
already knows it'll take over a year to complete and it'll end with fake

01:18:48.239 --> 01:18:51.280
excitement

01:18:51.280 --> 01:18:57.840
and speaking of linus uh who can forget the reason we're

01:18:54.960 --> 01:19:02.960
all here tonight mr linus sebastian linus media group linus tech tips linus

01:19:00.880 --> 01:19:07.040
cat tips this guy really doesn't think a whole lot of himself

01:19:05.600 --> 01:19:13.080
i actually heard that linus wanted to have five kids that way he could start

01:19:09.440 --> 01:19:13.080
the names with l-i-n-u

01:19:13.760 --> 01:19:18.960
they'd be like the power rangers except instead of joining together to save the

01:19:17.600 --> 01:19:22.640
planet they'd have to fight to keep their dad's fragile ego intact after he

01:19:20.880 --> 01:19:26.880
gets old and looks a whole lot more like i do

01:19:26.880 --> 01:19:31.600
for all the hater we see online it's actually pretty easy for me to look past

01:19:30.080 --> 01:19:35.280
all the clickbait titles and shitty thumbnails they've given me the perfect

01:19:33.280 --> 01:19:40.480
title for my future tell-all book the many faces of linus sebastian a series

01:19:37.840 --> 01:19:40.480
in 12 parts

01:19:40.880 --> 01:19:47.120
and in addition to the many faces of linus there are many sides to linus at

01:19:44.400 --> 01:19:50.640
well as well uh so at work he's running around like a man on a mission he's got

01:19:49.040 --> 01:19:54.239
a screwdriver in his pocket he's lifting heavy servers but then you get to the

01:19:52.560 --> 01:19:58.159
badminton court and he's moving elegantly and he always makes sure to

01:19:56.320 --> 01:20:02.480
have his balance hand out when he goes up to smash that [ __ ] i mean shuttle

01:20:01.120 --> 01:20:05.840
[ __ ] shuttle [ __ ] why don't we just call it a birdie

01:20:06.560 --> 01:20:11.840
um i only like him because he makes me money

01:20:12.080 --> 01:20:15.760
i guess i just had that down as a note

01:20:17.199 --> 01:20:20.159
awkward um

01:20:20.560 --> 01:20:28.560
but even with all the things that we can harp on you know your height your voice the way you just drag on forever

01:20:27.199 --> 01:20:34.239
um the bottom line is that you promote curiosity creativity and hard work and

01:20:32.239 --> 01:20:37.360
tech content that is second to none your fantastic influences on the lives of

01:20:36.000 --> 01:20:41.719
everyone here and everyone watching at home and i want to say thank you

01:20:53.840 --> 01:20:58.800
ladies and gentlemen it's time for the rant you've all been

01:20:57.199 --> 01:21:03.920
waiting for the man that youtube only puts on

01:21:01.600 --> 01:21:07.320
trending to be ironic linus sebastian

01:21:12.800 --> 01:21:19.199
thank oh wait oh god how does this no time

01:21:19.280 --> 01:21:26.239
that was that was hard

01:21:26.239 --> 01:21:31.600
honestly it wasn't quite as bad as i was expecting though believe it or not

01:21:30.159 --> 01:21:35.120
that's actually the first time nick's ever said anything nice about me

01:21:36.640 --> 01:21:42.719
honestly guys i didn't think that had a single kind

01:21:40.480 --> 01:21:45.679
bone in his body though in fairness to me you can't

01:21:44.560 --> 01:21:49.199
really blame me it would have been pretty hard to find a bone in there

01:21:51.120 --> 01:21:56.440
yeah you're smiling it's a fat joke

01:22:00.880 --> 01:22:05.920
steve man that was brutal

01:22:04.560 --> 01:22:11.360
i mean at least you didn't call me a pathetic corporate shill by name when

01:22:07.679 --> 01:22:12.800
you did your mock vacuum cleaner review

01:22:11.360 --> 01:22:18.719
yeah it's pretty quiet i guess you guys didn't see that video

01:22:18.719 --> 01:22:25.560
that's okay you really didn't miss much it's kind of like the rest of steve's

01:22:22.320 --> 01:22:28.080
videos really [ __ ] boring

01:22:28.080 --> 01:22:32.080
like here's the thing i might have an irritating voice

01:22:31.120 --> 01:22:39.840
but it beats putting the entire room to

01:22:34.800 --> 01:22:39.840
sleep every time i open my mouth

01:22:40.080 --> 01:22:45.600
then there's this tech jesus thing like what is that i'm always hearing yeah

01:22:43.360 --> 01:22:49.679
he's tech jesus meanwhile i'm sitting here going yeah no that can't be right i

01:22:47.679 --> 01:22:56.480
mean for one thing jesus had 12 whole followers

01:22:56.480 --> 01:23:00.940
and for number two he eventually came

01:22:59.520 --> 01:23:04.880
back from the dead

01:23:04.880 --> 01:23:10.000
you ask me he's more like tech weird owl

01:23:07.920 --> 01:23:12.639
just without the accordion or a personality

01:23:12.800 --> 01:23:18.159
yeah laugh it up kyle but i mean at least steve's videos have

01:23:16.320 --> 01:23:22.000
substance i mean i was chatting with your bff lyle the other day and i think

01:23:20.080 --> 01:23:26.480
he put it best he goes okay rook

01:23:23.440 --> 01:23:30.400
he called himself awesome sauce but he

01:23:26.480 --> 01:23:34.880
looked more like sweet and sour dork

01:23:30.400 --> 01:23:37.679
he too stupid even for the verge

01:23:34.880 --> 01:23:44.000
as if they'd hire your racist ass real talk man do you have any idea how

01:23:39.920 --> 01:23:46.320
offensive that voice is to people

01:23:44.000 --> 01:23:50.370
but no no i can do it i'm like half chinese on my wife's parents side

01:23:54.000 --> 01:24:01.159
at least unlike you guys jay knows something

01:23:57.920 --> 01:24:01.159
it's off

01:24:03.760 --> 01:24:08.400
you're right i do thank you i appreciate it

01:24:06.880 --> 01:24:11.440
we actually planned that's the end suffer [ __ ]

01:24:15.360 --> 01:24:23.360
so jay's an expert when it comes to milking

01:24:19.199 --> 01:24:25.840
celebrity appearances for youtube views

01:24:23.360 --> 01:24:32.560
i swear to god man how many parts was the post malone build

01:24:30.719 --> 01:24:40.480
you got your part one you got your part two you've got your oh

01:24:35.679 --> 01:24:40.480
my god it's finally working thank god

01:24:40.800 --> 01:24:47.600
oh oh not cute

01:24:44.560 --> 01:24:47.600
i was like i didn't make that video

01:24:49.120 --> 01:24:56.320
dude it's a computer just [ __ ] build it

01:24:54.560 --> 01:24:59.440
thank god he didn't leave your review on yelp

01:24:58.560 --> 01:25:05.040
yeah my brand new computer was outdated six

01:25:01.840 --> 01:25:10.440
months before he delivered it

01:25:05.040 --> 01:25:10.440
more like jay's too slow once more

01:25:12.239 --> 01:25:20.480
then there's you sorry who are you again

01:25:17.520 --> 01:25:26.400
right right oh vp of sales of course their memory oh big shot

01:25:23.600 --> 01:25:28.960
a douche you know

01:25:27.360 --> 01:25:36.880
he's lucky that they never checked his resume every company he has ever worked for

01:25:33.520 --> 01:25:36.880
has gone to [ __ ] you know

01:25:38.840 --> 01:25:47.199
everyone you know before he settled into hawking memory modules he tried to make

01:25:43.120 --> 01:25:50.000
it as a tech reviewer remember neoseeker

01:25:47.199 --> 01:25:55.040
oh wait what yeah exactly right what

01:25:51.280 --> 01:25:57.360
all right his most recent victim ncix

01:25:55.040 --> 01:26:02.080
so if that's anything to go by i'd say submit your corsair warranty claims get

01:25:59.840 --> 01:26:08.080
your rebates in because if the pile of dead bodies is anything to go by i'd say

01:26:04.239 --> 01:26:09.600
they've got about another three years

01:26:08.080 --> 01:26:13.679
reminds me riley for three years i tried to poach this

01:26:12.239 --> 01:26:17.840
guy from them so hey

01:26:15.760 --> 01:26:23.840
you know riley what's up lmg is a pretty cool place to work

01:26:19.840 --> 01:26:23.840
oh yeah was that a hand well that's neat

01:26:24.560 --> 01:26:29.760
if it would have worked i'd have done it

01:26:27.920 --> 01:26:32.800
maybe maybe i was better off without you you clueless [ __ ]

01:26:34.800 --> 01:26:40.540
he's so nice and sincere you can't be like maybe this is an underhanded

01:26:38.159 --> 01:26:42.239
recruitment attempt

01:26:42.239 --> 01:26:47.840
anyway ncix finally folds and i send over a proper job offer and what do i

01:26:46.800 --> 01:26:52.960
get back oh you know i really want to but my wife

01:26:50.639 --> 01:26:55.760
isn't sure if she thinks i should do it you want nate

01:26:56.480 --> 01:27:03.610
dude either you're whipped as [ __ ] or you use your wife as a shield

01:27:02.000 --> 01:27:05.760
either way it's a bad luck

01:27:05.760 --> 01:27:10.719
which brings me perfectly to luke

01:27:08.800 --> 01:27:16.280
where do i start with luke how about before i even met him guy's a [ __ ]

01:27:12.800 --> 01:27:16.280
liar you know

01:27:20.719 --> 01:27:28.560
probably the biggest one was actually on his resume so it was only years later that he

01:27:26.320 --> 01:27:34.080
finally admitted that his only experience in video production was quite

01:27:31.440 --> 01:27:38.239
literally a keyboard unboxing that he made in the kitchen with his mom

01:27:39.520 --> 01:27:45.360
did you know he's actually the only reason that we implemented a dress code

01:27:44.000 --> 01:27:49.679
at our company that's right we have a dress

01:27:50.800 --> 01:27:56.960
it's a really simple one wear actual pants

01:27:57.360 --> 01:28:01.920
because nobody wants to see a giant meat

01:28:00.560 --> 01:28:06.639
prince sticking out of your flannel pjs

01:28:06.639 --> 01:28:11.440
i'm sorry somehow i don't believe him

01:28:09.920 --> 01:28:15.120
i know what the dick swinging was about though it really could not have been easy for

01:28:14.400 --> 01:28:21.199
you having the stature of batman

01:28:17.600 --> 01:28:21.199
with the status of robin

01:28:22.880 --> 01:28:25.440
i liked it

01:28:26.480 --> 01:28:30.880
back to wearing pants though my wife

01:28:30.880 --> 01:28:36.480
please don't punish me for this

01:28:36.480 --> 01:28:43.199
now we've heard already a lot of people say well she must have married me so

01:28:41.280 --> 01:28:48.080
that she could spend my money but come on guys you gotta think

01:28:45.440 --> 01:28:54.600
critically that's obviously not true because if it was the first thing she'd

01:28:50.159 --> 01:28:54.600
have bought is a pair of breasts

01:28:59.280 --> 01:29:05.120
like honestly hun if i wore as much padding as you

01:29:02.800 --> 01:29:10.880
just think of it what an innovation i could just like

01:29:14.000 --> 01:29:20.400
you know it's good uh we're actually shopping the other week it was adorable

01:29:17.679 --> 01:29:23.679
so she's all excited she finally found something that fits right

01:29:22.239 --> 01:29:28.639
and i go on you know the the aisle for adult

01:29:25.440 --> 01:29:28.639
women is over there right

01:29:30.800 --> 01:29:36.480
honestly though i don't even know why i'm laughing at this joke because the joke's kind of on me

01:29:36.880 --> 01:29:41.520
i mean we're done having kids so it's not like she needs them for anything

01:29:42.239 --> 01:29:48.000
at least my wife can use power tools though

01:29:45.360 --> 01:29:48.000
yeah dennis

01:29:49.760 --> 01:29:56.080
you think i forgot about you so this guy invites me over to see his new apartment

01:29:54.719 --> 01:30:00.719
on a saturday and i get there and apparently he expects me to paint

01:29:59.280 --> 01:30:03.760
his walls and mount his tv

01:30:04.239 --> 01:30:10.239
you know you're [ __ ] useless

01:30:07.920 --> 01:30:13.240
when you trust these butterfingers more than yourself to handle your expensive

01:30:12.239 --> 01:30:17.679
electronics i don't know why

01:30:18.000 --> 01:30:24.960
i guess i don't blame you though i mean so i asked this guy to hand me a drill

01:30:22.480 --> 01:30:32.000
because i'm working on things for him he goes oh i'm not a drill person

01:30:28.480 --> 01:30:32.000
what the [ __ ] is a drill person

01:30:33.440 --> 01:30:35.840
a man

01:30:36.800 --> 01:30:44.239
a top would you believe this guy served in the taiwanese military

01:30:41.040 --> 01:30:46.510
thank god china never actually invaded

01:30:44.239 --> 01:30:55.780
can you imagine oh

01:30:57.920 --> 01:31:02.560
there's james look at him over there

01:31:01.199 --> 01:31:05.600
he's all like he's sitting in the throne

01:31:05.840 --> 01:31:11.040
oh you know what my roast is at you james [ __ ] you james

01:31:12.480 --> 01:31:17.600
this this is your one chance to be in charge enjoy it big man

01:31:17.600 --> 01:31:22.719
i know that's what you really are textbook small dog

01:31:21.520 --> 01:31:29.080
you're always talking about your big dick energy the last time i checked men

01:31:24.960 --> 01:31:29.080
your hands ain't much bigger than mine

01:31:30.719 --> 01:31:35.650
i mean okay sorry just to be clear about one thing i'm actually not saying that

01:31:34.400 --> 01:31:42.880
that's an indication

01:31:42.880 --> 01:31:46.960
oh you guys were all here when my wife was up

01:31:51.199 --> 01:31:56.320
you know that's actually pretty easy coming up with mean things to say about

01:31:54.560 --> 01:32:01.679
me his voice is so high

01:31:58.960 --> 01:32:05.840
his balls haven't dropped uh honestly uh by comparison

01:32:04.400 --> 01:32:09.679
coming up with mean things to say about you guys was really hard for me before

01:32:08.320 --> 01:32:17.040
tonight except james james you enjoyed this

01:32:17.040 --> 01:32:22.480
um seriously though i think this is the the

01:32:20.320 --> 01:32:27.120
part of the show where i thank you all sincerely from the bottom of my heart

01:32:24.080 --> 01:32:30.320
for being here um i know that this was

01:32:27.120 --> 01:32:35.000
absolutely a ton of work for all of you

01:32:30.320 --> 01:32:35.000
you guys were amazing by the way um

01:32:43.440 --> 01:32:49.199
you also put a lot of trust in what is admittedly

01:32:46.960 --> 01:32:53.280
a gaggle of idiots to pull this all off so

01:32:50.880 --> 01:32:58.560
thank you for that means a lot um so as much as i

01:32:56.560 --> 01:33:01.520
want to say that i absolutely meant all of the mean things i said

01:33:03.120 --> 01:33:08.600
i love you all enough to start bottling them up again tomorrow

01:33:10.320 --> 01:33:22.520
you guys are the best speaking of the best

01:33:26.000 --> 01:33:29.840
our sponsor madrina's coffee

01:33:29.920 --> 01:33:36.239
featuring the lambo roast and this exclusive orange can

01:33:34.560 --> 01:33:39.040
i was definitely paid to put that label on there

01:33:37.840 --> 01:33:43.120
uh we wouldn't have been able to do this without you guys um

01:33:40.960 --> 01:33:48.320
i also want to thank our production team and the incredible team at floatplane

01:33:46.480 --> 01:33:53.520
it might take them a while but eventually they get it we live streamed

01:33:50.480 --> 01:33:55.640
this tonight exclusively on float planes

01:33:53.520 --> 01:34:00.799
so thank you luke

01:34:04.560 --> 01:34:11.600
i also want to do a massive shout out to many people but especially yvonne

01:34:10.560 --> 01:34:17.120
steth colton and james who worked tirelessly

01:34:14.719 --> 01:34:21.600
on this for some of them weeks some of the months leading up to tonight

01:34:19.520 --> 01:34:26.000
and of course finally i want to reserve my biggest thank you to our friends and

01:34:24.400 --> 01:34:31.280
our family members who are here in the audience you guys came out to show your support

01:34:28.880 --> 01:34:35.280
damn it and also to our dedicated fans um

01:34:43.360 --> 01:34:47.800
i'm calling it jordan peterson right now

01:34:48.880 --> 01:34:55.120
both the ones that are here in the audience encouraging us even when our jokes

01:34:52.880 --> 01:34:59.120
aren't that great and the ones that are watching us from

01:34:56.639 --> 01:35:04.000
afar over the interwebs as much as that's pretty creepy you guys

01:35:04.000 --> 01:35:09.120
without all of you though none of this would be possible we owe you all so much

01:35:07.360 --> 01:35:12.360
uh thank you for being here and good night everybody

01:35:21.280 --> 01:35:29.180
the roast of linus sebastian is fueled by madrina's coffee get the linus tech

01:35:25.600 --> 01:35:43.750
tips vanilla cold brew today

01:35:44.159 --> 01:35:47.159
oh