1
00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:36,640
the roast of Linus sebastian is fueled by madrina's coffee get the Linus tech

2
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:40,399
tips vanilla cold brew today and now

3
00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:43,150
please welcome your roastmaster james

4
00:00:40,399 --> 00:00:50,049
stry

5
00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:06,640
good evening ladies and gentlemen i'm james tribe and tonight is the big night

6
00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:11,680
welcome to the madrina's coffee roast of Linus sebastian tonight we're here to

7
00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:13,119
honor a man who made hundreds of hours

8
00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:17,040
of quality educational content

9
00:01:15,119 --> 00:01:20,080
five years ago and has been riding on click bait ever since

10
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:25,439
but before we get into it i'd just like to say on behalf of all those in

11
00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:30,000
attendance tonight and the millions watching at home

12
00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:33,650
Colton hey

13
00:01:34,159 --> 00:01:40,720
that guy joining me on stage tonight i have

14
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:43,680
essentially an entire team where every player was picked last

15
00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:51,040
you guys look like the character select screen for that banned steam game active

16
00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:56,479
shooter you're like a buzzfeed listicle for

17
00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:56,479
famous virgins

18
00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:02,719
i'm just kidding you guys no one here is famous

19
00:02:02,719 --> 00:02:10,160
bitwit is here tonight playing himself kyle also sometimes plays a yellow face

20
00:02:07,759 --> 00:02:12,720
character named lyle who we all feel uncomfortable watching

21
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:17,620
but it's okay because kyle is part chinese

22
00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:19,680
and part douchebag

23
00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:24,800
he was allowed to bring a date tonight but paul already had plans so

24
00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:31,440
gamer's next is steve i recognize you now sorry about earlier man we had a

25
00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:35,040
mix-up where i thought steve was the guy we hired to set up the microphones

26
00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:42,239
sorry man if you're tech jesus we're going to

27
00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:42,239
need more nails

28
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:50,959
not to be outdone nick light is here tonight

29
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:54,400
you may remember him from such roles as the adams family's uncle fester

30
00:02:53,519 --> 00:02:57,840
and help my head is a bowling ball

31
00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:04,480
and finally we have a wait who the [ __ ] is that guy

32
00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:08,879
taryn tong i'm told you're lying to us his old boss or something that's rumor

33
00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:12,560
you don't look funny at all man guys don't worry someone will put

34
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:19,040
timestamps in the comments so you can skip all these people oh my god

35
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:24,560
speaking of people who love segways Linus is the megalomaniac ceo who pays

36
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:28,319
my salary Linus is a fast easy way to regret ever looking up a phone review in

37
00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:31,680
the first place so you can get on with your life because who the [ __ ] cares

38
00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:37,040
anyway just head to littleman syndrome.com and

39
00:03:34,319 --> 00:03:40,080
enter code grinder in the how did you hear about us section

40
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:48,959
so thanks for watching guys because i'm fired now

41
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:53,040
on a related note it's a good thing that we're doing this roast now because let's

42
00:03:50,879 --> 00:03:58,799
face it youtube is a fickle mistress and now the Linus is over 30 this house of v

43
00:03:55,440 --> 00:04:03,120
cards could collapse at any minute

44
00:03:58,799 --> 00:04:03,120
which is why i brought these headshots

45
00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:10,239
call my people we're going to take a few pokes out

46
00:04:08,159 --> 00:04:12,799
Linus tonight but there's no denying he's an icon

47
00:04:11,599 --> 00:04:18,400
that you should probably drag into the recycle bin let's take a look at the work that

48
00:04:16,479 --> 00:04:21,199
bookmarked him in the first place thank you for joining me

49
00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:28,560
that didn't quite go as smoothly as i thought i pissed off a lot of people

50
00:04:27,199 --> 00:04:32,639
and maybe that makes me kind of an [ __ ] but

51
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:36,560
i'm a happy [ __ ] right now let's put the past in the past

52
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:40,639
after this word from our sponsor

53
00:04:40,639 --> 00:04:47,520
why not both am i being manipulated to join a crusade

54
00:04:45,199 --> 00:04:51,400
or is there some kind of agenda let's see if i still got this

55
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:14,919
you could always just bludgeon your opponents over the head when you lose

56
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:34,920
is

57
00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:45,919
hey are you pranking me right now my sister

58
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:53,800
had some spare pregnancy tests and i was like oh well i'll just try why didn't

59
00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:53,800
you get tested when i asked you uh

60
00:05:54,240 --> 00:06:03,039
hey there sexy i would like to spend some time with you tonight we are going

61
00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:04,400
out to purchase some adult sex

62
00:06:03,039 --> 00:06:08,800
it's all about the butt you want to start bouncing then i'm going to start

63
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:13,440
bouncing it baby was i wrong when i said she's a thick girl no prepare for some

64
00:06:11,199 --> 00:06:19,120
lube to go everywhere oh my god it's full of pubes i'm a little nervous too

65
00:06:15,919 --> 00:06:21,520
baby i've never done anything like this

66
00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:24,160
oh my god it's hot just turn that camera off let's go

67
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:30,960
and through all that time he never changed his hairstyle his wardrobe or

68
00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:34,639
his earrings he's like a less successful backstreet boy

69
00:06:33,039 --> 00:06:39,680
ladies and gentlemen please welcome the only in-cell i know

70
00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:43,880
who's married the west coast sheila Linus sebastian

71
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:30,800
oh wait wait wait wait wait wait wait i thought of everything buddy

72
00:07:27,599 --> 00:07:32,080
you don't want you don't want this okay

73
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:34,639
well i noticed your feet are dangling already so

74
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:37,120
wow

75
00:07:38,319 --> 00:07:45,440
finally i get to roast

76
00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:48,400
Linus sorry guys uh Linus gave me some hosting tips before the show but i just

77
00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:51,920
can't do it anyway what's with all the signing man your audience isn't deaf

78
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:54,319
they just wish they were

79
00:07:54,319 --> 00:08:00,479
is there anyone who doesn't watch Linus's videos with the playback speed

80
00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:05,759
crank to 2x seriously dude the only thing slower than your presentation

81
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:05,759
style is nyx metabolism

82
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:16,160
i'm surprised to see you in your regular uniform tonight i guess the uh your

83
00:08:14,479 --> 00:08:19,440
father's suit section of valley village must have been picked dry

84
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:24,960
Linus has three beautiful children but i think they must have been test tube

85
00:08:23,919 --> 00:08:28,879
babies or something because there's no [ __ ] way this guy's not a virgin

86
00:08:28,879 --> 00:08:35,039
i know i'm as disappointed as anyone that this guy was able to breed at all

87
00:08:33,039 --> 00:08:40,519
but apparently he's fixed now he says he got a vasectomy but i think they just

88
00:08:36,479 --> 00:08:40,519
cut his balls right off

89
00:08:41,919 --> 00:08:47,120
the imagery lately Linus has been trying to figure

90
00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:50,560
out what to do next he tried to break into acting but he got frustrated

91
00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:53,800
because he kept getting typecast as a eunuch

92
00:08:54,080 --> 00:09:01,040
seriously i gotta hand it to you and the team for making this far though because uh your early videos have all the

93
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:04,730
production quality of an r kelly sex tape

94
00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:06,720
but with more potty humor

95
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:13,519
it's a slow burn more recently Linus has been criticized

96
00:09:11,279 --> 00:09:17,279
for the ridiculous faces that he wears in the thumbnail images but i don't

97
00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:21,720
think he can help it in fact Yvonne told me that he makes the same faces in bed

98
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,880
when she pegs him

99
00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:33,360
Linus definitely has some baggage from high school

100
00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:37,360
and i think that's why he likes badminton he can avoid the trauma of a

101
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:40,480
team locker room while still getting to bat [ __ ] around all night

102
00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:48,560
but his deepest insecurity is that even though he's built one of

103
00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:53,279
the largest tech channels in the world the industry still treats him just like

104
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:55,680
his classmates did you can't play with our toys before

105
00:09:54,720 --> 00:10:00,000
launch you're not invited to our annual party

106
00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:05,640
and if you want to play seven minutes in heaven eventually you have to come out

107
00:10:02,399 --> 00:10:05,640
of the closet

108
00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:11,040
all right it's time for me to shut up and get to our first roaster kyle hanson

109
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:15,600
kyle's channel used to be called awesomesauce many people don't know that

110
00:10:13,519 --> 00:10:24,800
this was actually his dad's nickname for him from way back before he was born

111
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:30,079
and who could have predicted his son would become famous for taking a sticky

112
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:33,680
load in the eye oh my god though i think he gets that

113
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:37,680
from his mother's side please welcome spitwitch

114
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:51,279
thank you for that introduction james

115
00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:54,079
and impressive work by the way i actually didn't think Linus could sound

116
00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:57,240
any stupider until you started writing for LMG

117
00:11:00,079 --> 00:11:04,160
okay you're laughing too hard

118
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:10,160
good evening it's uh it's good to be here and by here i mean not sitting next to

119
00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:12,640
you souls anymore all of you

120
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:16,959
hi jay

121
00:11:16,959 --> 00:11:22,079
jay i i know you're probably too embarrassed to ask so i'll help you out

122
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:26,160
Linus do you have any offer codes for hair dye

123
00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:31,839
jay will be in touch he probably does you're looking good though jay

124
00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:36,800
you know i think it's cute how you show off your little sports cars must be nice

125
00:11:33,839 --> 00:11:36,800
to actually fit in them now

126
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:46,640
just honest question did you just name your cars after girls fat jay never got

127
00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:48,790
to ride because if so you're going to need a lot

128
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:51,200
more cars man

129
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:57,440
one of the most impressive things jay has ever done is his post malone build

130
00:11:55,519 --> 00:12:00,630
you can really see how much hard work and talent goes into making something so

131
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:02,640
precisely ugly

132
00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:08,079
when post malone stands next to that pc you don't even see his face tax

133
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:14,720
that build took so long to launch you should have named it Floatplane

134
00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:17,519
there he goes

135
00:12:18,399 --> 00:12:25,480
hi luke hey man man you look like you've had less sleep

136
00:12:22,079 --> 00:12:25,480
than emperor palpatine

137
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:32,079
still i get aroused every time i see your face because it looks like a vagina

138
00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:32,079
from the 70s

139
00:12:34,959 --> 00:12:39,760
i also love how your professional and personal relationship with Linus is the

140
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:43,920
same he's the front end you're the back

141
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:50,839
beautiful but seriously building a website on that

142
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:52,959
scale must be a tediously grueling

143
00:12:50,839 --> 00:12:56,800
process kind of like watching a gamer's nexus video

144
00:12:56,800 --> 00:13:03,600
steve puts a lot of effort into his work you can't tell but he's benchmarking a

145
00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:03,600
video card right now

146
00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:08,639
i'm guessing it's up his ass and that's why he's always angry

147
00:13:08,639 --> 00:13:13,260
i love all your youtube rant steve did you make one when metallica kicked

148
00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:16,399
you out of the band

149
00:13:16,399 --> 00:13:22,880
steve is known in the community as tech jesus but at least people believe in

150
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:29,200
jesus you corporate shell

151
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:34,240
by the way i didn't bring my twin brother lyle here tonight because i

152
00:13:32,639 --> 00:13:38,360
didn't think any anyone would understand him

153
00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:41,519
but it turns out dennis is here

154
00:13:41,519 --> 00:13:48,390
oh dennis i think it's cool that during the bird box challenge you didn't need a

155
00:13:45,279 --> 00:13:53,530
blindfold you just smiled

156
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:58,959
Colton why are you doing that i thought they put you up here with us

157
00:13:57,839 --> 00:14:01,600
like you need to be any lower to the ground

158
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:06,639
i'm actually kind of surprised to see you here i'm pretty sure Colton hasn't

159
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:09,760
been fired yet because LMG has a height requirement for termination

160
00:14:10,079 --> 00:14:13,360
kind of ironic isn't it Linus

161
00:14:14,959 --> 00:14:20,639
but Colton i've always thought you'd make a great pedophile because you blend in with children

162
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:29,760
it's a feature so i've known Linus for let's see

163
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:33,360
too long and what i've learned is Linus will

164
00:14:31,199 --> 00:14:37,839
monetize anything that moves i remember we did karaoke with him once and he

165
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:39,199
picked a song from the lion king

166
00:14:37,839 --> 00:14:42,399
i'm pretty sure that was just a disney ad

167
00:14:42,399 --> 00:14:48,240
you realize you're sandwiched between ads in every video right

168
00:14:46,959 --> 00:14:52,560
like if you ever left youtube for pornhub you'd have dbrand in your ass and honey in your mouth

169
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:58,120
hey it tastes better than you think

170
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:02,320
i don't think your wife even knows that

171
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:09,760
by the way your earrings called they want the lesbian you stole them from back

172
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:17,680
in case you didn't know lesbian is an abbreviation for Linus sebastian

173
00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:24,079
call her unlucky but at least helen keller never had to see your face or

174
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:27,519
hear your voice Linus's voice is proof that his balls

175
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:31,360
are the only two things he hasn't dropped yet

176
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:37,330
then again it's what made you internet famous i really loved your role as the 56k

177
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:39,519
modem

178
00:15:39,519 --> 00:15:45,120
we all showed up to Linus's roast tonight but we'd never go to his

179
00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:51,440
birthday party because he's a workaholic the invitation would say come celebrate

180
00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:56,000
Linus's birthday monday 9-5

181
00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:56,000
free cake sponsored by savage jerky

182
00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:59,440
your funeral would be more fun

183
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:06,920
which reminds me when's the funeral for Channel Super Fun happening

184
00:16:09,519 --> 00:16:14,079
that must have been fun though right making videos of you pretending that you

185
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:17,920
had friends because you clearly never had any in school

186
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:23,839
that's why when you grew up you had to hire 30 of them

187
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:31,040
you guys have really come a long way though i remember when the profile picture for the LTT channel was Linus

188
00:16:28,639 --> 00:16:34,720
dressed up and posing as steve jobs remember that yeah

189
00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:38,240
total douchebag move but it still looks better than your new logo oh

190
00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:44,079
my god you and steve jobs do have a lot in

191
00:16:41,839 --> 00:16:46,880
common though Linus may you live as long as he did

192
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:52,720
oh my god

193
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:55,360
jokes aside man you're all right in my book you've been an inspiration over the

194
00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:57,920
years and it's an honor to share the stage with you tonight thanks for having me

195
00:17:00,079 --> 00:17:07,360
the roast of Linus sebastian is fueled by madrina's coffee get the Linus tech

196
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:11,760
tips vanilla cold brew today coming up luke lafreniere i still love you man

197
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:16,959
steve burke Yvonne ho

198
00:17:13,439 --> 00:17:19,679
and Linus himself oh i think there's no

199
00:17:16,959 --> 00:17:23,120
one who deserves this more than me so tired of all the

200
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:28,079
beeps well now you can watch the roast of latin sebastian completely uncensored

201
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:32,120
and get early access to other Linus tech tips content at Floatplane.com

202
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:41,840
to me our next roaster luke lafreniere

203
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:46,400
is like a shapeshifter who can morph to perfectly match his job title he used to

204
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:50,480
play the hunky co-host now he plays the basement dwelling

205
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:50,480
software dev

206
00:17:51,039 --> 00:17:54,960
man you look like if luke ate luke

207
00:17:55,520 --> 00:18:01,120
or if philip seymour hoffman was playing luke you know what i like that

208
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:04,720
comparison because these days the two of you get

209
00:18:02,559 --> 00:18:07,960
about the same amount of camera time i don't know who that is

210
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:14,300
he's dead please welcome heir to the duck dynasty

211
00:18:11,679 --> 00:18:17,790
fortune luke lafreniere

212
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:34,960
that's all you get all right i don't i don't think you're worth any more time taran tong

213
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:34,960
why the [ __ ] are you here

214
00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:40,840
like i i knew you from before but do you guys even know who he is i thought rose

215
00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:45,520
group's supposed to be made up of like recognizable people i think the rest of

216
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:48,799
people are are here at the very least for some background taren works at

217
00:18:46,799 --> 00:18:52,880
Corsair you guys know Corsair they have a logo that looks like a pirate ship uh

218
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:58,080
he used to work with Linus at ncx i think they might have had a logo one

219
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:58,080
time that looked like a sinking ship

220
00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:05,039
not entirely sure and like any foundering vessel the rats will always

221
00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:05,039
get out first

222
00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:11,840
Colton

223
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:19,280
technically i left too so i don't know what that means um Colton nick thank you

224
00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:25,520
for inviting me i know Colton isn't up here anymore he got kicked just like in every other situation uh this everyone

225
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:29,280
is the kind of reward that you get for charitable work see i handed both of

226
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:33,280
these two high school degenerates the only thing they were ever successful at

227
00:19:31,679 --> 00:19:36,799
it's nice to see something in return also Colton you still owe me for that

228
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:40,880
computer buddy hit me up

229
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:44,480
i'm going to start Linus's section with a moment of silence

230
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:54,000
that wasn't in respect of anything that was a gift to all of you it's probably

231
00:19:51,919 --> 00:19:58,559
the only silence you will ever have with Linus in the room

232
00:19:56,480 --> 00:20:02,559
this never shuts up i've actually had to get used to giving

233
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:07,360
gifts of no monetary value like that one because Linus in all his generosity and

234
00:20:04,559 --> 00:20:11,039
fairness paid me below minimum wage for a really long time actually the first

235
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:13,440
whole the whole time i knew taren interesting

236
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:23,360
that's kind of true i had to budget about three dollars a day for food and i slept on a friend's

237
00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:26,080
couch well we turned his little side gig into the monster youtube channel it is

238
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:31,520
today he's kind of like darth vader but more like darth helmet or dark helmet

239
00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:35,840
technically from spaceballs due to his like overall

240
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:38,159
stature wouldn't really fit in the suit

241
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:42,480
uh watching him get mad is horrible because he's got a lot of power like

242
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:46,799
vader he's your boss he can fire you unlike vader who'd kill you

243
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:50,640
watching me get frustrated however is quite hilarious i think we actually got

244
00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:53,200
a little taste of that earlier on the big screen

245
00:20:53,360 --> 00:20:59,039
it's just a hyper-energized little chihuahua that goes crazy

246
00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:02,320
it's it's too funny it's really hard to keep it in sometimes you spend the whole

247
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:06,159
first movie thinking darth vader is the biggest baddest scariest force in the

248
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:08,480
universe and then you meet emperor vaughn

249
00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:13,760
the one who's really in charge and i don't just mean at work by the way i

250
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:19,200
lived with him for a while make no mistake she's the boss

251
00:21:16,559 --> 00:21:22,159
no question 100 i'm even pretty sure she force chokes him in bed

252
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:28,240
you couldn't hear anything could you

253
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:35,760
oh gee i lived across the hall buddy i know it went down

254
00:21:34,559 --> 00:21:40,960
actually nick you kind of look like darth vader but just when he takes the helmet off

255
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:43,280
you just need a sleep apnea machine to get the

256
00:21:43,679 --> 00:21:49,840
then it's you got it 100 down see the problem with making fun of Linus for

257
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:53,360
being like short or weak or having pretty hair or a super high-pitched

258
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:57,520
voice etc is that there's nothing wrong with those things so like i wasn't going

259
00:21:55,280 --> 00:22:00,880
to go that angle he can't change that stuff what he could change is being a

260
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:05,520
terrible person um

261
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:08,880
but it's just not gonna happen uh one time we were hiking the second

262
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:13,100
tallest mountain in the continent he knows where this is going it's so

263
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:16,080
interesting

264
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:20,480
anyways it also happens to have lightning storms on it after 2 pm and

265
00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:23,840
we're doing it for a lan party totally makes sense welcome to Linus media group

266
00:22:22,159 --> 00:22:27,520
we were flown in the last minute to save him some money so we had no time to

267
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:31,440
acclimate to the altitude because you know sacrifice the storm troopers i

268
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:33,760
guess and as i'm about twice as tall as he is and consume a lot more oxygen with

269
00:22:33,039 --> 00:22:38,960
my grown man lungs uh i got altitude

270
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:43,520
sickness pretty quickly whoa whoa whoa this is my turn okay uh

271
00:22:41,679 --> 00:22:47,120
brandon wherever he is thank you for coming i'm not dissing brandon brandon's

272
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:51,120
lovely he was carrying about 45 to 50 pounds of gear on his back the entire

273
00:22:48,559 --> 00:22:55,840
time i'm i'm gasping away like nick on a stair master

274
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:55,840
and where's Linus

275
00:22:56,400 --> 00:23:01,919
Linus abandons us to get signatures from a witness well we potentially die

276
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:05,520
lightning's trucks are lightning strikes are landing all around us right in front

277
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:08,559
of us i'm literally carrying someone on my shoulder as we barely hobble out in

278
00:23:07,679 --> 00:23:14,559
time before freaking god himself strikes us down

279
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:18,320
Linus is just relaxing in the car filming me as i come down he's great

280
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:23,120
it's wonderful you might be wondering he left you to die

281
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:27,039
why not quit after that see his ego is so massive that his main hiring

282
00:23:24,799 --> 00:23:31,280
technique is gravitational pull and i mean that physically like he actually

283
00:23:29,039 --> 00:23:33,919
pulls people in so few people have quit Linus menu group not because they didn't

284
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:40,400
want to leave because they haven't been able to muster up the escape velocity

285
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:48,320
now when talking about people that have a god complex it's usually a little bit more hypothetical he wants to write a

286
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:52,960
book about himself and beyond the potential book dlc and like subscription

287
00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:56,880
model and however else he's going to figure out how to monetize it it's just

288
00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:59,919
we at this point like sure people are going to be interested people talk about

289
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:03,720
it for a long time but we don't need the mind conf of youtube

290
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:10,000
does not need to be one of those i'm expecting chapters like how to create an

291
00:24:07,919 --> 00:24:15,360
aquarium where you are absolutely the biggest fish

292
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:17,679
getting bullied the early years

293
00:24:15,360 --> 00:24:21,279
how to sacrifice human life for fun and monetization

294
00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:24,480
and asian chicks actually super approachable

295
00:24:27,679 --> 00:24:33,039
well over here got a vasectomy no big deal smart move unlike anyone else i'm

296
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:37,440
not going to make fun of that but he did seem to really like the fact that he got

297
00:24:35,279 --> 00:24:41,279
recognized he mentioned on tech wiki he mentioned on WAN Show it just seemed

298
00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:44,320
like a big deal i do think

299
00:24:42,559 --> 00:24:50,159
he really liked the fact that someone that watched his videos touched his dick

300
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:53,200
just a new new way of going about things and by the way i do believe the doctor

301
00:24:51,919 --> 00:24:56,559
was excited i think he was actually quite into it but i do think that

302
00:24:54,960 --> 00:25:02,480
everyone that watches your content would just generally love to see you sterilized

303
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:02,480
i think that's more what that was about

304
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:09,520
on the topic of everyone why is your panel mostly made up of your employees

305
00:25:07,919 --> 00:25:12,840
it's because they're easy targets or like no one else show up you know

306
00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:17,440
they're my only friends to be fair i'm assuming austin

307
00:25:15,679 --> 00:25:20,159
marquez justine and the like would probably rather do anything on a friday

308
00:25:18,799 --> 00:25:25,840
than hang out with you considering you have no friends thank you for delivering my final life sorry

309
00:25:23,919 --> 00:25:29,000
you had to insert yourself and steal one more thing

310
00:25:33,919 --> 00:25:39,520
why do you have to make everything so damn difficult

311
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:43,039
like this roast for instance i had about a month to prepare for this

312
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:49,520
i had a very long time to prepare for this but he's actually an incredibly difficult person to make fun of for

313
00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:50,880
things that uh actually matter um

314
00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:54,159
i had an insanely hard time with that even then i had to crutch on star wars

315
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:59,120
references which i think was almost half of it and uh just straight up

316
00:25:57,440 --> 00:26:01,710
embellishment for a lot of the other ones which i'm probably going to hear

317
00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:06,559
about later the truth is since the first day we've

318
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:10,480
met you've always had my back through every failure every success imaginable

319
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:13,440
both personally and professionally no matter how many jokes are made about

320
00:26:11,919 --> 00:26:17,520
your height at this event to me you're a giant and i've stood on your shoulders

321
00:26:15,279 --> 00:26:20,480
for years i'm proud that after eight years we're

322
00:26:19,039 --> 00:26:25,490
still working together and it's an honor to call you my friend

323
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:40,640
our next roaster has some glorious hair steve you ever

324
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:46,880
think about donating it actually i'm picturing you bald now and

325
00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:46,880
you might end up just looking like nick

326
00:26:47,039 --> 00:26:54,250
give it up for steve burke

327
00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:05,039
thanks for the introduction james organizing a roast like this is really

328
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:09,760
one hell of an accomplishment if you could get anyone on the stage

329
00:27:07,279 --> 00:27:13,360
other than the cast of attention whoring minor celebrities

330
00:27:11,360 --> 00:27:15,679
good job really tried

331
00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:23,679
i have no idea who convinced madrinas

332
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:24,960
that literally just the word roast

333
00:27:23,679 --> 00:27:29,120
that's it was enough to make this into an advertisement

334
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:37,520
but nothing says Linus tech tips more than shoehorning content into an ad

335
00:27:41,919 --> 00:27:47,039
what's next Linus a barbecue sponsored by Intel cpus

336
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:52,159
a persecution complex sponsored by AMD fans

337
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:58,160
i didn't mention NVIDIA because i am contractually obligated to not mention

338
00:27:56,559 --> 00:28:00,960
LTT's parent company

339
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:06,340
it's always great to see my mortal enemy jay how's it going jay probably asked

340
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:08,240
kingpin to write your jokes tonight

341
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:17,840
it's amazing that jay found the time to be here between celebrity pc builds

342
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:17,840
and forfeiting overclocking battles

343
00:28:19,279 --> 00:28:26,399
the guy works seriously hard i've never seen anyone take

344
00:28:24,159 --> 00:28:28,159
a year to build a computer quite like jay

345
00:28:28,159 --> 00:28:33,760
post malone's lucky he got that thing before he died of liver failure

346
00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:41,760
it's also good to see my friend kyle here tonight

347
00:28:40,159 --> 00:28:45,440
kyle i'm glad to see you're not busy phoning in yet another video from your

348
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:48,640
car i don't know who will be happier when

349
00:28:46,799 --> 00:28:52,399
you're in a fatal car accident walmart or the verge

350
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:57,039
at least lyle won't be held back anymore

351
00:28:57,039 --> 00:29:01,919
lioness finally gets you i know you've been waiting all night

352
00:29:00,399 --> 00:29:06,399
i'm surprised to see you smile so much tonight honestly it's amazing it's a

353
00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:09,679
medical miracle that your face isn't permanently stuck in your click bait

354
00:29:08,159 --> 00:29:14,960
thumbnail pose how does it go is it like would you show

355
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:18,000
me you gotta hold it a little longer oh i'm sorry

356
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:21,760
take the picture so there's an old myth

357
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:25,360
that having your photo taken would suck out your soul and based on what we've

358
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:29,760
seen of you i think they were probably right

359
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:34,320
speaking of soul sucking experiences there are none more depressing than

360
00:29:31,039 --> 00:29:36,880
watching Linus a 32 year old man try to

361
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:39,600
promote a 700 vacuum cleaner to his 13 year old audience

362
00:29:39,679 --> 00:29:46,320
i don't know what cost less your sandals or your integrity

363
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:55,840
it could be worse at least you're not austin evans hey guys this is austin and this is

364
00:29:52,159 --> 00:29:55,840
paying my bills this month

365
00:29:56,799 --> 00:30:01,760
Linus it's it's really helpful to have you in the industry sincerely i mean

366
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:06,000
that it just it makes the rest of us look so good

367
00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:12,720
i still remember when you tried to show the internal case thermals Linus

368
00:30:10,799 --> 00:30:16,000
through a tempered glass panel with a thermal camera

369
00:30:14,159 --> 00:30:22,440
you can't do that there's reflectivity issues there's emissivity issues this

370
00:30:17,919 --> 00:30:22,440
isn't a joke it just really bothered me

371
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:28,799
for about four years now so you know i just want you to remember what it

372
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:32,159
feels like to care about your job that was luke's idea oh

373
00:30:32,960 --> 00:30:39,840
still friends hopefully speaking of unfunny faints

374
00:30:37,679 --> 00:30:44,559
house Channel Super Fun doing or did it die with your passion for

375
00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:44,559
computer hardware

376
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:50,000
that's not true Linus still has plenty of passion he shows it mostly when

377
00:30:47,679 --> 00:30:52,960
working on projects he really loves like stealing washed up hosts from dying

378
00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:58,080
channels riley

379
00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:03,760
or creating scandals by misidentifying tampons

380
00:31:01,919 --> 00:31:08,000
but it's all about the engagement isn't that right Linus

381
00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:10,500
sincerely though Linus even though you peaked seven years ago when you reviewed

382
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:13,120
a toy fire truck

383
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:19,520
we really appreciate having you in this industry you bring a lot of newcomers

384
00:31:16,559 --> 00:31:23,840
into the space it's extremely healthy i think for the rest of the industry and

385
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:28,320
we are happy to have you in it i respect everything you've done and everyone on

386
00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:38,789
this stage except for james thank you

387
00:31:38,799 --> 00:31:44,320
how many more are left

388
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:53,279
buckle up buddy next up we've got Linus's wife Yvonne ho or as i like to

389
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:53,279
call her Linus's excuse to be racist

390
00:31:55,440 --> 00:32:01,519
Yvonne works with Linus so during the height of me too i was constantly

391
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:05,519
refreshing my news feed because i figured Linus is a powerful guy and

392
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:09,519
frankly there's just no way that anyone could sense to having sex with him

393
00:32:09,519 --> 00:32:14,399
she didn't change her name because she's a hoe for show please welcome to the

394
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:18,399
stage the one who wears the pants and the

395
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:22,350
strap-on in the relationship Yvonne ho wow

396
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:36,720
all right thanks for that introduction that was james everybody but don't clap for him

397
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:40,159
he doesn't deserve it he's actually going on paternity leave

398
00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:44,559
soon thank goodness i hope he never comes back jesus

399
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:48,720
that's a plan imagine all the whining and the burping

400
00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:50,960
and the fart farting that we won't have to deal with

401
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:53,840
in the office anymore

402
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:59,120
anyway um sorry excuse me i'm just uh i'm trying

403
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:03,039
to look out into the audience but i'm a little distracted by nick's bald spot

404
00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:06,000
there like a freaking beacon

405
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:08,840
you could use the shine off your forehead to like guide ships home from

406
00:33:07,919 --> 00:33:14,080
the sea can you just tilt your head up a

407
00:33:11,519 --> 00:33:17,440
little bit yeah thank you that's better i don't know if that's a better look for

408
00:33:15,279 --> 00:33:17,440
him

409
00:33:19,679 --> 00:33:25,840
anyway yes i am Linus's wife and yes

410
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:25,840
Linus has a wife

411
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:32,000
we've been together 14 years too long and have three kids

412
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:36,880
i used to tell people that i actually had four kids because Linus is a bit of

413
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:36,880
a late bloomer

414
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:43,600
i guess i should have expected that from someone who peed his bed till he was 15

415
00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:43,600
years old

416
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:47,919
i told you that in confidence

417
00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:55,039
he told me it was a trust building exercise

418
00:33:56,880 --> 00:34:02,399
anyway we're still waiting to see if his voice will ever pass the puberty stage

419
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:08,960
now a lot of people actually think that i married Linus for his money but when i

420
00:34:06,559 --> 00:34:13,440
met Linus i was studying pharmacy on my way to a six figure income and he was

421
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:18,839
flunking out of school jobless and had horrible pink hair pink

422
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:23,280
it was gelled the same as it is now too i think he spikes it to look taller

423
00:34:21,839 --> 00:34:28,399
because i can't think of any other reason why he would do it

424
00:34:25,119 --> 00:34:28,399
we all know it doesn't look good

425
00:34:31,919 --> 00:34:36,079
he actually didn't drop out of school till he made me promise to take care of

426
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:39,679
him huge red flag ladies

427
00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:47,359
but it wasn't the financial dependency or lack of prospects that worried my mom

428
00:34:45,599 --> 00:34:50,960
no she pulled me aside and was like honey he's really short

429
00:34:54,639 --> 00:35:01,520
if you're wondering how romantic Linus is you obviously have never met him and

430
00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:05,839
you probably know nothing about him but his idea of romance is taking me out

431
00:35:03,839 --> 00:35:11,280
to red robin and reading me a story called everybody poops

432
00:35:08,720 --> 00:35:14,640
and lighting a scented candle while i sit and watch him play video games

433
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:20,240
she told me that was true that's all true that's true that just happened last

434
00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:20,240
week

435
00:35:22,240 --> 00:35:29,280
a lot of people ask me why i married Linus

436
00:35:25,599 --> 00:35:29,280
yeah a lot of people wonder that

437
00:35:29,839 --> 00:35:34,480
it's good that i married him before he got famous though right otherwise i'd

438
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:40,320
have to compete with all these fans out there just kidding you only attract men

439
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:46,160
after we got married though Linus did what a typical guy would do he asked me

440
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:50,480
to have a threesome well waking up in the middle of the night to

441
00:35:47,599 --> 00:35:55,280
find dennis in our bed in vegas wasn't what i had in mind this is also a

442
00:35:52,720 --> 00:35:55,280
true story

443
00:35:57,200 --> 00:36:03,520
i'm sorry dennis there were budget constraints

444
00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:11,000
i'm sorry dennis but ugly really isn't my type oh

445
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:21,599
i'm just kidding you're beautiful on the outside

446
00:36:22,720 --> 00:36:28,800
a lot of people have a problem with dennis's accent but i don't

447
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:36,960
i say keep practicing and eventually one day you'll say something intelligent

448
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:42,560
a lot of people don't know that i actually started this company with Linus

449
00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:45,280
and even helped him in the ncix days but he just took credit for all my ideas and

450
00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:53,280
my labor and not only that but he made jokes about paying me with sexual favors

451
00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:57,810
lioness so naive men like you don't pay with sex they pay for sex

452
00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:12,400
speaking of taking credit for other people's ideas though bitwick kyle is

453
00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:15,680
here and when it comes to running his youtube

454
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:19,839
channel i'm not sure he's ever had an original thought he's copied us every

455
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:22,480
step of the way he even hired his wife to help

456
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:24,640
that's our awesome sauce

457
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:29,119
we're not mad that you copy us though it's okay you shouldn't feel bad steve

458
00:37:27,839 --> 00:37:34,079
copies us too he's got the bad fashion and somehow

459
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:34,079
even worse hair

460
00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:42,240
kudos we're doing something better than us though not fair

461
00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:42,240
i want my conditioner back

462
00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:49,359
smells too good and jay you're actually one of the

463
00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:52,560
people i follow on twitter um i really like some of your colorful rants

464
00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:56,320
but i just want to share some advice that i'm always giving Linus um acting

465
00:37:54,880 --> 00:38:05,680
like a giant dick doesn't make yours any bigger

466
00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:12,000
speaking of size back when i was pregnant with my third child i thought

467
00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:12,000
luke might be too

468
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:25,359
i could feel the last nine months though so i don't know

469
00:38:25,359 --> 00:38:31,440
luke actually used to live with us when we started LMG he was really messy when

470
00:38:29,839 --> 00:38:35,440
he moved out he left the biggest grossest stand on the floor

471
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:40,400
in the room now we have our two-year-old son and boy it's nice to have someone

472
00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:40,400
who's actually potty trained

473
00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:47,839
he's bought his own place now though huge congrats it was an estate sale

474
00:38:46,079 --> 00:38:52,880
meaning he bought it from a dead guy but he's so cheap that he took the dead

475
00:38:49,680 --> 00:38:55,760
guy's couch his chairs his cutlery even

476
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:55,760
the dead guy's bed

477
00:38:56,240 --> 00:39:04,640
that's true what a great deal it was an amazing deal

478
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:07,760
all jokes aside though the dead guy stuff is a huge upgrade

479
00:39:09,359 --> 00:39:17,839
now people ask why does LMG have so many people it's so Linus can have friends

480
00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:21,200
when he wanted to go on vacation last year he paid for 20 other people to go

481
00:39:19,599 --> 00:39:25,470
and called it a mandatory company retreat

482
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:31,280
some of you might not know but Linus is actually really concerned about getting

483
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:35,599
dad bod but hun you don't spend enough time with the

484
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:35,599
kids to qualify for that

485
00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:41,240
real talk real time

486
00:39:43,599 --> 00:39:46,400
that was pretty deep

487
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:52,640
now i haven't actually been with many other people or actually any other

488
00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:56,720
people besides Linus and that's probably for the best because i might be more

489
00:39:54,839 --> 00:40:04,640
disappointed and i say more disappointed because i do have fingers

490
00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:07,680
oh one finger

491
00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:17,359
on summer nights Linus gets so sweaty that he soaks the whole bed and it's

492
00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:17,359
basically the only time he makes me wet

493
00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:27,359
who is this lady yeah joke's on you 15 wasn't the last

494
00:40:25,599 --> 00:40:29,839
time oh my god

495
00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:36,160
in all seriousness though you know i love you you know i think you're

496
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:41,920
wonderful you're my best friend you're my business partner love of my life

497
00:40:38,480 --> 00:40:41,920
thanks for letting us poke fun at you

498
00:40:48,079 --> 00:40:54,960
the roast of Linus sebastian is fueled by madrina's coffee get the Linus tech

499
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:59,440
tips vanilla cold brew today still to come dennis liao while we're saying

500
00:40:57,680 --> 00:41:05,839
tonight it's not just a joke jay's two cents

501
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:10,319
and riley murdoch i don't like roasting people why can't we all be friends

502
00:41:08,319 --> 00:41:17,000
keep the fire burning with the limited edition madrina's roast t-shirt

503
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:17,000
available exclusively at lttstore.com

504
00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:23,839
our next roaster has no idea where he is or what's happening

505
00:41:25,839 --> 00:41:32,319
dennis liao is really popular on a site called ratedrivers.ca

506
00:41:32,319 --> 00:41:38,560
seriously i tried to punch in his plate number before this event and the whole

507
00:41:35,839 --> 00:41:41,599
site just crashed you think i'm being racist but i'm not

508
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:46,400
making this up here's my favorite comment this is real

509
00:41:44,480 --> 00:41:49,839
after having an altercation at a red light with this asian

510
00:41:50,800 --> 00:41:56,880
he almost ran some people over because he was texting and driving

511
00:41:58,160 --> 00:42:03,520
for the record dennis i don't think you're texting you're probably taking a

512
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:06,319
dick pic put your hands together for dennis leo

513
00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:21,520
oh my god i can't believe i'm working with a bunch of animals

514
00:42:18,720 --> 00:42:27,440
okay it's my turn look at these people oh look i haven't seen you for a while

515
00:42:24,079 --> 00:42:30,319
you've been living good living big

516
00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:34,720
no why it's called floor plan because it will never sink we're still looking on

517
00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:40,160
that why are you laughing nick light as if

518
00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:40,160
you're alive

519
00:42:41,119 --> 00:42:47,200
um kyle and Yvonne

520
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:54,920
peop all these white people thought uh we asian look all the same but i can

521
00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:54,920
tell you the difference you are ugly

522
00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:05,599
james james he loves recycling at work he just he

523
00:43:03,839 --> 00:43:10,240
always tells people like what to cycle what to put there and he gets all pissed

524
00:43:07,599 --> 00:43:14,960
about it he he literally get boner for recycling and he even used recycled

525
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:17,359
condom and that's why his wife is pregnant

526
00:43:25,040 --> 00:43:30,560
um i'm happy for you though

527
00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:38,160
i guess everyone at work there's always one guy always coming to work so

528
00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:43,520
energetic smiling on the [ __ ] monday morning and saying like oh

529
00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:47,839
hey good morning how's your day and this person's riley but i've been in this

530
00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:52,400
whole because like my eyes was like half open like always i still really like

531
00:43:49,680 --> 00:43:58,400
working here and riley just always so happy i hate responding his good morning

532
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:58,400
so here is good [ __ ] morning

533
00:44:03,280 --> 00:44:08,960
this is kind of sad lioness you lost your two cats have you found

534
00:44:07,839 --> 00:44:17,040
them no oh oh have you checked iman's lunch bag

535
00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:26,079
share with me she share with me and yummy

536
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:26,079
is that where the jacket came from

537
00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:32,560
one of them well we have to uh big thanks to

538
00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:37,839
madrina's coffee to make this event happen but

539
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:42,079
why the [ __ ] would you bring with lambo you know that's not real right it's been

540
00:44:39,599 --> 00:44:45,760
demolished and good luck

541
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:51,150
okay let's start oh i'm not even using is this

542
00:44:48,240 --> 00:44:54,800
what oh yeah oh okay so many jokes

543
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:59,079
i'm so sorry i love that one

544
00:45:04,079 --> 00:45:09,520
okay so let's start with something positive

545
00:45:07,119 --> 00:45:13,920
lioness he's a good guy he always keep his uh promises and he will take his

546
00:45:11,839 --> 00:45:16,079
word like one of his favorite thing is firing people

547
00:45:15,359 --> 00:45:19,839
but coden what are you still here

548
00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:26,560
lioness is so bad at acting i'm so happy

549
00:45:24,480 --> 00:45:32,160
and you never like pursue it uh your acting career if you ever think of going

550
00:45:29,040 --> 00:45:33,330
on a red carpet going to oscar this is

551
00:45:32,160 --> 00:45:36,160
the closest you can get

552
00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:42,480
there's a well-known rumor that lioness is gay

553
00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:45,760
well it might be true a gay virgin i mean

554
00:45:44,240 --> 00:45:51,200
i mean i don't think no one in your gay community would [ __ ] something like this

555
00:45:52,480 --> 00:46:00,440
i mean i would rather [ __ ] look hey uh james sure riley

556
00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:05,200
david cameron of three

557
00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:10,560
all the sales team except Colton

558
00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:12,960
the guy the contractor who built a kitchen set

559
00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:19,680
but not steve he looked too much like a

560
00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:21,920
woman from the back and

561
00:46:20,720 --> 00:46:25,599
jay i'm not into daddies

562
00:46:25,599 --> 00:46:32,319
so Yvonne so i can promise you that your

563
00:46:29,359 --> 00:46:36,400
marriage is secure speaking of secure

564
00:46:34,079 --> 00:46:40,640
Linus is insecure why

565
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:44,400
ever since lance got his vasectomy has been like so insecure like he always

566
00:46:43,119 --> 00:46:48,240
carrying this [ __ ] orange screwdriver around and

567
00:46:46,960 --> 00:46:51,760
put it in his pocket so he has a big boat

568
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:58,640
come on Linus nice try

569
00:46:58,720 --> 00:47:05,119
in fairness i've been carrying that for 10 years

570
00:47:01,839 --> 00:47:06,120
oh you do you get vaccectomy that early

571
00:47:05,119 --> 00:47:12,560
it doesn't make it better lioness slightest slants is like an

572
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:18,160
annoying irritating buzzy smelly [ __ ] short bare breath white talented

573
00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:20,240
timeless ugly pretty eye girl voice step

574
00:47:18,160 --> 00:47:24,720
that you never wanted except for his money

575
00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:28,640
which he never gives you anyway

576
00:47:24,720 --> 00:47:31,040
he is so [ __ ] cheap

577
00:47:28,640 --> 00:47:36,160
he would bring us out for dinner but he will never pay for drinks not even

578
00:47:32,880 --> 00:47:39,839
anything so last besides screwdriver is

579
00:47:36,160 --> 00:47:39,839
there any coupons in your pocket

580
00:47:39,920 --> 00:47:44,960
oh you know what's in my pocket

581
00:47:43,119 --> 00:47:51,079
oh 10 yen oh uh i got this 10 yen for my cocoa

582
00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:51,079
refill here it is

583
00:47:54,079 --> 00:47:59,359
you take it he takes it

584
00:47:57,280 --> 00:48:04,000
you know Linus you owe me an apology you know why

585
00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:10,000
because i'm not interested in your tech videos i'm not interested in your CPU

586
00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:10,000
GPU [ __ ] you

587
00:48:11,359 --> 00:48:19,680
it's like adding your video it's like having a thick knife like like

588
00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:24,880
just just like only my eyes what the [ __ ] that is

589
00:48:21,920 --> 00:48:28,910
it's also i'm like a talented caring nurse and all i do was like wiping asses

590
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:31,599
it's all [ __ ]

591
00:48:31,599 --> 00:48:36,640
your bill guy works this one time i was

592
00:48:34,640 --> 00:48:41,200
built watching a build guy i i did try to build a computer i finished up before

593
00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:44,880
i drop it i looked down why the [ __ ] am i wearing sandals and socks

594
00:48:44,880 --> 00:48:50,319
well Linus you are a nice person i'm really

595
00:48:48,319 --> 00:48:54,119
thankful that you pinned my wall even i broke your ceiling

596
00:49:05,359 --> 00:49:12,960
our next roaster has got to be the oldest guy in the room if

597
00:49:09,440 --> 00:49:15,920
Linus is tech dad jay is tech grandpa if

598
00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:19,760
if if steve has tech jesus j is tech methuselah

599
00:49:18,079 --> 00:49:24,079
i'm trying to express myself here if if Linus is at the height of his career

600
00:49:21,440 --> 00:49:24,079
jay's dead

601
00:49:25,040 --> 00:49:32,079
lioness and jay you guys should really do more collaborations though because you guys are actually a pretty good team

602
00:49:29,119 --> 00:49:36,000
jay has the temperament of a child and Linus has the body of a child

603
00:49:34,240 --> 00:49:40,559
put them together you get one complete grown ass man

604
00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:46,460
make some noise for perhaps the first creator eligible for youtube's

605
00:49:42,079 --> 00:49:49,910
retirement pension beta jay's two cents

606
00:49:55,440 --> 00:50:01,760
okay um we're here to obviously hang out with

607
00:49:59,760 --> 00:50:05,119
someone who's got a face for radio and a voice worthy of mute

608
00:50:03,680 --> 00:50:09,359
i am of course talking about Linus sebastian but before that we've got a

609
00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:14,240
few people here that we need to go ahead and address in the room kyle i want to

610
00:50:12,079 --> 00:50:17,599
congratulate you on the dream of home ownership

611
00:50:15,680 --> 00:50:21,359
big boy cars big boy clothes why don't you buy a [ __ ] brush

612
00:50:19,359 --> 00:50:24,640
seriously i am sick and tired of watching your videos and see that you're

613
00:50:23,119 --> 00:50:30,000
just like i've got the messy thing going i mean you're one fanny pack away from

614
00:50:26,400 --> 00:50:31,760
[ __ ] hipster of the year okay

615
00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:35,200
luke i liked it better without the beard seriously you look like a [ __ ]

616
00:50:33,359 --> 00:50:38,400
unshaved vagina there's two of those

617
00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:44,240
that is too and i was pissed when james said it because had you shaved i would realize

618
00:50:41,200 --> 00:50:46,480
you just looked like a shaved vagina

619
00:50:44,240 --> 00:50:50,559
so there's that i'll be okay with that uh steve

620
00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:53,440
what's up we we talked recently about uh we don't watch each other's videos

621
00:50:51,760 --> 00:50:59,760
because we're too busy until recently i found out yours are the

622
00:50:55,760 --> 00:51:01,599
perfect solution for insomnia seriously

623
00:50:59,760 --> 00:51:04,640
they're so [ __ ] boring i cannot make it past the intro

624
00:51:02,960 --> 00:51:07,200
like i never see the ad because i don't make it that far

625
00:51:07,760 --> 00:51:12,800
dennis hi hi

626
00:51:11,359 --> 00:51:15,760
i have no idea what you [ __ ] said in that last i just laughed

627
00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:22,079
i i'm sorry i've i've been to the studio i i've watched some i have no idea what

628
00:51:20,880 --> 00:51:27,440
you're saying and when i go to taiwan it's like i'm in the land of dennis's i have no idea

629
00:51:25,200 --> 00:51:32,070
what the [ __ ] is happening seriously so but but but you're sweet and uh

630
00:51:30,240 --> 00:51:35,280
i yeah just smile or not

631
00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:40,079
um riley i don't know you

632
00:51:38,400 --> 00:51:43,119
no i've seen you you're you're pretty much as white girl

633
00:51:41,760 --> 00:51:47,520
as it gets for being a dude and when ncix tech tips went under i was like yes

634
00:51:45,200 --> 00:51:54,800
i don't have to see this anymore and then Linus hired you yes

635
00:51:51,520 --> 00:51:54,800
so yeah whatever no

636
00:51:55,040 --> 00:52:00,559
james james james we went back and forth on this i didn't know how deep i should

637
00:51:58,240 --> 00:52:04,000
go like how how hard should i go i i didn't know and uh he kind of was like

638
00:52:02,400 --> 00:52:06,960
okay your set's okay it's a good start you know but we really want to see like

639
00:52:05,440 --> 00:52:10,480
a verbatim script but we use a different system where i come from it's called talent

640
00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:16,720
so i'm kind of clicking the thing but you know i'm not really looking at it right i'm looking at you because we

641
00:52:15,200 --> 00:52:21,520
don't need that but if it makes you feel better i'll keep clicking the button

642
00:52:19,839 --> 00:52:24,880
um Linus though i'm happy to see that nobody held back because i was concerned

643
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:28,480
really honestly um but who should have held back was your

644
00:52:26,240 --> 00:52:30,720
dad you know before he was quite honest

645
00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:34,240
i'm just saying Linus literally looks like a sock puppet

646
00:52:32,960 --> 00:52:38,160
without the hand i mean look at it look at this there's a hand in there

647
00:52:36,880 --> 00:52:43,119
well yeah the hand is in the other end but you know whatever there's something to

648
00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:47,359
be said about a man who only wears his own brand though right i mean think

649
00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:50,559
about it you're so [ __ ] conceited you have to brand i'm surprised you

650
00:52:48,960 --> 00:52:55,520
haven't sold the sweater and started putting sponsors and stuff on that and don't use that idea because i'm probably

651
00:52:52,960 --> 00:52:58,640
going to do it myself but but in terms of looks and stuff

652
00:52:57,280 --> 00:53:04,559
though i mean you you can't really help that you can't help the fact that you look like a skeleton wearing wax paper

653
00:53:02,720 --> 00:53:08,640
for skin um maybe by comparison

654
00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:12,480
yeah i got a few extra pounds but um

655
00:53:11,040 --> 00:53:17,520
you know at least i i can lift more than five pounds so

656
00:53:15,680 --> 00:53:20,400
look at those wrists we've also we've we've all seen those screaming goat

657
00:53:18,880 --> 00:53:24,640
videos though right i mean literally that's what i hear one of your videos

658
00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:28,160
come on i don't know Yvonne what the [ __ ]

659
00:53:25,599 --> 00:53:31,760
look i used to think okay Linus is he's got a good business he's i knew you were

660
00:53:30,400 --> 00:53:36,319
a pharmacy you know going to pharmacy school and all that sort of stuff and i thought okay well maybe she realized

661
00:53:34,160 --> 00:53:39,119
like this is a white guy going somewhere at work

662
00:53:37,520 --> 00:53:43,680
you just said none of that had anything to do with it you married him when he was a deadbeat or you got with him he's

663
00:53:41,680 --> 00:53:47,520
a deadbeat you had to take care of him you were the one going somewhere

664
00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:51,280
he has a small dick what is wrong with you

665
00:53:49,520 --> 00:53:56,480
i don't get it i don't get it but it's okay that's besides the point i mean Linus can't control things like a

666
00:53:53,760 --> 00:53:59,280
stature or his voice but he can control his [ __ ] fashion sense

667
00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:05,280
so i'm off the cards now guys sorry so anyway we uh we recently were at austin

668
00:54:03,599 --> 00:54:08,480
evans wedding and somehow

669
00:54:07,040 --> 00:54:12,400
i don't know how this happened we got into the conversation about sock quality

670
00:54:11,040 --> 00:54:17,280
i wish this were a joke we're sitting there in line waiting to get into the reception and he goes on about like

671
00:54:15,440 --> 00:54:20,319
champion sucks you know whatever this brand's good this brand's bad i wear

672
00:54:18,640 --> 00:54:24,480
them out in badminton yeah i mean never thought i have a conversation with someone talking about stock quality

673
00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:28,240
while playing badminton but this guy for like 15 minutes went on and found a

674
00:54:26,720 --> 00:54:34,800
brand that cost a little more but has a lifetime warranty i realized he knows more about socks

675
00:54:31,520 --> 00:54:34,800
than anything tech related

676
00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:41,760
yeah 1997 called it wanted tearing backs apparently with the lesbian from earlier

677
00:54:39,760 --> 00:54:46,400
i don't know something like that but Linus Linus is cheap he told me too

678
00:54:44,160 --> 00:54:50,319
he only goes to places that he can get all you can drink iced tea apparently

679
00:54:48,800 --> 00:54:54,160
that's a thing he told me once he drank so much iced tea that they double

680
00:54:52,480 --> 00:54:58,079
charged him and when he called him out on that he drank more than apparently

681
00:54:56,559 --> 00:55:03,839
all you can drink because he's that into iced tea but speaking of drinks

682
00:55:01,520 --> 00:55:07,640
madrinas you don't even drink coffee

683
00:55:07,839 --> 00:55:14,400
it is he will put his name on anything with a dollar sign behind it and this is

684
00:55:12,079 --> 00:55:17,440
evidence of that he recently showed in a sponsor spot one

685
00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:21,440
of his live streams that he didn't even know how to [ __ ] make it

686
00:55:19,760 --> 00:55:25,520
and then he said that if he drink coffee he assumes it tastes all right

687
00:55:24,160 --> 00:55:30,240
so if there was a if you want to talk about shilling and people who are willing to put their name behind

688
00:55:28,079 --> 00:55:35,200
anything this is it literally right here

689
00:55:33,599 --> 00:55:38,720
i mean i was thinking you know it's nice of Linus to to pay for all of us to come

690
00:55:37,440 --> 00:55:43,760
up here and i realize Linus isn't paying for [ __ ]

691
00:55:41,119 --> 00:55:47,200
for that for this if there's ever been any over more

692
00:55:45,359 --> 00:55:52,000
overwhelming proof though that Linus will shill it's literally this event

693
00:55:50,240 --> 00:55:55,520
right here but you know uh talking about shilling and that kind of segues into

694
00:55:53,760 --> 00:55:59,359
the whole concept of you have a big team you need the sponsor spots to help keep

695
00:55:57,359 --> 00:56:02,960
everything afloat because there's big overhead there's big expenses

696
00:56:01,280 --> 00:56:06,079
you did a live stream recently from your phone talking about

697
00:56:04,799 --> 00:56:09,119
every year you kind of have to address this topic why is LMG so big why is so

698
00:56:07,839 --> 00:56:14,680
much deaf it's because it takes 27 people to lift

699
00:56:11,119 --> 00:56:14,680
your ego

700
00:56:16,079 --> 00:56:23,520
but there's anything i've ever learned about uh small limp dick terrible haired earring

701
00:56:20,960 --> 00:56:27,520
wearing sock warranting sell out like Linus is that anybody can literally make

702
00:56:25,280 --> 00:56:31,440
your dream come true as long as you're willing to pay people to make

703
00:56:29,280 --> 00:56:35,359
you look like you know what you're doing lioness and all seriously though i uh i

704
00:56:33,440 --> 00:56:38,240
appreciate you you showed me that even with a voice like yours you

705
00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:41,920
can go somewhere online so huge thank you i respect you

706
00:56:40,319 --> 00:56:49,500
in everything that you do and uh thanks for inviting me

707
00:56:53,680 --> 00:56:59,839
i know Linus cares about the environment because he uses recycled hosts

708
00:56:59,839 --> 00:57:06,400
riley murdoch you were definitely raising a call to

709
00:57:04,079 --> 00:57:10,000
sack hey i was

710
00:57:08,079 --> 00:57:15,040
if god's a software developer you're his mvp

711
00:57:11,119 --> 00:57:15,040
minimum viable personality

712
00:57:15,280 --> 00:57:21,400
please welcome the product of hitting go on a basic white guy generator

713
00:57:36,000 --> 00:57:42,000
thank you james you said some mean things about me but

714
00:57:40,640 --> 00:57:44,880
i know he's joking because this is a roast

715
00:57:43,760 --> 00:57:51,760
normally it's kind of hard to tell because his face looks like he just stepped in dog

716
00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:59,920
yeah some people have resting face uh james has resting serial killer face

717
00:57:58,559 --> 00:58:05,680
but it's actually a trick because he's actually really got a soft heart he's an environmentalist he single-handedly

718
00:58:03,760 --> 00:58:10,160
started the recycling program that we have at LMG he's a vegetarian you know

719
00:58:07,680 --> 00:58:13,680
he loves the world just not the people on it

720
00:58:15,280 --> 00:58:22,480
i bet he would love actually if half the population got wiped out like today just

721
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:27,119
to see less trash in the landfills oh he's not even there

722
00:58:24,400 --> 00:58:27,119
he's scared

723
00:58:27,599 --> 00:58:34,079
i have to sit here and take it i was gonna call him a sick

724
00:58:30,720 --> 00:58:37,839
eco-conscious bastard there he is

725
00:58:34,079 --> 00:58:37,839
i don't value your opinion

726
00:58:38,160 --> 00:58:43,040
yeah well that actually works right and uh really well into my next joke he's

727
00:58:41,280 --> 00:58:46,240
basically thanos you know legitimate uh interesting character

728
00:58:44,720 --> 00:58:51,400
complex motivations but at the end of the day he's just a big purple dick

729
00:58:52,640 --> 00:58:59,119
see me i love the world i love that we have so many wonderful roasters here

730
00:58:55,920 --> 00:59:01,520
steve burke from gamersnexus steve is a

731
00:58:59,119 --> 00:59:04,400
critical thinker a gentleman and a scholar

732
00:59:02,559 --> 00:59:08,720
but you wouldn't guess it because he looks like a cro-magnon man

733
00:59:07,280 --> 00:59:12,880
not many people know this steve is actually a bit of a scientific marvel

734
00:59:10,720 --> 00:59:17,160
yeah he was conceived in a lab using ancient sperm trapped in amber

735
00:59:18,960 --> 00:59:28,319
oh maybe that's why you couldn't convince the verge you're a real journalist

736
00:59:23,599 --> 00:59:28,319
me steve me expose Intel scandal

737
00:59:29,839 --> 00:59:33,839
blow lid off whole thing

738
00:59:35,280 --> 00:59:41,119
it's just not gonna happen man why can't you get it through your hair

739
00:59:41,119 --> 00:59:47,920
luke lafrenier is here tonight is that you see her name i don't know i think so

740
00:59:45,920 --> 00:59:51,599
luke's old nickname was slick but i could never really bring myself to call

741
00:59:49,760 --> 00:59:56,559
him that when his wardrobe consists entirely of shirts that he can get for

742
00:59:53,839 --> 01:00:00,799
free at packs or at work

743
00:59:58,400 --> 01:00:03,920
or at work but don't get me wrong i appreciate the aesthetic you've curated

744
01:00:02,400 --> 01:00:10,000
you know you look very happy very contented you've just finished your third hungry

745
01:00:07,280 --> 01:00:10,000
man tv dinner

746
01:00:11,599 --> 01:00:18,880
put them on the people say luke and i look related and

747
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:22,839
you know maybe it's true you know maybe we're

748
01:00:19,839 --> 01:00:22,839
triplets

749
01:00:28,079 --> 01:00:34,000
luke ate the other one

750
01:00:31,119 --> 01:00:38,160
dennis lau is here everybody he's the main editor for techlink the

751
01:00:35,599 --> 01:00:43,440
new show that i write and host and he's also

752
01:00:40,079 --> 01:00:45,520
a magnificent angel look at him

753
01:00:43,440 --> 01:00:49,839
i know this is a roast i know he said some mean things about me but

754
01:00:47,680 --> 01:00:52,640
could you ever say something nasty about such a pure

755
01:00:51,520 --> 01:01:00,720
spirit look at him he's like a delicate forest sprite

756
01:00:57,200 --> 01:01:04,079
a being of light and perfect goodness

757
01:01:00,720 --> 01:01:06,000
oh dennis can we get dennis anything

758
01:01:04,079 --> 01:01:10,559
do you need anything i just want to can you give him a drink

759
01:01:08,559 --> 01:01:12,799
can someone get him yeah please he deserves all the goodness in the

760
01:01:11,920 --> 01:01:18,160
world oh sweet

761
01:01:15,280 --> 01:01:23,760
sweet sweet boy sweet dennis no one ever can hurt you i will stop

762
01:01:20,640 --> 01:01:24,310
them bless you dennis

763
01:01:23,760 --> 01:01:28,160
how

764
01:01:28,160 --> 01:01:32,799
kyle [ __ ] you man

765
01:01:33,440 --> 01:01:39,839
i'm sorry i'm sorry that was a reflex you see when i was making videos for

766
01:01:37,119 --> 01:01:43,359
ncix kyle was doing the same thing for our main american rival newegg so he is

767
01:01:42,559 --> 01:01:48,480
still legally my nemesis

768
01:01:46,640 --> 01:01:52,480
and we've only met like twice i'm sorry kyle kyle is his own channel

769
01:01:50,400 --> 01:01:56,720
of course formerly named the relatable and excitable exciting awesome sauce

770
01:01:55,440 --> 01:02:01,839
network and then he changed it to uh

771
01:01:59,280 --> 01:02:01,839
beetweet

772
01:02:02,400 --> 01:02:07,200
i mean bitwit it sounds like the fifth teletubby

773
01:02:06,160 --> 01:02:11,870
who was too stupid to make it on the show so tinky winky and dipsy had to leave him

774
01:02:10,400 --> 01:02:14,640
in the namby pamby forest

775
01:02:14,640 --> 01:02:20,040
yes i googled the names of the teletubbies for that

776
01:02:20,319 --> 01:02:27,440
kyle's had a bit of trouble with the verge recently aka the real journalists

777
01:02:25,839 --> 01:02:31,119
that was a joke they took down his lyle character's

778
01:02:28,960 --> 01:02:35,200
response to their shitty pc building guide uh because they said it infringed

779
01:02:33,040 --> 01:02:39,440
their copyright and featured a racist character because he did a chinese

780
01:02:37,119 --> 01:02:45,119
accent now kyle is asian okay but i can understand the confusion i mean he looks

781
01:02:41,440 --> 01:02:45,119
mexican and his last name is hansen

782
01:02:46,240 --> 01:02:52,400
i mean i hear his full name and i think is that is that one of the umbop guys

783
01:02:53,760 --> 01:03:00,480
and we're also being graced tonight by the presence of taran tong from Corsair

784
01:02:58,160 --> 01:03:05,040
taran also worked at ncix as we've heard nice to see you escape the gulag man

785
01:03:03,200 --> 01:03:10,960
and look where he ended up you know a featured presenter at an amateur comedy

786
01:03:07,280 --> 01:03:10,960
roast for a minor internet celebrity

787
01:03:13,359 --> 01:03:21,440
but the real reason we're here tonight everybody the third most famous Linus

788
01:03:19,039 --> 01:03:24,960
Linus sebastian now although i've only worked for Linus

789
01:03:23,119 --> 01:03:31,119
for about a year i actually worked with him uh back at ncix i don't remember

790
01:03:27,520 --> 01:03:33,200
much from my time there only some vague

791
01:03:31,119 --> 01:03:38,160
flashes come through you know a high-pitched wine

792
01:03:35,760 --> 01:03:44,960
cutting through the office like a hot knife through hair gel

793
01:03:41,920 --> 01:03:45,839
a glimmer of light reflecting off not

794
01:03:44,960 --> 01:03:50,720
one but double hoop earrings

795
01:03:48,559 --> 01:03:53,599
in both ears why too

796
01:03:51,760 --> 01:03:56,400
why do you need so many i don't think he can even remove them

797
01:03:54,799 --> 01:04:02,240
now i think they're infused into his nervous system

798
01:03:59,039 --> 01:04:03,760
and i'll never forget this the distinct

799
01:04:02,240 --> 01:04:06,559
aroma of dippity do

800
01:04:06,960 --> 01:04:13,090
hardening into a jagged hellscape of

801
01:04:12,400 --> 01:04:20,079
spikes very affordable yes

802
01:04:17,119 --> 01:04:23,839
unfortunately it was 2013 and hair gel hadn't been cool for like

803
01:04:21,359 --> 01:04:23,839
10 years

804
01:04:24,480 --> 01:04:30,720
seriously though everyone's style kind of crystallizes at some point usually in

805
01:04:28,000 --> 01:04:36,319
adulthood but you were 13. and you were like this is it

806
01:04:33,680 --> 01:04:36,319
only this

807
01:04:37,599 --> 01:04:42,799
but that's what we love about Linus isn't it he doesn't flip-flop around

808
01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:49,280
with the trends in fact he never wears flip-flops only the thickest soul

809
01:04:45,039 --> 01:04:52,000
sandals with the sturdiest velcro

810
01:04:49,280 --> 01:04:56,799
those things are not coming off no matter how much ivan begs

811
01:04:55,359 --> 01:05:01,220
legend has it that beneath those straps his skin

812
01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:03,039
is entirely translucent

813
01:05:03,039 --> 01:05:07,079
like those deep sea fish

814
01:05:08,480 --> 01:05:13,440
yeah Linus looks less like a successful business owner and more like a 1990s

815
01:05:12,240 --> 01:05:15,760
circuit city employee

816
01:05:15,760 --> 01:05:21,039
why would i move out of my parents house i'm saving money uh i don't have to cook

817
01:05:19,680 --> 01:05:23,839
and i can even have girls over if i leave the door open

818
01:05:26,720 --> 01:05:33,280
okay but really guys we all know Linus is actually an incredibly hard-working

819
01:05:30,319 --> 01:05:36,480
creator a dedicated husband and father and an inspiring leader

820
01:05:35,119 --> 01:05:40,799
i can't thank him enough for fishing me out of that dumpster last year

821
01:05:39,200 --> 01:05:45,599
and what he's built in Linus media group is nothing short of astounding i mean you've got a huge studio hundreds of

822
01:05:44,240 --> 01:05:51,839
thousands of dollars in equipment and close to 30 employees now

823
01:05:47,839 --> 01:05:51,839
i think we can afford a stylist

824
01:05:51,920 --> 01:05:55,760
[ __ ] that's it

825
01:05:55,760 --> 01:06:00,240
hey

826
01:06:00,240 --> 01:06:07,440
the roast of Linus sebastian is fueled by madrina's coffee get the Linus tech

827
01:06:04,559 --> 01:06:12,960
tips vanilla cold brew today up next Linus gets the last word

828
01:06:11,280 --> 01:06:16,160
he deserves to be roasted but he doesn't deserve the roast

829
01:06:14,559 --> 01:06:22,480
so i hope he leaves here a little bit sadder than he came the closer we get to

830
01:06:18,000 --> 01:06:22,480
it the more i am [ __ ] terrified

831
01:06:23,760 --> 01:06:30,559
this next roaster is someone who definitely needs an introduction

832
01:06:28,640 --> 01:06:35,440
i just met taran tong for the first time tonight when he tried to sell me dvds on

833
01:06:32,960 --> 01:06:39,839
the sidewalk definitely representing Corsair's

834
01:06:37,200 --> 01:06:44,790
official position please welcome taren tom

835
01:06:54,160 --> 01:06:59,940
so i'd like to thank uh head game master seneca crane for enhancing this event

836
01:06:58,799 --> 01:07:02,160
tonight

837
01:07:02,160 --> 01:07:07,520
just so you know auditions are downstairs on the casting coach

838
01:07:12,720 --> 01:07:18,319
and hopefully the rest of you the view count is high enough tomorrow so you

839
01:07:15,760 --> 01:07:21,920
still have jobs but the odds aren't looking that good

840
01:07:23,280 --> 01:07:28,880
when i usually see Linus it's some sort of trade show where he starts waltzing

841
01:07:27,200 --> 01:07:31,839
in and because he's internet famous he starts breaking

842
01:07:32,079 --> 01:07:37,760
so tonight i'm like well this is the first time in 15 years since

843
01:07:36,079 --> 01:07:42,440
inviting me on any one of his shows so i'm looking around and what can i break

844
01:07:42,480 --> 01:07:47,359
i'm sort of thinking something grand like the camera boom because nothing

845
01:07:46,079 --> 01:07:52,319
says no nothing says view counts like human

846
01:07:50,400 --> 01:07:56,960
tragedy i mean you guys can tell i tell your friends about it after the show

847
01:07:55,359 --> 01:08:02,000
speaking of internet famous it's finally nice to meet some of my co-co-roasters

848
01:07:59,440 --> 01:08:07,440
that i watched online jay from js2 cents um steve from gamers nexus

849
01:08:04,960 --> 01:08:11,440
kyle from bit what what the [ __ ] is a bit what

850
01:08:09,520 --> 01:08:14,590
kind of sounds like you know a head injury that you get after you take one

851
01:08:13,359 --> 01:08:20,839
too many shots of the head will they have to hand it to you guys

852
01:08:17,040 --> 01:08:20,839
for finding william hungary

853
01:08:25,839 --> 01:08:32,640
i think if we all get through this night he might come up and do an encore she

854
01:08:29,839 --> 01:08:32,640
bangs she thinks

855
01:08:36,719 --> 01:08:43,520
then there's a five benchwarmers from the lineus media group

856
01:08:41,520 --> 01:08:47,520
filling in for the other youtubers who had the better sense not to comfort this

857
01:08:50,799 --> 01:08:56,640
no know takeuchi sometimes is unfairly criticized for a lack of diversity but

858
01:08:54,880 --> 01:09:00,000
what i feel tonight is that we can yes we can show the world that we can raise

859
01:08:58,480 --> 01:09:06,000
that diversity that we like we have le fernier with his quick waco sounding

860
01:09:04,080 --> 01:09:10,400
last name dennis taking a break from deviant

861
01:09:07,520 --> 01:09:10,400
street turning tricks

862
01:09:12,000 --> 01:09:16,560
you know representing china even though he's taiwanese

863
01:09:18,560 --> 01:09:27,440
official communist party doctrine says it's other way around

864
01:09:27,440 --> 01:09:34,759
then all the hardware that james put into organizing lists so i'd like to

865
01:09:30,799 --> 01:09:34,759
give him one those slow claps

866
01:09:36,319 --> 01:09:43,600
after months and months of preparation he managed to find one

867
01:09:41,199 --> 01:09:46,560
not two just one woman to participate and that's minus his wife

868
01:09:46,880 --> 01:09:52,319
hey forever dude justine was busy

869
01:09:52,400 --> 01:09:58,159
i mean it should be it should be a simple pitch right you know come out

870
01:09:55,920 --> 01:10:02,080
have a couple drinks have a few hours joke about internet culture

871
01:10:00,159 --> 01:10:04,080
no joke about technology what the biggest group in in cells west of the

872
01:10:03,600 --> 01:10:09,679
rockies if this is in progress i don't know what

873
01:10:07,520 --> 01:10:09,679
is

874
01:10:10,560 --> 01:10:16,480
Yvonne just a bit of advice keep that rape whistle and pepper spray

875
01:10:14,640 --> 01:10:20,540
ready and later when i tell you you run you just run and you don't look back

876
01:10:22,560 --> 01:10:28,239
you had your chance to speak now at the wedding

877
01:10:26,080 --> 01:10:31,760
piece jay first time we're meeting tonight

878
01:10:30,239 --> 01:10:35,120
even though my employer possibly my former employer uh depending on how the

879
01:10:33,520 --> 01:10:39,040
rest of the night goes has worked for several years

880
01:10:37,440 --> 01:10:42,480
recently i saw a really touching episode where um she answers the call from the

881
01:10:41,120 --> 01:10:47,840
make-a-wish renovation and he's building a pc with a kid who got traveled to cancer

882
01:10:45,440 --> 01:10:51,840
from no terrible thing um

883
01:10:49,600 --> 01:10:56,719
but be straight with me were you really their first choice

884
01:10:56,719 --> 01:11:02,000
i mean what was the selection process they're like going through youtube

885
01:11:00,159 --> 01:11:05,760
videos and they're like [ __ ] this guy's got delta [ __ ] behind as well so

886
01:11:05,920 --> 01:11:11,440
let's just pair the two of them up like

887
01:11:09,600 --> 01:11:16,239
who's making the decisions there it's a good thing they didn't check and see how long it takes them to finish a

888
01:11:14,000 --> 01:11:16,239
build

889
01:11:18,880 --> 01:11:24,480
but seriously so really good stuff i mean it shows you know the power of this

890
01:11:22,560 --> 01:11:27,520
community and the heart that we have and it makes us all appreciate that we're

891
01:11:25,679 --> 01:11:31,920
all relatively good to health except for nick he looks like he's about to go in

892
01:11:28,960 --> 01:11:31,920
for the lobotomy tomorrow

893
01:11:33,920 --> 01:11:38,840
or maybe he's having a coronary i mean move those hands are you trying to hide

894
01:11:37,120 --> 01:11:43,199
one of those untimely boners we have been sitting around for a

895
01:11:40,880 --> 01:11:46,800
little longer than we probably liked the lights a little bit warm

896
01:11:45,199 --> 01:11:50,080
so try to fight it but you can so just roll with the buddy

897
01:11:50,080 --> 01:11:55,040
jace fallon's philanthropy and humanity doesn't really end there though i mean

898
01:11:53,679 --> 01:11:57,760
um i understand that he brought steve from gamers nexus with him tonight

899
01:11:56,880 --> 01:12:03,120
because steve wanted to be on a youtube channel that was somebody watched other than his

900
01:12:00,880 --> 01:12:07,199
mom but don't worry stephen

901
01:12:05,360 --> 01:12:10,159
everything she says is true about you your hair is dreamy

902
01:12:11,600 --> 01:12:14,640
you're just big boned

903
01:12:14,880 --> 01:12:19,240
you're a real catch

904
01:12:19,280 --> 01:12:25,920
and you know what for somebody who has such strong opinions about cable management here it's sort of the same

905
01:12:24,400 --> 01:12:31,280
concept at least i didn't make the 680x

906
01:12:31,280 --> 01:12:36,719
very specific very very nice very neat

907
01:12:35,520 --> 01:12:40,159
but really really i'm thrilled to be here uh when Linus asked me to come up i

908
01:12:39,040 --> 01:12:43,840
thought it was a wonderful opportunity to support the lgbt community

909
01:12:43,840 --> 01:12:50,719
i mean just look at this transformation that they've made from a socks and

910
01:12:47,920 --> 01:12:55,600
sandals wearing lesbian to a proud possibly gay man

911
01:12:55,600 --> 01:13:00,159
i'm looking forward to have been taking a story injections in the last i hear

912
01:12:58,719 --> 01:13:04,640
that dennis is going to help volunteer administer you know

913
01:13:02,800 --> 01:13:08,260
so you can go from his 12 year old girl like nasal voice to elizabeth

914
01:13:07,040 --> 01:13:11,360
holmes like baritone

915
01:13:11,360 --> 01:13:16,840
well how about this outcome right vlog your journey it'll be good i think we'll

916
01:13:15,199 --> 01:13:20,719
be pretty brave hashtag courage

917
01:13:23,600 --> 01:13:29,600
despite all the grief i give Linus before today

918
01:13:27,920 --> 01:13:33,600
today tomorrow he's preserved and he's made it and he's

919
01:13:31,679 --> 01:13:36,159
a decent human being he cares

920
01:13:34,719 --> 01:13:38,880
much more deeply about his employees and has a lot more emotional depth than his

921
01:13:37,920 --> 01:13:42,159
uh crappy videos may suggest

922
01:13:42,480 --> 01:13:48,080
lioness today is a more introspective version of the drum kit i met years ago

923
01:13:46,239 --> 01:13:50,960
no mastering his negotiating skills of vendors by telling him ahead of time

924
01:13:49,440 --> 01:13:53,120
that no we have no intention of paying you

925
01:13:53,360 --> 01:13:55,840
it happened

926
01:13:57,120 --> 01:14:02,530
i wish him more subs more views and more successful years to come thanks for

927
01:14:01,199 --> 01:14:05,590
having me

928
01:14:13,679 --> 01:14:21,280
our final roaster is nick light just think if all those years ago michael

929
01:14:19,120 --> 01:14:27,600
jackson had had your face today there'd be no controversy guilty

930
01:14:25,280 --> 01:14:32,790
please welcome the guy who shows up with a bat if you thumbs down a Linus video

931
01:14:30,719 --> 01:14:36,180
dicklight

932
01:14:42,400 --> 01:14:47,440
all right wow what an introduction

933
01:14:45,440 --> 01:14:50,480
uh from the guy who's attempting to look like bruce buffer

934
01:14:49,199 --> 01:14:55,520
after all these roasts i'm feeling a little a bit more like bruce butt hurt

935
01:14:52,719 --> 01:14:58,239
so uh we'll try to get past that i'm really happy that i get to share the

936
01:14:56,960 --> 01:15:02,159
stage tonight with some of my awesome colleagues like riley you know as you've

937
01:15:00,560 --> 01:15:07,920
heard tonight riley's motivated he's enthusiastic and boy is he positive

938
01:15:05,760 --> 01:15:10,800
like seriously this dude is weirdly positive

939
01:15:09,280 --> 01:15:15,760
this may be about far-fetched but some days i wonder if riley might secretly be

940
01:15:13,360 --> 01:15:19,199
a serial killer i could easily picture you just standing

941
01:15:18,000 --> 01:15:25,719
in your kitchen frying up a bunch of severed fingers and

942
01:15:21,360 --> 01:15:25,719
saying time for the quick bits

943
01:15:26,159 --> 01:15:31,440
maybe you'll uh maybe you'll enjoy them with a side of good gravy

944
01:15:33,120 --> 01:15:38,480
and luke luke of course as he alluded to earlier without him i probably never

945
01:15:36,719 --> 01:15:42,880
would have even heard of Linus tech tips never mind actually working here

946
01:15:40,719 --> 01:15:47,440
but luke is the best type of guy to be indebted to his memory is so bad

947
01:15:45,760 --> 01:15:51,920
that he can't even remember to show up on time for the WAN Show you know the

948
01:15:49,679 --> 01:15:56,880
show that has started at the same time every week

949
01:15:53,120 --> 01:15:56,880
for like seven years

950
01:15:57,280 --> 01:16:03,760
so i feel pretty safe in knowing that there's no way in hell he's ever coming

951
01:16:00,719 --> 01:16:07,360
to collect on that debt

952
01:16:03,760 --> 01:16:09,920
avon you're great too uh but one thing

953
01:16:07,360 --> 01:16:13,440
that i absolutely can't stand is how indecisive you are sometimes

954
01:16:11,840 --> 01:16:17,040
i can't even imagine what it must have been to deal with you when you were a

955
01:16:15,600 --> 01:16:22,880
pharmacist you know you'd be calling your patients back all the time take one of these no no take two take two uh take

956
01:16:20,719 --> 01:16:25,570
take four uh and then they never called you back because by the time they got

957
01:16:24,159 --> 01:16:28,800
the final message they were dead

958
01:16:28,800 --> 01:16:36,000
on a more serious note though i would never

959
01:16:32,320 --> 01:16:38,560
impersonate a generic asian accent

960
01:16:36,000 --> 01:16:42,400
unlike some people on this stage but

961
01:16:39,760 --> 01:16:46,880
i impersonate dennis all the time because dennis is the absolute king of

962
01:16:44,719 --> 01:16:49,840
unintentional one-liners my absolute favorite one happened in

963
01:16:48,640 --> 01:16:53,920
vegas one time you know we're all chilling in the room it's ces we're

964
01:16:51,920 --> 01:16:57,440
catching up on emails it's like 11 p.m and then all of a sudden dennis barges

965
01:16:56,080 --> 01:17:03,640
through the door obviously drunk and just says

966
01:16:59,920 --> 01:17:03,640
i lost all my money

967
01:17:07,040 --> 01:17:13,600
and another time in mexico we were on some random jungle excursion dennis

968
01:17:11,679 --> 01:17:17,600
looks over into the distance and spots this huge hole in the ground and he

969
01:17:15,120 --> 01:17:22,159
points to Colton and he says hey Colton the reason why you're here is so i can

970
01:17:19,199 --> 01:17:22,159
put you in your grave

971
01:17:24,719 --> 01:17:29,120
and i'm sure i'd have many many more examples of that if only i could

972
01:17:27,920 --> 01:17:31,280
understand half the words that come out of here

973
01:17:32,560 --> 01:17:38,080
and who can forget our esteemed guests the three guys who had nothing better to

974
01:17:36,560 --> 01:17:42,080
do on a friday night than fly to a different country country to take part

975
01:17:40,320 --> 01:17:45,760
in a bootleg marketing event for a coffee company hosted by the troop of

976
01:17:44,400 --> 01:17:51,840
man children who brought you such classics as arctic hobby land rider 503

977
01:17:49,199 --> 01:17:56,400
rc fire truck unboxing and first look Linus tech tip

978
01:17:54,480 --> 01:18:00,400
yes that is the full title of Linus's most viewed video and yes this is the

979
01:17:58,800 --> 01:18:03,360
moment where all of you should be seriously reflecting on the life choices

980
01:18:02,239 --> 01:18:05,920
you've made that have brought you to this very state

981
01:18:06,640 --> 01:18:11,679
kyle the man the myth the bit whip

982
01:18:09,840 --> 01:18:15,120
uh lyle's just better i'm not even making a joke that's just honest

983
01:18:13,120 --> 01:18:18,800
feedback steve or as he's more affectionately

984
01:18:16,960 --> 01:18:22,320
known tech jesus uh maybe if you smoked as much weed as

985
01:18:20,880 --> 01:18:26,600
your hair makes it look like you do you'd actually make an entertaining video

986
01:18:27,120 --> 01:18:31,679
and jay i'm honestly really quite surprised that

987
01:18:30,239 --> 01:18:37,640
you showed up tonight all of the famous people here already

988
01:18:33,679 --> 01:18:37,640
don't know how to build their own pcs

989
01:18:41,440 --> 01:18:46,480
at least when Linus decides to make a six-part video series the audience

990
01:18:44,880 --> 01:18:48,820
already knows it'll take over a year to complete and it'll end with fake

991
01:18:48,239 --> 01:18:51,280
excitement

992
01:18:51,280 --> 01:18:57,840
and speaking of Linus uh who can forget the reason we're

993
01:18:54,960 --> 01:19:02,960
all here tonight mr Linus sebastian Linus media group Linus tech tips Linus

994
01:19:00,880 --> 01:19:07,040
cat tips this guy really doesn't think a whole lot of himself

995
01:19:05,600 --> 01:19:13,080
i actually heard that Linus wanted to have five kids that way he could start

996
01:19:09,440 --> 01:19:13,080
the names with l-i-n-u

997
01:19:13,760 --> 01:19:18,960
they'd be like the power rangers except instead of joining together to save the

998
01:19:17,600 --> 01:19:22,640
planet they'd have to fight to keep their dad's fragile ego intact after he

999
01:19:20,880 --> 01:19:26,880
gets old and looks a whole lot more like i do

1000
01:19:26,880 --> 01:19:31,600
for all the hater we see online it's actually pretty easy for me to look past

1001
01:19:30,080 --> 01:19:35,280
all the clickbait titles and shitty thumbnails they've given me the perfect

1002
01:19:33,280 --> 01:19:40,480
title for my future tell-all book the many faces of Linus sebastian a series

1003
01:19:37,840 --> 01:19:40,480
in 12 parts

1004
01:19:40,880 --> 01:19:47,120
and in addition to the many faces of Linus there are many sides to Linus at

1005
01:19:44,400 --> 01:19:50,640
well as well uh so at work he's running around like a man on a mission he's got

1006
01:19:49,040 --> 01:19:54,239
a screwdriver in his pocket he's lifting heavy servers but then you get to the

1007
01:19:52,560 --> 01:19:58,159
badminton court and he's moving elegantly and he always makes sure to

1008
01:19:56,320 --> 01:20:02,480
have his balance hand out when he goes up to smash that [ __ ] i mean shuttle

1009
01:20:01,120 --> 01:20:05,840
[ __ ] shuttle [ __ ] why don't we just call it a birdie

1010
01:20:06,560 --> 01:20:11,840
um i only like him because he makes me money

1011
01:20:12,080 --> 01:20:15,760
i guess i just had that down as a note

1012
01:20:17,199 --> 01:20:20,159
awkward um

1013
01:20:20,560 --> 01:20:28,560
but even with all the things that we can harp on you know your height your voice the way you just drag on forever

1014
01:20:27,199 --> 01:20:34,239
um the bottom line is that you promote curiosity creativity and hard work and

1015
01:20:32,239 --> 01:20:37,360
tech content that is second to none your fantastic influences on the lives of

1016
01:20:36,000 --> 01:20:41,719
everyone here and everyone watching at home and i want to say thank you

1017
01:20:53,840 --> 01:20:58,800
ladies and gentlemen it's time for the rant you've all been

1018
01:20:57,199 --> 01:21:03,920
waiting for the man that youtube only puts on

1019
01:21:01,600 --> 01:21:07,320
trending to be ironic Linus sebastian

1020
01:21:12,800 --> 01:21:19,199
thank oh wait oh god how does this no time

1021
01:21:19,280 --> 01:21:26,239
that was that was hard

1022
01:21:26,239 --> 01:21:31,600
honestly it wasn't quite as bad as i was expecting though believe it or not

1023
01:21:30,159 --> 01:21:35,120
that's actually the first time nick's ever said anything nice about me

1024
01:21:36,640 --> 01:21:42,719
honestly guys i didn't think that had a single kind

1025
01:21:40,480 --> 01:21:45,679
bone in his body though in fairness to me you can't

1026
01:21:44,560 --> 01:21:49,199
really blame me it would have been pretty hard to find a bone in there

1027
01:21:51,120 --> 01:21:56,440
yeah you're smiling it's a fat joke

1028
01:22:00,880 --> 01:22:05,920
steve man that was brutal

1029
01:22:04,560 --> 01:22:11,360
i mean at least you didn't call me a pathetic corporate shill by name when

1030
01:22:07,679 --> 01:22:12,800
you did your mock vacuum cleaner review

1031
01:22:11,360 --> 01:22:18,719
yeah it's pretty quiet i guess you guys didn't see that video

1032
01:22:18,719 --> 01:22:25,560
that's okay you really didn't miss much it's kind of like the rest of steve's

1033
01:22:22,320 --> 01:22:28,080
videos really [ __ ] boring

1034
01:22:28,080 --> 01:22:32,080
like here's the thing i might have an irritating voice

1035
01:22:31,120 --> 01:22:39,840
but it beats putting the entire room to

1036
01:22:34,800 --> 01:22:39,840
sleep every time i open my mouth

1037
01:22:40,080 --> 01:22:45,600
then there's this tech jesus thing like what is that i'm always hearing yeah

1038
01:22:43,360 --> 01:22:49,679
he's tech jesus meanwhile i'm sitting here going yeah no that can't be right i

1039
01:22:47,679 --> 01:22:56,480
mean for one thing jesus had 12 whole followers

1040
01:22:56,480 --> 01:23:00,940
and for number two he eventually came

1041
01:22:59,520 --> 01:23:04,880
back from the dead

1042
01:23:04,880 --> 01:23:10,000
you ask me he's more like tech weird owl

1043
01:23:07,920 --> 01:23:12,639
just without the accordion or a personality

1044
01:23:12,800 --> 01:23:18,159
yeah laugh it up kyle but i mean at least steve's videos have

1045
01:23:16,320 --> 01:23:22,000
substance i mean i was chatting with your bff lyle the other day and i think

1046
01:23:20,080 --> 01:23:26,480
he put it best he goes okay rook

1047
01:23:23,440 --> 01:23:30,400
he called himself awesome sauce but he

1048
01:23:26,480 --> 01:23:34,880
looked more like sweet and sour dork

1049
01:23:30,400 --> 01:23:37,679
he too stupid even for the verge

1050
01:23:34,880 --> 01:23:44,000
as if they'd hire your racist ass real talk man do you have any idea how

1051
01:23:39,920 --> 01:23:46,320
offensive that voice is to people

1052
01:23:44,000 --> 01:23:50,370
but no no i can do it i'm like half chinese on my wife's parents side

1053
01:23:54,000 --> 01:24:01,159
at least unlike you guys jay knows something

1054
01:23:57,920 --> 01:24:01,159
it's off

1055
01:24:03,760 --> 01:24:08,400
you're right i do thank you i appreciate it

1056
01:24:06,880 --> 01:24:11,440
we actually planned that's the end suffer [ __ ]

1057
01:24:15,360 --> 01:24:23,360
so jay's an expert when it comes to milking

1058
01:24:19,199 --> 01:24:25,840
celebrity appearances for youtube views

1059
01:24:23,360 --> 01:24:32,560
i swear to god man how many parts was the post malone build

1060
01:24:30,719 --> 01:24:40,480
you got your part one you got your part two you've got your oh

1061
01:24:35,679 --> 01:24:40,480
my god it's finally working thank god

1062
01:24:40,800 --> 01:24:47,600
oh oh not cute

1063
01:24:44,560 --> 01:24:47,600
i was like i didn't make that video

1064
01:24:49,120 --> 01:24:56,320
dude it's a computer just [ __ ] build it

1065
01:24:54,560 --> 01:24:59,440
thank god he didn't leave your review on yelp

1066
01:24:58,560 --> 01:25:05,040
yeah my brand new computer was outdated six

1067
01:25:01,840 --> 01:25:10,440
months before he delivered it

1068
01:25:05,040 --> 01:25:10,440
more like jay's too slow once more

1069
01:25:12,239 --> 01:25:20,480
then there's you sorry who are you again

1070
01:25:17,520 --> 01:25:26,400
right right oh vp of sales of course their memory oh big shot

1071
01:25:23,600 --> 01:25:28,960
a douche you know

1072
01:25:27,360 --> 01:25:36,880
he's lucky that they never checked his resume every company he has ever worked for

1073
01:25:33,520 --> 01:25:36,880
has gone to [ __ ] you know

1074
01:25:38,840 --> 01:25:47,199
everyone you know before he settled into hawking memory modules he tried to make

1075
01:25:43,120 --> 01:25:50,000
it as a tech reviewer remember neoseeker

1076
01:25:47,199 --> 01:25:55,040
oh wait what yeah exactly right what

1077
01:25:51,280 --> 01:25:57,360
all right his most recent victim ncix

1078
01:25:55,040 --> 01:26:02,080
so if that's anything to go by i'd say submit your Corsair warranty claims get

1079
01:25:59,840 --> 01:26:08,080
your rebates in because if the pile of dead bodies is anything to go by i'd say

1080
01:26:04,239 --> 01:26:09,600
they've got about another three years

1081
01:26:08,080 --> 01:26:13,679
reminds me riley for three years i tried to poach this

1082
01:26:12,239 --> 01:26:17,840
guy from them so hey

1083
01:26:15,760 --> 01:26:23,840
you know riley what's up LMG is a pretty cool place to work

1084
01:26:19,840 --> 01:26:23,840
oh yeah was that a hand well that's neat

1085
01:26:24,560 --> 01:26:29,760
if it would have worked i'd have done it

1086
01:26:27,920 --> 01:26:32,800
maybe maybe i was better off without you you clueless [ __ ]

1087
01:26:34,800 --> 01:26:40,540
he's so nice and sincere you can't be like maybe this is an underhanded

1088
01:26:38,159 --> 01:26:42,239
recruitment attempt

1089
01:26:42,239 --> 01:26:47,840
anyway ncix finally folds and i send over a proper job offer and what do i

1090
01:26:46,800 --> 01:26:52,960
get back oh you know i really want to but my wife

1091
01:26:50,639 --> 01:26:55,760
isn't sure if she thinks i should do it you want nate

1092
01:26:56,480 --> 01:27:03,610
dude either you're whipped as [ __ ] or you use your wife as a shield

1093
01:27:02,000 --> 01:27:05,760
either way it's a bad luck

1094
01:27:05,760 --> 01:27:10,719
which brings me perfectly to luke

1095
01:27:08,800 --> 01:27:16,280
where do i start with luke how about before i even met him guy's a [ __ ]

1096
01:27:12,800 --> 01:27:16,280
liar you know

1097
01:27:20,719 --> 01:27:28,560
probably the biggest one was actually on his resume so it was only years later that he

1098
01:27:26,320 --> 01:27:34,080
finally admitted that his only experience NVIDIA production was quite

1099
01:27:31,440 --> 01:27:38,239
literally a keyboard unboxing that he made in the kitchen with his mom

1100
01:27:39,520 --> 01:27:45,360
did you know he's actually the only reason that we implemented a dress code

1101
01:27:44,000 --> 01:27:49,679
at our company that's right we have a dress

1102
01:27:50,800 --> 01:27:56,960
it's a really simple one wear actual pants

1103
01:27:57,360 --> 01:28:01,920
because nobody wants to see a giant meat

1104
01:28:00,560 --> 01:28:06,639
prince sticking out of your flannel pjs

1105
01:28:06,639 --> 01:28:11,440
i'm sorry somehow i don't believe him

1106
01:28:09,920 --> 01:28:15,120
i know what the dick swinging was about though it really could not have been easy for

1107
01:28:14,400 --> 01:28:21,199
you having the stature of batman

1108
01:28:17,600 --> 01:28:21,199
with the status of robin

1109
01:28:22,880 --> 01:28:25,440
i liked it

1110
01:28:26,480 --> 01:28:30,880
back to wearing pants though my wife

1111
01:28:30,880 --> 01:28:36,480
please don't punish me for this

1112
01:28:36,480 --> 01:28:43,199
now we've heard already a lot of people say well she must have married me so

1113
01:28:41,280 --> 01:28:48,080
that she could spend my money but come on guys you gotta think

1114
01:28:45,440 --> 01:28:54,600
critically that's obviously not true because if it was the first thing she'd

1115
01:28:50,159 --> 01:28:54,600
have bought is a pair of breasts

1116
01:28:59,280 --> 01:29:05,120
like honestly hun if i wore as much padding as you

1117
01:29:02,800 --> 01:29:10,880
just think of it what an innovation i could just like

1118
01:29:14,000 --> 01:29:20,400
you know it's good uh we're actually shopping the other week it was adorable

1119
01:29:17,679 --> 01:29:23,679
so she's all excited she finally found something that fits right

1120
01:29:22,239 --> 01:29:28,639
and i go on you know the the aisle for adult

1121
01:29:25,440 --> 01:29:28,639
women is over there right

1122
01:29:30,800 --> 01:29:36,480
honestly though i don't even know why i'm laughing at this joke because the joke's kind of on me

1123
01:29:36,880 --> 01:29:41,520
i mean we're done having kids so it's not like she needs them for anything

1124
01:29:42,239 --> 01:29:48,000
at least my wife can use power tools though

1125
01:29:45,360 --> 01:29:48,000
yeah dennis

1126
01:29:49,760 --> 01:29:56,080
you think i forgot about you so this guy invites me over to see his new apartment

1127
01:29:54,719 --> 01:30:00,719
on a saturday and i get there and apparently he expects me to paint

1128
01:29:59,280 --> 01:30:03,760
his walls and mount his tv

1129
01:30:04,239 --> 01:30:10,239
you know you're [ __ ] useless

1130
01:30:07,920 --> 01:30:13,240
when you trust these butterfingers more than yourself to handle your expensive

1131
01:30:12,239 --> 01:30:17,679
electronics i don't know why

1132
01:30:18,000 --> 01:30:24,960
i guess i don't blame you though i mean so i asked this guy to hand me a drill

1133
01:30:22,480 --> 01:30:32,000
because i'm working on things for him he goes oh i'm not a drill person

1134
01:30:28,480 --> 01:30:32,000
what the [ __ ] is a drill person

1135
01:30:33,440 --> 01:30:35,840
a man

1136
01:30:36,800 --> 01:30:44,239
a top would you believe this guy served in the taiwanese military

1137
01:30:41,040 --> 01:30:46,510
thank god china never actually invaded

1138
01:30:44,239 --> 01:30:55,780
can you imagine oh

1139
01:30:57,920 --> 01:31:02,560
there's james look at him over there

1140
01:31:01,199 --> 01:31:05,600
he's all like he's sitting in the throne

1141
01:31:05,840 --> 01:31:11,040
oh you know what my roast is at you james [ __ ] you james

1142
01:31:12,480 --> 01:31:17,600
this this is your one chance to be in charge enjoy it big man

1143
01:31:17,600 --> 01:31:22,719
i know that's what you really are textbook small dog

1144
01:31:21,520 --> 01:31:29,080
you're always talking about your big dick energy the last time i checked men

1145
01:31:24,960 --> 01:31:29,080
your hands ain't much bigger than mine

1146
01:31:30,719 --> 01:31:35,650
i mean okay sorry just to be clear about one thing i'm actually not saying that

1147
01:31:34,400 --> 01:31:42,880
that's an indication

1148
01:31:42,880 --> 01:31:46,960
oh you guys were all here when my wife was up

1149
01:31:51,199 --> 01:31:56,320
you know that's actually pretty easy coming up with mean things to say about

1150
01:31:54,560 --> 01:32:01,679
me his voice is so high

1151
01:31:58,960 --> 01:32:05,840
his balls haven't dropped uh honestly uh by comparison

1152
01:32:04,400 --> 01:32:09,679
coming up with mean things to say about you guys was really hard for me before

1153
01:32:08,320 --> 01:32:17,040
tonight except james james you enjoyed this

1154
01:32:17,040 --> 01:32:22,480
um seriously though i think this is the the

1155
01:32:20,320 --> 01:32:27,120
part of the show where i thank you all sincerely from the bottom of my heart

1156
01:32:24,080 --> 01:32:30,320
for being here um i know that this was

1157
01:32:27,120 --> 01:32:35,000
absolutely a ton of work for all of you

1158
01:32:30,320 --> 01:32:35,000
you guys were amazing by the way um

1159
01:32:43,440 --> 01:32:49,199
you also put a lot of trust in what is admittedly

1160
01:32:46,960 --> 01:32:53,280
a gaggle of idiots to pull this all off so

1161
01:32:50,880 --> 01:32:58,560
thank you for that means a lot um so as much as i

1162
01:32:56,560 --> 01:33:01,520
want to say that i absolutely meant all of the mean things i said

1163
01:33:03,120 --> 01:33:08,600
i love you all enough to start bottling them up again tomorrow

1164
01:33:10,320 --> 01:33:22,520
you guys are the best speaking of the best

1165
01:33:26,000 --> 01:33:29,840
our sponsor madrina's coffee

1166
01:33:29,920 --> 01:33:36,239
featuring the lambo roast and this exclusive orange can

1167
01:33:34,560 --> 01:33:39,040
i was definitely paid to put that label on there

1168
01:33:37,840 --> 01:33:43,120
uh we wouldn't have been able to do this without you guys um

1169
01:33:40,960 --> 01:33:48,320
i also want to thank our production team and the incredible team at Floatplane

1170
01:33:46,480 --> 01:33:53,520
it might take them a while but eventually they get it we live streamed

1171
01:33:50,480 --> 01:33:55,640
this tonight exclusively on float planes

1172
01:33:53,520 --> 01:34:00,799
so thank you luke

1173
01:34:04,560 --> 01:34:11,600
i also want to do a massive shout out to many people but especially Yvonne

1174
01:34:10,560 --> 01:34:17,120
steth Colton and james who worked tirelessly

1175
01:34:14,719 --> 01:34:21,600
on this for some of them weeks some of the months leading up to tonight

1176
01:34:19,520 --> 01:34:26,000
and of course finally i want to reserve my biggest thank you to our friends and

1177
01:34:24,400 --> 01:34:31,280
our family members who are here in the audience you guys came out to show your support

1178
01:34:28,880 --> 01:34:35,280
damn it and also to our dedicated fans um

1179
01:34:43,360 --> 01:34:47,800
i'm calling it jordan peterson right now

1180
01:34:48,880 --> 01:34:55,120
both the ones that are here in the audience encouraging us even when our jokes

1181
01:34:52,880 --> 01:34:59,120
aren't that great and the ones that are watching us from

1182
01:34:56,639 --> 01:35:04,000
afar over the interwebs as much as that's pretty creepy you guys

1183
01:35:04,000 --> 01:35:09,120
without all of you though none of this would be possible we owe you all so much

1184
01:35:07,360 --> 01:35:12,360
uh thank you for being here and good night everybody

1185
01:35:21,280 --> 01:35:29,180
the roast of Linus sebastian is fueled by madrina's coffee get the Linus tech

1186
01:35:25,600 --> 01:35:43,750
tips vanilla cold brew today

1187
01:35:44,159 --> 01:35:47,159
oh